ITT, share your best war stories

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>be high school drop out
>goes to army because recruiter says it be good money
>have my soul beaten to death until I'm an obedient government dog, no, lower than a dog
>go to some sandy hell hole so some rich fat white guys back home get richer and fatter
>meanwhile my wife is fucking every single guy in town
>some enemy soldier, far more honorable than me as he's just defending his home land from foreign invaders, blows my leg off
>get sent back home and spend and average of 8 hours a day waiting in line at the VA and making enough in disability to almost afford to eat
>eventually become alcoholic to deal with the depression and freeze to death in the streets
God Bless America

I watched some Afghan kids play soccer with a live hedgehog (or what looked like it).

I paid one of them 5 bucks to climb a mountain to find the smallest pebble.. and he actually did it.

I fight the AI and the cuckspiracy every single day.

youtube.com/watch?v=jGKNaIXtBZQ

>Our HET guy was working a source that was asking for way too much money for the intel he was producing, guy was almost certain he was going to roll on us and give everything he had to the Taliban.
>Sets up last meeting
>Asks for intel
>Goat fucker asks for money
>Gives sheckles
>Asks for more shecksles
>Acts like reaching into bag for more sheckles
>Stabs the Saracan in his kneck with a benchmaid knife, turns haji into human pez dispenser
Kek

>Come back from village
>Some asshole shoots at us
>Empty 2 cans of Mk-19 grenades into the village
>Elders come later that day with some mangled kid saying we did that
>Kid looked like he'd been clubbed to death with a hammer
>No shrapnel, no burns, no parts missing
>Want shekels
>Nah Elders you killed your kid for nothing sorry
>Elders go back to village
>Village shoots at us again

Such is life in glorious Afghanistan

>Be haji
>Blow up 3 Marines with IED
>Get detained because 82 IQ inbred child fucker
>Get released because Obama ROE's
>Taliban think we released to spy on them, cut heads off
Well that sure sorted itself out

One time i got a wicked papercut

>invasion of Iraq
>fighting going on
>outskirts of town
>squaddies capture some fighters who had been shooting and killing
>one comes out and with a Birmingham accent and a big smile on his face and says...
>"ey ye can't take me to prison ere I know me rights! haha! you're fucked m-
>*bang*
>squad commander shot him with a handgun

Not my story, something I read so take what you will.

>Normally we give the parachutes from our resupply to ANA
>ANA sells it to locals for drugs and candy
>ANA pissing us off for whatever reason
>No more parachutes for them
>Burn the parachutes right in front of them
>ANA private starts to chimp out
>Kid is ready to shoot us for burning his drug money
>Tell the Kandak commander to get his guys in line or we'll cut off the diesel as well
>They also sell the diesel barrels to the locals
>Kandak commander throws that kid naked in a connex overnight in January
>Kid freezes to death
>They get all their gibs back about a week after that

Such great allies!

Talked to some PJ's when we were passing through Camp Bastian who said they were going to Pakistan unofficially; better than guarding poppyfields

Kek

>Detain a dude because we found blasting caps in his house
>Tell us what you know and we won't turn you over to the ANA
>No thanks filthy Americans
>Turn the guy over to the ANA
>ANA rips his beard out
>Spends a few hours beating the shit out of him
>Whole unit runs a train on his ass for hours
>They borrow one of our brooms and stuff the broom handle up his ass and stir his insides around until he dies
>They try to return the broom
>Thanks guys really going to sleep well tonight after hearing all that
>You can keep the broom

...

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...and US taxpayers she’ll out another $600 for a $3 broom.

This is more close to reality than not
Goddamn, I wasted 4 years of my life
Really sucks when you think about it

>Be me
>19 year old PFC
>Iraq, 2008 (gayer than a velvet painting of two boys fucking)
>Haji children keep trying to steal shit off of our Humvees and gear whenever we let them get too close
>Drinking gatoraid mix
>Kids see this, ask for gibs
>Have about 3 full piss bottles almost same shade as Gatorade mix
>*What would Chesty do.gif*
>Hilarity ensues

>be me
>be deployed to Afghanistan
>see combat but it's really nothing worth talking about
>spend entire deployment rubbing one out to pregnant Anne Frank hentai at least six times day
>one day mid-deployment
>Staff Sergeant walks into barracks while I'm taking a piss
>sees pregnant Anne Frank pics on my laptop because I was dumb enough to leave it open
>extremely awkward conversation of how I came to possess preggo hentai of a Holocaust victim and why exactly I find it extremely arousing ensues
>get told that as long as I don't have CP, necrophilia, or footage of an actual rape (he implied the ANA did that), it's not that bad

Such is war in the 21st Century. No super-duper high-tech robot soldiers, no recording airstrikes on my iPhone, no hunting Mr. bin Laden in the caves of Afghanistan. Just me, sitting in the barracks, fantasizing about being a PTSD-afflicted post war Eugene Sledge and married to Anne Frank. Anne would comfort me after I woke up crying from a nightmare of having to lie dead still while Jap patrols walked right by me by telling me about how she had to do the same while the SS searched the room below her, all while the tears welled up in her eyes, being assaulted by horrible memories of her own. She would then strip off her nightgown, straddle me with her ready to pop belly rubbing into mine, and we would fuck like crazy while sobbing like lost children.

I have weird fantasies.

On a side note, this is what I'm gonna be telling my grandkids:

>"Grandpa what was it like to be in Afghanistan, fighting the big bad terrorists who did 9/11 because they hate our freedom?"
>"Imagine sitting in port-a-shitter in 110 degree heat with you laptop and a bottle of lotion, furiously pumping away to pregnant porn of a 15 year old girl who was murdered in the most notorious genocide in human history. That's what it's like."

That broom was actually a very cost efficient way to kill them.

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We have lots of operations that are unofficial, we go into North Korea all the time unofficially.

One time, I was combat jacking to the pregnant Anne Frank pics and blew my load into my squadmate's foxhole while he was out standing guard.

That's what you get for spitting in my foxhole you fucker.

>Navy Individual Augmentee (IA) in Afghanistan working logistics for the Marines
>Go on supply convoy with 10 other trucks.
>IED blows up a few trucks ahead of me.
>Marine gets hand blown off.
>Only been in country for a week and I'm scared shitless. Marines spread out in a perimeter to assess the damage.
>Marines call for MEDEVAC
>Marine fucking refuses to leave without his hand because it has his wedding ring on it.
>I start helping searching for his hand. We find it over 100 feet away.
>We give it to him and he finally agrees to leave.

And what do they "unofficially" do in north korea?

it's a tale of i, the great sven, whomst've slain the big beastly bull jamal nigger

>be me
>front lines of the great meme war
>battle buddy wounded by jewish shrapnel
>receive pm from him telling me he's not gonna make it
>tell my waifu I love her
>no
>pull out usb stick with saved copy pasta
>use saved archive links to call genderfluid thot racist
>she counters with appeal to emotion and nudes
>enhance
>point out butthole wart
>semen demon begins to retreat
>use secondary to tell her private information about me
>she uses it publicly breaking rule #6
>reported
>mod comes in on an apache and bans
>shareblue btfo

I wish we'd nuked the entire country. I'm surprised none of our soldiers went full blown Apocalypse Now while they were there and just started completely running amok on an organized scale.

Couldn't tell you, best speculation I can provide is lots of deep recon and keeping track of nork comms.

Uhhh.... Robert Bales?

Contract parasites and starve to death.

Submarine veteran stationed in Guam from 2011-2014. We used to sit off the coast of DPRK all the time. We were so close that you could see car headlights at night through the periscope.

What is your opinion about the average Afghan person?

Not really war..
>stop in camp bondsteel, for burgers and px
>nigger guard see my mg62
>nigger starts yelling at his buddies
>OMG HE GOT A NAZI SAW
>get a whole group of niggers admiring my nazi saw

>fucking around while everyone is pissing
>look up
>see what looks like a fucking guy flying way off high up in the air
>tell friend to come look
>it stops going up and eventually drops
>everyone freaking out if it was a drone or something
>it was a goat that walked over an old IED and got fucking blasted

They're just trying to along with life. The average Afghan wants to nothing more than to be left to farm his opium and fuck his four wives in peace.

Can confirm.

Our gunner used to bust in our Platoon Commanders headset every time he was on watch in the LAV

That's the human dream. Fuck off government, fuck off neighbors, fuck off job, fuck off education, just sit in your comfy-hole and fuck your woman making millions of kids and doing jack shit.

I was in the Navy so I don't have any war stories, I only have retarded niggers in the military stories.

Does that mean you were jerking off on it?

most notorious genocide in human history
imblying ;DDD

>DynCorp offered me a security job at Bondsteel
>passport issues
>couldn't go
>DynCorp won't talk to me anymore.

I missed out, didn't I?

there was a major shitstorm with hamas firing rockets and digging tunnels and shit and an IDF infantry assault of some neighborhood to bomb the tunnel entrances .

and while all this was happening i was guarding some shithole base on the other side of the country for weeks and watching it on Sup Forums .
i even got a war pin in the mail for it a few months after i was discharged.

yea i know my war experience was real intense shit .

As a people, how did you find them in nature? Looking at Afghanistan's history, these people never have seemed to come under one umbrella. Would you describe them as savage or just too free individually?

Recently commissioned into the Army as a medical officer/physician.

I get the feeling I'm gonna have nightmares as an old man (?)

I feel sorry for them more than anything. They're just trying to make due with the shitty lot they got in life and have to deal with the fucking Taliban, ISIS, the more-crooked-than-a-Jewish-nose Afghan government, and us on top of being poor and illiterate.

You know those >be American >get shot jokes? Well in Afghanistan it's

>be Afghan
>get shot by ISIS for listening to the wrong radio station
>get raped and murdered by Afghan policemen
>get honor killed by retarded family members because you talked to the wrong woman
>get acid thrown in your face by the Taliban
>get blown up by a Hellfire because the Predator drone pilot misread the license plate of your car

Afghanistan really needs to split into at least 2 different countrys...the Hazas in the north are based; they kicked the shit out of the Taliban (Northern Alliance) and never had much of a problem in their tribal areas. The Pashtun are absolute shit; 95% of the time whenever some soldier goes Rambo on US troops or NATO, its a Pashtun nigger. They are also the ones who endorse fucking boys, or "Bachi Bazzis"; TL;DR version is the south of Afghanistan needs to be glassed, and we should carpet bomb and close the Kyber pass

all things considered pregnant anne frank fetish is fairly normal senpai . i mean poeple start jerking off to really weird shit if left in an isolated shithole for long enough and yours is fine.

this is why regular vanilla normie porn should be mandatory in places like this.

I'd personally say it's more the former, but there's a lot of the latter two.

fake and gay.

but thank you for your service.

>these people never have seemed to come under one umbrella

That's because they're not interested in it. The average person there could give fuck all about what people in the next valley are doing so long as they're not bothered by it. So of course they're disinterested in who's flag is flying over Kabul. Problem is every government in Kabul is run either by authoritarian maniacs who want to enforce their will on everyone (Taliban) or nepotists who want to just want to enrich themselves.

>civilian contractor
>make 140k a year
>life is comfy

Dont think as an American, you missed anything.
But as a dirty skandi, it was a culture shock.

One other time back from RnR, in civilan clothes,
We stopped there to get burgers.
>very fucking drunk
>some lady soldiers ask if they could get a beer
>open back of car
>2 or 3 cases of kronenbourg 1664 fall out
>G I Janes get very scared and runs away

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>Fob Shank
>good times

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those are presence patrols, it feels good to see these over head

>i mean poeple start jerking off to really weird shit if left in an isolated shithole for long enough

I'm not gonna lie, I've been jacking off to this fantasy on and off since high school.

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Who's the toughest group of sand niggers you guys have to deal with? I fucked this stripper in Miami about 10 years ago who said she flew plains in the IDF and was in Iraq LARPing wearing a US uniform to clear the red tape

24 year old loser going into the air force 2 weeks from now, hope it won't be 4 years wasted, but at least i got a decent job that transitions well to civilian life. basic will be a bitch tho i am sure.

>be pilot
>become stripper

Makes sense

i mean when you say it out loud it sounds perverted and wierd but there's something really appealing about pics like
its not just you senpai . fucking jeff magnum wrote a whole album about this fantasy.

sounds like bullshit desu ,pilots usually serve for a long time and stay as reservists flying every 1-2 weeks even after they 'quit' . the israeli pilot program is literally the worlds most grueling and elite military training program .

as for the toughest group i'd have to say lebanese are pretty tough fighters . if they had IDF-level training and discipline they'd be a force to be reckoned with .

>Be CE doing training, it's demo day and we're blasting a bridge
>Make sure to pack it tight cause more boom more fun
>Blew that shit up real good
>Quick hike back to base, make it maybe 10 feet in before Maj grabs us and tells us to follow him
>Oh fuck we're headed to BComd's
>We all manage to cram into his office office, notice brown water very slowly dripping from ceiling
>Ass chewing of the fucking century for apparently rattling windows on base
>Maj is stonefaced the whole time, he leads us out after our spanking
>After a safe distance, Maj turns to us and starts fucking laughing
>That was fucking coffee still dripping off the ceiling
>Simultaneously become legends and permanently on BComd's shit list
>'Coffee time' becomes new squad slang for blowing shit up, and was never not funny

Worth it.

>be me, 18 year old kid.
>drafted for obligatory military service.
>got gud, asigned for frontier patrols cuz sarge didn't like me.
>5th patrol, looking for drug and human trafficiking.
>we got ambushed by a group of sand people.
>all was fine and dandy, we had more guns.
>4 sand people dead, the rest ran like hell.
>checking the bodies i found a strange one came closer.
> fucker shoots me and misses.
>MFW i unloaded a half belt of the modern equivalent of the mg42.
man this shit is still haunting me, specially after getting half the guy's brain on me.

please share

>Froze to death in streets
>Posting on Sup Forums
>FAKE FAKE FAKE!

Fuck man, glad we have Sherlock on the case. What would we do without you?

What the fuck is even going on in Lebanon anyway? You guys keep invading them even though they're too busy fighting each other to really be hostile to you.

Is there a chance she could have been Mossad? She definitely was in the IDF in some capacity, knew way too much about the military

I was in a firefight where we shot this hajji like 5-6 times through the chest/guts and then he detonated his suicide vest except it only partly went off (probably not a good idea to get shot in the S vest multiple times) and blew his right arm and a good portion of his shoulder area off. We thought he'd stay down but he actually got back up and kept charging at us.

Some of those fuckers can be pretty tough when they're high AF. Felt like a fucking zombie video game there for a second. His buddy just took one in the lung and kind of laid down but he had a grenade under him when we cleared him so that might have been why.

>You guys keep invading them
what the fuck are you talking about ? how the fuck is responding to military attack by a hostile nation considered 'You guys keep invading them' ?
would you allow your neighboring country to cross into yours and kill whoever they wanted ?

probably just some girl that served a regular service here and moved to usa.

Why don't you just kill them all and be done with it holy shit. They're sub human animals ffs.

Probably the opium. Even if they aren't smoking it or injecting it. They probably mix it in with tea so they all have a higher than normal tolerance to pain.

this means she was likely mossad and the jew doesnt want to rat out his intel agency

I dunno, it seems a bit overkill (and playing into the enemy's hands propaganda-wise) to send jets and tanks into another sovereign country in response to some cheap ass bottle rockets landing in your borders.

anyone remember that time we blew up an ISIS training facility?

yea dude the mossad totally employs fulltime strippers in miami , thats a great use of agents that take years and hundreds of thousands of shekels to train .miami stripblubs are really the epicenter for threats against israel.

and her entire mission and cover was just so she could gather intel about you, you're THAT important.

she obviously got spooked because you're such a high level operator and saw through her years of mossad training in an instant .

I went to Iraq. I got shot. I return back. My wife got blacked by Tyrone. Now i live under a bridge.

End it here folks this thread is done
Patriotards BTFO

We once shelled a mountain range for like 10 hours because they rocketed our ice cream freezer. Pretty sure those guys killed everything in like 3 grid squares.

I mean if you want to dig up dirt on a guy like Harvey Weinstein, a Miami strip club is the way to go

ty for confirm shlomobro

>We once shelled a mountain range for like 10 hours because they rocketed our ice cream freezer.

THOSE MONSTERS

>peacekeeping in Afghanistan
>drive around in new cool armored vehicles
>Americans open fire at us
>Call them over the radio to stop shooting at us
>10 mins later at FOB ask why we're they shooting at us
>The fucking mulatto actually said "We couldn't identify you"

Fucking hell Americans are stupid, do you even train your soldiers?

dosnt matter, IDF's job is to protect israel and its citizens and it will do whatever is necessary . letting people murder your country's citizens with 0 repercussions is a recipe for disaster.

mossad has nothing better to do with its time and money then dig up things which have been widely known for decades and are in no way relevant to their job.

>go to Army recruiter
>take some test and ace it
>get date for meps
>don't show up, bail on recruiter without talking to them
>get stalked by the U.S Army for a year
pretty sure they're why I get jury duty every year

An osprey hugging mother earth. My faith in reality restored

>Be in the Navy
>Height of the Cold War, mid 80s
>Flying a surface surveillance flight out of Rota Spain
>Find Soviet submarine and surface ship docked alongside a passenger ship
>Fly down low as hell as harass the fuck out of them
>Surface ship launches flares the size of Volkswagens to keep us away
>Take infrared pictures
>Return to base
>Find out later it was a liberty ship they were docked with
>Literally a floating whorehouse
>Feel bad about fucking up their good time

I like a story with a happy ending

How did you like Khan Neshin?

pls more stories brugers
someone has to have more fun stories!

thank you for ur service

Watched the door while a friend fucked a muzzie with her husband watching

D-Do we have those?

>Be canadian
>join the army
HAHAHAHAHAH

Let's hear it shipmate.

>be innadesert
>lose chance to go to Iraq thanks to budget cuts (thanks Obama)
>have to do border security for a shit ton of gear going to an Iraqi division to fight ISIS
>end up being stuck out their for another two weeks
>Marines start losing their minds, fucks have gone out the window by week 1 thanks to sheer boredom
>ask around to see if anyone needs to take a shit, everyone is either passed out or doing watch
>decided to say fuck it and go by myself over some dunes
>find a little training grounds full of those plywood house
>go in one to take a shit
>just as I start to kick sand over my turd pile, hear babbling in durka
>turn around, its a fucking one armed Bedouin holding a knife
>raise my rifle, haji starts yelling, thousand things rushing through my head
>if I fire my rifle I'm going to give away the fact that I wandered off alone and will be in deep shit for wasting a security round
>haji suddenly lunges at me, sling my rifle and grab his one and only hand
>throw him to the ground, instinctively stomp on the back of the head
>start stomping on him, something weird takes a hold of me
>stomping gets more violent, start to take out all my anger, frustration and hate that has accumulated over my enlisted out on this hajis head and neck
>get a grip on myself, haji is having some kind of seizure and a lot blood has started pool from the gashes on his head and neck
>nearly shit myself again, grab my stuff and GTFO
>halfway up the dune realize I have blood on muh boots
>scrape most of it off, look at the sole of my boot
>some blood and what I assume to be flesh and brain matter
>get back to my platoon, fucking sandstorm blows in a few hours later
>we leave, deep clean my boot and prayed to God till the day I got out that no one would ever find out
>mfw no one ever found out and the only place I ever talk about is on a Mongolian Throat Singing forum

All things considered, it could've been a lot worse