I want to hear office stories from you all who are desk jockeys like me or blue collar workers.
It can be office politics, sjw horror stories, bullshit that HR has pulled, stupid diversity trainings, company refrigerator lunch thieves, anything really
most people really like Trump, I personally don't think he's the absolute best or anything but if you go against what they say people start to scream and yell and essentially foam out of their mouth from anger.
This thread again?
From previous thread
>Reality: they all love you now, but wait until two of them compete over you, or the fat 30+ year old "office drama queen" decides you remind her of some guy who dumped her in college and you get singled out for the cunt brigade's attention. You gonna be gone before you know what even happened.
READ THIS THIRSTY REFUGEES from there's a lot of truth here
>that joke is amazing. I'm stealing it for my next safety meeting.
Agreed!
MY STORY (I have told this before)
>be me
>have bs in math and ms in statistics
>work as "industrial statistician II"
>officeiscomfyAF.gif
>new MBA fuckwit comes in
>he loves six sigma bullshit
>have to sit through some fuckwit engineer fuck up statistics and blabber about nonsense no one gives a fuck about
>basic stats? WRONG! regression? WRONG! ANOVA et al? WRONG!
>start calling him out in a professional manner
>faggot says he has the blackbelt and he knows
>yeah fuck me for actually understanding this shit from a theoretical and practical level
>faggot starts talking about (((projects)))
>even front desk eyecandy bimbo gets a six sigma project
>improve coffee and takeout efficiency.pdf
>it literally takes the cunt 30mins a day but let's all suck the six sigma cock
>have to do report
>turn in one title page, one paragraph executive summary, two page technical report, and 15 pages of pure autism mathematics as a technical appendix
>feel good about the situation
>6 months later everyone in office told to not buy expensive things
>update linkedin and am happier now
I should probably also add that MBA fuckwit kept shifting us over to more expensive SaaS that he read about every month. He's still making more than I am, but at least the company is paying for my MBA now. Thanks for reading my blog, and remember kids, never get BLACKEDbelt
Fuck you, last thread was comfy as fuck.
>work security
>get moved from original job because upset fat women
Never figured out why the upset fat women were so upset.
But new location has been pretty easy. Getting out soon.
Security only slightly better than factory laborer because you get to sit
Nah mate. I honestly like this idea. Gives everyone a chance to vent without losing everything plus no meme flag
SKEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUP
Stay on topic partner
You may have misclicked this thread instead of another why does pol hate gays or circumcision thread
Or pizzafake
Who cares? Trump is the worst thing to happen to Jews and that drives liberal snowflakes INSANE!!! Their ripping their hair out of their scalps!!! Bwa Hahaha!
Got a dyke who 37 years old but acts like a teenager in my place. They are children.
The biggest racist at my company was this old Chinese dude who actually ruled, but was widely hated because he kept getting himself and the company in hot water. He'd tell insanely racist jokes about other kinds of Asians (lol), would yell at this old Egyptian dude every day for being too old and Egyptian and useless, would go to other buildings on our campus, fuck something up, and then leave without telling anyone. Before he got fired I heard he had been banned from basically every building but the engineering center. It was a shame he got fired, but apparently he just told a joke that went too far in front of someone he shouldn't have. The Egyptian dude tried to sue for discrimination, but it turns out he was just insanely incompetent.
Rest in Peace you crazy old chink, wherever you are.
How man dogs, aka babies, does she have?
I'll start
>Be me manlet fag
>Everyone wants to know more about me but don't tell anyone anything outside of work
>Higher ups see this and one of them approachs me
>Hey user keep doing a great job and you'll soon be moving up in the company
>The passion that I had lost for my job gets reignited
It's not because of promotion but because they notice my work and how much effort I put in. Although that promotion sounds good but I don't have my breath held
Two dogs I think, no fucking joke.
ha probably "rescued" pit bulls
Bump
two doggies....good grief, y'heard about what lonely women do with dogs right?
No, tell me more
No what xD
women in the workplace threads are comfy af
>be me in army in 2010
>pulling 24 hour staff duty on a fri night
>job at night is to stay awake, secure barracks, quell disturbances at lowest level so commanders don’t look like shit
>do hourly patrols after midnight because hooah
>hear female screams in a barracks stack
>unusual because it’s all male infantry barracks
>find out this next part later on
>drunk soldier apparently scored with a stripper whore, brought her back to the B’s to bang
>soulless harpy gets caught trying to steal his shit
>soldier wakes up
>is naked
>this is where i run up
>starts chasing her with a Ka-bar knife
>I’m laughing my ass off
>soldiers chunks the knife at her
>hits her in her stripper whore ass
>mfwshitthislooksbadforme.jpg
>remember stories from grampa in the 60’s when staff duty was issued sidearms
>me curse the current pussy army for being weak ass fags
>half to physically restrain sweaty naked soldier
>my Private First Class has to call medics and make sure stripper whore doesn’t bleed out
>MPs and medics come
> I have to wake up sergeant major, battalion commander
>sergeant major is old, deployed too many times to Iraq
>he scares me
>laughs and pats me on the back
>now known around the battalion as that staff sergeant who tackled that naked soldier
>glad i ETS’ed
>work in real estate
>Indian wants to lease an apartment
>Boss - "well look, I don't -mind- him having it but can we put something in the lease about not cooking curry in there?"
>Assistant - "well, no, you can't that's racist"
>Boss - "I'm not racist. I like curry. I just don't want him cooking it in there, you'll never get the smell out"
>Assistant - "...nah you're right, you can never get the smell out. It sticks to the walls, the drapes, the carpet...."
>.. the street
Kek
>be now
>have office job
>pays well, boring work, left alone
>coworkers are dull retards with no personality
>hate them
>boss is 50yr old milf, divorced
>funny, great face, ass, etc.
>very friendly with eachother
>definitely plays favorites with me even though new
>trying to fuck her badly
how do i do it?
Office politics: I work in higher education, IT department. I can tell you that Higher Ed is a magnet for the most stupid people you will ever encounter. Government in general attracts the worst type of idiots, the ones who think they can do better than flip burgers. All the private sector rejects end up in gov and higher education is no exception. I'm talking about people with phds. In my job we actually make it a point to reject anyone who applies that has a PhD. They are usually full of themselves and can't do anything useful. I'm fully convinced that if you have a PhD you don't know tour ass from a hole in the ground.
Kek
You don't because if you play that game the minute some other chick wants you either in work or outside it expect retaliation from your boss. Basically it's a "you're MINE user so tell that slut to fuck off" episode
they have sex with them
that dog though
>you will never be able to do what this large rat can do
JUST END ME
Man despite all these stories I am jealous as fuck of you guys
I want a do nothing office job so bad I've applied for over 500 of them but heard nothing back even though I have a degree, it's doing my head in
Buddy all the women in this office are libshit whales
And I don't mind being in that position
>having something lick you and/or mount you is wrong
then who wants to be right?
>stripper whore gets knifed in the buttock
>"gee I wish we could still carry sidearms"
Turning prostitutes into corpses - an American Tradition™
>there's no bots on Sup Forums they said
Literally, LITERALLY, say the following sequence of words:
>I'll be at [local establishment that serves EtOH] after work, want to meet me for a drink?
That's it, user. I can't take the advice myself so for the love of God make use of it!
Your future not mine
It's a bot flood, something is going down for them to be doing this to pol
Shill/bot or whatever (not you) I want to help people vent out their frustrations to start the new year fresh
Bitch took a report I wrote and stuck it in a dissertation for a masters.
Called her on it and complained to college. She alleged harassment and college has no issue with plagiarism.
Made a complaint against me, even went to the fucking police (the detective was pretty cool).
Ruined 3 years of my life.
Did some nasty stuff online and another bitch who backed her lost her job.
There is a short book in the story but all I want is to forget it happened.
Fuck women. Just avoid in work.
I quit my job today and a black chick and a black dude confessed their love for me. I couldn't be whiter if I tried.
This is the advice if you wanna fuck her
This is the advice if you really like your career lol
Black chicks love to get bleached dude.
Nobody knows niggers like a nigger. Do you want to fuck a nigger? They don't either!
>software engineer
>exceptional track record
>get promoted to team lead (one step shy of manager)
>start having direct reports and doing manager shit while still expected to do my old job
>team are all bros, highly productive, just aspies who want to be left alone and get their shit done
>leadership decides "diversity" needs to be top priority because apparently this is what all the current employees secretly want
>they decide our team isn't "friendly" enough
>apparently this is my fault because I'm not "friendly" enough
>introduce new rubric for performance one month before year-end review
>number one category is now "communication skills"
>get my first ever negative review, no bonus for me this year
Oh yeah I love your thread, the britbongs post in the last one about getting the lesbian ejected from Dubai in 7 hours by just telling people she's a lesbian and they called the cops was one of the best stories I've ever read
But I noticed each thread seems to have posts that make no sense which is always the sign of bots
So... He big was she? Asking for a friend of course
>college has no issue with plagiarism
Jesus fuck women get away with such murder sometimes
This is the Dubai story btw. Seriously thanks to that Brit, I'm still grinning
But you're a code monkey not a sales executive, what do they fucking expect?
>has a kid
disgusting
I just ignore those posts and hide them
>16-18 hour workdays
>OLs (Office Ladies) are all humble and subservient and ravishingly beautiful
>salarymen all obey a strict code of honor
>no backbiting or undermining anyone ever
>everyone works in harmony and attempts to help everyone else save face at all times
>if anyone ever acted like an arrogant Western sociopath they would be immediately shitcanned
>no HR department or SJWs or sensitivity training or diversity officers or blue hair or obesity
>monthly drinking parties where I get blackout drunk with everyone at the company
>boss has "connections" to help me if I ever get into trouble
>guaranteed job for life and employment for my children and grandchildren
You stupid roundeyed gaijin pigs.
Ofc, keep doing that. I'm just freaked about whatever the fuck has shills spooked enough to be deploying the bots in a full raid
Name of the book please? Sorry if it's troubling but damn if it isn't interesting.
Companies are literally this retarded now
You were always the honorary, there's a reason for it
ばか
What is your salary? I probably make 3x your salary and work 1/3 as hard.
-18 hour workdays
Sure.
To not have to give him a Christmas bonus.
A lot of Japanese companies expect you to sleep at work.
Sorry user, I meant there would be a short book in it.
I may get around to it when the butthurt ends.
The college was the university of London.
>university of London.
Jesus, that's fucked up materoo. Especially from what should be an educational powerhouse.
Ah well, hope things turn out good for you.
>university of fucking London didn't take plagiarism EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY
Academia is on its final fucking breath I swear to god.
Shrieking women.
The report was high profile. I think she maybe fucked the professor or something.
It's actually quite scandalous.
Well then sell your story man! Fuck them like they fucked you
The new narrative in tech ever since Damore's memo is that women are actually more suited to tech jobs than men, because the job is actually all about "soft skills" such as virtue signaling and blind acceptance of authority, and the whole writing code part is just a formality.
How in the actual fuck is a 16-18 hour workday acceptable?
Wouldn't it be cheaper to just live at your job at that point? I mean your there all the fucking time anyways.
The SJW shit really isn't as apparent the higher you go in the corporate world because those kinds of people don't make companies money and at the end of the day money is the only thing that really matters, everything else is secondary including HR and whatever else.
Fuck I'm nervous, I'm going to be starting college soon and am nervous.
Thing is, I can't sell it because of client confidentiality.
Unlike the bitch I have some integrity and have to respect that.
Then God speed my good man
You just have to understand that while creating good software is the single most valuable skill you can have, it is also paradoxically the least respected one.
The business side get literally all the credit for anything good, because they view you as just a tool to implement "their" ideas. Whatever bugs or performance problems you have to deal with are unimportant. Also, even before factoring in women, most developers are already pretty bad at their jobs. This sets the bar for quality incredibly low, which in turn creates the attitude that anyone can be trained to be a code monkey, so it's more important to hire for the stuff that can't be as easily trained.
Essentially they want less spergy, more submissive code monkeys. Women are a convenient solution since they are both of those things and also good PR.
Make programming / IT knowledge a skill, not a career. Plenty of people graduate law school and never practice law, because they wanted the skills, not necessarily that career.
>my first day on the job, check in all enthusiastic
>spend about 2 hours filling out paperwork
>go to boss who says there is nothing for me to do today so go home until tomorrow
>wonder why she made a point for me to start that day when she knew I wanted another day to deal with moving.
>Was told she needed me that day because next week she'd be on vacation.
>Ask what she wants me to do next week when she's gone.
>Nothing, I put my voice mail on and everyone waits till I get back, she said.
>Can you give me some materials to read over, so I know more about my job?
>No, we don't have anything like that, she says.
>Okay, well, can you introduce me and show me around? I ask.
>Um, there's the bathroom and the kitchen, she points in their direction.
>Okay. Introductions? I ask again.
>Maybe tomorrow, she says. I ask nearly every day for two weeks and she finally says that introductions are "not effective." People come up to me and think I'm a temp or doing data entry. No one asks me to lunch as they do with all the new employees with bosses who take them around. I learn my boss will resent every friendship I make and try to shut them down.
>Okay, then, just show me where I will sit so I know where to go tomorrow, I say.
>Just come here to my office tomorrow, she says.
>Well, can I see my space so I know what I can bring, how much room I have?
>I haven't found a spot for you yet, she says. This is a job that took like 3 months to onboard me, and she had three weeks from when I accepted the offer so I could give two weeks notice then move. She literally looked for an empty desk the day after I started.
>Her boss comes over to say hi. She tells him I'm going home until tomorrow and he seems pissed.
What if I have experience managing a group of people (more then 10) and am an introvert with extrovert skill set
(More)
>I come back next day to be shown completely empty cubicle. I mean empty. No chair, no computer, no phone, no office supplies.
>She wheels a chair in from conference room. It's not a computer chair, it's a freaking armchair on wheels.
>She begins ordering my computer, printer, phone, email, etc to be set up. On my second day.
>I ask for more ergonomic chair, get told I must pick a chair from catalog without trying it, lowest cost, although everyone else has those mesh ergo chairs. I get one and it causes me to hunch my arms and can't be adjusted. I finally get a chair from our surplus store, I have to drive over and carry it myself. It is stained and the cushioning is gone, but at least I can adjust the arms and height.
>Surplus says I must be new because nobody in my department ever cares about cost.
>I ask where office supplies are kept. She looks at me quizzically. What do I need?
>Oh, pens, a pad, paper clips, file folders, stapler, post it notes, the typical stuff.
>She rips off the top of her post-it notes, hands me a pile of paper clips and a pen from her desk. Later she brings me a broken stapler she scrounged from someone's desk. Tells me to scrounge empty desks for file folders. A secretary yells at me when I do, because some desks have been pilfered of personal items and there is a rule not to touch any desk that's not yours.
>I tell the sec'y I just need supplies, it's been weeks now and I am just stacking papers on my desk horiz/vertically to separate them, and apparently there are no office supplies.
>Secy takes me to office supply cabinets. They are directly across from my boss's office.
>God, I could go on and on. What a nightmare.
>Oh yeah, I had nothing to do for weeks on end. I was only hired so my boss could be promoted.
So you got paid for doing grunt work. Sorry to hear that user. How's it going now?
This must be bait
I not, you're an entitled Soyboy
this is the most newfag tryhard post I've ever seen. If you really read into this post you can see a permavirgin screaming for attention behind a keyboard. Nice webm tho really enjoyed.
Kek
I wouldn't say that I did grunt work, that wasn't the problem. I was a writer of corporate communications type stuff. I mostly took care of the website because my boss hated doing that. I was doing the job she had just done before becoming manager, and she didn't like giving up stuff, just the web stuff, which was fine by me but it was not enough to do.
I was there for about 5 years, applying for jobs at every chance but having no success due to the shit economy and so many others being out of work at the time.
My boss would make up shit to stir the pot. Like, "Your friend So-and-so apparently doesn't want to work with you anymore."
What? Why not?
I don't know, you must have offended her!
Please ask what happened, I request. But something was off and I knew she would never follow up.
I ask So-and-so, in the most delicate way possible, why she told Boss Lady she didn't want to work with me. She is shocked and confused. She has no issue with me, she loved my work, but Boss Lady told So-and-So to come to her with projects, not to me, because she knew my schedule and wanted to control things. That explained why So-and-so did not complain when the boss gave me the project, although she supposedly didn't want to work with me. See, things did not add up.
My boss also would blow up if I didn't CC her on every email. She would read personal messages written by me or to me ("Hey, I enjoyed lunch, how did that thing go") and reprimand me for being so unprofessional. I was not allowed to joke with anyone but a guy in our group and another lady who apparently told my boss she liked my sense of humor.
I was a joyful, happy, funny person when I started there. When I left, I was shell-shocked. I had to hide when I spoke because she eavesdropped everything and commented on it.
I left and took off time to get a master's and I'm applying for jobs now. That experience really shook me and made me question myself.
I wish it was bait. That was mostly just the first day. I should have run.
I hate soy.
Sure English teacher. Great LARP.
I work at a family owned tech company in Oklahoma. The most liberal thing I've ever heard anyone say is "I'm a strong independent woman."
But then again, this woman also happens to be the chairman(chairwoman?) of my county's GOP group.
>taking team lead
>ever
Man you fucking blew it. Just means you're doing two jobs for no pay bump but they'll *wink wink* totes promote you to manager.
I gotta story to share
>Company filled with absolute bros
>One guy is the calm and collected boss whom you never want to piss off b/c he's so likeable
>One guy is the PRO, knows how to run million dollar equipment and program robots to run chromatography routines and automatically list the results as they're processed
>Next dude runs the lab, ex-army vet, good ol' boy, the lovable divorced horndog
>Last guy is the loud alpha office prankster, tapes embarrassing yet tasteful pics of the guys doing dumb shit in funny places, changes desktop so it's horizontal flipped instead of vertical, changes print order
>Everyone of us guys love the office prankster, the bitches in the next lab over always act irritated and are short tempered.
>Chicks in STEM careers always act elitist despite having extra equipment at their disposal and having the *lite* version of what everyone else does, done fully in the air conditioning.
>Befriend one of these ladies, one makes brownies for my birthday
>Gets upset when i don't handwash the dish and return it the day of, despite not asking for that bullshit after working a 12 hr shift in and out of a hot warehouse.
>Work with a big ass 6/10 redhead with no stem experience, hired b/c her dad works there (lol)
>perpetually in a bad mood, blames it on her fiery irish redhead spirit (hahahaha you're a child w/ no self control)
Honestly, looking back at that job, every bad experience was either me caught cutting corners or just interacting with dumb entitled bitches. Every dude there had their shit together.
I did mall security for a while. Constant labor violations (safety and compensation), coworkers were all brown, 300 pound guard on cameras complained it made us "look bad" to come in with my shirt untucked and would constantly micromanage me via the cameras, all for the princely sum of $13. I'm a student and my parents have been nagging me to go back to work again, and I'm not sure that I can do it.
1 in 5 people in my country were not born here, my dad thinks it to be some kind of obscenity that fluency in the national languages be required to vote, whites are visible minorities in half the districts here, wages are at an all time low, and owning land is a pipe dream (even if it wasn't subject to taxes that would be farmed out to foreign brown people).
I often feel as though I am the only one in the world with these problems... but I know there are many of you.
>Called her on it and complained to college. She alleged harassment and college has no issue with plagiarism.
>Have wasted approximately 8 hours of my life getting the boilerplate plagiarism talk
>Catch some Chinese girl who speaks no English pulling content off Wikipedia for our report
>If I hadn't seen it we could have failed the assignment
>Report her to the prof and my group (all international) freaks out because they think it makes them look bad
>They insist that I didn't do anything even though I wrote the entire report by myself
>They rewrite the report the day after
>Prof doesn't flunk Chinese girl
>Overhear her say "Don't you remember we talked about this for your assignment at the beginning of the semester?"
>Policy is supposed to be three strikes zero tolerance, didn't even get reported.
Have also seen a guy out and out cheat on his exam (literally walked out the door and opened his phone up to look at his notes) without getting expelled. I'll let you guess which ethnicity he was.
Feels, user. Many feels.
Hope it gets better bud
Bump.
I have no stories because I have no job. Thank you for entertaining me with your lives (that are more fulfilling than mine)
...
Take off the meme flag and tell us about yourself friend
>be me aged 21
>female HR officer is probably 50 and single
>literally every guy in the office gives her shit about it and genuinely hates her
>she thinks its bants and tries to act like them
>I'm the only person who's nice to her
>at xmas party she got drunk and tried to make a pass at me
fucking old hags, if it was an old guy and young girl he'd probably be fired.
WATCHED WEBM DIDN'T READ
You should have fucked her dipshit.
B A S E D
Cant sympathize with you ive worked harder jobs for less money and shittier coworkers. You sound too much like someone who thinks they deserve the world because muh whiteness.
I'm white too, but im not a manchild
>be SA-ing a CS class
>one kid's assignment doesn't compile on the "lab machines"
>this would immediately be a 0 for the assignment
>notice that the compiler error is "file "downloads/other_student_assigment/file.h doesnt exist"
>go check other students work
>its 95% the same
>tell other SA and prof about it
>prof emails them about it, CCed me
>they try to worm their way out of it
>eventually they admit it after being shown the compiler warning
>prof lets them off with a warning