Havent shit for 5 days

>havent shit for 5 days
last time my turd that was bigger than a baseball tore my asshole apart, I am scared

Here is an ancient cure for your ailment.

So that's the amazing Australian shitposting I kept hearing about.

If your under the age of 18 call John Podesta

I have this problem. If I don’t take immodium I get constant diarrhea, but if I take it I shit baseball size rocks.

Go eat plums my man. They help speed up the process of that ebin shit.

Bend over and prep a big emu cock to loosen it up

eat some plants god damn

Thanks for the info, keep us updated
Also, eat prunes, that will get you started

>The absolute state of this board

Jesus Christ go to the store right now and buy probiotics, you will thank me later.

hang tough bro

what is this... Sup Forums?

>check flag
>not India
Checks out

Had the same issue. Once the turd was so big and wouldn't come out. I legit thought my asshole was going to blow up as i was pushing. Take some medicine that helps you shit or go see a doctor.

Get some 'Natural Phsllium Fiber' and take three teaspoons. It'll clean ya right out. (Get more fiber in your diet, my little green nigga.

best thread this week

cool story Mohammad

I dont know what made me laugh more the original post or the hang in there one!

Oh well its a show alright!

>having no standards

In fact, this thread is so bad, I'm mad that I have to bump it to tell you how retarded you are.

It has been for over a year now

Searching for people who give a fuck.....

0 results found.

Fear is the mindkiller. Let the turd pass thru you.

>baseball
you are small time
I once took a shit the size of a baby, it was so large and hard that I couldn't flush it even by dumping multiple litres of water from a bucket. My asshole bled for days

Dont blow an O ring.

Thanks la monstruosidad.

silly man, you birthed a black baby

>american
>sharts by default

drink a bottle of exlax and rub bengay on your balls.

Drink a lot of water, coffee and fiber, you nigger.

inb4 you did acid and it turned your shit into literal bricks and you're gonna die

have indian food my dude and you might shit for hours.

drink some milk of magnesia, faggot.

now fuck off with slide threads

When I was 13 I held my poop in for like 1 and a half weeks and when I finally did go it was a giant spherical shit ball and I was scared because I thought I had shit out one of my organs

chekd
drumpf is going down
#ReleaseTheMemo

also eat more veggies and fiber user and drink tons of water and little green tea, you're welcome

you leafs have had aussie cucks beat for years now. the aussie shitpost meme needs to die. they haven't been funny in a long time

Aussie. Eat celery. Lots and lots of celery. Carrots too. That shit has so much fiber that if you split it, it become fiberous. Drink lots of water or else your turds will become compacted. Eat it with sauce or hot wings if you're no fan of the veg.

Jesus Christ we're not trying to kill this poor bastard.

Try probiotics, if that doesn't help go to the doctor and have them prescribe you lactulose.

Stop drinking soda

>what is sage

Nice just bought 100k

>157234305
>What is this /BRAAAAAAP/?

>my turd that was bigger than a baseball

>Cosmo polled over 700 of our female readers with one simple question
>"what's more attractive: a man who does small poops or large poops?"
>surprisingly woman prefer men who do large to very large poops
>"it tells me he is a healthy alpha male, there's something primal about it" one woman said
>studies suggests that pheromones may play a role in this
>"my husband broke the drain once when he went 'number two', I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly turned on by that"

>TLDR: if you aren't dropping 12 inch logs every few hours you aren't a real man and she will leave you

Drink lots of prune juice and water.

Talk a fucking walk!!!! And stop eating!!!!!!

Why are they still in business? How do they fish out this information? Why did they fish out this information?

Listen to the expert OP,

I recommned hemmorhoid supposities.

Shaped like a bullet, made of coco butter and aloa, and infused with medication which will shrink the swelling and provide lubrication while expunging waste material.

I also recommend laxatives:
2 big pill laxatives
1 small pill laxatives.

Peace to your middle east.

When I had my wisdom teeth removed and I was taking opiods for pain, I didn't take a dump for close to 10 days. The resulting monster that came out of my ass was incredible, it was at least 3 inches in diameter and close to 8 inches long, it impacted the bottom of the toilet bowl and a good 4 inches of it was protruding above the water line.

I had to smash it up with the toilet brush in order to flush it.

You should download the Grindr app. Someone on there should be able to loosen you up a bit.

Pajeet knows some shit

this
the market is about to blow and I want in before it all goes down the shitter

*talk fucking computers. Oh and have a beer or five, you will shit.

Cool story bro.

I just realized. What is it with Aussies and massive shits? Is this what happens when you don't shitpost enough? It just backs up within you until you can't take it anymore?

TAKE damnit!!!! TAKE a walk.

Jesus fuck were you having some serious stomach cramps towards the end?

That filename. Beautiful.

>Not drinking coffee and eating corn to get the diaspora pouring.
You can't do anything right can you?

Holy fuck I haven't laughed this hard in weeks

creatine and vegemite

filename

Hahahahaha only 5 days

poor bastard died while taking a shit

...

Eat some plants for fucks sake there’s more than dingos and shit there isn’t there?

Yeah man, about one two days before I birthed the monster I was getting some serious stomach cramps, contractions and passing gas that smelled like a sewer pipe.

It was horrible.

bend over fren, we get this shit out

ty

>was bigger than a baseball tore my asshole apart

Also when describing your waste by-product I reccomend using the following metrics:

Large: about the size of a black infant
Log: about the size of a black dong
Water: Chocolate Rain

...

nice fromg

What's your record? Mine is 9 because I was a dumbass that didn't know it could kill me, but I wasn't using that scary ass outhouse in the middle of nowhere where I could easily fall in and die with my frame.

OP...You know what you have to do.
You MUST release the memo turd.
Yes it is YUGE but it has to be done.

>Why are they still in business? How do they flush out this information? Why did they flush out this information?
I got you senpai.

Metamucil

That explains it. Basically it rotted in your gut, got compacted, got stuck, and your body was trying its hardest to expel that unholy creation. Moar fiber and water man.

drink salt water the niggers use it as enema

What's the big deal? Having a massive shit feels like having a large cock in your ass. Feels good man.

Promise us that you won't make the same mistake, my friend.

>try to ruin blacked with the shitted meme
>women get turned on by big black shit just the same

humanity is doomed

*I was like 12, but OP, don't go for the record. Drink some coffee and run around your block.

You'll make it through this bro. I'd advise to eat more fiber and WATER. You might be eating to much meat or junk food. I was going through the same thing but started drinking more water and that really helped softening my poo. Buy a bag of oranges and eat two a day for softer stools.

Audibly laughed

...

g-gib cocaine

holy shit, the timing on that. 2 seconds later and he would've been fine, probably.

eat fiber and buy aloe vera supplement you retard

Mineral oil. Drink half a bottle and wait about 6 hours. You’ll be shitting out that button you swallowed when you were three. Just don’t push and strain. An anal fissure is the last thing you want.

eat two large pot noodles back to back and drink some water you'll shit everywhere

>mpty and wash out a bottle of shampoo, then fill it with warm water.
>put the opening against your asshole and squeeze the bottle.
>shit out the water
>a poop should follow soon

I did this after a drunken night of eating a bag of shredded cheese and an entire medium pizza

SHITLETS BTFO

>all these boomers posting their shit remedies
back to shiddit plebs

1 month 11 days master race, one of the worst experiences ever

drink coffee and eat chipotle works every time

He died how he lived.

>flag
>constant diarrhea
the memes are real

Haha saved

EAT MORE VEGGIES
EAT MORE FRUIT
EAT MORE MEAT

STOP EATING JEWED-UP ````````````````PROCESSED'''''''''''''''' ABOMINATIONS
STOP EATING ````FAST'''' ````FOOD''''
STOP CONSUMING XENOESTROGENS

GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS

Lol this happened to me once i started crying in the bathroom. Be brave little guy

Eat some licorice.