>Call my local cuddler for a cuddle date
>Set for 3pm tomorrow, she agrees to be the big spoon, and likes to hug low.
>Drive to the local burrito joint
>"Senor, mucho frijoles negros, por favor"
>Load up on burritos packed with spicy beans and trundle home
>From the moment my head hits the pillow to the time I drift off to dreamland, I can feel my bowels churning, desperately trying to contend with the monstrous meal I managed to mash down my maw.
>Wake up, ass feels as though a Mongolian invasion is trying to bash it's way through, but through sheer force of will I hold the legions of doom back.
>1pm...2pm...finally my time has come.
>She's a cute girl, about 20, short hair, an endearing streak of blue catches my eye. She giggles, "Are you ready for your cuddle sir?"
>I smile, stomach lowly protesting, but she fails to catch the warning sign.
>"Of course, please, this way"
>I lead her to the other room, couch all prepped, and lie down. She follows my lead, wrapping her petite frame around me.
>I finally lose the power to hold back the cloud of death trying to force it's way through me.
>I then stand up and with my ass directly at her and yell "FUCKING ROASTIES! REEEEEEEE!"
>More than gas escapes my puckered starfish
>A torrent of brown liquid blasts onto her once appealing face
>I continue screeching, the neighbors already pounding on the door, desperately trying to stop whatever crime against humanity they can imagine to be happening inside my apartment
>By the time the door was smashed down, everything was silent
>The entire wall were my cuddler was is completely redecorated in the finest brown stain you could ever imagine and the smell was stronger than industrial chemical fumes.
>My bowls keeps rumbling so I turn my now spread out asshole towards the neighbors that stood in the door way and shouted "I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"
>I blast my remaining last loads directly at them coating them in delicate brown slushy shit.
>They'll never forget.
Call my local cuddler for a cuddle date
10/10 I laffed
Only an OP could do something like this.
I had to make sure I wasn't accidentally viewing a /r9k/ thread
bump
fuck you i had to stop smoking weed just to say thi made me lmao, top kek, fag.
>I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN
fuck I lost
I made beef stroganoff for supper and I've got some really tasty smelling farts now.
Looks like the room turned into India
t o p k e k
its actually not funny but newfags will bump and act like its the funniest story they ever heard, it will probably end up on r/greentext
10/10 m8 this time op is a fecalphelliac top kEk
10/10
>potty humor
Time to grow up.
just wanted to show my appreciation before this gets pruned
good post
>I'M THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!
You could say that story was a real shitpost.
THIS GUY!
This is old pasta
Have you considered suicide?
Posting in ebin thread
back to Sup Forums where you belong redditor.
I am aroused.
Ignore flag.
Oy vey, it's anotha shoah!
this redditor leaked from Sup Forums im sure