France’s Military

Why do people always make fun of france’s military? Just look how at the parades and call it whimpy again!

Other urls found in this thread:

fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liste_des_guerres_de_la_France
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian_War_of_1494–98
exiledonline.com/war-nerd-glory-to-the-french/
francais.rt.com/france/12477-poutine--chirac-avait-prevu
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

ils sont jaloux de nos légionnaires

Part 1:
The military history of France:

Gallic Wars – Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War – Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars – Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion – France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War – France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution – Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War – Tied.

War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian War – Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession – Lost. The war also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution – In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution – Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

Part 2:

The Napoleonic Wars – Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War – Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I – Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II – Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.

War in Indochina – Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion – Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism – France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but, rather, "How long until France collapses?"

>Why do people always make fun of france’s military?
>Humiliated in 1871
>Only survive in 1914 and 1918 because of Bongs and later Bongs and Burgers
>Collapsed in less than a month to an inferior military force in 1940
>Driven out of Indochina
>Driven out of Algeria
>Humiliated in Suez crisis when they and the Bongs were forced to withdraw

Why do french tanks have a rear mirror? So that they have the war front in view.

France colonized with style. God forbid if my plans for live ever fall apart, I’ll just join the French Foreign Legion.

What is the first thing the French soldiers learn during their basic training?
- surrender in 10 languages.

>France colonized with style

They treated their subjects worse than the British did. Hardly style.

Welp, that's that.

France won the Hundred Years' War.

>Treating niggers nicely

OP, any more questions?

Who won the Tour de France?
The 7th German Panzer Division

> yes
> only the bong, burger came to late to be really usefull
> an appreciation error by the high command cause an unbelievable defeat.
> a half destroyed country have done it better than a super power years later.
> algeria is a military victory.

>Implying a leopard 2a4s aren't immune to the leclercs low energy "cannon"
>Implying Finland couldn't invade France in a single day
I can see Khan Sale posing in front of the Eiffel Tower, his towering erection casting a shadow on all the Fr*nch slaves below him

You're thinking of the Belgians.
You Killed half the Paddy's about 30% of Indians, and gave the Native Americans dodgy blankets.

Don't be a ashamed, user. We've all done it.

categorically false.

burgers are finally joining the parade game

can't wait to see, i predict it will be aesthetic as fuck

Tire toi une balle le bougnoule
fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liste_des_guerres_de_la_France

You're a literal retard

I have no doubt that it's more capable than ours right now.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian_War_of_1494–98
Italian wars was referred to this.
Go back to Wallmart, Mutt

yeah people always shit on the Italian military but today were actually a really sophisticated fighting force

you lost to farmer gooks in Vietnam

Your navy in particular it very sophisticated, so woke, so progressive.

OBSESSED

>only the bong, burger came to late to be really useful
Burgers helped halt the spring offensive by virtue of numbers and were useful in the Hundred Days that routed the German army.
>an appreciation error by the high command cause an unbelievable defeat
If your high command is incompetent your military is incompetent.
>a half destroyed country have done it better than a super power years later
Americans are also shit at war, in general they are marginally less shit than the French have been in the last 150 years, but they are still terrible at warfare.
>algeria is a military victory
Algeria is no longer a French colony.

Sorry but, look better at the flag on the shoulder of the "alleged" Italian coast guards......

dude look up italy military history, it's particulary pathetic, specially the last centuries, not even capable of kicking ethiopia's ass...

I shot niggers with the french military in Africa. It was good.

I am well aware of this, but here we are talking about the French military.
Dont be mad mon ami.

Yeah, so? At the beginning of WW2 France's military was large and well funded. France's infantry was about ~80% the size of that of Germany, and France's armoured forces were about 70%, and France's tanks were arguably superior to the Panzer 1. France got BTFO in, what was it? 6 weeks?

France has an exceptional military history, anyone who says otherwise is just showing their own ignorance. Here's a good article:
exiledonline.com/war-nerd-glory-to-the-french/

>exiledonline.com/war-nerd-glory-to-the-french/

Was thinking of the War Nerd myself. They are also busy unfucking Africa everywhere as well.

When France refused to invade Iraq burgers in their usual niggerish manner started that France being weak coward meme.
Any man with a slightest intererest in history will find it retarded and lame.

some countries do parades because they won something big. Russia
some countries dont do parades because they lost something big. Germany
some countries dont do parades because they win everything. USA
some countries do parades because they lost.

Joint operation, look it up. You'll have to shift through them as there are so many. Italian navy is sophisticated enough to stay in the bridge and let other cucks load the rapefugees onto their ships

This, my man Chirac did nothing wrong, all of this coward meme is a smear campaign started by the bush administration

saged

The legion are not pussies thats for sure.
I heard that they have a 6 or 16? year life expectancy in the Legion before they die as a mercenary somewhere in the world. And that they accept literal murderers and change their identity if they can pass training. Training is so hard people routinely die trying.

suicide toi fdp

you forgot the Seven Years War where the French lost all of New France except for some fucking island

Maybe if you supported your allies you wouldn't have to deal with accusations of cowardice.

>War of Spanish Succession
>Lost

The Bourbons rule Spain to this day.

Yes, that war turned out to be so worthwhile, can't think why they didn't want to get involved

Here's your (You).

Being an ally =! getting support on any retarded move you are doing. Even Belarus does not supports Russia in everything.
Like do you have any respect for a people that you call allies?

Frogs got US into Vietnam, so I guess we would be even now.

france does military parades?

lol just like 3rd world dictators.
welp they wanted a strong man leader i guess

That doesn't excuse how poor they were. It took them 100+ years to take back English lands in France despite always having superior numbers and Scotland on their side

Also, there was literally nothing wrong with invading Iraq. Did you honestly oppose it at the time? For what reason?

I didn't believe that WMD bullshit we were fed for one second. I didn't oppose it at the time because I thought that it was important that the West retained control over Middle East oil, but you must admit it turned out to be a terrible fuck-up, Iraq is an Iranian puppet state now and I doubt that was the plan.

*nukes you*

who supply the French their military equipment

...

They make it themselves

I opposed it at the time. I didn't believe iraq was getting ready to attack the west
millions protested around the world. i think it was the biggest world wide protest in history.
meanwhile the righteous were calling anyone against the war a terrorist sympathizer and traitor.
but we turned out to be right. there was no wmd and 15 years later the cakewalk continues with no end in sight

are you seriously using this battle against fucking ill-equipped Italians as an example of french military success? Jesus Christ man

These idiots don't know how to appreciate France
France surrendered in WWII to protect all the "white culture" that all these retards are whining about saving.
All those sculptures and paintings, sheet music and architecture, all saved because Paris surrendered and didn't get bombed to shit
Ingrates.

>9 men against 5,000, killing 200 enemy
>Look it's fucking nothing
kys

I don't actually give a fuck about this, you know? I'm not the kind of faggot who gets angry because his precious little country got insulted on the internet (wrongly or not). I am just ridiculing that idiot with a picture that pretty much sums up the whole existence of Italy, but you're the one being triggered by it, strangely enough.

Is it something tho?
As much i remember italians got straight on beton fortification with machineguns which is predictably led to massacre. It's not like those frenchmen were kungfury on italians.

in the wider context it is nothing, yes.

all lies, fernando, but well done on your own efforts :^D

Ever since the end of Napoleonic wars until recently they've been struggling with leadership thinking they are the next Bonaparte. As such they tended to prioritize on heavily centralized command structure.

The timing of wars they fought was also terrible and their ability to deduct some lessons from them - even worse. During Franco-Prussian war they've had effective manually-controlled machinegun. Used it as a field piece, where it was outranged and destroyed by proper artillery. In 1 out of 10 situations however, it was used as an actual machinegun, inflicting heavy losses on the Prussians and usually successfully stopping their advance in the sector.

What was the conclusion French military took from this beating? Machineguns are useless.

Then came World War 1 which started with French army being absolutely ignorant of ideas like avoiding danger by ducking etc. spirit of offence was EVERYTHING. Too bad Germans learned from the previous conflicts and had hefty amount of machineguns. It didn't help that they introduced 3-years draft just a year earlier too, they didn't knew what effect it would have.

Eventually after long struggling they've forged themselves sort of winning doctrine. They went out of the war with too much respect for firepower as they believed that in modern conflicts maneuver isn't about physical movement of troops and material but about moving firepower from place to place. To stop advances they needed certain amount of machineguns, anti-tank guns and field artillery per kilometer of front - or so they thought. They also figured out that 3 years draft isn't needed and reduced it to 2 years and then 18 months and then 1 year. The amount and quality of reservists dropped considerably, as did the size of the standing army. Standing army unable to do anything but to speed up the mobilization. They could've stopped the war back then in 1936 but didn't, because they didn't consider intervention in Rhineland possible without mobilization.

Arrogant kike.

In Fact Chirac explain exactly what would happen if you attack Irak ( Iran would have his " chiite arc ") even Putin said it recently francais.rt.com/france/12477-poutine--chirac-avait-prevu
But you didn't listen and get butt hurt to this day and act like the child your still are even thought we are you're best . I never like Chirac but he was right .
About our military record italian bro , France are ruled by traitor since Louis XV except Napoleon and during the HYW this was not just France vs England you have to take into account the pest + civil war we were into . But yes i don't want to make excuse for the stupidity of my country that i love

it's the hats

Their doctrine was actually pretty modern - with focus on infantry-artillery-tank cooperation although in very weird way. Where Americans worked on the same thing, they tried to make it so even at very low level a squad or platoon commander could call an artillery strike. In French doctrine, it was the colonel or even general who called where to use most of his artillery. To give the initiative to lower ranks would be the last step to making higher command unable to influence battle! They thought(remember that shifting the focus point of artillery was in their understanding - maneuver). As such the coordination was based on strict timetables that didn't really have much basis in reality.

Their idea for war was to mobilize, defend until the troops(of very poor quality) become battle-hardened and then counter-attack performing methodical, safe, small scale advances. The problem with this thinking was that it required the enemy to play by the rules they've set up themselves(or at least having firepower able to stop them).

There was also a mistake on a grand strategy scale - they got rid of reserves near Ardennes and put them as part of the force sent to the low countries.

Where they've had enough firepower to stop relatively small scale German assaults the doctrine was still successful. The firepower trumped everything! Except Germans could move their focus into different area pretty quickly, while for French trying to do so meant long, almost infinite loop of requests and confirmations between different ranks

The reason for this boils down to their military establishment. They were mostly staff generals, not battlefield ones. Managers, not leaders. Except they believed that brilliance of the commander is the most important part of winning wars(NAPOLEON, DUH). Well weren't there any Napoleons or even half-Napoleons in France? There were! They didn't get into any important position though, since most of them were frontline generals. Leaders, not managers

FAMAS

It doesn't matter how big of an army France have they still lack courage and balls.

thx based user

> the country which fought in hundreds of wars
> won half of them
You should go make your wife ready for her today's session with Ahmed, cuck.

not even able to repress a revolt in haiti

>France's military

Ayy lmao!!!

Fuck off you black cunt. They may be frog eating cowardly cunts, but they're still 1000x the nation you've ever been.

>An Italian talking about losing wars

Oh son

...

its bcuz amerishits have two pussy neighbours and don't know what it was like to live in violent buzzsaw that was eaurope in early 20th century...