Find out today I failed ANOTHER graduate assessment centre

>find out today I failed ANOTHER graduate assessment centre
>it was just an easy interview with an HR roastie, a braindead group exercise, and an easy numerical test
>failed due to being an ugly autist with a beta demeanour and non-posh accent
>UK interviewers care about nothing other than normieness
>still havent really started a career at the age of 27 - have an ok job right now for my CV (that miraculously takes almost no effort) but situation is demoralising - either you're on the prestigious track or you're not
>was demoralising going to Bank station just to see all the rich Chads and Staceys and going to an assessment centre filled with UBERnormie candidates
>knew I did badly (will be more pissed if I fail another result I am waiting on and I did better)
>have another one upcoming for a "prestigious" but low paying job

>tfw aged 27, no friends or social experiences since school, no female attention ever, never been to pub, club, or party, no passion in life
>daily life consists of living in tiny flat in London, failing to avoid junk food and coffee everyday while telling myself it's the last time, and doing close to no work

I'll have to throw away all morals and lie more in future interviews. Competency questions are godawful. Somebody who just does the work is at a huge disadvantage. I don't spend every day Giving Feedback In Diverse Teams.

I interview well over the phone now, but in person I get nervous and my voice gets choked up. I know they look at me and see my ugliness and can tell I am not one of them (a posh giganormie clone). But nobody at my workplace or other candidates are inspiring communicators either. I am just no capable of "performing" as an ubernormie in an interview.

I consider getting a part-time retailcuck job in my free time but it is not worth it. I would be taxed at around 32 % and feel like a cuck lacking in initiative.

All this PC propaganda shoved at us and being an ugly beta male is the only thing without a safety net.

Its true. They dont care about your qualifications or skills. UK bosses measure your normieness. ("I was going to the pub at 16, I have fucked 3 slags since the start of the year, Which team do you support?")

Look dude. Forget the ugliness you can ofset that with confidence. You already know what they are looking for, play the part. Looks fade you know that. Use the fact they are useless fuckin bugmen robots to your advantage. Hell even condescend them slightly. Stay pure brother

>Forget the ugliness you can ofset that with confidence.

Bump

I graduated from a top-tier school in europe (Msc) and I always had a hard time with interviews. Most annoying stupid questions all the time, with everyone else doing good due to them being insulting obsequious in their behavior and general attitude.

Several times, I was asked how important is diversity in an organization. I really wanted to grab the fat hr bitch by the hair and smack her face onto the table.

Truth is, they do not want tall, good-looking, and knowledgeable people; they want miserable worms that will be forever miserable in their miserable environment.

Stop doing assessments. Get a job in the firm that doesn't require it and very quickly you'll be able to skip all that shit and be offered the position.

t. paralegal then training contract.

Protip: Get a fucking hair cut, have a shave, wear a good suit, pluck your eyebrows slightly and learn eye contact. That's all you need.

I respect that advice because it's practical, but you are also slaving away and getting paid fuck all with the hopes of becoming a scum-sucking vampire.

Do sales. It will cure you of your social retardation by forcing you to hone a systematic process to dealing with common objections that elude people in many parts of their lives.

Thanks for reminding me to get off of Sup Forums. You do the same. Good luck bro.

I know it's a meme, but bee yourself.

I got my current job through all this grad nonsense and it was the only thing I applied for (100% success r8).

I didn't sleep the night before from insomnia, I just went in and cracked jokes and dished out some knowledge.

I also had a beard, man bun and wanky glasses. I'm hardly a normie. I was the tallest there to be fair. None of the manlets from the assessment day got jobs hah.

What area you trying to work in?

What was your group task, ours was making paper aeroplanes and I just took the piss.

Management consulting but I apply for anything. It's the same normies everywhere

If its one of the big four, then avoid that at all cost. Other firms and larger financial institutions are usually somewhat fairer in the recruitment process.

I'm in that exact situation (honestly its eerie, I could have literally typed your post) and know that crushing shame and feeling demoralized to the point of despair. I actually took the shitty part time job since it's better than hating myself alone 24/7 while I look for a decent one. We just have to keep going and have faith something better is coming.

I fell you man. Listen, I was in the same seat. Now I'm doing better. You have to keep searching for opportunities and maximize every year. Do more than your full-time job. Start a business on the side. Or get an extra degree by studying on weekends. What are you going to achieve in 2018? Since you have so much free time, you get the luxury of setting more than one career goal.

Get a PT (Personal Trainer). They can help you get some kind of consistence in your eating/exercising. Girls WILL give you attention. You will feel better. It is NEVER too late to improve, man.

Are you satisfied with your degree? If no, then that's your goal for now. If yes, start an online thing and offer consulting or whatever. I knew a guy who studied gender science. Sounds fucking dumb, right? But then he used that and started an HR-consulting-firm. It's pretty small still, but he has some cool projects I'm not gonna lie. And you can do so much better than him!

This is your year. You have recognized your situation and now you're gonna improve it. Pick a project you like, any project at all, and go with it! Good luck, friend.

A lot of physics and engineering jobs have you interviewed by your manager, as far as I have seen they only give a shit about your abilities.
Trouble is HR has to get their filthy fingers into anything they can to justify their shitty exsistence so they are trying their best to rip the hiring process from the hands of the people who want to pick their own candidate so they can shove thjeir shitty underqualified 'normie' hire down your throat, good at psychometriccs but shit at the job.

I hear they are hiring a new bell ringer down at the church if you are interested

>Staceys

such thing doesnt exist in bongistan, it was probably a dream buddy

+ why don't you simply try to leech some gibs and live the NEET dream life?

>Forget the ugliness you can ofset that with confidence.
wat

>two weeks ago
>receive an email if I can come interview at jpm for summer analyst position
>applied there in like august and heard nothing, but whatever, it's been a while since I was in london
>fly in a day early and network a bit with other applicants I met at the hotel
>get to the assessment centre, technical interview was easy and at some points they're just grasping trying to trip me up. Interviewer answers 'I don't know either' when I ask what the answer to a question was I didn't know.
>respond well to fit questions, come off as humble, hungry and easy going
>group exercise was hard, this one faggot kept going over everyone
>have a final interview with a vp, at the end he tells me that I would fit well and that I'll get an offer
>tell him I appreciate the offer but that I cannot accept.
>i've already accepted an offer at nomura you see
>guy get's angry, asks me to leave

Should have just thanked him and renegged later

But really mate, just keep trying. Ace the technical questions and make sure you have a narrative for the fit questions.

this
I also got most of the jobs where i didn't pretend that my life is dependend on getting the job
I work at a big american chemistry company, and one of the guys working there is such a weirdo, he's ugly, he's socially retarded, he makes weird jokes, he makes "surprise" quizzes with you whenever you happen to walk his path
but he's still alpha af, because he obviously doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks about him. he's also in a "higher up" position

I employ 35 people. There are two things I won't do: graduate schemes and anything involving recruitment firms. I can get away with this because we're rather niche, but I like to think I would have the same rules elsewhere.

Forget "assessment centres". They're having a look at you to see if you'll give them grief. They don't particularly care about the rest of it, it's a box ticking exercise. They want someone to sit on a seat for two years as a "graduate trainee" and then get replaced by another early/mid 20s person who is functionally identical. If that means someone who wen to Newcastle, got a 2:1, has 400 photos of them kissing elephants and has an iPhone the size of a newspaper then so be it.

I would seriously recommend staying where you are and going after internal opportunities. Do some good courses or quals in your spare time. Smash your fitness, join the Reserve Army if you want. Just do anything else than fucking graduate jobs, they're for mugs.

>living in a city

x_x you're not alive

bee urself : o )

what the fuck is it that makes them so angry everytime, they asnwer your e-mail on day XY announcing a call "soon",
two weeks later, the call is somehow from the secretary of Mister director who announces me another call from Mister director "soon",
two weeks later, director is one the phone and wants to see me immediatly tommorrow morning
and then you tell them that their process took over a month to even get to the interview made you have another job already and then they get so angry, very strange

Well I mean, I did fly out and spent a day in London on their dime even though I never had any intention of accepting a potential offer.

But yeah, IB creates unstable people. I don't think I'll do it more than 4-5 years.

You haven't done it at all, yet. A summer internship does not a job make.

It is pump, however. But you'll come to that conclusion in your own time.

What kind of job at nomura?

I have an analyst position lined up at Nomura and I have quite a good idea of what I'm getting into from a previous internship.

But yeah, I could burn out in a year.

...

OP here. I had an assessment centre for a sales and trading internship about 3 months ago. It was maybe the best I had ever done in an assessment centre but I still failed. When I got my feedback, literally the only criticism for two of the tasks was "no chemistry" or enthusiasm or some bullshit.

how ugly are we talking? Show pics maybe we can give you some tips

500 job applications, 200 interviews, and only one job offer

The UK is a hellhole and Im glad I moved. Say what you want about leafland, at least theres work here

.but you are also slaving away and getting paid fuck all with the hopes of becoming a scum-sucking vampire.

Unless you have the drive and balls to be self-employed, that is the fate of most western men.

>Do sales

Sales is shit.

Internships don't really do anything. I know people place a lot of value in them, but they're really not going to give you an idea of what it's actually like working for a place.

I had internships at Clarksons (the shipbroker) throughout university. I loved it, but I never went into shipbroking as a career. I took a commission in the Army and went down an entirely different route. Even the Army's senpai visits were nothing like the real grind of command. Thanks to some rather narrow qualifications I had acquired and some family contacts, I ended up at Blackrock. All the internships in the world couldn't prepare someone for that cesspit. It wasn't a case of being burned out (if you are even reasonably clever you'll find the work easy), but the people were insufferable. You'll be tired of it in a year and not because it's difficult, though if you do find it difficult that will compound it.

Fuck it off, go work for a tech firm or someone producing proper work and apply skills to real problems. IB is the same as "recruitment", it's a big bubble full of shit.

Every single industry except finance pays utter shit.

> shit at interviews
take acting classes at your local community theatre group
> ugly
get agood haircut FROM A BARBER, not a "stylist" also, not a black barber. they really cant cut white peoples hair. not even joking. get a good quality well tailored suit and KEEP IT CLEAN FOR FUCKS SAKE, get a tan, get a manicure (no homo), wear good shoes, not fucking trainers and fucking shave like your life depends on it less than an hour before the interview.
> autist
put your autismal obsessive compulsive disorder to work for you.
> beta
grow a pair
> non-posh accent
the community theatre group will have the number of a vocal coach

you got money an a job that doesnt consume your life.
put that extra time and dosh to work and play the character who will get you the job you want.

ACTING!!!

Tell me the truth what ethnicity are you?

Indian? Paki? Nigger?

Depends what you mean by shit and what part of the uk you are in, £35,000 in london fucking sucks, £29,000 in the midlands is a decent enough salary.
Seeing as most proper finance is in london the salaries are effected by it outside of london.

>britpaker
>interviews
lmao

You didn't bang on about holidays to Peru enough.

Being self employed is actually quite straightforward as long as you don't fall into the trap of assuming that because you like something, you'll be good at doing it for a job.

I had a man round the other day to fix my roof. He hates fixing roofs. He's very good at it (Welsh slate, I needed to mention that) but he doesn't enjoy it one bit. And why would he? I don't particularly enjoy the area of business I'm in, either, but I like the people and the opportunities it brings. I'm also very good at it.

There's also a man who has nothing but some cleaning equipment, a van and a registration with Companies House for 15 quid. He cleans bins. That's it. £5 per bin. He comes after the binmen have dropped them back off and washes out all the gunk with his Kercher and some soap. For an investment of about £2000, including all the van and gear, he makes about £200 from my village alone as he does the pub and the shops too. And he visits all the other villages in the area. Fag packet maths, but he'd be having a bad month if he didn't make £5000.

Does he like cleaning bin residue up? I doubt it. But he likes having no outgoings, guaranteed income and a good reputation.

I'd move if I were you. I graduated with a worthless bachelor's degree and worked my way up in an industry pretty quickly because I was willing to move somewhere most people don't want to live. I eventually went back to school and got a master's degree and a CPA license so I no longer had to work in corporate America. Better to be an independent contractor these days. Less HR bullshit.

I walk along Bank every day and stare at the normie chads in their suits making 60k straight out of a shitty business management degree from some former poly while I drag my feet to my shitty 20k customer service job after doing a master's degree at a Russel group uni.

Uni was a con.

My landlady takes 3/5s of my earnings.

Chin up lad, we're all in this together.

I got the advice that rent shouldnt take any more than 1/2 you take home pay, even that seems to be pushing it in my opinion.
I would aim to move somewhere cheaper but I guess its not always that easy.

You make some excellent points.

Plus, there's nothing better than Welsh slate tiles.

> paying somebody to wash out your shitcan
> the absolute state of britbongistan
filthy bins keep the bums out of your rubbish.
'Merica! Fuck Yeah!

>Do sales
I did door to door sales when I was younger for a bit, became hyper social and chatty in regular life but it was a facade, I'd go home, watch anime and try not to cry while contemplating how to kill myself
And the best part is you'll forget how to act like a normie within a month of quitting

tfw you have a STEM masters degree but you work in a supermarket because you realised work is a con and pay is nowhere near proportional to effort so you might as well just work the easiest, zero responsibility job you can find

My office job is more relaxed than a supermarket.

I am a lazy fucker but working in minimum wage jobs is slavery and worse than an office. Not even the pay, the utter lack of autonomy and being forced to clock in and out and measured like a cog. Of course wearing the cucky uniform as well

The thought of office work makes me want to die though. I don't like sitting down for a start off.

Hey buddie, get a life and let me hand you a piece of advice.
Go to a pub, alone, on a weekdays or weekends have a beer, lay back, act normal, and you'll start meeting people. And who knows, your next girlfriend. And remember, you're as smart as the other fucker next to you!

>Go to a pub, alone
Does anyone do this under the age of 40?