You get summoned as a Servant in the Holy Grail War

What are your first words to your master?

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Don't act like a cunt unless needed and I won't kill us both.

How the fuck did I get here, and who slipped a muddy mickie into my drink last night?

sorry

Not gonna lie. We're fucked.

What year is it?

Put clothes on you fucking whore

>hikikomori wizard neet
I assume my noble phantasm would be the ability to project my laziness onto others mindraping them into oblivion?

G'day cunt.

baa sak kaa
even if im not a bezerker just to fuck with my master every word will involve bezerker

WAS GOOOOD NIEEEGUHHHH??

"Let me tell you about Sup Forums, my master."

Im finally a little girl, thanks Nasu! Mastah! Mana recharge!

Im useless so you are gonna have to get really imaginative if you want to win.

Well... Fuck

>Nasu said modern heroes wouldn't exist because we'd be more about the gadgets than our legends.

Time to prove 'em wrong. Let's go gun shopping. I'm sure I can kill at least Masters with a gun.

activate stand anti-bully ranger

I'm a warrior. A booty warrior.

So... is loli okay in this time period or... n-never mind.

> А NOO
> CHEEKI BREEKI
> I V DAMKEE

you fucking idiot

Jokes on you nigger

It got retconned guns, servants can now use guns and a gun can be their noble phantasm

t. Billy the Kid
typemoon.wikia.com/wiki/Gunner
t.

Congratulations, you just lost the game

Look at me, I'm the hero now.

>It got retconne

Literally nothing was retconned, even Billy's NP description ingame makes note of that one interview that everyone throws a shitfit over constantly.

Its just that everyone instantly jumps to misunderstand that interview instantly whenever its posted, to the point that I think they're doing it on purpose. We've had heroes that use guns in Fate for ten years. However there are harsh rules for guns in Fate; the gun is not the NP, there's no mysticism for guns, there's no real magic to them. Its not that guns are banned, its that they're hard for legends to shape from them, a hero cannot be a hero for gun feats alone.

Billy's NP isn't the gun, its his technique in using the gun that has surpassed human value since he can fire three bullets at the speed of instant. Billy isn't a hero for gun feats alone, he's the most famous outlaw in the world.

whos that loli supposed to be

Dude

Some Achilles fangirl

Are you my master?

I understood it, I'm just saying that modern, as in the last 20 years would be hard pressed to find good legends about.

Like that White Death guy. Something like 600 confirmed kills with a rifle. Possibly one of the deadliest people on the planet but its just a gun feat. There's no magic to him the dude was just a crack shot and didn't want to get killed.

Then look at today. How quickly we absorb, discard, and then forget information. Major events discussed and forgotten in mere weeks if not days. Who today would ever qualify for a NP?

You can't evaluate the present like that because what counts is a lasting impression long after the person's death.

That's the point though, and also part of what Gilgamesh was getting at. There's so many people now and information exchanges and gets forgotten so fast that there's no chance for that to happen to anymore. At least not until we go to space and start killing space gods with laser harpoons or whatever.

Would you like to see death this once?

More like our death, I'm only good at chugging down light cola.

I LIEK CHOCOLATE MILK

Neil Armstrong's coming at you with his Apollo 11 NP

I SAID, WHATS REALLY GOOD NIGGA?

But Shimo is legend. He was perfect at what he was doing. With just a little magic he could kick some ancient gods asses.

>The moonlanding was fake.

Would he be Rider Class, what would even be the NP? The ability to calculate landing trajectories using a calculator?

"Is there wifi here?"

You so we are clear, you are fucked.

If Thomas Edison can be a heroic spirit anyone can at this point. Fuck, why not make his Apollo capsule some sort of pimped out Mecha called Apollo 11 and have him pilot it?

"wtf did I do to become a heroic spirit?"

What were you thinking?

...

GIMME DA PUSSY BOSS

And so I squeeze the mayonnaise onto the egg. Mayonegg.

Hitler did nothing wrong 1488 gas the kikes race war now

Probably similar to Helena's

You must be a shitty master if I'm what you got when summoning.

At this point, TYPEMOON's stance is that anyone who has a wikipedia article can become a servant. Eric Harris is a viable candidate.

AYY HOL UP

SO U WERE SAYIN THAT I WUZ HEROIC SPIRIT AND SHIET?

Lady Luck hates your gut bro/sis.

>user gets summoned as a Berserker, but is pitifully weak
That's the only outcome.

... The Holocaust? I mean, it IS remembered as one of the most evil things in history.

>"I count as a hero? Seriously?"

Have sex with me`

DEUS VULT! We will take JEWRUSALEM.

Strength: E thanks to mad enhancement. Every other stat is F. NP involves shitposting somehow

Let me tell you about the Jews.

>Who today would ever qualify for a NP?
Anyone that is known worldwide'
Osama bin Laden

...

>NP for Neil Armstrong
Apollo 11's landing on the moon I guess?

>Moon Landing
>A step for a man, a giant leap for mankind
Could probably be a RM type where the moon's landscrape is formed and he lands Apollo 11 on top of his enemies before stepping out to step on them.

Wanna go to 7-Eleven?

I never asked for this

TAKBIR

Gomenasai, my name is Ken-Sama. I'm a 27 year old American Otaku.

Somebody really messed up. Let's see if you can give me back and get a refund.

I just kill myself and get sent back to the throne until I get summoned by a cute little girl mage

when did I make a contract with alaya

...

"Don't blame your luck master, the rates were garbage"

Nigga, we're fucked in the ass so hard we're better off committing suicide.

You fucked up.

I'm going to masturbate right now.

Do you have internet connection?

"You done goofed!"
or
"You must suck as a mage."
or
"I'd seek the priest if I were you".

D-do you like anime?

wait so how the fuck Shirou managed to be one?

Listen here kiddo, I've seen enough Hellsing to know how to kill something really dead. We're gonna need guns, knives, and any merlin meme bullshit you can pull out of your magical ass.

You're gonna carry that weight.

I ask thee, are you my mastah?

Look how that turned out, Kerry

Sold his soul to the counterforce, guy's a faker in more ways than one

The best part playing Grand Order

Congratulations, you summoned a cripple

You fucked up

You done goofed son

...

can i know what did you used as a catalyst to summon me?

>"It could have been worse, you could have gotten black keys"

soggy kleenex

What country would naturally produce the best servants?

I think the Russians could be a great servant type.

streamable.com/v2vlx

ALLAHU AKBAR!

FUCK

YOU

If even I qualify as a Servant then we might have a chance.

You asked for this master. Not my fault what happen next.

>Master: So you're my servant huh? Tell me Saber what is it that you desire?

JEWRUSALEM! DESU VULT!!!!

youtube.com/watch?v=Aw2GiQ8vsrs

WAHAHAHAHAHWHAHWAHHHH
YOU A PICKED THE WRONG A TIME A BOYYY
SPAGHETTI PIZZA
A MAMA MIA
SEND ME A HOME A PLEASERIA

What, are the other servants I have to battle also losers from Sup Forums? Is this like one of those alternate realities where your waifu has you as a husbando and brings you into her world? So all the "servants" are just manchildren from another world and the winner gets to stay in the 2D world? Brb writing a LN.