Medieval Pol

>be me
>English soldier by draft
>goto Frankia because of yet another stupid war
>see huge army of Calvary and foot soldiers outnumbering us 3 to 1
>they charge at us
>ohhlordsaveme.scribe
>suddenly they stop
>they are stuck in mud
>draw back my bow and begin firing
>they cant run
>fuck them up hardcore
>go home victorious and nail the bar wench in the stables

sounds comfy tbdesu

Wenches love bowman because we have strong fingers.

Oreru orembo'e katu ne'amba roupitiy'i aguâ.

>be me noble born
>literally macaroni
>avoid drafts and military service as we (other high born bois) head off to various palaces and cities in evrope to train our musical skills
>bang hot thicc women with their parent's consent
>go back home and steal businesses from other less noble families and reap their profit
>die fat and old having lived an amazing well traveled life.

>be me, norman viking on permission in venice
>drive out usurious merchants from venice
>Exodus 22:24 (25).bible
>Leviticus 25:36.bible
>make ITALIA great again

...

Happening!!
Louis II just drowned in mud after having his ass handed to him by mohamedans and Austria annexed what was left of Hungary !

Reminder that the Church has been infiltrated by Satan, and that the only way to get into heaven is to fight duels for Christ.

>be me
>grow up in shithole village
>father owns butchers shop
>intends on teaching me the trade and handing down the business one day
>not interested
>see kings soldiers come into town one day
>bullies beating me up
>high ranking knight scolds them and give me pep talk
>get motivated
>join army with hopes of rising through the ranks and seeing many new and exciting things
>endure training regimens and excell in every way
>war breaks out with neighboring kingdom
>this is it, my first real battle
>formation
>there i am front and center
>thirsty for blood and honor
>here
>we
>go
>opening wolly
>arrow hits me under left eye
>fall to ground with final thoughts reminiscing fondly of my little “shithole” village
>mfw

>be me vikang
>fool around with scandi cuties growing up
>get on a boat
>land on big island
>fuck up some anglos
>take some slave wenches
>go raid some more britons
>go raid ireland find a celtic cutie
>go back to daneclaw
>start a farm in mercia
>comfy

>be me
>be Welsh farmer
>help my father farm sheep every day for my local lord, Rhys ab Anarawd ap Rhodri ap Llywelyn ap Dafydd ap Siôn ap Iago
>after a long hard day, I go to the local village centre and play on the crwth to impress some lasses
>soundthehorn.jpeg
>tens of thousands of ugly, pasty Anglo inbreds cross the border (for absolutely no reason other than insecurity over their tiny cocks), commanded by their French overlords
>me and the lads pick up a few pitchforks
>singlehandedly kill thousands of heavily armed Anglo soyboys
I just wanted to fuck sheep

Sons of Norway Salute (You)

ouch!

>wake up in empty castle
>look out of the window
>nobody in sight
>relax
>wake up
>I'm actually a peasant living in the woods
>maybe in another life..

>be me in Roman Byzantine Empire
>be literate

Being a king would be absolute AIDS, having to keep all your subject noblemen happy and listen to the complaints of your retarded peasants. Being a freeman or a knight would be good.
Best thing for anybody to be in medieval times would be a monk or priest.

I don't want to be a king I just want to live alone in a big castle in the middle of nowhere but sadly dreams don't come true

>Be me
>Dutch medieval writer
>Write an epic poem
>Main character is a murderous fox called Reynaerde who keeps outsmarting his opponents
>Story mocks every class in medieval society (clergy, nobility and peasants)
>Clergy are greedy and not even celibate, obscure reference to Catholic monks having gay sex with each other.
>One pastor in the story gets his dick bitten off by a cat
>Nobility portrayed as greedy and stupid
>Peasants are stupid and vulgar
>Moral: everybody is only looking out for himself
Feelsgoodman.jpg

>be poet, one of millions in city
>try to reconcile religious strictures with cultural degeneracy, in verse
>hear Aurangzeb's fucking shit up at the capital, killing all his brothers and trying to replenish the treasury
>Mahmoud rushes in, "royal patronage is kill"
>"No"
>get conscripted in war against Persians
>die along with millions of my useless poet brethren as the Persians waltz in and loot our palaces for the 6th time
>Be glad sons are enrolled in merchant-training for the goras from the west

>Medieval pol
>Aurangzeb
>Who died in 1707
?

>cuckstrianity rule
Disgusting, if the christian dark ages could be wiped from history thst would be good only like 1000 years.

substitute with Babar if you want to be pedantic

>Be me
>Farmer
>Traveller says can he stay the night
>I kill him in his sleep and make it look like a accident
>I now legally own his possessions
>Lol how do you wagecucks even live?

> tfw masteref space-flight while white folk struggled to comat gout.

>Christian Dark Ages wiped from history
Yeah, it's too bad history couldn't have turned out
Like this.