You have 5 seconds to be as white as you can

You have 5 seconds to be as white as you can

No cheat
5,4,3 ...

I know who my dad is

I'm a productive member of society.

*sends medical supplies to third world shithole*

Water is my favorite alcohol

Donates to charity

*buys beanie baby*
This is surely a great investment.

Fucking nice.
We only have regularly salted.
Is this even a real thing, the lightly salted variety? I'd buy it.

>Tips and goes to work on time.

I pay for what I consume.

I'm getting replaced.

Shoot up schools

I will complain about everything

The idea of my wife having sex with other men is appealing to me.

I worry that my whiteness is offending those who are not white.

Hey, dad, how was your day at work?
School? I am doing well, but we can talk after we eat mom's dinner.

i know my parents, am educated, have a job.

They don't expect you to pay.
They actually want to pay so as to make you their bitch and avoid the possibility of sex as future payment.

me

I actually have a bag with at least 30 of those things from when I was a kid.

"BAZINGA"

...

I go on Sup Forums while at my job to complain about niggers who are probably banging my wife.

I also pretended to like Black Panther to my friends and co workers.

YOU ARE A FUCKING WHITE MALE

Video games are my favorite.

I am terrified of black people

FPBP

I've got boxes of those things in my parents attic. My family was obsessed with buying every single one. Those worth anything now?

fpbp

Women offering to pay is a signal to not waste your time trying to escalate that night or to even proposition a second date.

Got into school based on merit

My goodness, this toothpaste is spicy