A religious man who lost his religion.
A nationalist who lost his nation.
A man who lost his manhood.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Once you understand the banality of life there is no going back. Like a curtain has been lifted to reveal the dark underbelly of existence, something that was in front of you the entire time but you ignored in favor of superficiality. Once upon a time you found joy and pleasure in the company of your friends, going out to drink and dance and have meaningless sex, watch the latest super-hero movie and therize and chatter about the latest episode of your favourite Netflix series. That life, it seems, was a dream. An illusion that gave you a sense of false meaning, a false sense of belonging when you were as lonely as you are now. Now, that you have realised the banality of it all, it has become a chore to even watch a movie or engage in any activity you once found pleasurable and entertaining. It holds no meaning. There is no depth to any of it. You find it all repugnant.
Work is no good, spending 40 hours a week in an office in front of a screen and pretending to care about your company's profit is not just physically tolling but mentally exhausting. The daily grind alienates me from the society around me a little more everyday.
Why are my collegues so cheerful? Why do they keep inviting me to the after-work pub visit or their volleyball game? I have no interest in interacting with anyone.
Why continue my engineering degree if this is what life will be, day in, day out?
Why do we exist? Is it worth to continue existing at all if we can't answer the question of why we exist?
It seems like there is nothing worth experiencing. All that remains is angst, despair and the bewilderment at the absurdity of it all.
Life goes on.
