ITT: write lines that sound like modern editorial/news headlines

ITT: write lines that sound like modern editorial/news headlines

I'll start

>I was raped by a millionaire and I absolutely loved it. Here's why that's a problem.

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>I came across a thread that someone though was going to be a good idea. Here's why that person is a faggot.

>Disparity in birth-sex ratios shows that America hasn't really come that far.

>I came across a thread that was both retarded and gay. Here is why I replied.

>Mom, I made it again!

>How good customer service is bad for minorities.

>In the age of Trump, do Yiffers REALLY deserve to burn on hell?

>Why more minorities entering the workforce is really a throwbacl to slavery

>Borders are racist, unless you are African

>PROOF: Mars is racist.

>I shot a man trying to rape me. I deserve to be in jail.

>PROOF: all men are born racist and rapists.

>how to combat toxic maturity

>Trees: theu dont know what race is and why thats a problem

Heres 10 reasons why every Conversation needs to devolve into calling someone Hitler, A Nazi, bringing up slavery, or the Holocaust. #3 will make you love blacks again.

>Is your remote control sexist? Spoiler: Yes it is!

>What you need to know about transracial people

>Eggs: the silent killer.

>Is your husband a cheater? Spoiler: he is and why you dont have to feel bad about murdering him

>Why you should have a puppy not a baby

>Yes, Judaism is an ethnic supremacist religion, but heres why you must accuse the goyim of supremacist belief at every turn

>Trump "I'm the best thing that could happen to Israel"

>This live stream of a cat on a telephone pole is fucking incredible

definitely written by a 24 year old woman called Brooke

>On the Origin of Whites by Means of Slave Selection, or the Extermination of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life, and Why it's Good to Hate Them

>Does your cat make toooooo muuuuuuch noise?!?!

Bezos rapes me 10 hours a night 4 nights a week. Here's 8 reasons why he's innocent.

"Yes, this country will turn into a shithole (and that's a good thing)"
or
"[obviously bad thing] will happen, but [positive affirmation]".

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>Minority racist sexist homophobe why Islamophobe and slavery here

>why background checks are racist when hiring new employees

>8 reasons why Mohammed, blessed be his name in the kingdom of heaven and may he strike down the infidel Jew(but not really, they pay me to write this), would impeach Drumpf

I always have to read them in my head with the voice of a metropolitan gay because they somehow write that way.

>Yes, Donald Trump literally just said ______!

>They said I was Hitler but all I wanted to do was gas the Jews with my love. I just wanted to love them to death.

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>immigration is needed so that we can empower the previously oppressed people at the hand of the white man.

>Big Black Cock and You: 8 Reasons why Wh*tebois are FINISHED

>My rape was recorded, this is how I directed it.

I'm unironically working on a text to speech AI trained by Milo's voice. Maybe I should put it to use reading huffpost.

>There are no Genders: And it's a good thing.

>We Need to Talk About the Rise in Use of Chinese Second Hand Furniture Supply Image Boards

>We tried shooting a fully semi-automatic AR-15 and concluded that no one should own any sort of military weapon alike.

>Here's why you owe reparations

>All white men are literally Hitlers and why my buttplug is a sign of privilege

win

>...and Why That's a Good Thing
FTFY, and checked

Checked

Checked faggot

Too much sex? Why being a slut who opens her legs for anything persistent enough is a good thing (and you should ream out your holes, too)

Lindsay Shekikelburg

>Style: The vasectomy is out; Castration is in.

>how to combat toxic maturity
This is one I expect in the near future

>Feminists decided 2+2 doesn't equal 4 anymore

include me in the screen shot

Attached: cantwellMilkCock.jpg (297x169, 24K)

>Alphabet Company solves gender wage pay gap by arbitrarily giving all female employees more money. There is still hope for America.

Checked

>this season of [name of Netflix show] is exactly what we need right now in Donald Trump's America

Why there are 5 lights (and what can we do about those who say there are 4)

>I had consensual sex with a white man for the purposes of reproduction. And that's not OK

>Why sexual preferences for race are racist

>Here's why you are automatically racist if your a white male

>Not attracted to transgenders? Here's why you might be trans-phobic

>Why mass immigration is a good thing for the economy and

>How black men and women are empowering the oppressed

You know whats scary? These are real. I have seen them before but can't find them (probably deleted from backlash). If i can remember they come from The Guardian, BBC, Vice, and Buzzfeed.

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What does "checked" mean?

Attached: chad_nationalism.jpg (259x194, 6K)

fucking kek

Bestiality: Netflix and chilling with your pet

Back to plebbit with you

>10 Things Men Need to Realize If We Want to Move Forward

>Internet psychopaths posting racist frogs and the era of Donald Trump