This game is fucking magic

>be me
>375 lbs
>literal 1/10, if I were to make a for and against column of my looks the only thing in the for column would be the fact that I can stand and walk on two legs
>want to play Pokemon go, but social anxiety and no friends
>go out exclusively at the dark hours of the morning, 4:30-6 to play
>get lonely
>decide I want friends to play game with
>go on dating site with headline that reads something gay like "Team Valor Only >:)"
>create profile with express intent of friend zoning myself to have someone to talk to and play Pokemon go with
>cutie answers my message
>we wind up walking around the park at midnight catching pokemon and getting gyms
>no expectations
>wind up having sex in the park
>holyshit.jpg
>think this is a once in a lifetime girl, need to wife her immediately
>wind up repeating the same thing with 4 different girls since the game launch

It's fucking crazy. I love this game.

>cutie
Sure user

it was a qt 3.14 without the qt.

most likely though you're full of shit and still a virgin

She might not be a 10 but she's better than I ever dreamed I could do

Considering the weight on you, you did fine

Same

Isn't that Meg Turney?

>obvious slut
>"I NEED TO WIFE THIS GIRL"

kys yourselves self

no her name starts with a z

...

did you see his weight though beggars cant be choosers

I'd CuBone her.

Well this seems like the new shill tactic
>look I played normie go and laid taylor swift

This is bullshit, but I'll believe it.

Yeah no girls like that do not sleep with obese men just because they play pokemon, are you retarded?

cant you faggots be happy for your fellow Sup Forums guy?

you did well, son.

>kissless virgin
>too skinny to have confidence, but too hopeful to be desperate

>be me
>500 pound retard with elephantitis
>play pokemon go
>aphrodite descends from the heavens and gives me a blowjay
>epicwin.jpg
You guys should play this game, play this game now, you guys should give money to this game, play my game PLAY MY FUCKING GAME

>team valor

you deserved each other

>live in small town
>game doesn't seems to play well
Fug

>be me
>375 lbs
>literal 1/10 white male
>put "patiently waiting for No Man's Sky" in my dating profile
>purple haired glasses wearing fish face messages me
>well whatever sex is sex
>she chops my dick off for being a white male
>now I weigh 374lbs and have no dick

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE NORMIES GET OUT OF MY Sup Forums REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>one pound dick
Holy shit, how fucking big would it even need to be

nice fake blog

And I'm sure she'd love you posting her on here
What dating site, user?

One pound cock holy shit

>375 lbs
>social anxiety and no friends
>having casual sex with this girl

Come on bro you could have at least made your story a little believable

>team mystic dating site
>girl comes by, has blue hair and has a beret even though its july
>talks about her obscure avant garde music
>we later proceed on taking valor gyms and listen to the residents
>just another day on the life of a team mystic player

>1 pound dick

Or you can just lose weight and aim for better standards.

>tfw lost 50 pounds

>their dicks don't weigh one pound
lmao

>his dick weighs only one pound
LOL

How old are you, user? I need to try this shit, but I'm kinda old (mid 30s)

What site, OP?

>1 lb dick

>all these faggots who think casual sex is hard
There are a ton of cuties out there that want a quick dicking, but don't have the time for romancing.

Some retard was running through my neighborhood playing this gay ass pokemon game and he tripped and fell and basically split his head open.
Chasing a virtual monster

I feel like Im living in a parody of the real world.

>normal "sex is everything" fags
Not even once,

>Decide to download it
>See that a nearby park is a Poke'Stop
>Get there to find about 6 people already standing around
>Everyone looks inconspicuous, as if to prove they're not there for Pokemon
>Can't get close enough without them noticing me and getting the spoils
>Walk home and delete app

>be me
>400lbs
>Want to play Pokemon go but social anxiety and no friends
>Go out exclusively at the dark hours of the morning
>Get a 10k egg
>Oh my god
>Start walking, don't stop
>Sweat pouring down my back and front, dripping onto my phone. Thankfully its water resistant
>Waddle a good 7k, have to take a breather, so I sit down
>No idea where I am in. Some park I've never been in
>See a group of black gentleman moving along the path
>Not being a racist, I don't worry
>They stop when they see me
>Raise their phones at me
>"WAZ UP SNORLAX"
>I start to cry
>"YO WES JUST PLAYIN"
>Get up and start waddling quickly back the way I came
>They quick walk upto me
>"YO DONT BE LIKE THAT WE PLAYIN"
>I stop and say its fine, Im not mad
>"GIVE ME YOUR PHONE"
>Oh Im being robbed now
>Give them my phone
>"YO THANKS SNORLAX"
>They leave, I waddle home
>Mom hits me for losing my phone
>Never go outside again

Now get fit and impregnate her.

Jesus, Iggy looks like an alien wearing Iggy. He looks like someone left him out in the sun too long and he started to melt.

Someone needs to tell the droopy bugger that shirts are a thing.

good blog post

would read again the imaginary adventures of user

upvoted ;)

>375 lbs
>literal 1/10
>have sex with cuties while out playing pokemon go
gr8 b8 m8

TODAY ON : THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPENED

OP you are such a colossal faggot.
You disgust me.

we dindu nuffin Snorlax
WE WU KANGZ after all

>be me
>be literal 7/10
>play Pokemon GO
>don't fuck anyone

WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW

Kings take what they want.

KANGUSKANGZ MUH NUGGER?

>be me
>typical scrawny nerd with no friends
>playing pokemon go
>chase a scyther to this old industrial park
>jump a fence to catch it
>while I'm walking around I get bitten by a spider
>start to feel a bit ill
>go home and sleep it off
>turns out it was a radioactive spider
>now I have spider powers

I never thought this kind of thing could happen but it did.

>be me
>install Pokemon Go
>realize that to actually catch pokemon I have to go out of the house
>literally no other reason to go out
>uninstall app
Seriously if a fucking phone game is the main reason you leave the house you're even more pathetic than me. And I'm really pathetic.

>Download new app everyone can't stop talking about
>turn it on
>nothing on map
>walk a mile or so
>nothing on map
>remember I live in middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania
>delete app
>start new save file on White 2
Could have been a worse day.

> Be me
> ....?

Just remember that with great power comes great responsibility user. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go pick up some milk from the drug store

> Be Be
> :D

> be me
> do big boy poo poo
> mummy comes in to wipe my bot bot
> i accidentally fart a little on her hand

this

>be me
>bee
>get stung
Shit

>Try out Pokemon Go for the first time
>Screen lights up and a powerful vortex pulls me into the smartphone
>I was transported to a faraway land
>Into the world where monsters rule
>I played the game like an ace
>Now we're in this place
>To save the monsters from the evil Moo

>be me
>be 500 lbs 4 foot tall man-ball
>10/10, completely spherical
>roll on down to the park
>struggle with my nubs to get my phone out
>whip out Pokemon GO
>try to catch a dratini
>some 10/10 cuties see my perfect roundness and start grinding against me
>they make me accidentally drop my phone, try to pick it up
>I fall over and start rolling down the hill
>smash into the babes who get stuck to me
>bowl over some other people who were trying to catch dratini and they get stuck too
>pick up speed and rip up a few trees that also get stuck
>careen down onto the street and start smashing into cars, the cars get stuck in the branches of the trees
>I'm an uncontrollable mess and more people and objects keep getting stuck to me, why won't anyone help
>a little boy catches up to me and starts pushing me around
>naaaa na na na na na na na na katamari damacy

Almost positive this is a real level from the second game.

Lmao

...

Man when you think about it, there's some really fucking weird people on Sup Forums.

PoF

>Uni friends starts playing Pokemon Go
>Guy I kinda know starts hitting on a girl talking about catching Pokemon together, wants to hang out with her
>I get bored of it on the second day, go back to Facebook and Spotify
>They hang out a bit, catch some mons
>I bang her after I invite her out to a nightclub and both of us drinking and drugging heavily
>He's still trying to catch a Squirtle with her

Sorry Chris.

I wish this was true

>>wind up having sex in the park

wow dude life is on the up!

lmao

not really, i mean, at least they have a reason to go out which you don't by not playing the game.

Why would you fuck Taylor Swift, do you fuck tables too?

I'm happy for you user. Just proves that anyone can find love, il buy your game

REEEEEEE

>your fellow Sup Forums guy?

so cringey

you suck at lying op

>le cringey xD
>le pepe
>still fucking bumps it anyway
i want reddit cancer to leave

>he doesn't fuck tables

>be me
>wife her

>>>/reddit/

>he thinks >Be me is a reddit thing
fuck off newfag lurk before posting