What games would Jesus play?

What games would Jesus play?

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Five Nights at Freddys

FUCKERRRRRRR

LOL

Shin Megami Tensei.

Sim City
Tetris

The Binding of Isaac

Hatred

Billy Graham's Bible Blaster.

Battlefront II

> When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
>For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

Jesus says he put away childish things, which includes games.

Winemaker Simulator but he'd cheat the whole time

Halo 3 custom games.

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Undertale

Igarashi-era Castlevania.

I love Jack Chick comics.

Bayonetta

>They've sent in the supers!
Fucking kek

...

WE

What makes games childish? The fact that children can enjoy them?
Children also enjoy jokes, food, pets and music

I'm not taking life advice from a fucking jew

Paul wouldn't be a Jew if he didn't follow the Jewish law.

Helios ending

Dune 2: Battle for Arrakis

WUZ

youtube.com/watch?v=faiDYdy6MYQ

Someone was putting this and a few others on tables at the local flea market.

...

South Park: The Stick of Truth, he's in it after all.

>upside-down cross
>satanic

Oh, I guess SAINT PETER is Satantic to Jack then. Because he requested being crucified upside-down because he thought himself unholy to die the same way as his lord

>LOTR
>story written by a fervently devout christian man
>satanic

FATHERSS, SONSZZ nd HOLY SPIRITZ N SHIEEEEEET

Tolkien was Catholic. Jack would hate him because he's fundementalist and has often said Catholics are secretly satanists

it's "a mirror, darkly"

>Proddies
Not even once.

It's fun that there's still someone in this world who's such a fundie that everyone, religious or atheist, can make fun of.

It's real? Jesus I thought someone on Sup Forums made it. It looks like a parody of itself.

...

>he doesn't know

Oh man, you are in for a treat.

Look up Chick Tracts. This dude is legit crazy, he is in reality what atheists like to say christians are in exaggeration.

>Warhammer not on the list
Thanks man I'm glad we understand each other.

People always use Corinthians. Some of the most asinine shit from the bible comes from Corinthians.

How the fuck is cyberpunk Satanic? It has nothing to do with religion inherently.

This the most misinterpreted verse of all time next to the one about queers. It's about fucking faith and worship not making fun of people who do things you don't like which is why most people use this verse

Love

For Chick, if it's not 100% in line with his insane version of Christianity, it's nothing but pure evil.

Man, this guy is batshit.

>Unless you become like a little child, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Jesus was telling us to be manchildren. Did you think the Christian board meme was a joke?

Jack Chick is one of those special people that you could be the biggest fedora tipper in the world and Sup Forums still wouldn't bat an eye at you for making fun of him. He's just that nuts.

Minecraft on peaceful.

But didn't Saint Peter desire to be crucified upside down? Wouldn't that render the whole upside-down crucifix being satanic false?

>But didn't Saint Peter desire to be crucified upside down?

Yes. He thought it would be wrong to die the same way Christ did.

Never expect Jack to do the research. In one of the tracts about the Catholic Church, Chick claims that Martin Luther read the Bible and discovered that the bread and wine of communion are only symbols, not the actual thing. While it is true that Martin Luther rejected the Catholic belief that bread and wine are transformed into the actual body and blood of Jesus, he also made it quite clear that they were not mere symbols, instead urging followers to believe the body and blood are present and embrace it as a mystery beyond human understanding.

Dude, just don't try. The internal inconsistencies is too many to measure.

Hit submit too soon, was going to say that he says in a tract God will cause untold death and suffering on innocents because Chick thinks their nation wronged Israel and/or the Jews at some point in their history. He then states that Jesus will personally save Israel during the Apocalypse and will damn all the people who live in nations who have ever (in Chick's mind) wronged Israel and the Jews to hell... yet he explicitly states that the Jews are all damned to hell for not believing in Jesus and killing him on the cross. The implication here being that Jesus wants no harm to come for the Jews because he wants to send them to hell personally. Chick, like a lot of fundamentalists, wants Israel to keep existing so Armageddon can happen there.

I'm not the biggest fan of Jews, but that's really fucked-up mindset to give Jesus.

Hey guys, Jesus Christ here. I play Minecraft, modded Morrowind, and I play a Holy Paladin on WoW, Stormreaver EU.

Thanks for taking an interest in my personal side, you guys are cool.

P.S. Hell is just something I made up to keep people from being savages to one another, you can actually do whatever you want and still get into heaven.

God-Tier games, obviously.

>UN logo
>Hippie logo
>Crash Relic
lol
>snake around the staff
I thought that was a thing from Exodus, you know, when everyone got poisoned and had to touch the snake that was coiling around Moses' staff

>LOTR
>twilight films
>harry potter
oh, it's bait

>Send everyone from every nation that wronged the Jews in the past to hell
>and then the Jews burn too
That's some shit right there.

>I thought that was a thing from Exodus, you know, when everyone got poisoned and had to touch the snake that was coiling around Moses' staff

It's from Greek Mythology actually.

>oh, it's bait

It's not. Have you never heard of Jack Chick?

He kinda looks like Max Von Sydow playing Jesus in Greatest Story Ever Told

Postal 2

It's not bait.
Jack Chick is 100% serious about this.

Civilization...

No, who is Jack Chick?

Super 3D Noah's Ark

The man we all can make fun of. Christian, muslim, jew, atheist, agnostic, whatever. We all take potshots at the looney.

underrated

That'd be nice.

An insane man who has created a headcanon for Christianity that is more Fire and Brimstone than the Old Testament itself.

So basicaly the Christian Chris-Chan?

Fundamentalist Christian Chris-chan

This really says it all about him
badwebcomicswiki.shoutwiki.com/wiki/Jack_Chick_Tracts

Speaking of Fire and Brimstone

Is anyone glad that God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah? Usually I see people going JOB DINDU NUFFIN or PHARAOH DINDU NUFFIN and yet God destroyed an entire city because his angels couldn't find at least 10 good folk among the Sodomites

Fuck yeah he would. That game is fun as shit.

Ok but Job actually DIDN'T do anything. That's the point, he was a good honest person who didn't do anything to actually deserve his punishment, thus the perfect example to test faith with.

DOOM

The first thing the people of Sodom and Gomorrah ask of Lot is that he give his guests over to them so they can rape them.
They were pretty objectively bad people.

The Sims. But hes no cheapie. Complete collection 1 and 2 and not 3 because its shit.

>Hippie logo

I don't know whether to laugh or be horrified at it, either way I'm sad that they didn't include that in the 1962 film

>have cross
>accidentally turn it over
Whelp, guess I gotta destroy it now.

nigger quest 3
fried chicken and god bless america

The original, full, uncut Spore.

San Andreas.

4 lyfe

And he's the only one that has it

Both cities are basically made up of sinners and like he said, objectively bad people, with the exception of Lot and his family. So angels come and say God's going to destroy the city and Lot tries to save it by seeing if he could find a few good people living there besides him. He can't, and a mob collects outside his house saying to send the guests (angels) out so they can rape and kill them (it's not explicitly said like this but it's more or less that). Lot instead says to take his daughters first and spare the guests. Can't remember if his daughters actually go outside or not though. But then they escape and God sends fire and brimstone down to destroy the cities then the whole thing with the pillar of salt. Not really surprised they left out some of that, the movie is probably pretty old.

I don't think the inverted cross started that way but satanists latched onto the symbol. It originally comes from one of the saints wanting to be crucified upside down because he didn't think he was worthy of dying the same way as Jesus.

my nigga

>Jesus is the only one that owns a copy of the Zelda beta, the uncut version of Crash Twinsanity and Half Life 3
>He also owns The Thief and the Cobbler Director's Cut, Uncensored Fist of the North Star 1986 film and the Original Cut of The Dark Crystal on blu-ray

They're on his tomb in Rome for God's sake.

>Uncensored Fist of the North Star 1986 film

I have that, it's just in beyond shit quality.

Actually the film is pretty competent at hinting that Sodom and Gomorrah were degenerate shitholes, not only that but the destruction scenes at the end of the film are pretty nice, the problem is that the story is pure schlock.

Saints Row. Any of them.

Hey, the Lord is full of surprises.

>Deus vult

Animal crossing

>Max Von Sydow
If you don't look up a picture to compare sure..

all they have in common is the hair

How do you fuck up storing the negatives this much

Would Jesus be a cool guy to play video games with?

Super 3D Noah's Ark