Witcher Stories Thread

>be me
>Witcher
>going into Novigrad
>beggar asks for some coin
>"Sod off this is my spot"
>walk away confused
>whore beckons me
>"Not for all the gold in Novigrad"
>walk away confused
>see elven girl being harassed
>help her out
>she gets pissed and tells me we are all the same
>mfw

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youtube.com/watch?v=A1ZmTEtLs8A
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>buy the witcher 3
>low fantasy trash
>boring
>geralt controls like a truck even in alternate
>combat is 50 million kinds of fucked up
>uninstall

>be me
>get contract to kill some buxa from village chief
>chief's daughter offering herself to me
>fuck her
>go hunt buxa
>follow red ste- I mean witcher instincts
>find bruxa
>fuck bruxa
>kill bruxa
>go back to village
>chief's wife welcomes me, he's not home
>fuck chief's wife
>chief finally comes back
>complains about price
>"pay up pal i'm not running a charity here"
>he pays
>find his daughter on the edge of the village
>fuck her again
>"will you come back?"
>"sure"
>go to next village
>repeat
Sometimes this profesion is not so bad.

>low fantasy

nigger it's high as fuck, did you miss the dwarves and elves and supernatural creatures everywhere?

>Go to Novigrad
>Priests and Hunters hate my guts
>Got a mission to find a mass murderer
>turns out to be done by a crazy Priest and a vampire witch hunter in autopsy
>They STILL call me a monster

Religion was a mistake

>be me, master Witcher
>looking for work
>find a notice board
>see a contract nailed to it that requests my help by name
>"this must be something huge"
>meet with the the people.
>there have been numerous reports of wailing and shrieking, not unlike that of damned souls, originating from somewhere in the woods.
>I interupt them halfway through their story to bring up the matter of compensation
>they tell me that all they can offer are their daughters.
>imokaywiththis.jpg
>wait until Nighttime and investigate using my highly honed Witching senses
>with them, I'm fully capable of centering in on the incredibly loud wails that literally everybody else in the world could hear.
>come upon an upon grove and my eyes widen
>a small army of succubi, practicing their arts on eachother, no doubt training themselves for their inevitable sexy war on humans.
>so that wut the noises
>one spots me. I'm quickly surrounded.
>their leader chimes in
>"Looks like we have a live toy to practice on. I hope you're prepared to be fucked to death, fool!"
>I raise my chin in confident arrogance before replying
>"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"
>four days later, the final succubus collapses from exhaustion
>she meekly mutters "h-how did you...?"
> As I lace my trousers, I glance over shoulder at her and her 68 unconscious sisters
>"I'm Geralt of fucking Rivia."

Geralt can't even keep up with Yen, you think he could do that?

>read the books before playing the games
>think they're decent genre fiction but besides the first two aren't anything special
>end up enjoying the games far less than I likely would have otherwise because Ciri and Yen were my favourite parts and they're both absent for the first two and their characterizations are fucked up in 3

Geralt was also kinda shit compared to the books in the first game and I wasn't fond of how I was forced into romancing Triss or Shani/banging Triss in 2.

They really aren't even "decent". It's a bunch of Sword of Truth tier fetish fantasy.

I cringed.

I fucked a she-elf once.

I've read enough truly bad fantasy novels and short stories to feel confident in saying that the first two are at least okay and the rest are decent.

It might be mostly in comparison to the 95% of the genre which is fucking awful, but still - I mostly enjoyed the books.

>Be me
>Witcher
>Last act of Witcher 3 main story
>mfw how shitty it is

The Wild Hunt/White Frost story was so fucking garbage. It should've just focused on her, the Emperor, and the war.

>be me
>Witcher
>pressing 2 buttons
>win a boss fight
>mfw

youtube.com/watch?v=A1ZmTEtLs8A

They should have stuck with Avallac'h betraying Ciri, once they changed that all went to shit, the conflict with Eredin became pointless because Avallac'h and Ida Emean were the only fucking elves that somehow knew she was the chosen one all along, then why the fuck did that cuck elf hide that fact and cause so much fucking death because of his fetish for that bitch?

And why the fuck did that bitch not go for the White Frost much earlier to get Eredin off her ass for a while?

Holy fuck the last act is so fucking shit.

I almost feel bad for pirating but they want $50 for the game and I just don't have it

I'll never understand this.
They made the game DRM-free.
Why would you ever pay for it?
$50 will you the same .exe as the one you pirated.

Because maybe we want Cyberpunk 2077 to actually come out

>be me, witcher
>gf tells she wants to visit some town in the middle of nowhere
>we get she immediately leaves to meet a friend
>comes home late
>leaves early agin
>this for the next few days
>decide to meet this friend to ask whats up with that
>he says they've been fucking since she got there
>ask her about it
>she confirms, says she knew they would fuck if she came there
>she says I can leave if I want
>I don't
>decide to challenge the other guy to a duel to the death

If you pirate a DRM-free game, then you should kill yourself considering those fucking polack pieces of shit are the only remaining dev that supports DRM-free gaming as GOG is owned by them.

It's a matter of principle, are you tired of DRM and Denuvo? You buy their game to make a statement, will that statement work? No, but it is a choice you make.

Keep in mind I despise CDPR for decisions they made lately, so I am not a shill for them.

What game did you play?

The game of Yennefer

Istredd was a decent guy all things considered, too bad he fell in love with an Ice Queen bitch.

Sad, him and Geralt were both cucks. I wonder why did the author start the uncucking route with Ciri then dropped it the next book.

Because good old sapek wanted to write teenage fapfic scenes relating to Ciri instead.

>Gets raped by another teenage woman
>A guy dies on her tits
>An old cannibal almost rapes her then eats her afterwards

Quality writing there.

>saves Ciri from rape
>rapes her the next moment
I had no face.

>Ciri loves Mistle!

Are those The Professors glasses? Like, from the first game?

The exact ones, yes, sold at an auction house in HoS expansion.

Time for me to scrounge up dosh for the DLC then