Why Does Nintendo Keep Giving Gamers What They Don’t Want?

Holy shit, a good Cracked article for once.

>Nintendo doesn't understand how humans work. And if they don't figure it out soon, I fear that they're going to become the next Atari in the console wars. Seriously, try to put the fanboy bullshit aside and really look at that video and tell me I'm wrong when I say ...

>That's what this new system is: You go out and buy a console that you can take with you. That is such a situation-specific idea. It worked for the PSP and Game Boy because those were phone-sized systems that could fit in your pocket, and came out in an era when phones weren't capable of playing real games. You bought one in order to shut yourself off from the rest of the world on a long trip or while spending an afternoon with your terrifyingly racist grandmother. That's not the case anymore.

>It boils down to Nintendo thinking, "They like mobile games? That means they must love tiny screens!" No, you fucking idiots. We only play on tiny screens because it fits in our pocket on a device we already have with us.

>Nintendo didn't realize until after hundreds of TVs and human heads were being destroyed that the Wii Remote would go shooting out of the player's hands unless they came with straps to literally tie them to one's wrist. That's a pretty fundamental thing to overlook. It shows a clear misunderstanding of how human creatures operate. With this new console, the remotes are so small that there is zero chance they won't be lost. It's hard enough to just keep track of your TV remote (seriously, go try to find yours right now -- I bet half of you can't), but these things are barely bigger than cigarette lighters. Half of them will end up under car seats, stuck inside the couch, under beds ... if there is a Hell, it will be full of lost guitar picks, ink pens, and Nintendo Switch controllers.

cracked.com/blog/its-finally-obvious-nintendo-doesnE28099t-understand-humans/

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A cynical approach but I agree.

The idea is something novel on paper but it's impractical.

I would love to see a "home" version of the switch which doesn't have the stupid mobile functionality and is literally just a cheaper version home console only.

I wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo releases that at some point.

Ah, great. More clickbait.

so what happen to Mario run app?

>The idea is something novel on paper but it's impractical.
Couldnt you achieve the exact same thing as the Switch by making a dedicated handheld with nonshit controls and allowing it to be plugged to TVs via HDMI or whatever? The whole stand thing seems so pointless.

then dont take it with you outside

I think it comes out soon on iOs and sometimes later for android

people don't really know what they want

giving them what they never knew they wanted makes them suck your dick forever

henry ford is an example of this but it feels really fucking inappropriate to compare the switch to that but hwatever

boards.fireden.net/v/search/text/"good Cracked article"/

I do like the idea of a unified console so i have all games in one systems

the control does look awkward but only a fucking idiot would lose it

>It's hard enough to just keep track of your TV remote (seriously, go try to find yours right now -- I bet half of you can't)
Is he pulling stats out of his ass

Nobody really knows what they want, if you had asked people before the invention of automobiles what they wanted out of transportation they would've said faster horses.

You can't innovate without taking risks and possibly fucking up horribly. If this is a hit you can expect a fuckload of knockoff bullshit just like the move/kinect the last time Nintendo didn't have a flunker of an idea.

nice

I find the "fit in your pocket" argument so odd. The PSP was by no means an easy fit, and I see the size of tablets isn't stopping kids and adults from hauling them everywhere to play games/dick off.

I think the the advertising and initial selling price are really what's going to make or break it. So far it's showing it can do better than the Wii-U advertising wise but whether or not it can continue that trend?

Who knows.

>cracked
>actual link, no pastebin
Fuck right off.

>spending an afternoon with your terrifyingly racist grandmother
What did he mean?

>while spending an afternoon with your terrifyingly racist grandmother
Sad to say, I was actually taking them seriously until that part

>listening to the opinion of a man who thinks Nintendo never had a good controller
>says the NES controller hurts his baby hands

>not using pastebin

Shill. Clickbait,

>terrifyingly racist grandmother
Hahah oh Cracked! Never change!

Am I crazy or did the original gameboy actually not fit in your pocket? I don't remember ever putting that thing in my pockets.

People dont know what they want until they want it.

>splitscreen on a 7 inch panel

This is the funniest meme Nintendo has created.

It charges it is all I know

No, handheld goes in my backpack

>Implying the Switch isn't exactly what Japan would want

yeah...I sort of feel like the article (at least the caption I read above) is really about the merits of the system itself, when Nintendo's goal is to get the system sold.

Not that I give a shit what Nintendo's goal is exactly, but that's the point the article is arguing from. Look at Skyrim or No Man's Sky or the last Metal Gear. Get people hype and you sell shit.

Whether or not it's shit isn't even relevant these days. Make the Fallout 4 of consoles, it will sell, people don't really think anyway, who gives a shit.

>can't even write one video game article without mentioning racism or sexism somewhere

it was the size of a brick
kids didn't have wallets or phones back then, plus our pockets were deeper as was the style at the time

Have you read comments? They literally didn't give a fuck until Splatoon showed up.

>We only play on tiny screens because it fits in our pocket on a device we already have with us.

every single kid this generation owns a tablet to play mobile games

this guy is and idiot

check out this 8 though

>splitscreen on a 7 inch panel in a moving car with half a wiimote controller

old people suck lol

An iPad mini has a bigger screen than this piece.

that's not the point. The guy says that mobile games are only popular because they are available on devices that fits in our pocket when most of the kids today would rather play mobile games like minecraft on a tablet than an actual console

Either:

>BAAAWWWWW I'M A SONYGGER AND NINTENDO DID SOMETHING COOL NOW I HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT

or

>BAAAAWWWW NINTENDO DIDN'T GIVE ME A NINTENDO VERSION OF THE XBOX OR PLAYSTATION AND FURTHER STAGNATE A SHITTY MARKET NOW I HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT

Thank goodness Iam not a gamer then, because this is what I want.

Were long overdue for a HD handheld

I want it though.

>>BAAAAWWWW NINTENDO DIDN'T GIVE ME A NINTENDO VERSION OF THE XBOX OR PLAYSTATION AND FURTHER STAGNATE A SHITTY MARKET NOW I HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT
ding ding

>racist Grandma

Lol cracked

why doesnt nintendo just make a smart phone?

Yeah Nintendo is really pushing the market forward by re-branding an Nvidia Shield.

At what point will you aging losers realize that you are no longer the primary demographic ?

He's not wrong. Nintendo is selling the Switch in a market that doesn't require it anymore. The gameboy and PSPs were useful when smartphones and tablets weren't popular. Now that big screen phones and tablets are everywhere, it will be hard for Nintendo to make an argument for why you should have their product when those devices do the exact same thing and do them better.

>It worked for the PSP

did it

"What gamers want" is a Nintendo PlayStation 4. For better or for worse, Nintendo has made it clear that isn't happening. You can accept it, you can force a paradigm shift by voting with your wallet...

...or you can ineffectually piss and moan over and over on Sup Forums.

nintentard

Your mom pushed the market when she rebranded my semen into you

>That is such a situation-specific idea. It worked for the PSP and Game Boy because those were phone-sized systems that could fit in your pocket, and came out in an era when phones weren't capable of playing real games.

Phones still aren't designed for games. Running 3D games at their native resolutions drains the battery extremely fast and causes the phone to heat up to dangerous levels. Hence, this is why the Switch has a 720p screen and a fan.

Also it's worth noting that devs on Android and iOS often don't bother with physical controls since they're 3rd party controllers that will have varying degrees of success when it comes to compatibility. The simple fact of "This is tablet in which every user will have these controllers" means a lot.

>It boils down to Nintendo thinking, "They like mobile games? That means they must love tiny screens!" No, you fucking idiots. We only play on tiny screens because it fits in our pocket on a device we already have with us.

They wanted a mobile console. It's going to have a small screen.

>Nintendo didn't realize until after hundreds of TVs and human heads were being destroyed that the Wii Remote would go shooting out of the player's hands unless they came with straps to literally tie them to one's wrist. That's a pretty fundamental thing to overlook. It shows a clear misunderstanding of how human creatures operate. With this new console, the remotes are so small that there is zero chance they won't be lost. It's hard enough to just keep track of your TV remote (seriously, go try to find yours right now -- I bet half of you can't), but these things are barely bigger than cigarette lighters. Half of them will end up under car seats, stuck inside the couch, under beds ... if there is a Hell, it will be full of lost guitar picks, ink pens, and Nintendo Switch controllers.

Nintendo doesn't think you're stupid.
But you insist they treat you like you're stupid.
You are begging, pleading for them to treat you like you're stupid

>that feel when your problematic grandma died before you matured enough to treat her toxic attitude with the help of your politically correct blog followers

I miss you grandma ;-;

>Nintendo doesn't understand how humans work
What did he mean by this?

Completely false.

Smartphone sales VASTLY outweigh tablet sales.

I'll need some data that confirms your "every single kid this generation owns a tablet" comment.

Until then, you're just engaging in typical nintencuck damagecontrol

because nintendo is obsessed with chasing the fad hopper crowd because they do not want to put effort into their products or their games anymore.

they want hip trends selling their products, they want brand recognition selling their products, they want to pay someone 10 cents to manufacture a piece of plastic that they can then sell for 10 dollars.

nintendo is a soulless piece of shit that has zero passion for games. only going third party can ever make them great again.

>Phones sell more than non-phones

No fucking shit

He's wrong.

>misunderstands it
>not a handheld
>doesn't matter if it can fit in your pocket
>home console first
>you can take it with you if you want
>3DS XL is huge, sold a lot of those
>it'll have Pokemon, that's all that matters

Can likely fit a tablet in cargo pants, unless I'm very mistaken

Humans are basically the orcs of reality, since we'll always find ways to break things and do the impossible by doing the dumbest thing possible. There was some major image about Star Trek and how other races view Earth scientists as Doc Brown which would complement this situation nicely

Not to mention the article spells it out with how Nintendo didn't have the foresight about their Wii owners having the controllers fly out of their hands and adding the wristband and rubber as an afterthought to help mitigate lawsuits

>decide to speak with my wallet (down with the establishment!)
>my voice falls on dead ears because a million people loudly using their wallets made for noise than me
>nothing changes

FUCKING CAPITALISM

WAKE UP SHEEPLE

>nintendo is a soulless piece of shit that has zero passion for games
>but please go third party so I can play your games

>impfuckingplying

it's a shit article with shit analysis m8

>mfw The Switch is what I always wanted from Nintendo since the Gamecube.

>>Nintendo didn't realize until after hundreds of TVs and human heads were being destroyed that the Wii Remote would go shooting out of the player's hands unless they came with straps to literally tie them to one's wrist.
Wow, did this writer do any research? The Wii DID come with straps right from the beginning. The only change was that they started using stronger ones after people went full retard chucking them around.

the wii had the wrist straps at lauch, along with those warning signs that played before every game

people were dumb as hell and just flung the wiimote hard as shit then complained when their tvs broke, the only thing nintendo put out after was the rubber glove things that go over the wiimote

if this article was worth it's shit it would have instead mentioned nintendo thumb with the n64

>Smartphone sales VASTLY outweigh tablet sales.

That's because there's more adults in the world than kids. Why tf would a kid under 10 need a fucking cellphone with a sim card and a data plan?

But the wiimotes came with straps, they just weren't very good

The switch isn't a porotable only console

what a dumb article

If that happens, it clearly means that you are in the minority and that your voice doesn't mean shit to begin with.

>YOU SHOULD CHANGE THIS THING THAT IS MAKING YOU MONEY TO SUIT MY INTERESTS
>FUCK CAPITALISM, MEET MY NEEDS

The article is kind of silly. You could literally replace videogames with cell phones and tablets and get the same thing. As it's advertised, this seems like a bigger focus on bringing couch co-op everywhere which gives credence to it being slightly larger. Like the idea or not, it's obvious what they're going for and if people can bring tablets to fuck around with they can also bring this.

Still waiting on that evidence that EVERY kid this generation owns a tablet.

wwwwwwwWWWWOOOOAAAAA-

Meh I kinda like the idea of a professional mobile gaming device that deodorant need an entire briefcase of addons to operate. I still use my psp to this day for just odds and ends gaming.

If it ever dies I might buy a switch or a psvita as dangerous as that is to admit these days...I mean Im just a guy who likes Killzone, and I never got to play a Killzone FPS on my psp

but yeah phone games dont have the depth or quality I can get from a legit mobile gaming company like sony or nintendo. I fly alot and long flights kinda make movies and music mundane after a while, after a long enough time you realize the real time wasting is not in music or movies, but in books and games...and also any kickass snacks you can fit into carry-on.

But yeah nintendo switch could either be a neat choice for the rare few who need it like me, or I can just go to psvita and ditch my old ass original psp.

the only thing you can criticize this thing for is that nobody's actually going to sit around it with tiny controllers and play games

but it doesn't matter, the idea is solid anyway

it really makes you think huh

>"device that deodorant need an entire briefcase"
Well thats some masterful autocorrect

>cracked

Opinion discarded. I didn't click the link, but based on the stuff you pasted this person sounds like they don't even know what they're talking about.

>Being this pedantic about hyperbole
How's that autism treating you?

>tv remote
people still actually own tvs?
i haven't seen a tv in nearly 10 years now

Is cracked satire?
Like the onion?

This feels like satire

I knew it was John Cheese before checking the link OP. His gaming articles are usually good reads.

enjoy the psp all you want, i was just saying it didnt light the world on fire

>A good Cracked Article
To me, this is groundbreaking.
Give that Cheese Man a medal.

>knowing a cracked writer by name

Reddit is that way faggot.

The amount of projection makes it seem like someone from Sup Forums posted this.

>The PSP was by no means an easy fit
If you're a fag wearing skinny girl jeans or something, maybe. The PSP and Vita both fit perfectly well into any ordinary pair of trousers, even my work trousers with smaller pockets. The only reason my N3DS XL doesn't also fit is because I got a grip for it that makes it too bulky.

>Nintendo is making something I don't like
>EVERYONE MUST HATE IT TOO
Get fucked. You can dislike the switch all you want, no one gives a shit. Just don't act like you're the voice for the people.

I want them to go 3rd party at this point.

3rd party Nintendo means Zelda can be gritty again. 3rd part Nintendo means more Metroid and FZero. 3rd party Nintendo means Smash can have characters like Banjo and Katt. 3rd part Nintendo means their games are easier to mod. It means less tutorials, and dropping the kiddy image. It means high end graphics, it means no more money thrown away on shitty consoles. It means expanding the studios. It means more crossovers and collaborative works with their IP. It means more money since they're on more platforms with bigger install based than their shitty Nintendo brand ones. It means games like Smash and Splatoon FINALLY have good online.

Why the fuck don't they go 3rd party?

>afternoon with your terrifyingly racist grandmother

oh yeah I agree with you on that one, I always pictured it like seeing a kid with a sega game gear back in the days. Like touting something incredible but almost a little ahead of its time.

I just hope the psvita somehow expands or adapts all the ps2 library through ports or something. theres only about 1-5 games I care about for it, and I can only remember one right now that Id play like wild on the next flight.

not good

Any post that says "people are not interested in it" are fucking idiots, this shit was trending #1

Bitch about it being too expensive or too weak or whatever, but there's some CLEAR interest in the idea of a portable home console

Lol

Because nintendo is literally the system for cuckboys

to requote, pic related is me by the way

>Splatoon FINALLY have good online
what was wrong with Splatoon's online? It's always worked for me

god damn, yknow, its like i was thinking it, and then he said it. john cheese. cracked.com. its in the game.

This was such a weird forced thing to put in the article. It almost makes all those crazy conspiracies about the media seem not so crazy.

>Whether or not it's shit isn't even relevant these days
This is exactly what's wrong with movies nowadays, and increasingly so with games

>nd came out in an era when phones weren't capable of playing real games.
But we are still in that era. Phone games are still shit and cant play real games. The best thing they have is emulators from better consoles.

>3rd party Nintendo means more Metroid and Fzero
Nice bait

Cargo pants were popular in the 90s mother fuka!

it's in there for "humor," so you have a little flavor with your editorial. this isnt the new york times, this is cracked. entertain you a little while you read. nbd.

>BAAAAWWWW NINTENDO DIDN'T GIVE ME A NINTENDO VERSION OF THE XBOX OR PLAYSTATION

That's what the audience at large wants, not an otherwise useless slab of plastic that's only good for local multiplayer.

But this is Sup Forums, where they earnestly think that exclusives actually matter, people own PCs worth more than all consoles combined, people own more than one game system at all, and that multiplats don't count as games.

???

I like to read you mouthbreather, I pay a lot of attention to authors of everything I read. I bet you're the type of retard that thinks all news articles are written by one person on each website.