How Do You Play Ck2?

I play as a peaceful ruler of Danmark who makes more allies than enemies. Even though I'm called a " bitch " by my peers I always survive.

you're a bitch

get good bruh

I just apply the lessons learned from The Godfather

>Playing as Ireland
>Ruler conquers the territories needed to create the Kingdom
>He's too poor to do so
>Gets assassinated soon after
>Duchy falls to his one year old son, his only offspring
>He is educated by a noble, pious and highly skilled man
>Fifteen years later he comes of age
>Now a noble, pious and highly skilled man
>Wealthy enough to form Kingdom and all the duchies
>He sets out making allies, refining laws and organizing the kingdom
>His high diplomacy skill makes acquiring highly qualified minions easy
>The demands of his kingdom and his ambitions weigh on him
>Chancellor exploits corruption to expand his power and influence
>Marshall leads his armies to victory with ruthless efficiency
>Spymaster makes his would-be enemies offers they can't refuse
>Use assassinations to take out inferior claimants, including his close relatives.
>By the end of his life he is known as "the wicked"
>History remembers him as a cruel tyrant who will hopefully find absolution in the next life

"Your sins are terrible and it is just that you suffer. Your life could be redeemed but I know that you don't believe that, you will not change."

Karling blobber telling others to get good? hahaha

...

Is this game free?

Why would it be?

Cause it looks like a browser game

It's not

It's a Paradox game so that means of course it's free.

>look mom, I blobbed!

I have no idea. I've tried to get into it after playing 500 hours of EU4 and something as simple as claiming land seems super complicated

Are you me?

>you will never be this casual
Feels good man

I don't understand how you form a country in this game. Just taking over a single other province seems ridiculously complicated.

Best succession law ?

Sh-Shut up, I just don't want to bother

Tanistry.

>Blessings! Your wife is pregnant, but you thought you were away...

paranoid is the worst trait

lunatic is the best. you get to fuck a horse

cognatic gavelkind
there are no ""countries"" in the game, just titles that entitle you to hold certain land that is tied to the title. In history, the Kingdom of France and the country of France has different implications for its rules, law and other things.

I use charinfo and every time that shows up it's because you were cucked. I have killed countless wives because of that.

If you're smart, you can have horses inherit you land, then take over the world and replace humans with horses.

> tfw when wiped out an entire minor dynsasty cos i got cucked by one of them
Still cant erase the shame

>tfw going to inherit a duchy once my octogenarian mum dies
>tfw I die first and my retarded brother gets it instead

> tfw when you chad firstborn dies and your fat lazy autistic neet inherits your land

Yeah well I've played hundreds of hours of CK2 and have no idea how to play EU4. So there.

You don't form countries, you form titles. The "country" is just your realm. The actual titles are just a means of organization.

Tanisty
Then elective once you have power and prestige.
Then the one where your oldest son inherents the lot

Start as a random Duke and fight my way to the top and usually get BTFO by something or other.

Or

Shove as many mods as possible and try to remake the Roman Empire starting in Northern England

>TFW Zoroastrianism becomes a heresy n Manichaeism is legal

FUCKING NOMANDS GET OUT

Well how can I fix this?

>it's a karlings get their shit together for once campaign

I just loaded a save from ages ago and im so confused as to what the fuck i was doing

Thats probably one of the cleanest maps ive ever seen, barely any border gore, or at least in the important places

is doing a observer campaign enjoyable?

>He doesn't routinely use pollinate on every female prisoner with his retarded African jester

lmao, are you even trying?

Only with friends

Reminder that Europe itself is Makedon clay by right.

>play CK2, don't know what I'm doing
>end up playing a custom ruler on the isle on man
>don't know how to expand so I just spend my time building my bloodline for generations and getting good with my neighbours and the largest countries
>everybody loves me
>game ends and I'm still just on the isle of man

And all is well in the world.

Now do the same thing but slightly bigger. Take Sicily, Sardinia, and Corsica and don't expand past that. Hold it against all comers.

How is the whole de jure system making any fucking sense? Ayo you can't just attack this, you need a claim which says that in 400 years time this part of our island is actually part of a nation which does not even exist right now, BUT because of that it by right is part of my territory.

What.

De jure means "a state of affairs that is in accordance with law". In contrast, de facto, means "a state of affairs that is true in fact, but that is not officially sanctioned"

Basically it means that you have some sort of legal claim to the land, whether that legal claim involved some bribery and fabrication doesn't matter, you have to be able to point to some sort of reason to take something otherwise you're not working in the feudal medieval system upon which all land ownership functioned at that time.

Yes and my reason is that in the future these counties will form a duchy. You and me don't know that yet but it will be called York and it's also part of England. It's fine really now lets fight.

Incompetent kings have some done well, though.

I really need an up to date version, my latest download contains up to council and holy fuck is that awful. Knowing Paradox there have been 15 dlc and 27 patches fucking things up since then.

Are Muslims still wrecking everything?

If people like helloimarumba can fight them off while playing the one province jew on the map I'm sure you will be fine.

No, now they explode into a billion pieces

Like everywhere else

I liked messing with other nations when I was playing it. I usually had sex with a lot of my courtiers and then sent them away to marry people. Some even bore children. It was fun. To double the fun I tried to do it to most prestigious people at the time.

>>/gsg/

What? Are you saying that everyone who dislikes council is an autist? The council dlc was the worst shit they've done outside of invasion.

I think he meant go to gsg to get the most up to date version

No m8, I'm saying gsg will have all the up to date dlc and patches.

Kill your mom next time

Just hit 900 hours in 2 years. Hyped for Monks and Mystics.

I'll do my best to answer any questions for you casuals.

can I fuck other men if I play as a king or fuck women if I play as a queen?

yes

Holy Wars

If you're gay, yeah.

CKII is a good game and all but Paradox can 100% go fuck themselves with their DLC marketing strategy. It really is no wonder everyone pirates it.

if you have the homosexual trait

yup. I gladly bought the base game, but I haven't bought a single dlc since.

>there are lewd mods

here,

I once had a harem of 19 young well endowed lovers. Raised my oldest son personally and he ended up gay. We went on a military campaign together and asked if he could get some of daddy's cock. I obliged, making my son my lover. I disinherited him for his strong younger brother.

Imagine what the pope would have done if he had found out

Yeah, will have to do that, it happened again, but now I lost an entire kingdom to one of my siblings, and he couldn't even hold it for 10 years.

The Pope was my uncle and loved me for my predecessor's generosity in giving him several church holdings.

>decide I want to play as Slav pagans
>choose Raska
>those holy sites

That was a fucking disaster.

I've played a succesion of spanish monarchs who have conquered virtually all of the african parts of the map. I have also helped Jerusalem stay christian, and to grow (we've had Medina for a long time, Mecka is the next target). My goal is simply to save the kebab from spoiling

IS it possible to conquer one kingdom as a kingdom? Do you need to be an Empire before you can do that?

It is with the right claims.

here,

Say you are the king of Lithuania. You marry your son and heir to the daughter of Poland's King. Children ALWAYS get a claim from their father-liege.

Your grandchildren will now have a claim on the kingdom of Poland once their mother dies. You can press that claim.

If you want that kingdom for yourself, wait to press it until you personally have that claim. Otherwise, your grandson will now be the king of Poland and you will still be in Lithuania.

If you're an Emporer, that kingdom and your grandson would be a vassal of yours.

Invasions or have a claim on the entire kingdom

But what if you invite someone with a claim to your court?

You would need to be emperor to have the kingdom under you after pressing the claim

Can I play as Bremen in CK2?

yes

I play it by razing civilization to the ground

again,
So you invite some random to your court to press their claim. Great.

You win the war and that person now rules that land. You get nothing out of it because you just helped them get their land. You might have a friend at least.

To make it worth your while, make them a vassal first.

So say we're king again. You invite someone with a claim on a kingdom. No matter what, you'll never get that kingdom because it's an equal title to your own.

Now if this guy has a claim on a duchy, give him a barony or unimportant County first. When you win his claim war, he will be serving you now.

If you find a woman with a claim on a kingdom and invite and marry her, your child will inherit both yours and her kingdoms.

I reclaimed the jewish homeland
Now what?

divide and conquer the goyim

Post income/tax map please

don't forget to finance BOTH sides

Seriously?

You have to have the insane trait but yes

sorry, it's a screenshot from months ago. Most of the gold came from razing everything though

Custom games where I play a Jewish count that won the title through cheap jewish tricks.

My first move of course is to request a loan from the jews and promptly expel them. Doesn't get me a game over for some reason.

Was more interested in seeing everything red tb.h

One of the great parts of doing it was seeing the size of the savefile decreasing over time as I burned down more and more kingdoms.

That's what I meant the first time. I know how to play this damn game. I have 151 hours played