Witcher 3 Completely Destroyed

archive.is/I6AYb

>And because it's so cool, it pains me to say that Geralt might be the lamest protagonist I've ever controlled. I know. He's got those scars and that white hair, and all of the characters around him are idiots in comparison to him. But every interaction that Geralt has with a woman who isn't screaming "THAT SWAMP BEASTIE STOLE ME HUSBAND AND ME CHEESES" is painful. Geralt eyefucks everything in a dress, and can't go a minute without uttering a sultry "Hmmm" grunt. And for someone who makes a big deal about wanting to get his wife back, all of Geralt's dialogue options fall into the category of "Fuck Now" or "Fuck Later."

>A cool thing in Red Dead Redemption was the fact that badass John Marston, when he wasn't shooting every misdemeanor factory in New Mexico and standing up against those who would eat babies, wanted nothing to do with the requisite prostitutes that Rockstar Games shoves into every project. Grand Theft Auto added countless ways to sleep with and then murder sex workers, because haha, I am 12 and sex is never. But John Marston had a moral code. Other main characters in the game would hit on John, and he'd tell them that while he was flattered, his dick should stay desolate for the time being. That's a cool character trait. Way better than Geralt "I love my wife but I'll send you a dick pic three sentences into the conversation" of Rivia.

>Sure, all the sleeping around kind of bites you in the ass in the end, but Geralt is such a wish-fulfillment character that Witcher III may as well be renamed That Girl In Your Accounting Class Is Secretly Super Into You As Well. When he doesn't bone, he gets just on the cusp of it, and all of the cleavage zoos in Novigrad pout about it. "Well, Geralt, you're missing out." And your only option is to continue with the assumption "God, I'm so cool. Married and all the ladies still want me."

They nailed it. Witcher fans are such virgin nerds

Why dont you just post the original link you autistic piece of subhuman trash?

Okay

Aren't witchers meant to have a really high sex drive or something like that

Because they don't deserve the views

I wish double reports existed.

>linking to cracked

oh look, it's this thread again

They're sterile, so that should mean they want to have sex less

But you know, Mary Sue Geralt

This person needs to stop obsessing over breasts and start slaying some beasts.

>Pick all the options that make Geralt a slut
>Look everyone, Geralt can't keep it in his pants!!!!

What he doesn't realise is that it's okay when a male character is a mary sue

I didn't play w3 all the way through cause it's shit but does any girl ever shoot geralt down?

...

>gets called a freak by every other person
>Mary Sue

What did he mean by this?

No, I'm genuinely curious. AFAIK, they all go like this
>hey geralt, wanna bone?
>yea, lets bone

>>gets called a mutant by every other person
>>Not a Mary Sue

What did YOU mean by this?

I'm sure those mean names really hurt him while he's fucking their wives in the ass.

The great thing about being a Mary Sue like Geralt and Wolverine, is that you can be called names but act like a pious badass with no repercussions for your actions

Polish women are massive sluts, it's understandable that CDPR doesn't know any better.

Sterile doesnt mean you lose sex drive, it means you cant reproduce, Geralt is not the only witcher who fucks a lot, Eskel fucks lots of succubi and Lambent is a deviant too.

>but act like a pious badass with no repercussions for your actions

But there are plenty of repercussions for Geralt's actions, often shit he did not intend.

That's the entire point of the games.

>Says that while he has two love interests that want his dick no matter what he does

Mmmmhmmm.

>Being so butthurt about a 2 year old game that you have to post about it 10+ times a day

You can't have both though.

Multiple women wanting your dick is not uncommon among attractive males.

You missed that point perfectly.

Deal with it.

ONE OFF

That girl who wants you to train her in swordfighting

Does anything actually happen to geralt? I know people around him die and get fucked up but does any of that shit happen to him? I remember in W2 he gets "tortured" by some guards using him as a punching bag. Meanwhile in W3, Triss can have some of her fingernails ripped out.

>>Multiple women wanting your dick is not uncommon among attractive males.

But Witcherfags said he was an UGLY MUTANT FREAK that only sleeps with the dregs of society like hags and witches and shit!

Witcherfans: Can't keep their story straight on their Mary Sue

What point did I miss fag? That nothing actually effects him in the long run because he's a "badass mercenary who plays by his own rules"

...

Guess I better just kill myself now.

Do you get the option to proposition her? I thought geralt thought of her like a daughter.

No I don't mean Ciri. There's a noble girl who wants to learn swordfighting in the city.
Iirc Geralt doesn't proposition her, she shoots him down before he can. She was teasing before he accepts to teach her, too.

The game is 2 years old now. That's fucking old in game years.

People have had plenty of time to decide if it's good or shit.

Why do you feel like you're going to change their opinions?

dubs were disabled ages ago

and
technically are the gets

>That nothing actually effects him in the long run
>nothing effects him because he still gets laid

Yeah that totally absolves Geralt of being a shitty Mary Sue

He can get sent to prison in blood and wine dlc. He gets kidnapped and sold as a slave in heart of stone too.

>Yen
>wife
wow, some fucking twat jumped on a bandwagon to complain that a game he barely played is problematic
I sure am glad this has been brought to our attention

Also, apart from generic prostitutes, I can think of maybe five characters you can sex? In a 70+ hour game.