Can someone give me a green text summary of every Kingdom Hearts game besides 358/2 Days, I, and II...

Can someone give me a green text summary of every Kingdom Hearts game besides 358/2 Days, I, and II? I tried replaying 358/2 days, but I can't get into it. I still want to know what happened.

>tfw you're too lazy to read a wikipedia entry

>wikipedia
There you go OP

BBS
>Three keyblade wielders fuck themselves over separately and collectively causing one to fall into a heart coma, one to fall into the Realm of Darkness, and the last one to be possessed by the Big Bad who does bad things FOR SCIENCE!
Kingdom Hearts 1
>Boy goes on grand adventure to find and save his friends, along the way, the boy must sacrifice himself to the darkness to save a friend, this is IMPORTANT! Boy and friends beat a Big Bad, and end up separated again.
Cont.

...

Chain of Memories:
>Boy comes to castle where a mysterious group cause the boy's memories to get scrambled by a witch, while the boy defeats the group one by one, he must ultimately be put in a coma by the manipulated witch to restore his memories.
Kingdom Hearts 2 Intro
>When the Boy had to sacrifice himself to darkness, he created an alternate half who was brought into the mysterious group

Listen this is fucking stupid do you have a Skype I can just explain things over?

Like seriously this greentext I'm writing is so vague and autistic that explaining in words would be faster and I can hear your questions if you have any.

Answer me OP so I can sperg out about a story meant for children this better not just be a reach thread to get banned for bogposting.

bogposting?

When those two disfigured guys are posted and someone asks for the rundown, prompting a list of crazy conspiracies about aliens and controlling the French media.

Thanks for the bump

Are you OP? I need to talk to you RIGHT NOW

i'm really bored so i'll try and half ass it

birth by sleep
>3 weilders under 1 master. that master(eraqus) is friends with another master called mx. mx true intentions is to create the X blade to summon kh. eraqus finds out. dies. mx succeeds, and fucks all 3 weilders some way while taking over a body cause hes old

kingdom hearts
>boy gets the keyblade. ansem wants kingdom hearts. he gets it, and gets shown the light. dies.

kingdom hearts chain of memories
>sora is walking somewhere. guy says come to this place. he goes. he goes all the way up to the castle, defeats this guy. then he goes to sleep. everything that happened didnt happen

358/2
>roxas has ice cream with his friends. everyone chills. he makes a new friend, she dies. the end

kingdom hearts 2
>sora wakes up from sleep from before. finds out he gotta kill the rest of the organization. he finds the leader and kills him. sora goes back home.

re coded
>mickey makes a new sora from his sora dildo, and uses the printer to scan it to his journal and connect it to the computer via micro usb and data sora fights data roxas. mickey wants to tell sora how badly he came so he writes a letter and that same letter is the letter from kh2 at the end.

dream drop distance
>everybody who died previously is now alive. sora is now in a dream with riku. they go through this test to become masters. they learn that a bigger evil is coming which is mx, and the mx from the past taunts them in the present then he goes back to the past. sora gets cucked and has to train harder.

kingdom hearts 3
>to be continued

Wot.
I feel uneasy now

Thanks

>darkness
>darkness
>darkness
>darkness
>b..but Light!

No need to thank me

>>Boy comes to castle where a mysterious group cause the boy's memories to get scrambled by a witch, while the boy defeats the group one by one, he must ultimately be put in a coma by the manipulated witch to restore his memories.
Good to know Chain of Memories was just filler garbage and a shit game.

CoM
>The organization from 2 has taken over this castle
>Sora and Co. Stumble upon it
>There's some magic fuckery going on that fucks with their memories
>They use their memories to force them to essentially retread KH1
>Half of the Org Members there are plotting a mutiny for some reason
>There's a clone of Riku who's being a cunt
>You kill them all except Axel who wasn't betraying the Org anyway
>Turns out Namine was fucking with Sora's memories
>She shoves him in a pod to restore his memories
>Riku's in the basement jerking off with mickey and taking control of the darkness inside of him

BBS
>10 years before KH1, there's these three keyblade wielders in training, Ven, Aqua and Terra.
>Ven runs away from home because this guy called Vanitas who looks like Sora shows up and says mean things to him.
>He runs around disney worlds doing ????? and eventually goes home.
>Terra learns Ven ran away and decides to look for him fucking up everything in the process.
>Returns home to find their master trying to kill Ven.
>Terra kills him and goes into DARKNESS mode
>Aqua runs around cleaning up Terra's messes
>They end up converging at the Keyblade Graveyard where the keyblade war happened.
>Turns out the Vanitas guy was Ven's darkness completely extracted from him and molded into a dude
>their master's colleague, Xehanort was behind everything and wants to use Ven and Vanitas to forge a dumb looking keyblade and unlock Kingdom Hearts literally because he just wants to see what the fuck it is.
>Ven gets fucked up and has a mental battle with Vanitas inside his head, wins but gets possessed anyway?
>Terra fights Xehanort, gets fucked up and possessed.
>His anger is so fucking intense that his armor comes to life and beats the shit out of Terranort.
>Aqua fights Ven/Vanitas and wins.
>She hides Ven's comatose corpse in their homeland, uses its lockdown function and turns it into the castle from CoM.
>She then fights Terranort but gets dragged into the dark world.

Coded
>Literally nothing of importance happens.

DDD
>Sora and Riku take the keyblade master exam
>their task is to wake up some worlds that haven't been fully restored after getting fucked by the heartless.
>Over time, Sora gets slowly drawn into a trap by a time travelling young Xehanort
>Riku meanwhile does a bunch of character development stuff and becomes chill as fuck
>Turns out Xemnas'/Xehanort's plan all along with the organization was to use the fake KH from 2 to clone his own heart into the empty vessels of the other 12 nobodies
>oh and hearts grow back after all, which is why the org members were slowly getting real emotions and shit
>Xehanort wants to use his clones to clash with 7 heroes and start another keyblade war to bring out Kingdom Hearts because I guess that's another way to do it.
>Since Sora and the traitors fucked with his plan in KH2 and CoM, Xehanort tries some weird time travel plan to get 13 dark warriors. He just needed one more so he decides to make Sora into a vessel, hence the trap mentioned earlier.
>It fucking works
>Riku's like "nah fuck that" and saves Sora at the last moment, dives into his fucking heart and defeats the darkness
>Riku becomes a master but Sora doesn't because Sora is an idiot and got himself caught in a trap.

>>Literally nothing of importance happens
Hey, Sora finally got to say thank you to Namine. That's important.

JUST PLAY THE GAMES/WATCH THE MOVIES!

He said summary, not a word for word retelling

That really is the shortest I could cut it down to without leaving out important info.
This IS KH we're talking about.

>A long long time ago Notcis decided to be a major fucking cunt and pick 6 dudes to become gods of a new world. He said some pretty vague rules and told them he was gonna die one day
>Dick Noc Decides it will be extra funs to mess with his new gods since they have amassed an army of weebs. He sits each of them up to attack/betray/break each others trust all while carrying out a master plan
>This causes the world to get fucked and world war weeb to break out. A lot of dudes die except a few and one faggot who goes into space I guess.
>Fast forward later the remnants of the old world make a new world. they keep the key blades in tact but make it a smaller sect with no gods this time.
>Some evil dick head is getting to old for this shit and decides he wants a new body
>Some Evil Dick head fucks with the three retards to have them attack/betray/break each others trust all while carrying out a master plan.
>One idiot loses his body, the other goes in a comma, the last ends up lost in Kingdom hearts (The Dark version not the light version)

This leads to Kh1!

>everyone is Xehanort

>everyone else is Sora

There you go bud.

>the other goes in a comma

he didn't even mentioned the part where Xehanort pretends to lose his memory to infiltrate Radiant Garden's castle so he could later use the guards and some of the scientists as guinea pigs for his experiments

Also the part where the heart of baby/unborn Sora cures Ventus's heart after Xehanort removing a piece of it to create Vanitas

And them, after the final battle against Vanitas where his heart is fucking shattered and he gets mindfucked to death Sora shows up again and Ventus asks if his heart can take shelter inside Sora's for a while, later helping Sora with his keyblade destiny


Oh yeah and the part where Terra nominates 5 year old Riku as his successor after performing this ceremony, Aqua accidentally does the same with Kairi, Sora gets nothing because he is a little shit but cucks Riku 10 years later after he goes evil

>Xehanort wants to use his clones to clash with 7 heroes and start another keyblade war to bring out Kingdom Hearts because I guess that's another way to do it.
This is fucking bugging me, doesn't he only need light and darkness to clash as Ventus and Vanitas showed? Why even bother with the pieces?

What about aqua

Shit I did. There's too many fucking plot points.
And _all_ of them are important.

Can we all agree that Birth by Sleep had a terrible story? It felt like three shitty stories instead of one passable story

It doesn't even have a story until the last half hour of each route. Same way DDD doesn't have one until the last two hours. I do enjoy it once they get to it though.