Well shit, you've jus woken up in Link's bed in Kokiri Forest...

Well shit, you've jus woken up in Link's bed in Kokiri Forest.Turns out you have replaced link in OOT and have to save Hyrule.

Only problem is, you are only as fit and as capable as your real life self.

How far do you get before you die or give up?

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Hyrule is fucked hahah

>tfw too fat to fit through the crawl space to get the Kokiri Sword
I'm sorry, Princess.

I can finish the first dungeon, although the jump you have to do to break the big spider web and the second one you do to reach the room before Gohma would definitely kill me with real life physics even if I landed in water.

Never get out of bed just like real life desu

So then.. you can't finish the first dungeon.

>Wait until nightfall
>Pull green hat over face and make eye holes
>Sneak into Mido's house and beat him up in his sleep
>Drag him to the crawl space and force him to retrieve the sword
>Take the sword from him and stab him
>Shove his carcass into the crawl space
Onward to adventure! You need to think outside the box, fatfriend.

when i had a "going into games" machine - this woulve been early 2006- i used to go into ocarina of time A LOTand one of my fav things to do was fondle saria outside of links house. one of the great things about fondling video games characters is they don't fight back or struggle because they don't recognise u as a player character..it's like you dont exist. but let me tell you, she smelled like SHIT. in fact everybody in that game did..I got used to it after a while but that first moment when i smelt saria up close..i was almost sick. she looks clean & nice when you see her on television but when ur there stood next to her its a different story. The machine was stolen in the end and im kinda glad. it had started to take over my life

I can if it goes by game physics rather than real-life physics, I can't otherwise. Should've made it clearer.

Autism.

Where do you think you are and why do you think it doesn't apply to you as well?

I don't even leave Kokiri forest.

I stay and have hot shota sex with everyone.

inb4 rape

I'm basically adult link but not as pretty.
Hyrule will be fine. Zelda probably won't want me tho.

if game goes by real life physics then no human can beat the game, doesnt matter how fit you are

no matter how strong you are, you cannot kill this monster with sticks and bombs

If you fed it a bomb I'm pretty sure it would die

Just go to loli zelda in the castle to finger fuck and rape her for eternity fuck saving the kingdom

I'll never be able to beat the marathon man. Also have trouble climbing up stuff because it's pretty hard. Though maybe the climbable walls inside the deku tree are some kind of magic stuff that's really easy to climb.

>have to jump down onto a large net to break it
Nope

>How far do you get before you die or give up?

I'm fairly fit and "capable". Problem is, is everything like real life? If so none of us are going to survive the bottom of the Deku Tree

idk the thing lives in lava

im pretty sure its skin is denser than any material composition weve seen on earth and the shockwaves from a shoddily put together bomb wouldnt even phase it

But you throw the bomb into its mouth

>Only problem is, you are only as fit and as capable as your real life self.

cool i can hit things real hard but the first high ledge and im fucked

>stronger than original link but not too fit
I'll be ok

denser skin leads to denser muscles as they need to hold the skin together

leads to denser bones because they need to hold the muscles together

leads to denser organs because they need to withstand the pressure better

etc etc

odds are its just going to be a largely invulnerable creature

Assuming I already knew what had to be done based off my knowledge of the game, I'd probably get as far as the boss in the Great Deku Tree before I ultimately ate shit.

I'm pretty confident in my ability to be nimble and quick, so I could get the sword easily. The shield would be no problem after throwing a few rocks around, although I would have to rest for a moment, assuming the rocks are heavy.[/spoiler] I can listen to some tree babble on about whatever-the-fuck. However, once I got into the tree, I'd imagine it'd be all downhill from there.

Climbing would wear me out pretty quickly. The plants would be an easy kill. They're not that scary. I'd have to work up the courage to get close to the Skulltulas before I convinced myself to actually stab the fuckers on account of my arachnophobia. No doubt I'd reel in pain from a Deku Nut getting shot at me, but if I can at least block it once, it shouldn't be that bad, except for the recoil which would probably hurt. I would DEFINITELY have to take a breather after that fight if that's the case. Puzzle solving wouldn't be too hard. I don't know if I can make the jumps though. That would take a few run-ups before I make it to the other side. Jumping off the highest point into the spider web would fucking suck. Assuming I don't just lie down and cry from having to jump from a ledge that high, and ALSO assuming I didn't fuck up the jump somehow and just belly-flop to my death. It would definitely shake me up enough to quit spelunking for the day and just find a place to hide until I worked up the nerve to go on. Assuming I did ALL OF THAT FLAWLESSLY, the boss would definitely kill me. I wouldn't do well under the pressure of it looming over my head and probably take a laser to the face and just die.

That would be MY run, I imagine.

underrated as fuck, my sides

I would probably try to leave the forest asap skipping the main quest to go to Lon Lon Ranch to get at some farmer girl action. Downside i'd probably get lost in the woods and die

came to say this

>leave forest
>go to gerudo valley
>become sex slave

wait fuck I remember this
should have changed it to be about maron though

I don't do anything. Taking action is the cause of everything that happened in this game.

Alright, so I'd probably..
>Get out of bed
>Climb down the ladder
>Ignore Saria and walk past her
>Shove the guy guarding the exit to the forest out of the way since he's little kid
>Stroll across Hyrule Field toward Kakariko Village
>Probably get a job there, maybe part time in the shooting gallery or tending to the graves with Dampe
>Let the world fall apart around me
I ain't exploring a tree dungeon fuck that.

Out of the way, amatures, here's how to beat OOT IRL.
>Wake up
>Aquire the Kokiri Sword
>Farm Deku Nuts
>Stealth out of Kokiri Forest at night, shove guard kid to the floor, maybe stomp on his head on the way out
>Head to Hyrule Market
>Stealth past the guards, this is doable.
>Hide and wait for Ganondorf to appear and kneel before the King
>Go go go!
>Sneak in
>Put sword in Ganon's throat
>Spam the fuck out of Deku Nuts and freeze all the guards
>Run like hell
>Flee to your new life living with the Zora

I just stay in the forest forever and fuck Saria every day and night

I'd get stuck in the crawlspace. And that's assuming i can get down the ladder out of links house anyway.

Put it in his elf ass

Id just keep fucking saria.

i'm too fat to fit through the hole for the kokiri sword so pretty much right away

I was in the military, I even know how to handle swords

I'm afraid of water

were you in the navy? lol

Goron bracelet covers upper arm strength and hyrule field is less than a mile walk

I'll be fine if everything dies as easy as it shold, just gotta learn how to spin attack without falling over after the third one

I would do okay, but I would have to work in bursts. I get worn out easily.

So long as there's no battle of endurance I'd do okay.

Ganon only dies from the Master Sword and if you pull it out you wake up in the future.

>24 now
>pull out sword
>7 years pass
>now 31
>strongest wizard in the realm

This. Ganon can have Hyrule.

Argentine Army

inb4 falklands

only if yourr too young to wield it

so most of Sup Forums

I dunno, assuming it's game physics and I have hearts and don't die immediatly falling I lava I feel like I could do it.

Don't wanna think about how long I would spend grinding out rupees for heals because I don't wanna fuckin die tho.

>lost 20% of my body mass in 3 months
>In and out of hospital
>Laundry list of things wrong with my heart and stomach
>Wake up every day with horrible pain

I'm so sorry, everyone. I can't be the hero you need.

Do we still have to eat? That could be a BIG problem cause there isn't much edible lookin wildlife in that game.

>get out of bed
>start to climb down ladder of house
>fall and break neck
>game over, where's my spaghetti?

I'm asthmatic and short-sighted...

And arachnophobic... I will never get out of the Kokiri Forest.

>had a bad reaction to smallpox vaccine and am currently suffering from a minor outbreak
>physically tired all the time
>easily distracted

I'm good with a bow though so I might be okay

I go as far as I need to get with best girl and then stop.

Nothing is changed except that you are replaced with Link. Its the bomb that kills this thing, no matter who tosses it.

The net's pretty sturdy and amazingly flexible as well. It should cushion your fall since it seems to absorb the impact so well.

>stay in the forest
>fuck lolis that never age until you die
>why would you do anything else?

I'm in the Chair Force.

I'm no athlete, but we have to take a physical fitness test every six months or so that I never have trouble passing so I'm at least somewhat in shape.

Either way I doubt I'd get very far. I'd probably just go get a job at Lon Lon Ranch or something.

youtu.be/6qF_fzEI4wU?t=72
Would be cool

I jump out of bed and go grab Saria´s ass.

If the thing goes by real life physics, then that thing doesn't live in lava.
You can choose to use realistic physics applications or not, you can't have it both ways.

it doesnt live in lava it lives near it

it dies because your damage causes it to roll into lava in a stunned haze.
i'd argue real life physics would make it far easier to knock him into a fiery grave

Just use deku sticks. Honestly it's the huge drop inside the deku tree what I would be worried about.

Then talk to that guy about it.
Bombs would kill the shit out of that fucker.

I would get bombs as quick as possible then roll into the explosion while holding back at a specific angle and then slide across all of Hyrule for the rest of my days

>Go to Zelda
>Tell her that Ganondorf is gonna try and rule Hyrule
>Tell her I'm a time traveler
>Explain the adult timeline to her and everything that's gonna happen
>Ganondorf gets rekt

GG, Thanks for playing

Go back to Kokiri Forest and matepress everloli Saria for all eternity