WORT WORT WORT

WORT WORT WORT

*AUTISTIC SCREECHING*
FOOD NIPPLE

All the Halo aliens are cute! CUTE!

Why did Covies seem to have an immediate hateboner for humanity even at first contact? Like they instantly went into DIE DIE DIE mode even though they're a confederation of a bunch of different alien races? Wouldn't they try to integrate humanity? Did they know about the forerunner/precursor shit and humanity's connection to it before humans did?

Halo is such a classic

Did you even play Halo?

>Did they know about the forerunner/precursor shit and humanity's connection to it before humans did?
Yeah, they noticed humans had some connection to their god's left over stuff so they got butt hurt.
I don't think it explains it in the game much at all.

>what is harvest

I was living a very happy life. I had a beautiful girlfriend whom I loved very much, a decent job, and plans to graduate from college and get a degree in the fine arts and architecture. I had my own house and my own car. I wasn't rich or anything, but I was in good shape. Anyway, life was good. My friends had been telling me about this awesome game called Halo Reach. I played some of the halo games before and they were alright I guess. I didn't really have time for video games anymore, but I did have an xbox 360.

After being pestered to try Reach, I decided to give in. So I borrowed a copy of reach from one of my friends. The campaign was alright. It wasn't amazing, but I had fun. Multiplayer was alright too and I had fun playing matchmaking with my friends. But then we played invasion, I enjoyed it a lot. I loved being on the elite team. The elites kicked ass! So I played invasion a lot. Every time my friends got on, I would ask them to play invasion with me

So after a few days of playing invasion, something weird started to happen. The grunts the elites made when they rolled or sprinted began to appeal to me. They began to turn me on. I felt very uncomfortable about this because I was -blam!-ly attracted to my girlfriend. I began to have strange dreams about elites. I dreamed about the naked arbiter from halo 2. They disturbed me greatly and yet I just couldn't stop thinking about them!

One day, when my girlfriend had to visit her family, I got on halo reach. The internet was down so I thought I could mess around in forge or something. But I could not stop thinking about the elites and the grunting noises they made. So I started up a custom game of slayer by myself and used the elite model. I set the sprint loadout to infinite use then I taped the x button. My elite began to sprint and the grunting noises he made were so beautiful!

I always wondered what a naked Elite as well as their feet looked like. Jackals losing their shoes in 3 gave me a stiffy

Because the prophets told them
Prophets knew that humans were the successors of forerunners and wanted to wipe them out before they found out and became a threat to the covenant.
Space jews didn't count on literally one human royally pushing their shit in

I couldn't help but become aroused as images of male elites accompanied the grunts emanating from the TV. So I closed my eyes , unzipped my pants and I began to pleasure myself. I imagined that I was a female elite and that a male elite was making love to me. I hadn't been jerking off for 2 minutes when I came. It was so fast!

A week had passed since I jerked off to the sounds of an elite grunting. But I could not get it out of my mind. My girlfriend was beginning to notice that something was on my mind as I was not up to my usual performance in bed. I told her that I was just thinking about work related problems. I found that I was no longer being aroused by my girlfriend. But I did not want to lose her. So I imagined that I was a male elite and that my grunts were his. I also imagined that my girlfriend was me. This seemed to be working in the meantime, but it didn't last for long.

When my girlfriend wasn't around, I would jack off while thinking about the arbiter. Each time was amazing! But, it wasn't enough. I wanted to feel the penetration. So I experimented with different things that could safely emulate the texture and shape of an elite -blam!-. I tried many different things: bananas, pears, the broken off handle of a swiffer, and cucumbers. I finally settled on cucumbers. It hurt at first, but I got used to it. My orgasms doubled in strength. I would turn on halo reach, go into a custom game, get the elite sprinting, lube up the cucumber with vaseline, stick it in me, the -blam!-e.

Yes, but I've never read the books beyond the very first one.

Eventually, the cucumbers got too expensive to buy and my girlfriend was getting suspicious about all the "rotten cucumbers" in the garbage. So I had to find a more permenant solution. After some browsing online, I found a special toy store called bad dragon. It was a weird website that sold dragon dildos. I was looking for something that could emulate an elite -blam!-, so I settled on something called the fusion. After a month of waiting for it to arrive, it finally did. MEanwhile, I had spent $100 on cucumbers and vaseline.

I tried it out and it was amazing! The bumps tickled as they went in and they filled me up inside! My orgasms had tripled in strength! Sometimes I almost passed out! It was amazing! But...things went downhill. I got fired from my job because my productivity went down. (I kept -blam!-ing instead of working). I had a hard time finding another job in this economy. Then one day, my girlfriend walked in on me. I didn't hear her get home. She must have heard my groans and my cries of "OH ARBITER!!!" because she walked in on me just as I came all over The TV. She screamed as loud as she could and I jumped up, pants down and dildo up my ass, grunting elite sounds coming from the TV.

MY life has hit rock bottom. I have no girlfriend anymore, I am jobless, I had to sell my car and my xbox. I am currently on Social Security and I had to drop out of college because I could no longer afford it. This is how halo reach ruined my life. This is also why you should remove elites from matchmaking bungie.

The basic reasons:
1)The Covenant is run by insane religious fanatics
2) Humans use AI(Verboten to the covenant by ancient Fore-runner law)
3) Earth is a Holy World for them, and they trip over on to Earth thinking they're going to find a Fore-Runner vault.
There's some other stuff, but the biggest thing is that Humans challenge the Covie religion super hard.

Honestly the plot is cheesy but good. There is a strength in being well-made but not terribly innovative. It is a classic game-it got a lot of younger console players into sci-fi.

BY THE RINGS!

C-Cortana

Bungie forum copypasta.

Read the books

You know how Muslims hate everyone who isn't a Muslim because their religion tells them to? The Covenant are basically Space Muslims. They literally wage a holy war against humanity.

>-blam!-

oh shit that brings me back

You don't even need the books to piece things together
Guiltyspark calling you Reclaimer and a forerunner super structure being on Earth for some reason should make something click

Accept they allowed other races into covenant.
It's more like space muslims if every time a human got near the kaaba it lit up.

Because Truth, Mercy, and Regret knew that Humanity were the rightful heirs to the Forerunners, and knew that if the Covenant knew the truth, it would splinter apart, and for Truth and Regret in partiuclar, they also didn't want to lose their power.

So they marked humanity as heretics to hide the truth.

>Arbiter! Our savior!

>make religion
>we are the chosen race by our gods
>woah turns out gods were just a really advanced race
>woah turns out gods wanted humans to be the next big deal race, not us
>looks like we fucked up our religion
>lets exterminate humans so we dont have to admit to trillions of people they were lied to for centuries
>deus vult
Pretty much this.

They were initially going to integrate them into the covenant until the prophets incorrectly assumed that humans were forerunners that were left behind from the great journey.
This revelation would destroy the religion even though it turned out to be false.
In actuality, humans were simply chosen to reclaim forerunner technology.

>tfw "The hunters have come to our aid!"

They would still never accept the humans as Reclaimers anyways.

What do you think they talked about on their downtime?

Idk. Strategy? Growing up knowing nothing but war?

>Chief
>talk

Were it so easy.

I don't care what you think of Halo, no one can deny Hunters are fucking god tier alien design

Halo 2's story was pretty crappy with a non-ending but I really enjoyed playing from the Covenant side. Felt like 3 sidelined the Arbiter in order to "finish the fight" but that felt kinda anti-climactic as well.

Halo 4 was so dumb that I sort of gave up on the series.

Friendly reminder that Halo Wars is coming out on Steam in two days.

But not Halo 3. Or ODST. Or Reach.
JUST

Do elites lay eggs?

>yfw you oicked up two needlers in halo 2 multiplayer

The old days were comfy

The prophets talked to the one of the guilty sparks, and it told them that Humanity was the reclaimer species, basically throwing their entire religion into turmoil. So they hid that, but they couldn't interact with humans, once it became obvious how easily they could control forerunner shit, the cat would be out of the bag. So instead they just declared war instead.

yes

I still want a sangheili gf

>That one mission in 2(I think) where you had to rescue all those marines
>giving each of them two needlers

Thats something that will live with me forever

YOU ARE, ALL OF YOU, VERMIN

>Hey T-Squared! I got a present for ya!

No.

>WITNESS MY DRIVING POWERS

Maybe

do fat kids have more fun playing halo?

i think that they probably do because they cant normally run or jump and get off the ground, so its like a new experience for them!!

PERMISSION TO LEAVE THE STATION

An RTS game that always belonged on PC goes to PC. Is the genre saved?

Yea, me too.

>Sorry for glassing Reach, spartan

Has there every been anything as close to best alien designs as the Covenant?

(343 designs need not apply)

>draw a fat nigger woman
>call it a sangheili
really makes the neurogears grind the thinkoplexers

...

that marine is the most lucky bastard in the entire galaxy

>Field Marshals and Field Masters all over the place on legendary
Why do the covenant send all their high ranking officers to die?

DEAR HUMANITY

>draw nigger woman
>she doesn't consider herself human
really pillars my autumn

Have to send your best when you're up against a Demon.

MS would make so much more in sales if they weren't limiting themselves to their own market place. I know one reason why they do this is so they can take all of the cut, instead of how valve does it where valve will cut into a portion, but numbers wise it would be much higher.

So I guess now they've tested the waters 3 times with Valve they're finally going to give us Halo game on fucking PC for fucks sake please make it happen

I actually wanted to make my legs look like the elites because I loved them so much as a kid.

So what I did was wait by my drive way and threw my legs underneath my dads car when he drive by so they would fold backwards.

It worked to my surprise.....

WE REGRET BEING ALIEN BASTARDS

...

*shoots down your Pelican*

>he didn't pay for plastic surgery to the bottom half of his face to give himself four mandibles

Like the rest of your race; weak and undisciplined.

Been playing since launch and no matter how much the game pisses me off I cant stop playing.

Have fun getting rushed though.

Halo 3 is 10 years old in five months.

PC port is 5 months away

One day my patience will be rewarded...

sabotaging them and watching the explosion from afar was the shit, there is a power feeling when you do this that no game gave me after that but that is probably because I grew up and now I'm trapped in a vicious circle of sufferings and disappointements

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT THEY KILLED OFF THE ROOKIE FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

Fall of Reach/Ghosts of Onyx 10/10
First Strike 9/10
Flood 8/10

Rank the rest

Meh, I don't mind PCs dying but Rookie being killed by Insurgents of all people was fucking bullshit

I'd rank the Forerunner saga around 7/10

Have there been any good fanfics concerning this topic? It could be really cool.

>no longer allowed to play as elites

that's when halo was dead to me

They have bigger bodies and are easier to shoot in multiplayer.

But were cool as fuck

Eric Nylund really handled the halo lore well.

>tfw absolute god king at Elite Slayer in Reach
Mother fuckers just couldn't learn to roll right

>THEY KILLED OFF THE ROOKIE
SHOW ME ITS BODY

Only Truth knew didn't he? Regret and Mercy both seemed like legit fanatics while he was just maintaining his power base.

>talked

but honestly if anything was said between them it was probably combat strategies and tactics and nothing more since they were both bred solely for war

Covenant only get high ranks if they're kick ass fighters. You think Elites would let a pussy bitch Elite that can't throw a punch become anything above like a major? Hell no son.

>Only Truth knew didn't he?
He's the oldest among the others, so he probably knew of the time when they were buddies with ancient humans who were totally not native americans.
Also it's in his name

>Wort wort wort playing in reverse is Go, Go, Go!

Died 2 years after the events of ODST to an insurgent leader who was holding him hostage.

He was written off in some gay book.

_no, the original halo trilogy had the best looking aliens in all of vidya imo. for fucking once they weren't recolored fucking humans. it's as if bungie of all companies realized this wasn't the 1960's and they weren't using actors to portray aliens.

And one Sangheili for that matter

they never recovered his body. Not canon-dead

inspired me to make this

> be incell impotent virgin
> complain a bout shit on a board

I don't even care about the species but their weapons and ship design and shit are fucking 10/10 top alien tier

Literally shot in the back of the head and ashes scattered to heartless sea my nigga, where is your proof.

>THEY KILLED OFF THE ROOKIE
Wait wut? When/how?

Thank you friend.

Brutes= big masculine black men who know how to please a woman (prophets) and are devoted to the Great Journey
Elites+ little weaboo bitches who piss and moan about "muh honor" so shit at their job that their boss tries to genocide them, don't even really believe the Forerunner gospel

Why do people like the Elites again? Because they're such little bitches they can relate?

HERE YOU FUCKING FAGS.
Insurgents were making him hostage and then they shot him in the head. Turns out Mickey from ODST was an Insurgent fag too.

here fixed it up a little