Crusader Kings 2

Instruct a mentally handicapped person how to play this game.

Also Crusader Kings thread I guess.

refund and play Vicky 2 or Eu4 instead

Always have children. Focus on martial when small, focus on diplomacy when having more vassals.
Marriages and alliances are the most important thing.
Through marriage you can get claims and people get claims on you. Never have spymasters that hate you in the council, even if you have to choose a crappy one. Save money for mercenaries, they're game changers. Bully the jews if you're poor. Use plots to take out people that are ahead of you in inheritance or to put someone that you like in the throne or to destabilize a kingdom. Use the "." button/window to find characters to work on your council. Watch out for powerful vassals as they'll want a place in the council and may rob you the chance to have someone more useful in his place. Your wives plot to kill children from other women you had, be it an earlier wife or lover, lovers do that too. Having too many sons is good and bad; it's harder for you to lose get a game over, but it is dangerous as when you die they get claims and factions may rise to place them on the throne or they may go adventuring on your ass.

just play ireland until you git gud

CK2 is the superior game over EUIV.

Vicky 2 is better than both.

Also. I prefer to play without objectives in mind. If you focus on doing something from start and for whatever reason that something is no longer achievable, you'll be bummed out.
Just roleplay as a much as you can and try to get bigger in whatever way you can.

Do what everyone else does in your situation and watch Arumba's tutorial video series. His voice is tolerable and he legitimately knows how to play the game.

Sit there and stare at a map of Europe for 25 minutes then exit and uninstall the game.

something that bothers me about the game is the percentage of income based events

there's no real reason some tribal's 20 gold axe is better than my 4000 gold sword, not to mention that the negative effects from being under budget don't scale and trigger when over a certain amount of gold in addition to loans being a set figure and the ability to gather money from non-income sources such as raiding all combined ensure its easier to to things like build a giant tower in your capitol as a backwards finish raider than as a venetian doge

Try being a goddamn mongolian.
If you can pillage a single wealthy county you are set for life.
If you can get strong enough to pillage an entire petty kingdom then you can suddenly afford multiple 10k+ armies and start to out tech the western world.
...Just don't go ham.

let me guess you tried pillaging everything?

So in Oblivion there's an item called the Skull of Corruption, which you can use to clone NPCs. Using a glitch, you can use it to permanently clone yourself.

When I discovered this glitch online, I had already played Oblivion to exhaustion. My character, Nickies, a Breton battlemage, was nigh-invulnerable, and had spells that could one hit Minotaurs. It was pretty crazy, but it got boring fast. I decided the only challenge left was to fight a version of myself, a permanent clone, a "Nickies Black," if you will.

Simultaneously.
I've done it before with Persia, do to the retard amount of tech and capital improvements I have 1:1 my shitty horseman mangle a modern European knight. Problem is if you never create a minor clan you get a rebellion automatically the next month after the last ends (with 250+ counties at %1000 revolt risk).
This isn't a big issue, the revolt army scales to be slightly larger than yours and a combination of tech and terrain has you flatten them with half that.
No, the real issue is every holding in your demesne spawns a 1500 stack of peasants per revolt too. Pictured there I have 5 revolts going, and I just started pillaging literally the entire indian subcontinent at once.
I could hold them at the mountains with ease, they are actually easy as hell to kill in a funnel and you can pillage while they occupy. The actual problem is that it takes a couple years to destroy a holding and being spammed with over 100 uprising notifications a month literally prevents me from actually playing

>CK2 is the superior game over EUIV.

Wow, then EU4 must be really bad, because CK2 is an uninteresting snoozefest compared to EU3 and HOI3.

>Vicky 2 is better than both

The only thing that redeems vic 2 is the time period it takes place in.

>CK2 is an uninteresting snoozefest

CK2 is only as fun as you make it.

>can take literally any shitter opm unciv in vicky2 and turn it into #1 gp
>get crushed by ai in every single eu4 game, even when playing a supposedly op nation like france or ottomans
>/gsg/ insists eu4 is babbymode and vicky2 is the patricians choice
am i being memed on
what the heck is going on

With all the dlc eu4 is considered better than vicky 2 by most of /gsg/. The rest are liquor baron autists

#1 GP
Yeah if you spam prstige techs it's not a challenge. Manpower on the other hand has always been a pain in the ass for me playing a minor nation

>eu4
lmao

Time period is irrelevant. It's the mechanics that make the game--the economy and factories, the population and classes, the politics and influence.
You could just as easily use the same mechanics in any other period.

Is Vic2 zionist propaganda?

Someone explain puppets to me? They don't help you in wars very much and you lose out on manpower. Why puppet when you can annex/demand concession?

Eventual sphere of influence bonuses/"free" conquest

Ck2 is fun but holy hell am I bad at it.

Can't wait for Victoria 3...

I keep getting fucked over in my games, my plan to unite Italy already failed twice and last time I picked a nordic country in Old Gods I instantly got fucked by someone.
What should I play now, I want some cheevos?

>population is now represented as a "pop" icon occupying 1 of 16 slots per province, where large nations have "150-300 pops" and small "25-75 pops"

>this is now a thing
what the fuck

Going to need a Mod to rename it 'Shabbos Goy'

>Sympathy for Judaism, Paganism AND Zoroastrianism
How?