ITT; we make a digital distribution platform worse than steam, uplay and origins

ITT; we make a digital distribution platform worse than steam, uplay and origins.

I'll start.
It costs money to download the platform itself.

Can link your reddit account

>It costs money to download the platform itself
>it's a monthly fee

it only lets you rent games

There is a cheap way to rent but it is a lootbox that gives you a random rental

it has to be on while playing and its a massive resource hog because its mining me bitcoins

>it's a streaming service only unless you pay a monthly premium to download the games on your PC to play them

>comes with a game-making software, and your monthly fees are subtracted if you make games.
This way an endless stream of shit is created by the children who join.

uplay and origins are already as bad as it gets

>it only lets you rent games

But that's exactly like Steam, Origin etc..
You don't own a game, only a license of it.

>all loading screens in your games are replaced with ads

rentals in the truest sense where it uninstalls after 2 weeks unless you renew

I think he means in the old fashion sense. You'd rent the game for $60, but after a certain amount of days, it would be "returned" and the only way to get it back would be to pay again.

you have to pay a tax every time you buy a new game that is equal to 3/4 of the costs to buy it regardless of price

Only games the service distributes is early access.

>It makes you pay $5 per hour to play games and only streams them and doesn't let you download them

You have to pick your username from a list

Forced to use your real name in multiplayer

Onlive?

>mfw I thought it was going to be the future of gaming

How retarded I was.

>it costs money
>it has a physical form
>it needs a monthly fee for multi player
>games are super expensive and unpirateable
wait a minute...

Full of social shit.

requires a reddit account

The multiplayer is a subscription service and you only get a limited amount of time playing

So a console?

Whenever there's an update, you need to reinstall the entire platform from scratch.

Over 10GB

There's a memory leak in it, and it keeps growing until the entire thing just crashes

It records your usage data and sends it to advertisers without giving you any options to switch it off.

>not blocking ads
you're not brainwashing me, mr. goldberg

>We reserve the right to ban your account for any reason, especially complaining about our shitty software

>have to buy the platform in addition to a monthly fee on top of it

>Nothing illegal
>No homophobic (we have a very diverse community here) language
>No racism, see ruiles 2
>No offencive jokes
>Keep politics out of here
>No sexism
>No raids
>Be civil
>No Pornography
>Don't talk over people
>Dont be an idoit
>Mods know best
>Do not play Devil's Advocate.
>Do not attempt to start a debate
>No violent rhetoric
>we encourage you to be up to date trans issues and terminology
>Misgendering people is a big no no
>Leave “gamer” stereotypes out of your comment
>Mods can and will ban you, even if you have not broken any of the rules
>dont like the rules? Then leave.

detects if any other platforms are running and kills their processes

gives you good goy bonuses if you don't use any other platforms

neogaf.exe

>dont like the rules? Then leave.
this is the only rule I'd be following

You must have a att or Verizon phone number attached to the account for authentication.

run by 9gag mods

how do you even know what 9gag mods are like?
sounds to me like someone has a place they need to return to

>every game has a universal hat store
>can connect to fb, twitter, or reddit

judging by the current state of 9gag i would bet that the mods are autistic

how do you even know what the current state of 9gag is like?
now it sounds even more like someone really needs to move closer to their point of origin

Good b8

>you can download your game only once
>and if for some (((reason))) your connection is disrupted while downloading you lose your game

>Over 10GB

Fucking 3rd-worlders

>and if for some (((reason))) your connection is disrupted while downloading you lose your game
windows store does this though.
fortunately, they're still not jewish enough to restrict the amount of times you can download something

>do not post a new thread if you can use the search button
>posting in a old thread is "necro" and you will be banned for it

So youd be ok with reinstalling 10gb for nothing every other day?

>Store has limited quantity of digital keys for game

>every DRM known to man on the games

>Every game can only run on Windows 10
>Every game must be manually updated despite being rentals

Posts in PMs will be moderated as posts in Group chat will be moderated as posts on the public forums.Remember to talk nice to others. this is a Safe Space.

Also, Requires Facebook to Register.

Region locked content can be bypassed by buying lifetime* premium member ship.
*premium member ship ends the moment you don't renew it at 1st january of eqch year. You only have 2 minutes or else the membership expires. It only costs you $699 dollars. Also, €=$ anything that isn't dollar scales 1:1. Third world currency scales appropriately.

>need to solve a jewgle captcha every single time you send a message to anyone to prove you're not a bot
>or cough up $20 per year

I wish they'd actually make a digital distribution platform that crushed steam while still being extremely anti consumer. maybe I could finally stop playing video games if they jewed them up to 11

>If your computer doesn't meet the system requirements the game won't allow you to download
>Games supported on this platform are unsupported elsewhere
>All tech support requests must be met with a full computer scan to see where the problem actually is
>If the scan finds any bit torrent programs we will shut down your account.
>Passwords are 32 digits but if you need assistance remember to contact technical support
>Multiplayer bans are account wide you can appeal by contacting technical support
>Disconnection from the internet is considered suspicious activity and will require a reset of the password which you can do by contacting technical support
>Technical support is available 8AM-5PM AES time Monday, Wednesday, Thursday
>System Maintenance happens every day from 5:00PM-9:00PM in local time zones.

Usernames are subject to strict "nothing offensive" censorship rules. These censorship rules are constantly changing and you can't view them. If your name is deemed offensive then it shall be changed for you.

ID'ed Facebook account required

It makes a fuckton of posts to your feed, and is constantly sending people requests.

>playing online in any way that the community deems unfair, abusive, or rude (such as team-killing, griefing, camping, using offensive language or gestures such as "tea-bagging", kill-stealing, hard-scoping, stream-sniping, repeatedly killing any player more than 3 times in a row, killing lesser-skilled players in humiliating ways, etc.) can result in a permanent account-wide multiplayer ban

A banner that appears over your games with a donation button to keep the platform alive

The entire thing crashes if you tab-out of a game.

>user just added Nekopara Volume 3 to his steam wishlist!
>user just played 8 hours of Huniepop!

Premium memberships

>need to be bought per game

>every 15 minutes a commercial break interrupts your game
>can only be disabled by purchasing a Gold membership for the low cost of $49.99 per month(comes with a free indie asset flip game each month!)

fuck off dummy

>installer is only found on sketchy obscure websites that give you viruses in the form of random .rar files

account needs to be linked to a phone number
need to make a paid phonecall for each login

the data from all your interactions and messages is logged and sold to the highest bidder

Same here, it was great because there were some good games on there, but the latency and other streaming issues fucked it up

It was great if you had a shitty computer that couldn't play anything

It closes out of all other applications upon opening

you already get ads with steam

>It records your usage data and sends it to advertisers without giving you any options to switch it off.

kek steam

>servers are budget and hosted in eastern europe

OPA BLYAD

>you will only be allowed to play with people in the same areas as you with online multiplayer games/modes.

Would suck if you live in the middle of nowhere.

much better than how GTAV's matchmaking system worked for the first few years.

>randomly matched up with players from all over the world completely ignoring latency
>even though it is literally the most popular video game ever released and I know there are millions of other Americans playing at the same time that I could be matched up with
>but I get matched up with australians and brazilians speaking their monkey language and jumping around with 300+ ping

Oh shit AOL whaddup!!!

>no customer support outside of posting on the forums and hoping someone who isn't 13 responds
>all new games from non AAA devs get voted on by the community
>no punishment for trading preorder copies for votes from the community

Took me a while to see how that trick worked even from this perspective.

t. homo sapiens

you download the entire, uncompressed game at a fixed rate of 123kb/s

yet when you go to run the game, instead of running off the files you downloaded, it streams them from a remote zimbabwe server

Anyone with any knowledge of networking could see Onlive would never work, at least until the global infrastructure is fucking beyond what we have access to now. It was a terrible idea, and I tried PSNow as well. Still not playable.

It would also make all the server connection issues for always-on games even fucking worse.

>australians speaking their monkey language
really activates the almonds