Make me Laugh

If any of you simpletons can make me laugh, I have 4 $50+ Steam codes i'll be gifting.
>Nier Automata
>Prey (2017)
>Total War Warhammer II
>Resident Evil VII
> Post your emails in your subjects and try your best. I'll warn you, I'm known for being the grumpiest stone-faced man alive.

Other urls found in this thread:

steamcommunity.com/id/timecrisis/
youtu.be/HbuZ6HwSlp4
youtu.be/KCz6qjYM2aI
steamcommunity.com/id/Clinically_Pimp
steamcommunity.com/id/HEYYYYEAHH/
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shear_mapping
oldeenglish.org/podcast/astronauts
youtube.com/watch?v=MjmO33smxus
twitter.com/NSFWRedditImage

So a skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.

So there is man and wife right? Man comes home after good hunt and sees wife looking mad. Man immediately gets on his knees and pleads for wifes forgiveness, because he thinks she know he had an affair with sultry woman on lower block, but instead, wife show him kitchen. He looks inside and to his astonishment he sees why wife was so mad at him. He.... CUT THE CUCUMBER LENGTHWISE

Jelly World is real

couldn't you just use the codes and gift them instead? I'm not very comfortable posting my e mail on an anonymous image board, especially considering bots will go after it and send me tons of shitty offers

how about you proof you actual have those codes and that they aren't dupes first

Lame
Cant even read whatever this is.
Lies, Heretic.
Post steam instead then. Either way works.

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pee pee nigger pussy fucker bicycle pants

LOL

Dabbing is an unfunny outdated meme that only children find amusing.
Boring.
The only thing even remotely funny about your post is your god awful tripfag name.

Here's a laugh:

Neopia still thinks you're a hero, Skral

Lol?

BEHOLD

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer
One asks: "Does this taste funny to you?"
The other responds: "No."

>tripfag name
that was my steam lmao

What's green and smells like bacon, OP?

kermit's finger

What do you call a pirate who wants to fly the plane

A pilot

Holy fuck Scott went down the drain. seriously? Political propaganda? jesus christ man.

So I was hanging out with my buddies one day. Whenever one of us had to take a piss we'd just go out the back door for a second. So one of the guys goes to take a piss and about a minute later, my other friend gets a text. He tells me that I had to see this text. It said "I'm locked out of the house". Now when I first read it I thought it was his girlfriend being a ditz or something but then I read who its from. Turns out the guy who went to take a piss somehow managed to close AND lock the door behind him. Before we let him in we had to laugh at him first.

OP's such a generous guy.
He got two blowjobs in Vegas then came back and gave me one.

you're mom have gay lol

I wrote a love note to my crush in 4th grade and I found her crying and tearing it up

So there once lived a train conductor who was rather poor, most of his earnings went to his son's college, so he would always make sure to pick up every penny, nickel, and dime he came across so he could feed his family, one day, on his way home from work, he dropped one of his nickels without noticing, it rolled along the ground until it finally fell over at a very unfortunate spot, a recent murder scene, a day later, the police found the crime scene, but the only piece of evidence they could find was the conductor's nickel, the police apprehended the man and he was tried and convicted, sentenced to death. Years later, the conductor was sitting on the electric chair, waiting for his demise, the executioner pulled down the lever... and nothing happened, they pulled it again, but just like before, nothing happened. The story of the man who had survived multiple electric chair shocks made the news nationwide, when being interviewed, the reporter asked if he knew why he survived, and he replied, "How am I supposed to know? I'm not an electrician, I'm just a poor conductor "

heh

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Im gonna go play an exclusive ps3 game

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SILENCE HERETIC
Sup Forums related humor is disgusting.
Don't get it
This might be funny if i knew who amy chuner was, but I don't care.
Frogs dont taste like pork. Learn anatomy and try again.
No a pirate who flies a plane is still a pirate. His altitude does not change his occupation.
Is this teenage sitcom humor? Blech.
Hope you liked it.
More gay than you.
How is your life story supposed to make me laugh?
Word play and puns are clever, but not funny.
The only Loss here is my braincells at your sad attempt here.
Have fun. I reccomend Yakuza 4.

heh

preddy gud

>Dabbing is an unfunny outdated meme that only children find amusing.
you came to v for amusement and you expect something more mature

whats the difference between black maggots and white maggots

THE BLACK MAGGOTS DONT GOT NO DADDIES

well fuck you then

>Frogs dont taste like pork. Learn anatomy and try again.
The joke is that Kermit fingers Ms. Piggy's asshole. Fucking hell, no wonder you don't find anything funny

Wait I think I get the joke. None of us are actually gonna get anything yet we're all acting like fools for your amusement. Am I right?

how do we know you aren't actually chuckling at our funny jokes, user? For all we know you could just be sitting there laughing heartily and not tell us

if this doesn't makes you laugh, i have the one with Bill Cosby.

thats the meta joke
but the proto joke is that this thread is a LOL thread

a black man, an asian man, a white man, and a hispanic man walk to the top of a mountain.

the hispanic man says "This is for my people!" and jumps off the side of the mountain.

the asian man says "This is for my people!" and jumps off the mountain.

the black man says "This is for MY people!" and picks up the white man and throws him off the mountain.

if you are white and want to tell the joke you can just flip the white and black mens position around.

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>post your emails

Do I win anything for knowing we get nothing?

There are people who bought the Xbox One

Post your NeoBank amounts faggots.

Yes you get nothing

THANK you

covfefe

MSpaint comic? You're gonna have to do way better than that.
Racial humor isn't funny. It's terrible you'd even think this was worth laughing at.
Pretty good attempt there, almost had me smirk, but not good enough.
Newsflash: There are people with taste? Shocker.
Now THIS is gold, actually thinking your money is safe in anywhere but Meridell would be laughable if I actually found it funny.

What do you call someone who takes everything literally? a kleptomaniac

Lmao isn't this from Sam & MaX?

I tried to get my roommates to try out this japanese boardgame the other day...but sadly it was a no-go

I always smile with this pic

One of these lines HAS to make you laugh

I'm still going to post this though, for the other anons.

I've been playing neopets for 12 YEARS and I still don't know how to make the king laugh

Does the joke need to be Sup Forums related unlike everything else on this board??

A man walks into a bar sits down, and starts ordering shots back to back. He keeps this up for a while, until a woman walks into the bar, sits next to him, and starts ordering the same shots back to back.
After a few minutes, the man turns to the woman and asks, "Why are you drinking so heavily?"
She replies, "My husband left me because he thought I was too kinky."
The man says, "Really? I'm drinking since my wife left me because she thought I was too kinky!"
The pair continue to knock back shots, until the woman says, "Look. We both have a lot in common...let's go back to my place and see what happens."
They pay their tab and set off for the woman's house. Once there, she sits him down in the living room, telling him "Let me slip into something more comfortable."
She goes into her bedroom and puts on the kinkiest outfit she has. Six-inch stilettos, riding crop, a rubber bra with the nipples cut out, handcuffs, the works. She saunters seductively out into the living room to find the man putting on his coat and hat.
"Where are you going," she exclaims. "I thought we were gonna get kinky!"
The man looks her in the eye and deadpans "Listen: I fucked your dog; I shit in your purse; I'm out of here."

steam name Korbo Russ plz TWW2 if you larf

There are people unironically excited for Sonic Forces.

oops, forgot my steam: steamcommunity.com/id/timecrisis/

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This whole situation reminds me of this: youtu.be/HbuZ6HwSlp4

>Back when i was a boy my father told me about the times back when he played college ball at the University of Texas.
>I asked what did he major in school
>He told me mechanical engineering
>"what kind of machinery?" I asked
>"Nano machines son" he told me
>that was the last real memory I had of him before he got into politics before he was murdered by a cyborg ninja.

My old account. I've never made him laugh either. I think it's just random.

>not being excited for Sonic Forces
NO LOOKING BACK
YOU AND I, WE'RE ON THE ATTACK
FULL SPEED AHEAD
RUNNING TO THE SUNSET

don't worry buddy, maybe the next sonic mania will manage to be as good as sonic 3 haha

youtu.be/KCz6qjYM2aI

No you call them a thief. Who are you to diagnose them?
Sorry to hear.
Raping a fictional girl is supposed to be funny? And here I thought I was fucked up.
More sad than humorous i'm afraid. Keep at it.
I don't get it.
There were people excited for Sonic mania too.
A skewed sheep is not a sheared sheep.
If this is a metal gear reference, its not cannon nor funny.

What do you call an incestuous nephew?
An aunt-eater. steamcommunity.com/id/Clinically_Pimp

do you like fish sticks?

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uhm...

Sure

I'm more fond of filleted fish.
Who's that ugly mug? He's grumpier then me.
Look buddy I don't know who you think you are, but your impressions of me suck.

Yeah! You tell him, honey!

but do you like it or no?

Some people have a stick up their ass, OP has a whole tree up his.

Woah, wait, don't start doing this guys.

I lost my virginity last night down in houston trying to help my brother move out. It was a 400 lb college girl who was throwing trash away in a pack n ship store, next door.

She had a huge ass, and I really should've used a jet ski to ride her ass ripple waves instead of my dick, but alas, packing chemicals under pressure exploded across the room and got into my eyes, so I just left the ER after sitting in a bed soaking wet with these IV contacts with saline for over an hour.

it's been an experience

steamcommunity.com/id/HEYYYYEAHH/

>A skewed sheep is not a sheared sheep.

Mathematically speaking it is hence the joke.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shear_mapping

Jealous that I have more fiber in my diet? How quaint.
Your summer vacation sucks

Just restocked a Stealthy Lutari Morphing Potion ama

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Please!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three english words in a sentence. The three words are 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow.'" The Mexican man thinks , then says, "Hmmm, okay. The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and says yellow?"

>
>I don't get it.
I weep for your sense of humor. Let's try again.

A man is sitting alone in his house when he hears a voice:
>Quit your job. Sell your house. Take all of your money and go to Las Vegas.
He ignores the voice. The next day, he hears it again:
>Quit your job. Sell your house. Take all of your money and go to Las Vegas.
He ignores it once more. On the third day, he hears the voice every waking moment:
>Quit your job. Sell your house. Take all of your money and go to Las Vegas.
Finally he can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, liquidates everything into cash and catches a flight to Vegas. Upon landing, he hears the voice:
>Go to Caesar's Palace.
He goes to Caesar's Palace. Once inside, the voice says:
>Make your way to the roulette table.
He makes his way to the roulette table. The voice says:
>Put all of your money on Black 13.
He puts all of his money on Black 13.
The wheel spins.
It lands on Red 27.
The voice says:
>Fuck.

What do you do if fierce Peophins has eaten too much tin of olives?

You can't Battle what what what!

How about this.
One of my friends plays archeage a dead korean mmo and has put almost 10k into it maybe even more that i dont know about.

Here you go OP

What do you call a spic without a dick?
A stick.

Pls gib automata

Wow, you ignored this beautiful video

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because kleptos really do steal everything, literally

That man is stupid. Phones doe not "Green" they "Ring"
What a terribly weak willed simpleton.
Peophins don't eat Olives, they eat starberries. Leave my sight.
Sad. You should stop him before its too late.
I would call him by his name you racist asshole.
Toys R us is a legitimate business. I see no issues here.

One more try OP, i'm also this faggot. (√(-SHIT))2
If you aren't retarded in math it'll make sense.

oldeenglish.org/podcast/astronauts

[email protected]

Alright user, I'll play. I just have one question for you first: What is your favorite video game quote?

(OP)
Have a /his/ meme

OP's theme:
youtube.com/watch?v=MjmO33smxus

It seems you are hard to please
You're not amused by jokes like these
But consider this fact OP
At least its not Samantha Bee

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