How are we supposed to know that you are supposed to jump on the block and then dash at the peak of your jump ?

How are we supposed to know that you are supposed to jump on the block and then dash at the peak of your jump ?

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i wonder if i can find a video of a chimp climbing on a chair to reach something

It's a bad tutorial.

It quite literally says you can dash in the air right there

That guy genuinely needs to stop posting on the internet. They do not meet minimum requirements.

Its a bad tutorial if youve never played a 2d platformer before.

>try to jump over the cylinder
>see you cannot jump that high
>realize you may be able to jump that high from the block
>dash like the game literally tells you to when you are at the point of the arrow

When you realize that just jumping will not work which should be two jumps

The only real critique that could be said about the tutorial is that the screen scrolls slowly enough that you can't see the Dash prompt until after you've dropped off the block. That may reasonably cause some to think they can jump the pillar from ground level or dash through it. After two or three attempts, the sensible person would know to use the block, and it wouldn't take them more than two or three attempts to time an air dash.

Im more surprised he didnt try and shot, as that's what the next command said. This guy just hasnt played enough videogames before, it has nothing to do with his intelligence, he just doesnt have any experience with them at all.

The big bold letters that say DASH with the button you're supposed to press and an arrow going over the cylinder. Trying to jump from the ground a single time you'd clearly realize you need to go off the block, if you aren't braindead of course.

by not being a stupid contrarian

Dash prompt should've been about half the height of the cylinder

I'll do you one better.

Who was playing?

The only real complaint is that the dash button is mapped to Y which would be awkward as fuck since jump is mapped to A. Dash should be a trigger or bumper

Is the jump-and-dash in this game the dark souls of jump-and-dash?

Name ONE (1) 2D game with an airdash. (no indies)

It was obvious to anyone that hasplayed a platformer after the first attempt that you had to press the dash after a jump.

Megaman X2
Sonic Advance

Megaman X

Hard Corps Uprising.

>Y DASH
>QUICK EVADE ON GROUND OR AIR
>arrow pointing to the right over the column

I would expect that level of play from somebody who has never played a video game before. I really mean that. Even somebody who has absolutely no experience playing video games will figure out the clear instructions on screen more quickly than that.

Somebody whose entire career is built around video games being that terrible at basic problem solving and inputs is truly embarassing. I don't think he's a piece of shit or anything, I just think he's kinda pathetic.

Like, obviously there's something very seriously mentally wrong with this guy. Nobody is that stupid unless they have a serious learning disability or something. Maybe he was blackout drunk?

God what a shitshow.

Youre probably younger than 18.

...

He has reviewed a few games before, like the first Mass Effect.

Fun fact: He actually gave Mass Effect a bad review, but corrected it after people pointed out he messed up. His mistake? He didn't know he could assign points to unlock new skills.
He also gave a negative review to XCom 2 because he thought it was too hard. It is not that he doesn't have experience with games, he simply doesn't pay enough attention because he doesn't actually enjoy them.

I showed the gameplay to my 8 year old nephew, he knew exactly what you should do and found it hilarious that this person couldnt figure it out. He's played Mega Man and Mario so he has some experience in 2d platforming, still its embaressing for someone to be paid and be this bad at gaming when an 8 year old could have done a better job.

Regardless of whether the tutorial is good or not, someone who claims to have 20 years of experience in the industry should pass this instantly. I assume this means this journo never actually played the games he wrote about for more than 30 seconds or so until the internet became a thing and he had to submit videos.

And I'll do you BOTH one better:
youtube.com/watch?v=oibOcOQS48o

a game journalist

Kirby Super Star

name one day that you didn't suck dick

I agree, game journalists should be decent in games, or at least stick to genres theyre decent in. This guy should never touch a 2d platformer as he has no idea what he's doing and he shouldnt be paid for this and no one should take his opinion seriously in this.

this is the correct answer

I wish game reviewers were obliged to show the achievements they got from the game. That would at least weed out the ones that don't bother to finish.

>approach the cube
>it tells me to dash
>dash into the wall
>what the fuck
>oh wait it says I can shoot
>shoot the wall
>game doesn't even show any hit points
>keep shooting
>can't destroy it after 5 minutes
Why would they leave such design flaws and bugs in a game?

With basic problem solving skills necessary to survive past the age of infancy.

What's his name?

>tfw actually excited about cuphead but people only ever talk about it in relation to this autistic gameplay video

They used to do that in the past. Now game journalists are just art school rejects that with good writing skills and SJW bullshit. This is what we get for having bigger companies owning these sites. The best reviewers are the ones that arent getting paid and play games for fun.

That is not a critique at all, the purpose of that is to show more focus on the fact that using the environment is necessary. You are looking for anything possible to complain about in an attempt to make it look bad that the game offers an (extremely simple) movement puzzle that the player has to solve to teach them how to use their abilities (the precise point of a tutorial), rather than making it essentially a straight line that doesn't show you how any of your abilities can actually be used.

You want the job? Go finish Bayonetta.

it'll blow over as soon as they stop writing asspain about it

>replying to a shitpost

you're fucking retarded...

How long until video game journalist/reviewers are held onto the same standards as movie/book/food reviewers? So many game reviewers are blatantly lazy/incompetent at their jobs, but still get the white knighted by the rest of the industry and never face proper punishment. If a film reviewer showed such a blatant lack of basic understanding, he would get fired and permanently blacklisted on the spot.

>some chink being bad at some indie platformer will spark gamergate 2.0

They should be good enough to beat the game in most cases, with the only exceptions being crazy hard shit of a type that Cuphead definitely isnt.

Hopefully not, last time GG ended up being a failure that opened the industry's gates to massive feminist shit after the mass media turned it into sexism, obviously they can't really do that when the """"victim"""" is a straight man, and SJWs hate Japanese people, but they will probably make it so the evil sexist gamers hate less skilled people and make everything into a massive hugbox with developers dumbing down games even more.

In the end, we're the consumers and the people bitching are not. Gaming will continue to be a male dominated autistic hobby. We should just not buy the crap they force on us like Mass Effect Andromeda and Horizon Zero Dawn.

Jesus Christ. How can you miss something like that? Every time you leveled up Mass Effect would give you that annoying 'new skills available, press [key] to open skill menu' blurb.

Didn't he also say WH40K Space Marine was a rip-off of Gears of War?

>If a film reviewer showed such a blatant lack of basic understanding, he would get fired and permanently blacklisted on the spot.
IGN reviews films too you know

How long before the news that Cuphead is delayed again as they're remaking the tutorial and dumbing down the whole game?

Honestly, does anyone else think that uses shitty language? "quick evade on ground or air" is really not the purpose of the move. it would be more clear if it said "dash to gain extra distance in the air"

>this meme is finally real.
I thought the Super Mario 64 threads were a joke, no one could possibly be that stupid.
But a grown man who has played video games to review them for 15+ years cant read fucking directions and have motor skills worse then a handicapped toddler.
How is this possible?

No, it's indicative of the game journalists culture. They're college kids who care more about partying and using their worthless degrees for something than actually being passionate about games.

The worst thing to happen to gaming news outlets is the death of professional magazines. These Game Journo websites are all in each other's pockets ready to defend each other, and it breeds shitty hiring practices and dumb controversies as a result.

GamerGate was the hero we needed, but the normies cared more about unquestionably listening to the source being put on trial.

Dean Takahashi, I think

Welcome to gaming in 2017. Enjoy your stay or do something productive with your life.

The purpose of the move is whatever you can use it for. It clearly works like an evade, maybe it even has iframes in which case the word would be even more apt, but it also moves you forward regardless of location. Dash also tells you what you need to know.

Cuphead

>the pidgeon beat him
god fucking damn

videogames aren't about videogames anymore
Videogame journalism is more about politics and money than videogames, it's a massively bloated market and I wish it would sink back down into obscurity so the only people in the industry actually give a fuck about it

is writen over there
therebefore you need to get to the same height as the text to dash, your normal jump doesnt get you do the height of the text
so you need to get in the box to jump and get into the same height as the text to do the dash

simple fucking logic

The real kicker is in the rest of his gameplay. He spent half an hour on a single level and never even made it to the halfway point. He showed that he has literally no functioning memory, as he constantly ran into the same enemy at the start of the level over and over again, only rarely managing to avoid him. His excuse was that he was convinced this was a mario game, and was just so amazingly perplexed by the idea that jumping on enemies hurts him that he went on to do it over and over again for half of the video.

It's truly in his best interest to claim a learning disability, because the alternative is so much worse.

>Quick evade
Why would you need to evade something there? Theres literally nothing there to dodge.

>My 6 year old sister intuitively understands how to play Dustforce

I'd love to see a bunch of gaym journos try to play it.

The game is a shmup. You'll be dodging shit constantly, so the tutorial shows you how to evade while in the air.

>Mega Man X
>no on-screen text to teach you how to climb walls
>be 8 when i beat the game
>implying anyone around my age bothers to read the manual properly, let alone have it when borrowing from friends.
>majority of kids likely figured it out this way, except for that dumb one in class, named Dean, who had to wait till school starting again on Monday to ask his friends.

Welcome to Earth. You just watched a metaphor for how oblivious and hopeless most people are. You know seatbelt laws? It's because of retards exactly like OP's image.

youtube.com/watch?v=o46mwS2DDxY

mario?

The move is referred to as a dash. You are also proving you have no ability to apply your own thoughts and reasoning to a situation using the tools you are provided.

He had a head start, too.

My 11 year old sister beat Super Meat Boy when she was 7. This guy is just retarded.

He also had written instructions.

>Tim Schafer is willing to choose this hill to die on
>Tim Schafer is calling anyone shitting on the retarded journo a gamergator
Fucking wew lads.

Takahashi has been doing this for 20 years, man.
He's not a college kid.

Just checked Twitter, and people are defending this by saying that pewdiepie (which is in my phone's autocorrect, Jesus Christ) said nigger.
wtf I love Dean now?

link to the video?

And he was probably a college dropout when he got into the industry.

>6 years old sister
was your sister a late, unplanned mistake or are you just 12 years old?

Ori and the blind forest

youtube.com/watch?v=848Y1Uu5Htk

It's also worth noting that the original title of the video was talking up how hard it is, and Dean has described cuphead as "Something between Mario and Dark Souls"

youtube.com/watch?v=GTYa9kX-K3M

thank you my man
>Something between Mario and Dark Souls
what in the everloving fuck does this even mean?

What the hell was Gamergate even? A female developer fucked a reviewer in exchange for a good review on her shitty game, right? Why did this spark such a big controversy when it's clear that developers sometimes bribe in order to get better scores?

It created Sup Forums

with the clusterfuck that was the later Binding of Isaac expansions, I forgot he's not bad at traditional game design.

I should play Meatboy again

Basically means every genre, assuming RPG's and racing games are in between Mario and Dark Souls, since Mario Kart exists and Dark Souls has RPG elements.
Crazy as it sounds mayyybe he's talking about difficulty? In that case it's as hard as Mario or Dark Souls because those are literally the only games the guy know to use as a parameter.
My vote's on the first option though, it's just more logical.

Because it's supposed to be some kind of big secret even though it has obviously happened since the dawn of time.
So journalists decided to twist it into "evil internet people harrass women" to gain the moral highground.

The controversy was how *the entire gaming media* colluded to try to bury it.

dean go to bed

Tim lost his marbles a long time ago.
He's too sensitive to deal with the fact that people who aren't assholes could antagonize people he cares about.

Well, a few attempts to get over the cylinder by just jumping over it will show you that you simply don't get enough height from your jump, and basic common sense should tell you that the overall height of your jump will be higher if you start from an already elevated position, so you are drawn to the he solid block that is still in-frame that you just had to jump over to get to where you are. Assuming the text telling you about your airdash hasn't quite set in yet, you can try just jumping from the block. You'll have the height but not the horizontal carry to make it over.
At this point the neurons should start firing, and you try out this Y button evade to see what it does, and you should notice that it allows you a burst of horizontal momentum while outright stopping your vertical momentum, allowing you to say suspended in the air while still advancing.
By now, unless you suffer from some sort of serious developmental disorder or are a toddler, you should see the puzzle pieces fitting into place. You need to jump off the block until you reach the height you need, then dash to clear the cylinder.

This thought process shouldn't take more than a few seconds, especially for someone as seasoned as a 20 year industry veteran, at which point it should come down to your ability to perform the sequence of inputs that would be required for this set of actions (which in this case is just positioning yourself on the block, holding forward on the stick, pressing A, then pressing Y with a little bit of timing, but you can't expect everyone to have the bare basics of hand-eye coordination, I suppose).
I could possibly accept Mr. Takahashi just being horribly inept with his hands, but given how it takes him a solid 30 seconds of trying to just jump over the cylinder and failing before he even considers the block as part of the equation shows that he is just plain inept.

Yeah, games journalism being shit with zero standards is a proud tradition!

>The worst thing to happen to gaming news outlets is the death of professional magazines

personally, video game journalists attempt at being more "professional" just overall ruins the industry. Look at the heydays of GamePro, Game Players, (Late 90's/Early 00's) Gamefan, etc. re-reading those reviews, nothing about the writing was professional (especially early Gamefan, Holy Christ), but one thing you could trust was these were actual fans of video games. EGM was about the only magazine you could trust for some professional input & writing, as a kid anyway.

Sure, depending on who's reviewing, they may give it a lower score than what it actually deserves. but that's where familiarizing with the writer helps, as well as having a second and third opinion from other writers.

the modern day attempts of video game journalists trying to appear more professional, indicative of them trying to inject sociopolitical comments (or SJW pandering, if you prefer to call it that) into a video game website makes it all the more clearer that they're more journalism graduates who can't find a proper journalist job, than actual fans of video games.

it's shit like these why i avoid kotaku, venturebeat, & other websites that fall in the same category, & opt with reviews done by "vloggers/bloggers", fans, & at most, let's player. sure, they're opinions will vary, but you get a second, third, fourth, etc. opinion on the subject. and knowing they're not some pompous sacks of shits who act like they're a bunch of know-it-alls at least offers some relief that when their opinion doesn't match yours, they at least never admit to being a "professional" reviewer/ journalist

Afterbirth and Afterbirth+ aren't bad, but they focus too much on content that assumes you have good items. Plus, too many "filler" items like flat HP ups.

Modern identity politics happened.

It's the old "People label something falsely and then it becomes that label" thing. When there was no other way to discredit the accusations of corruption, faux-journalists segued into "everyone who is against us is opposed to our identity politics as well." So since most of them put on a facade of progressive thought, it became that every part of Gamergate was sexist. Seeing this, people who actually DID oppose what most people consider progressive ideas took up the mantle to harass those who they find to be their enemies in identity politics, causing these claims to become a self-fulfilling designation and making GG a great scapegoat to blame any and everything on.

We live in a world now more than ever where people are creating a web of groups to pledge allegiance to in order to fight any other way of thinking. The us vs them mentality has gripped everyone and free thought is dead. Complex opinions are not tolerated no matter which side you're looking at.

Whose gonna take the big bad Sup Forums seriously?

You're right in that it's been going on for a while, but Zoe Quinn blowing 5 guys for good reviews was impetus to stop it. Cheaters are right above pedophiles and right below corrupt politicians in how the public perceives them