So you're back in highschool...

So you're back in highschool, and Jesus Christ (the coolest kid in the whole school) is coming over to play video games with you. What game(s) do you have prepared to play when he arrives and how bad do you get rekt once you guys start?

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biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job 41&version=NLT
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Smash. What character do you think Jesus would play?

Well Jesus as a kid was a little shit so I don't think I would win at any game in vidya if he gets pissed. That said, anything relaxing.
Jesus would probably tear it up at ddr

What makes you think that? As far as I remember he always ran off when his parents traveled to go to church and they lost him for several days because of it and he acted like they should have expected him to be there.

Uncle Moses would never allow it.

WARIO

just kidding i have no idea maybe Jigglypuff.

Bible Black

you mean synagogue

How do you play a VN with someone

yeah sorry i don't remember

Well if you do a little reasearch on texts not admitted into the Bible because of controversy to the Image of the messiah, you'll find that at ages 1 to 7 he was basically pushing other kids around literally, and when some dude came into his fathers wood working shop taking shit about the quality of the work, baby Jesus took his goddamn eyes.
So yeah, kid Jesus would probably go ape shit if he couldn't keep his cool playing anything like cod or even fighting games.

Some extracanonical texts have Jesus kill a kid He didn't like, but bring him back when Joseph told Him to stop being a dick

But far be it from me to accept non official scripture as part of the story. Gotta keep it kosher yeah?

Who would his Mario Kart main be, unironically?

You realize there's a reason those aren't canon right?
It's comprable to excluding the monstrocities described of Ben Garrison online from his biography should one be written

Twisted Metal 2, Mario Kart DS, and Metal Slug 3

What would be the best multiplayer mecha game to play with Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour?

Unironically? Mario.
Ironically? DK.

Would Jesus approve of me playing Monster Girl Quest?

Unlikely

Hey man, every story has its shadow. You really think a newly born omnipotent being ISNT going to experiment and maybe do something considered fucking horrible by everyone but it's okay because he quickly reversed it so it was quickly forgotten because hay he did something else that was nice

Just saying man, grains of salt go a long way with these things and stomping on feelings is always the worst way to do shit. I was just pointing out why I thought maybe baby Jesus wouldn't be a good vidya partner, because with the levels of autism known to the average video game player, an omnipotent video game player would be a fucking hornet nest kind of deal.

But maybe baby Jesus would be chill as shit about it. Play some jet set radio and just skate or something. Maybe just flip around ny as Spider-Man trying to get to mr. Conor's class. I don't know bro.

He never really forced anyone to do anything but he said it in a "for your own good" way. He'd probably tell you to throw out all of your tempting video games and say that it's better to lose the games than to lose your life. (My source is his minispeech on adultery where he said that if your right eye causes you to stutter, it's better to gauge it out and throw it away than to have your whole body thrown away.)

I never even knew that there were other writings that weren't included in the bible.

Bad Company. Used to go 50 kills 0 death on the 360 as a Specialist. Jesus doesn't exist. Eat shit. If you don't, believe me, I had gynecomastia as an average height/weight guy fresh/soph year so what else was I going to do?

*tips fedora

...

Well, I'm glad I was able to show you something new. Actually, most of the scripted mentioned in the thread are still in the Jewish holy book the Torah and pretty sure they're in the Koran too.

They just didn't make it into the Bible because a later more Orthodox Church of the Byzantine empire omitted and added some things that are now generally accepted worldwide as the canon Christian faith. Somehow the stories are hush hush even though now I think people might be able to see past the immediate "oh shit he did that" shock of the stories and get to the actual lesson it's trying to convey.

Are there games where I can ally with angels?

There was also plenty of slander post-crucifixtion, if the people of rome, jerusalem, somalia, and elsewhere killed the apostles for how they talked about Jesus, why is it unreasonable to discern between documents speaking about Him as canon or not, especially era-correct ones?
Things that contradict His nature as laid out by those who describe Him correctly as the sinless son of God (because without that there is no religion) and use His name to either front a cause or to simply make His followers look bad should not be considered based on the orthodox interpretation of His life and works
Simply, for one reason or another, those documents were decanonized because they present an untrue or uneccesary look at the early life of Jesus because Jesus wasn't a savescummer with reality (because that denies His incarnation as wholly man which cheapens His death on the cross)

But that's the whole reason why it was so controversial. The people who believed he was a man wholly and truly can't accept that he would do those things.

The other side, who saw him as wholly divine, could easily accept a savescumming god as long as he put everyone on the best timeline.

The conundrum is how he could leave us on the best timeline and also die as a human is why it got so convoluted and here had to be mass callings to every priest with any standing to get the story straightened out to mass appeal.

I'd say the truth is somewhere in between, but omitting and adding things just changed goal posts. The vision of the man himself must have been something else, if not something entirely more.

Unteralterbach

I wonder what Jesus would think

SMT

Where did it say that angles have wings? To be honest I never read that, all I read is that "their appearance was like lightning" which is AS USUAL as vague as possible like The Bible likes to be. What the heck does "their appearance was like lightning" mean?

>Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying.
Isaiah 6:2

In the other religious thread, someone mentioned that angels were really powerful. How powerful are they?

Mind bendingly so. Inconceivable.
The twist? They didn't do anything with it: wasn't their job. Their job was to sing about how great God is for 100% of all eternity. Maybe be a messenger if God wants to send one to say somethin'.

Also, the whole "tier" thing of angels is not a part of Christianity. That's just a fan's databook made for funsies. There are were only a few named angels and, like, 4 groups MAX of what other angels might be categorized as.

So they have wings on their faces that actually cover their face? How come no one draws it like that?

IDK, Lucifer was supposed to be the #1 leader angel, and he is described as being pretty OP.

Read the documentations and examinations of the First Council of Nicea if you want to know exactly why each document was canonized or not because it has to do with the very reason of personal interpretations coming to a head in full blown heresy, the most popular of which (which was also what the most powerful among society believed in the wake of the legalization) was arianism which reduced Christ to some created thing, denying His divinity and this had to be addressed in collecting everything they knew justifiably about the son of God

The letter to the Hebrews specifically condemns angel study and worship because that undermines the whole point of Jesus's work

Could you provide some context on their power level?

>How come no one draws it like that?
Same reason Jesus is drawn as a tall, fair-skinned, blue-eyed north european man.

Everyone who meets one falls on their face out of fear everyone

I'm not the other user, but I found this from Matthew (aka: the best account in the bible objectively speaking)

Because angels took human form as well (see sodom) and that is a greater display of artistic skill than some esoteric stuff only the prophets saw so it looks better on medeival resume and looks better in general

Looking at them was enough to make humans go insane, die or outright turn into dust.

There a biblical contexts where a single angel would completely eradicate armies of humans hundreds of thousands strong in the span of a single night. Or a single angel tasked with guarding the garden of Eden to keep mankind out anymore was all that was needed as he could see every instance of its boundaries and strike that all he could be seen as was a single sword that was on fire. Or that their voices would quake the very atomic structure of the universe when they sang in unison. None of them looked human, either. The closest they got was some had, among their 4 heads, a human one (made in the image of God in the first place) or that they have 4 limbs.

"Do not be afraid." Every wondered why every angel said that first thing to man whenever they had to tell them something?

>strike that all he could be seen as was a single sword that was on fire.

That's badass and awesome

As powerful as the Lord tells them to be.

>game has you attempt to sneak into the Garden of Eden
>if the angel sees you, you are instantly incinerated by a sword made of fire
>the angel sees everything

That's the point, it's also why God loves humility, you ain't shit compared to that but He made you to be more important than them

Genesis 3:24 - After he drove the man out, he placed on the east side of the Garden of Eden cherubim and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the tree of life.

It's difficult if it was a single angel or a group, but they were/were in posession of a flaming sword with inconceivable angles that was so fast and omnipresent it was basically just seen to be flashing across the area it guarded.

>fucking Cherubim with flaming swords
Sounds terrifying

>Where do you think you're going?

Angels look like what God wants them to be.
Lucifer was a djinn btw

Either way, what the fuck is Satan's problem?

The fuck is wrong with him?

>It's difficult if it was a single angel or a group
It's not difficult. Just reference a literal translation (YLT works) and, if you're balls are made of steel, the OJB. That will tell you everything you need to know about specifics. Also, the most appropriated version, NLT (the opposite of literal, one that translates slangs and uncommon word uses from the native language/time period into something we'd better understand).

It's a group of cherubim and a flaming sword, btw.

He tempts humans, and they keep failing his tests

But why does he do it?
I never understood why he was such a dick.

He was tasked to do so by God.

>Hey Satan, I want you to test humans to see if they are good and faithful
>Okay, God. I'm sure they'll pass
>Oh my God, all of these humans are trash

So does God not hate Satan then?
Why is there a need to temp humans?

Is this the Muslim belief or the Christian belief?
Besides everyone already knows it's impossible for humans to ever learn so there is literally no point of testing, it should be expected.

Satan means "adversary." Sometimes this is used to describe a single entity, other times it is used in general for all opposition.

But the point of Satan is like so: all sticks are meant to not break, but this means nothing if none of these sticks are tested. Satan is the one that give them the ole bend test.

>tasked to do so
I doubt that. Consider the story of Job. Over and over, Satan begs to fuck Job's shit up for no reason just to prove that he isn't actually righteous. And Job withstands pretty much all of it: losing his family, losing his wealth, losing his health - everything. And he remains righteous until his pricks that he called friends come up and tell him to repent for something he didn't do. That was Job's breaking point - not anything Satan did, but being falsely accused.

But Satan was a real fucking jerk there.

What was the leviathan?

About Job, does anyone understand God's answer to Job?

He showed him the sky or something, and two animals? Was the only point of that answer to convey that Job is too dumb to actually understand God's knowledge, or was God supplying him with other knowledge through that? Wtf does it mean?

From a historical perspective, the largest crocodile found in the Indus river valley. Weapons and tools not fashioned out of metals would be difficult break the scales of this beast.

It could also have been some whale, though it was said to be in a sea.
But literally, it is some giant sea serpent. A sort of aquatic dragon or hydra.

Need for Speed Underground, SSX tricky, Tony Hawk Underground, Lotr return of the King, Eye toy and Dead or Alive 2.

biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job 41&version=NLT

Which part? Towards the end, God is basically challenging Job with shit like, "If you think you're so fucking hot, go capture the Leviathon and see how that goes, asshole!" (Job 41)

And Job was like, "Whoa man, I ain't that hot. I repent." And with Job repented, one of the universe's largest brofists happen in that moment. (Job 42).

Mario Party 3. I'll teach that nigga how2stigmata.
I'm personally a fan of the asian branch of cristianity view that posits Jesus went missing in his 20s and ended up soulsearching in India, where he attained enlightenment after learning from local yogis.

How would savescumming make him a perfect sinless human being at all? God the father would still know that he sinned. His sacrifice wouldn't result in atonement for anyone.

>God blessed Job in the second half of his life
>then Job lived 140 years after that...
Lunar calendar, right? So, just ten more yea...
>...living to see four generations of his children and grandchildren
..rs. Hmm.

>the lightbringer
>implying God's greatest servant simply fell
Everything is as according to God's plan. For good to exist, so must evil.

A year in the bible is still a year, user.

>lunar year
>not similar to solar year
Do you think passover and all the festivals happened every month, user?

>NLT
Outta here child
Reminder that if your translation source isn't originally the greek and hebrew inscriptions, or at the very very least the vulgate then it's trash

I dont know what game but darn if that Yeshua is a real cutie patootie

NLT, YLT, and OJB are the perfect triad for understanding what exactly is being said or meant to be said.

In my experience, at least.

But what about Adam and his son Seth and his son Enosh and his son etc and Noah all living 950+ years???

Why did God test Abraham if that was Satan's job?

When does Satan test for obedience?

Oh wait you're right. Never mind.

He'd make a mii fighter of himself.

They were before Genesis 6, of course. That is largely the reason for this decision.

>play Tetris with Jesus
>He gets Long lines all game
>MFW I get only the shitty S blocks

i dont think satan is a jerk at any time in the bible. with job he basically said to god 'your followers only praise you because you bless them. if you take away their blessings they will reject you.'

which satan proved pretty will with job who ended up breaking at the very end. the only reason job doesnt reject god at the end is, like you said, god basically says he can do anything he wants, and job can either accept it or get fucked. and job just sits in his inequity and powerlessness and gives up, realizing all he can do is try to be on the good side of god who does whatever he wants.

whos the jerk in that story? satan? cause it seems like all he did was prove a point that gods jewish followers didnt love him. they loved his blessings. god bullying the fuck out of job didnt disprove this either.

Job passed all of Satan's tests. With every last one of his blessings stripped, and left to suffer with afflictions of the flesh, Job refused to turn from righteousness. He proved God's point.

Then his former friends showed up, unrelated to Satan's test, and left false accusations that eventually led Job to blasphemy. Remember that like 30 of the 42 chapters are Job insisting he hadn't done wrong, and his friends countering, "If you hadn't done wrong, this wouldn't have happened!"

Fight of Gods

This.

How come everyone in Christianity who's a good person gets falsely accused of some shit?

>god's sons
>sons

hol up

does any church actually explain this shit

>So they have wings on their faces that actually cover their face?

Well it doesn't necessarily say that the wings are on their faces, only that that they're using a pair of wings to cover their faces. Where the wings are coming from isn't specified in that line of text.

Nephilim. Angels. Divine creations of God that are not "man." 100% always male, and apparently capable of knocking up man's hot thots.

So what exactly is Betatron?
Where is he mentioned?

gotta play some fps

>creations as opposed to crotchfruit from something

oh ok user

You hadn't heard that angels bred with human women before the flood? That's pretty common knowledge, m8.

Heck, it's so popular that it has entered pop-culture with all sorts of misunderstandings, like people (Blizzard) pretending that the offspring of angels and humans are the nephalim, when in actuality the nephalim are most likely giants who separately existed before this point and after.

For example of other people who commonly get it wrong, see .

>So his days will be one hundred twenty years
That's a little less than the maximum age that humans have ever recorded in history, surely no one lived that long ever at the time this was written. Clearly a prediction towards the human body and how long it generally lives in ideal circumstances.

>God's sons came in to men's daughters and had children with them
.........

The person who wrote that sentence (Moses) is recorded as living over 120 years.

It was always a soft cap.

You know how literally any Star Wars book published before Disney bought the IP isn't canon.

He's mentioned in something like that. Fan-created fiction.

youre missing the point completely. it doesnt matter if it is satans test or not. satans point was that faith depends on blessings. it doesnt matter if satan directly took those blessing or not.

when jobs friends denounced him, job snaps. one of the reasons he snaps is because he believes god has forsaken him, which causes a crisis of the faith for job, only cured by god intervening.

if god didnt come down in a fiery tornado, it is unclear what job would have done. god intervenes to stop whatever might have happened. but its clear that blessings are a necessity for followers of god, not just because of providing a reason to follow god, but because they are the only way god shows his followers that they are worshiping him properly.

if you take away the blessings, all that is left is feelings of forsakeness, and confusion.

validating satans point, that without blessings, gods followers will not follow him.

I liked the story about the men who tried to rape a girl and acuse her of being a whore. I forgot about it.