Meanwhile, on the USG Sup Forumsshimura

Meanwhile, on the USG Sup Forumsshimura...

WHO THE FUCK WROTE "Did you know that world-renowned writer Stephen King was once hit by a car?" IN THE WALLS WITH BLOOD AGAIN?

>ishimura

it's kind of sad that japanese aren't on the forefront of tech

Can someone call Dan from engineering? The lights are flickering. Again. All of them.

They're supposed to do that, everything's fine.

t. Dan

why the fuck is the water from my sink red though

Not my department, ask plumbing

>look it up
>it's true
>he then bought the car that hit him

ugh the Cafeteria is out of jello AGAIN, I swear if this continues I'm gunna cut my damn throat with one of the scalpels

home....

"In" the walls? Also, why are all the vents large enough to fit full grown adults through?

Karaoke night still on? Might actually go now that they're disbarring anyone singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

I get it. We're in space.

Dan,

We need you to troubleshoot the gravity panels in the crew bay again. Jim from mineral processing got launched in the ceiling yesterday morning and we've been cleaning him up ever since.

- Gary

whoever keeps smashing the glass in the SUN machines better fucking stop, I have to replace that shit

At least it used to be. Before those crazy moons showed up.

Lads I was in my bunk the other night alone and well my sister was there. She died 3 years ago so it couldn't have been. I'm losing it guys.

God damn it Dan, quit leaving your fucking statis modules out.

Go get some antidepressants from Dr. Kyne, I'm sure he's willing to share.

Whatever you do just please don't shoot at the glass windows, remember last time? He just had to do it in "bring your kid to work" day, didn't he?

Hydroponics tried to make wine but it went wrong and leaked into the general water supply. Again.

Have you all accepted Altman as your Lord and Savior? The Markers will make us whole!

Remove uni's

you know I actually thought I wouldn't have to deal with your bullshit up here, you ever thought about why there are no more mormons in the future?
fuck off

Fuck off and go solicit donations from other idiots jackass. I'm tired of your "CONVERGENCE IS NIGH" fucks always ruining game night.

Look I already took your damn pamphlet alright? I'm just not comfortable discussing religion in the workplace.

Guys, whats in the fridge?

Speaking of who, I need to get an appointment with Dr. Kyne ASAP. The buzz in my head is getting worse by the day. It is driving me nuts.

I keep telling you people. Crank up the iPod, and you stop noticing after a day or two.

Damn kids throwing pills at every little problem.

God, if it's another week of cafeteria "mystery meat" I'll probably kill myself.

As a friendly reminder; please do not use company issued plasma cutters to shoot bottles in the cargo bay

Why the hostility, friends? Good News is everywhere! Convergence is nigh, and we will all be made as Gods!

>why are all the vents large enough to fit full grown adults through?
For maintenance and getting around the doors that lock all the time for the most trivial of reasons.
Also, don't quote me on this, but corporate wanted the option to let the normies escape those uni fucks who randomly corner you.

If I have to listen to Dan's rendition of Rocket Man one more fucking time.

Fuck you, it's not like we have any rats to exterminate and waste some time.

Losing my individuality and self of self/consciousness doesnt sound like a fun time to me.

Fuck you, it's great and you know it

Hey do you guys know why air vents make weird noises?

Wouldn't that defeat the purpose of an actual lockout for quarantine? What am I talking about, also dude, EarthGov shitting on Unitologists is totally a smokescreen, I bet you 80% of EarthGov is Unis.

my bad, I like to jizz into stasis fields and let them run free in the vents, my slomo cum is on an adventure

Must be fuckin' Jerry jerking it up there. For fuck's sake.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Abuse of stasis modules WILL result in the immediate termination of employment and incarceration for a period lasting no less than two years

Fuckkkkkkk Maria!!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT MY LEFTOVERS!!!!

>be me
>be Engineer III
>receive 3rd report this week that there's a strange smell coming from the vents in residential block C-5
>pop vent cover and crawl inside
>almost immediately hear something scrambling through the vents ahead of me
>whatthefuckingfuck.holodisk
>pull out flashlight and proceed down vents
>clambering ahead of me as I go
>see a small mound up ahead
>as I get closer the smell gets worse
>it's pile of jizz-covered porno mags featuring a lookalike of Altman's sister
>mfw

oh fuck Jerry get out of there

Halloween's next month, asshole.

try it faggot, I've been fixing loose panels since I got here, shit would be falling off and leaking jizz everywhere without me

Okay what asshole designed this "Ripper" anyway? I turn the thing on to cut some shield plating for the routine maintenance on deck 4, and this fucking thing fires out a damn blade. This can't be OSHA approved, and I'm about to sue somebody. Also I think there's a gas leak down here, because I'm starting to hear and see shit. The Ripper is talking to me

>there are people RIGHT NOW who prefer the mystery meat over the pizza

Do you guys ever wonder how our day-to-day life would transition into a tabletop RPG? Sometimes me and the boys throw back a few to quell the buzzing in our heads and we get to thinking- we could use our free time to try a new RPG instead of yet another campaign in Dungeons: the Dragoning 40,000 32nd edition. What better way to escape reality than by re-enacting our jobs a few months in the future when all this weird shit dies down?

I don't know about noises, but Kevin keeps stealing those gross organ babies from Medical and making meat sculptures. One of them is shaped like that unitology helix thing, and makes my brain itch when I look at it. And I can't stop coming back to look at it. Fucking Kevin.
I once had my own bedroom quarantined because I clogged the toilet. I had to wait 7 hours with that smell. And they sent an engy to override it, and the asshole just used a force gun to unclog it and left. Now I have to mop up half my quarters and buy a new toilet.

They still do that shit?

That's it, I'm putting all surplus plasma tools and firearms on secure lock-down effective immediately. If you need to check one out do the paper work.

dont be a faggot, not all of us can reach every little thing, of course it fires
it's a tool, not a weapon, what are you afraid of engineering tools now because they can cut things? just wear a suit, by your logic it might as well be armor

Does no one else hear this at night? Guy in the room above me's always making a fuss.

Yeah youre going to want to call up his supervisor.

The mystery meat is really getting to me, my forehead feels like a volcano and im hating karen more every time i see her

USG Ishimura, this is the emergency maintenance team of the USG Kellion responding to your distress call. Come in, Ishimura.

nvm fixed it lol

Hydroponics here.

It's no big deal, but maybe stay out of Food Storage for the next couple of days.

Then why the fuck can't I just cut something right next to me? Every time I try to use it, I got to stand four fucking feet away from the material. Good luck making precision cuts like that. We're not all like you, Frank, a goddamn dwarf who needs to use a Kinesis Module to reach for tools. Christ there isn't even labels on the settings. Damn blade fired out of the tool and almost killed Roberts.

*rapidly alternates Plasma Cutter between diagonal and horizontal*

W-what's no big deal? Don't fuck with me, I need my oxygen

Who the fug took my loli hentai? It took me forever to scrounge that up, I go rockside for three days, and now it's gone and the faggot that took it wrote all over my walls with red paint.

Anybody else seeing weird images in their dreams and during their shifts? I can't stop seeing these...things.

Shit i ate a bunch of that meat, not feeling so great

>im hating karen more every time i see her
Saw Mickey ask her out again last night. She said being a billion miles away from home didn't automatically make him any more appealing.

I don't think the poor guy has left the airlock since...

Vent it lol

I told you, I done told you idiots about the damn gas leak. "Oh its just some mild headaches, we'll send a crew to fix the air scrubbers within the week". What a damn joke. Tried filing a complaint 3 days ago, found out I was just losing it and arguing with the break room fridge for 20 mins. I cant take this anymore

Your cutter goes diagonal? Fuck, mine only goes vertical and horizontal. Time to hit a bench.

wel, I've been hating Roberts more lately anyway, I'm CERTAIN he's doing something behind our backs...
And my height is because of space! short limbs will be really valuable some day! youll see!

Honestly. You don't need to worry. An...asteroid got stuck in there and we're just gonna temporarily cut off power, oxygen and gravity inside to be safe.

Hey.. I think I saw a sketch of something like that on one of those Unitology pamphlets...

Maybe... Maybe we should check out their next meeting after all...

I do not like Matt for forcing these unfunny memes and commissioning his tumblr friends to make art for them

Agreed but I still think its cute

What the fuck is that noise in the vents ? sounds like screaming and roaring I have been at work all day since 7:00 am and just got off don't make me call security !

I figured out how to make my suit let me twist my wrists, kind of an oversight now that I think about it.

Fuck off, we're full

I dunno man, can you try explaining what this shit is? I had Kerri paint up one of the visions that are burned into my brain after explaining it to her in extensive detail over the course of 8 hours, pic related.
I'm honestly surprised she didn't kick my autistic ass out of her makeshift studio.

I'm starting to think that myself. I'd keep it on the downlow if I was you though, you've seen how the more vocal followers get treated around here.

Any medfags around?
What the hell is wrong with my kid?

So, is all it takes to be an engineer is to have a kinesis module and statis emitter and just move shit around? Cuz that's all I see you engies doing around here.

This is my wife, say something nice about her!

>everyone's on the ship
>Nobody is mining

Why do I even pay you fags?

Pfft yeah, I should tell him to...- Shit... SHIT.

I think the airlock's already open! How long has it been open?! God. Has anyone seen Mickey?!

Depends, how strong are your legs?

Hey, whoever's going around the halls stomping like a fucking maniac at 3 in the morning can go fuck themselves.

Godamn it karen, i told that bitch... im gonna hunt down mickey son of a

I feel like an idiot even though i have all 3 games on pc, but i feel like getting 1 and 2 for ps3 (i dont think its coming to ps4 is it) just to be more comfy playing it

Just give it some chicken soup, some Robutussen, and a nap. Just don't make any contact with your kid or it might explode or something.

FUCK YOU

read the logs, is Jerry avoiding anti-grav cum
looks like the lunch meat L O L

Someone really needs to do something about these fucking Unitologists around here. They keep going on about Convergence while I'm trying to play Dota

Your child has been hanging around in Zero-G too long and gotten a major case of bloat. I recommend hugging and gently squeezing them to encourage release of built up gas and fluids.

Anyone seen Kyle lately? I haven't seen him since poker night.

Thanks

-Rich

Robutussen is called R-stenzo dont you remember? That term hasnt been used for the past 100 years

really mirin' that marker they dragged up from planetside

Why do we even put up with them? I say we bust in their stations one nigh and launch them out with pods

I'm getting mixed responses here..

Guys, is there an age of consent while in space?
I kinda want to know

...

That fag probably threw himself down the debris chute after the ravaging he suffered at the tables last night, lmao

NO FUCK YOU!

What are you even stomping, you asshole? And are you wearing a full rig while you do it?

Will someone just fuck the goddamn horny slut who keeps moaning into the intercom?! I swear if I hear her say "Make us whole" one more time I'll shoot up this whole ship.