Good news, Sup Forums! You're dead! Yes...

Good news, Sup Forums! You're dead! Yes, you finally passed from this world and your pain is now over! Eternal rest is yours!

The bad news is that your pain actually isn't over at all. Thanks to all the terrible, naughty things you've touched yourself to over the course of your life, you've been sent to Hell. There, the devil declares that as punishment, you will be forced to watch Let's Plays of every game ever created, recorded by the worst LPer archetypes that Youtube has ever produced. Then, he smirks cheekily and says he's not all bad; he'll let you choose which of four types of LPer you'll have to deal with. You have to choose one, Sup Forums. Which will it be?

>1. The Stuttering Autist
A nasally young man who can't talk for shit. He is constantly tripping over his own words and his autism causes him to repeat sentences over and OVER AND OVER. He will spend half the length of his videos with his in-game character just standing there as he stumbles and slurs his way through painfully unneeded comments about what he's planning to do for his next LP as well as giving out "strategies and tips" that are equivalent to "shoot it until it dies" if the person who wrote that Protip was told by his editor to stretch that out into a whole article. He does seem to know more about the games he plays than the regular normie, but it's just enough to make it flatout painful when he misses something. If the game has text, he will narrate that text, horribly mangling the pronunciation of words over 4 syllables. However, he does not speak over voiced cutscenes. He will finish 4 out of 5 LPs.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=6-f3PlR1mAI
twitter.com/SFWRedditImages

>2. The Incessant Squeaker
This kid can't be older than 10. It always seems like he's speaking too close to his mic, but no, his voice is just that high-pitched and piercing. All his LPs are blind and he doesn't know shit about the games he plays. He's terrible at everything he tries to do in-game, and will either act really smug should he succeed at something (or if he THINKS he is) or will whine endlessly when he thinks something is unfair. He just loooves using "funny voices" and will do them repeatedly. He will narrate any text in these voices, too, but won't speak during voiced cutscenes. His LPs may be interrupted by his frazzled mother. He won't stop the recording, so every other video will have moments where you'll get to hear her screaming at him to "stop talking to yourself like a retard, get off the fucking game and go do your homework". He will only respond with whining, never screaming back or cursing. If he starts to cry, you'll get to sit there for 5-10 minutes of listening to nothing but his pathetic sobs before he recovers and goes back to LPing, albeit far quieter for the rest of the video. He will NEVER complete an LP and is lucky to make it past 4 games in a series.

>3. The Wannabe Youtube Star
A 20-something guy who REALLY wants to be the next big LPer. He knows that if he can garner a large following of young kids, he'll make it, so he caters to them by acting like a complete douchenozzle in his videos, screaming and over-reacting to every little fucking thing, making horrible "jokes" non-stop, and randomly breaking out into tone-deaf songs (but only what's popular and on the radio right now, of course). He makes use of a facecam, which fills up an entire quarter of the screen, and in which he is ALWAYS MUGGING. Sometimes, his LPs are blind and other times, they aren't, but in every case, his only goal is to DO COOL STUFF, YOU GUYS. Admittedly, he does get into pretty funny situations in-game, sometimes. But, he never really gets "into" a game, and sometimes, he'll reach parts that he should be able to get past, but can't, because he wasn't paying attention at an important point. If, god forbid, the game has exposition or cutscenes, he will talk over it EVERY SINGLE TIME, will skip through any and all text unapologetically, and may even cut away from the game to a full-screen facecam where he will begin to make "funny bored faces", because story is gay, am I right? He's got about a 50% LP completion rate.

>4. The Weeaboo Duo
Two kids in their early teens who are really, REALLY into Crunchyroll and shit. Every single LP they release is filled with non-stop chattering about the most inane, autistic popular weeb bullshit. They rarely comment on what's actually happening on-screen, unless the game happens to be part of any well-known anime franchise. Then, they'll be into the game 100%. However, if that happens, they will also go full weeb, holding extended conversations about the in-game universe, the characters, canon/non-canon/fan-canon, fanfics and creepy waifu claiming. Unfortunately, about half of the information in these conversations will be accurate; the rest will be horribly misunderstood perceptions, unbearable Japanese pronunciations, outright incorrect facts and enough cringey meme repetition to make you grind your teeth. They are also HUGE Sonic fans. May God have mercy on your soul when they play a Sonic game. You will learn things you will have never wanted to learn. They don't even stop their conversations when a cutscene comes on, but they'll at least comment on what's happening. Their skills can't be denied; they will never play a game blind, and any game they do play, they play to 100% completion while making very few errors. They complete every LP they do.

You really put alot of work into this thread. Like jeez. I hope it gets the replies it deserves.

#4 is my answer I suppose. A shitty anime podcast with vidya footage ain't the worst thing out there.

I guess 4 wouldn't be as bad.

kek thanks, bro. i just did it on a whim and typed all this shit out in a notepad.

I've already dealt with 4 minus the LPing and it's not as bad as it sounds, so that.

Also consider looking into /tg/ cyoa threads if this is your thing OP because this thread will likely become kill in short order.

4>1>3>>>>>

The only right answer is number 2. Hope he also does vlogs, that shit is going to be so bad so good type. Going to basically grow up with that kid, so dope

4 > 2 > 1 >>>>>> 3

That "Goes full facecam and makes bored faces because lul story right guys" triggered me good. Also that archetype is by far the most hatable. In it 100% for the money.

CYOA? Well, I wasn't planning on going full-on /qst/ with this or anything. That being said, I actually DO have an idea for a couple, but they would require a literal year's worth of work each.

> not choosing 3 for it's 50% completion rate
You sure do want to enjoy hell, don't you guys.

Honestly, 4. It'd be something to space out to with some actually good gameplay to boot, my kinda thing.

>May God have mercy on your soul when they play a Sonic game. You will learn things you will have never wanted to learn.
Bring it.

4

You put a lot of effort into this

4
Unless they're absolutely cringeworthy, this sounds like it wouldn't be that much worse than something like Game Grumps.

Having the back and fourth to listen to alone makes 4 the most bearable IMO.

I will go with this just because they are skilled and watching someone fail at something simple like DSP is true hell.

>He will finish 4 out of 5 LPs.
>Wont talk over cutscenes
1 it is.
I actually still get to find out how games go that way at least.

Sounds like 4 would be the easiest to tune out and watch

whoops didn't mean to quote

I'm going with option #1. This guy has good intentions, and he seems to actually give a shit about what he's doing, unlike #2 and #3, who are only in it for the money. He's not as dedicated or skilled as #4, however, but unfortunately, even though I am a Sonicfag, I can't stand LPers below college-age and I don't know anything about anime, which is their main deal. Stuttering Autist's videos probably also have deep keyboard sounds, a sedated tone, and are recorded with nostalgic, low-quality equipment, so if nothing else, you can at least feel relaxed.

Easily 2 or 3.

I've dealt with incessant weeb shit all my life from my friends and I wouldn't want an afterlife full of it too.

The squeaker could be okay cause eventually I could just appreciate a goofy kid trying to be lulsorandom but listening to a grown man do it would just be awful.

Good thread OP.

#1, is that you?

Jesus 4 I can at least put that on while I stare at the wall

Not 3, that's for fucking sure.
I had to sit through a night of Markiplier lets plays with some people who I met in college. It was painful as fuck watching a grown man act like that.

Nigga I'll watch this now.

No, I'm just going by the facts. Try to find a #1 on YouTube, and his videos will probably have at least two of the three features I mentioned.

>Easily 2 or 3.
I can accept 2 but why 3? That sounds like real hell right there.

4 > 3 > 1 = 2 imo. Autism can be entertaining in it's own way, especially if they're genuinely passionate. I'd also rather have garbage memes than a high pitched child or repetition

Nigga, this is probably the best one.
>already sort of a Sonic fan
>get to actually know about the outside world based on whatever game they play
>actually get to see shit about the games they do
Just have to hold strong with the retardness.

Still pretty bad, but this is probably the best one.

Fuck you Devil.

So what did these 5 assholes get themselves into that they have to make a lets play of every single video game in existence?

Having thought about it, I can't argue with the 2 out of 3. The one I thought of had a sedated tone (which I assume meant his voice never gets above a certain volume) and he certainly uses low-quality equipment, although nostalgic might be a bit too positive of an adjective.

Yes.

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4>1>3>2

Despite them all being terrible, 2 would just be depressing at some point.

Id pick this because at least the weeabos cant be bad at games

unless the squeaker is a girl

not a thing. they are pure satanic constructs, the very essence of all bad LPers contained in five separate bodies. even if they weren't made by the devil, they're bad LPers; they'd be completely ignorant as to how much they sucked.

...

what? never had a cute girl suck the life out of you

user thats why youre here in the first place

My brain has always been hard-coded to take comfort in old things. I would rather be forced to watch every game ever made recorded with equipment from 2007 than equipment from 2017. This video does a pretty good job of showing off the kind of quality I'm talking about, although it's actually worse than usual: youtube.com/watch?v=6-f3PlR1mAI

I'll take number one. I trip over my own words all the time and I need someone to make me feel like less of an autist

The weebs because once the LP torture is over, the next one will likely be worse.

jesus christ, it's like you sent me through a portal in time where aku's low quality youtubes are law. it's nostalgic but in the same way that bad flashes on newgrounds are nostalgic.

but she's 10, user... also a creation of the devil, but maybe you're into 6-foot spike cocked futas that cum magma and shit. i dunno.

Sold their soul for fame, their punishment is going back to how they were before.

>weeaboos
>with autistic 100% fetish
Nope.

The second one, would take the least time to finish them all until the whole world is destroyed.

ill just kill the devil and make him resurrect me

No thanks, I'm content with my own 4

but he'll be dead

Good thread, I think I'd pick 4.

Seems it aint getting the replies this beast of a post deserves. Its worth discussion so save this and bring it back tomorrow.

Also I pick 4 I guess. I'd rather deal with 2 weaboos than a wannabe chad-youtuber, a stuttering idiot and someone with a voice who gives MatPat a run for his money.

My god, the concept of this thread is pure shit. Stop watching retards on youtube, cockface. they're ruining your brain.

That's the joke you tard

This one
Weeb duo sounds fun

It actually did better than I thought it would. Usually, more effort = less posts.

why u so late, bro. the first shitpost can't be 50 posts in.

Which does H.C. Bailey qualify as?

>4

Probably squeaker.

Gotta be the weeb duo, they would have the back and forth dynamic to keep things a little more interesting, and theyre actually skilled at vidya.

3 and a little bit of 4.

>naughty things you've touched yourself to over the course of your life
Oh no, thicc fur has bit me in the ass

>Yfw Mala Calamari nudes are posted on xvideos finally

4 sounds good

Link me my dude

Pride and lust for fame, of course.

What the fuck could i have possibly jacked off to to have deserved this shit? I dunno I guess 3 would be the least awful. Are you sure I can't just go rough up some vegetables or something for you?

Do we go to heaven after we finish all let's plays? Or do we just start over?

2 or 4.

2 would be really cringey, but I think the most fun to watch (at least for the first 500-1000 games).
4 is still bad, but at least they're good at the games and maybe I will hear interesting discussions about anime.
The sonic part is REALLY negative for me.

I have spent longer than I care to admit listening to a canadian autist arguing about the appropriate number of meat cuts to buy at a deli counter.

Give me 4, Devil. You cannot stop me.

easily 4

The only reason guys are picking 4 is because they are 4.

Yes. And?

>touched yourself
>implying I ever had any sex drive to do that

These guys don't sound that bad

Yup.

4 because the others would annoy me the second I start listening to them

Easily the most tolerable one. I'm already a weeb, and I can withstand some cringe. At least they're good at playing games.

>not "good news e/v/eryone!"
missed opportunity.