Well shucks, Sup Forums, it looks like your vast array of space-related perversions have landed you in the alien slammer. Luckily they gave you a short sentence, but it could always be shorter.
So you're on the bus. Do you sit tight, or try and hoof it? First answer decides.
Run.
But how, smart guy?
Pretend to be sick
I think they're buying it.
Foam with all your might.
Nigga we going on a foam adventure
Well it could have gone worse.
sooo.... game?
Space Rangers HD: A War Apart
Trials in tainted space
Were entering the main section of the game here. The gist is that every day you can choose from a variety of options like reading to improve your intelligence, working out to improve your fitness, going to the canteen, etc. The general goal is to either survive your sentence without getting shanked, or escape early.
We're on rails for two or three screens here.
Space Rangers 2
cheers for response. space rangers quest any good in your eyes? thinking about both
So do we want to give money to the blind dude?
Eh, might as well just stick with the real deal. Can't imagine the text adventures being that great without everything else that Space Rangers has to offer.
Fuck the blind.
Fuck him, keep your sheckels.
Fucking the blind, we finally get to our cell, where we have three choices for today: food, work, or gambling.
Canteen.
the adventures outside of the text missions compound the senses for a better experience eh. probably still get both, these games look great for relaxing and playing with one hand. *cough cough*
We have a few options. I don't know why the alien slammer lets you pay for better food, but it's an option. Please keep in mind money is a limited resource here.
BE THE CHAMP
Befriend the guards and become a snitch
WE'RE NOT THE CHAMP
Day two. Let's hope it goes better.
Nobody told me we were playing a fucking pussy.
>barely arrived in prison
>already fucked up
We're going places!
I remember playing this back in the day and wondering whether prison is actually like that in reality.
Go to the gym. We gotta get SWOLE and get our revenge.
Become even stronger. Hit the gym.
Does anyone know how to escape prison by digging out.
Blind man says its possible but I never got the promt
ALLWAYS GYM
Today, we were not beaten up.
Isn't this just a worse coc
Day three. Lots of options.
FIST-FIGHTING! BECOME THE CHAMP!
It's a hybrid space game with turn based space combat, RTS planetary battles where you get to build custom units, a black hole shoot-em-up arcade mode and text adventures.
It's made by Russians.
Some would say that we've already gotten more than our fair share of beatings.
Well those losers aren't the champ, so who cares what they say?
Show them who's the boss of that prison.
"Pelengs", for the uninitiated, are one of the alien species in the game. They look like anthropomorphic catfish. I don't know what their standard for "handsome" is.
Hey, we're in the newspaper!
Pelengs are the space jews right?
Now hit the canteen and order a champ dinner!
Day four.
Their shtick is that they're untrustworthy and constantly backstab each other. That can fit a lot of ethnic stereotypes.
Gotta work out.
We ain't raise no quitter. Become the goddamn champ.
Done.
Woooooow
One our way back to the cell we find a fad from the eighties.
Day five. No gym today.
Feeling awful, go to the medical station.
Apparently we took a wrong turn and wound up in an entirely different kind of game.
"Maloqs" are another one of the alien species. They're Klingons except bigger and stupider, and are essentially a giant Russian software company joke.
We're not very clever, so let's break in.
Let's do this, break in.
We have many options, few of which seem to lead to less beatings.
Fuck them up big time.
Rape them.
That went way better than expected.
get healthy
What's spirit?
Time for some heals
Done.
That's a good question.
Booze I think.
I recall winning a fight was the quickest way to get out early
More choices. Pretty sure spirit is booze.
make benis in baginer :^DDDDD
Trying to hit on the lady who was just sexually assaulted does not go well.
Get a massage then.
Get a happy ending from the uppity bitch.
I feel obligated to point out that we just wasted our money, since we were already at full health.
"Gaalians" are another alien species. They've got three eyes and they're all enlightened and shit.
I'm pretty sure the massager will turn out to be male. It is a prison after all.
Judging by the art here, late-eighties Arnold is trying to bum money off of us.
Well shit.
It's just 100 credits. Might as well be cool with the inmates so we don't get shanked.
Let's buy ourselves a favor since we're splurging anyway.
Tell him to fuck off. We're short on money and got screwed out of a happy ending.
At least we made up for trying to escape earlier
Day six.
Time to fuck up those faggots again.
Is violence really the answer?
It is the only way to become THE CHAMP.
Violence is always the answer. That's why we fucked up Iraq and the rest of the world and that's why we are going to join the tournament again.
"Faeyans" are another alien species. They're skinny purple dudes with big heads. I explain this to better convey how pathetic it is to lose a fistfight to one of them.
Motherfucker. Might as well commit sudoku at this point.
Big choice here.
Purest alcohol possible.
iirc faeyans are all mono-gender hermaphrodyte faggots
I think the problem is that we're retarded. We need to learn to read books good.
They have good tech, though.
If fighting wasn't our calling, why not become a snitch?
nah, for champs you need to be stronk and healthy
just have some more push-ups and give it a few more fist fights
Faeyans are basically the greys except purple.
They got some weird brain and body anatomy going for them as well, i think.
Second most advanced race in space in terms of pure tech and probably the best source of gear out of them all. They have a very good balance on equipment.
We're pretty fucking daft so I don't think being a snitch is a good idea.
So are we really going to be a snitch, or do we puss out and just give him money?
A pussy in the ring is a pussy everywhere.
We puss out. It doesn't do much for our reputation.
Day 8.
Canteen.
It's good to eat once a few days.