Meanwhile, at the Sup Forums guild hall

>Meanwhile, at the Sup Forums guild hall

Can someone please let me join their party? I need money.

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I think there was a bounty for a group of nasty goblins who have been stealing stuff lately. You should go check that out.

Who keeps letting all these eating boiled eggs related missions in the bulletin board?

I want to fuck a kobold.

Do you need money fast?

Go a few blocks down to the right side of town, go past the technology institute and you'll see a dark alley. Go into the alley and down the stairs. Keep following them until you get to a door with only the letter /d/ on it.
The alchemists of /d/ are kinda weird, but they give good money for willing test subjects.

WHATEVER YOU DO. DON'T GO TO THE 3RD FLOOR OF THE 1ST STRATUM. THERE'S A FUCKING OWL BEAR THING THAT FUCKING CHASES YOU AT 100 MILES PER HOUR. HOLY SHIT, PLEASE FORGIVE ME KYLE.

Go get your own money instead of being carried like the shitter you are. You're never going to improve at this rate.

Everybody has to start somewhere, friend.

Now I have to see that. How do you get to the first stratum?

Alchemist / Blacksmith here.

Don't do what this user says. I almost joined the /d/ alchemist guild. They do some seriously fucked up shit. Tentacles, monstrosities, seriously weird shit.

You don't really start until you solo your first hunt. Relying on others before even learning the basics is a good way to get killed when things go wrong.

It's for his own good.

Need five more to slay Oryx.

Why is the bard girl still in this fucking hall? She hasn't done a fucking quest in years and she still treated like a VIP by master Miller.

>tfw bashing rats all day every day
does it ever get better?

Let me see your stats you shitter.

>That wizard who "accidentally" summoned a succubus and almost died

Charlie work doesn't get better Charlie. That's why it's Charlie work.

haha where are those fine maiden at?

Hey, it happens. I can confirm, almost died from it once.

I'm selling succubus summon scroll to the highest bidder.

I made her look like a 14 years old flat girl... For research....

Alchemist user here. Do they take well to experimentation?

For instance, if I wanted to give it a penis, you know, for research, would that work?

Chad Bard

>made her
Someone didn't read the Codex.
You don't "make" Succubi look one way or another, they take the appearance of what you desire more.
That said, I will be contacting the authorities... for no particular reason...

>buying unappraised magic items
ishygddt

have fun getting your soul sucked out

>I'm selling succubus summon scroll to the highest bidder.
SOL-
>I made her look like a 14 years old flat girl...
Nevermind

Yeah... I decided not to give her any knowledge other than how to do her needs and basic common language.

She is basically a blank slate, hope that can help you for your research.

>He doesn't know.

You can artificially create a succubi if you have the right skills, a good amount of sub-human race slaves, and no morals.

>Unsanctioned daemonic experimentation
Jesus don't let a paladin or priest find out, we don't want another inquisition.

Now, but an artificial construct is not really a true succubus, now is it?

Don't get me wrong, I congratulate you on your skill, it takes merit to create something like this, but it doesn't compare to a true Succubus summoning scroll, the demoness that is guaranteed to leave you satisfied, just the way you like it! Yes, gentlemen, for true succubi automatically look like your ideal woman -or whatever might be the object of your desire- without putting in -any- work. Just recite the incantation and prepare yourself for the night of your life, for pleasure you'll never forget.

She will suck you dry, gentlemen, I promise. All for the low, low price of 230G this can be yours. I'm running out so please make your orders fast, you won't regret it!

And for those concerned with getting their soul stolen, fear not! For I also sell scrolls of Soul Protection in bundles with 3 or more succubi scrolls. Live to tell the tale, and repeat!

Fishing lvl?

DID SOMEONE SAY INQUISITION!

>That swordsman who uses a katana despite not even being from Yamato island
He has a stupid helm too.

DOOR STUCK DOOR STUCK

I found you asshole, I have proof of your fucking scams.

Those soul protection scrolls are false and only last for a second, letting the succubus kill you after the effect is gone. And I also discover that you have a deal with the succubus that she will have sex with you every night without killing you if you give her a tribute every month.

Your days are over you murderer, I've already reported you to the authorities.

Can't blame him, if you're willing to devote some time to learning them and bring a couple of spares, they're good. Maybe not the best for the investment they require, but they're good.

I need two to four able-bodied men to accompany me into the deepest, darkest pits of the Nine Hells, to slay none other than the master of all evil. Most of us will likely die, and none will know of this quest but us.

Give me a show of hands.

DUDE HERBS

>Master Miller
is she a loli?

fuck yeah nigga i'll join.

I'm here to turn in the loli creepshot mission

Have you even seen master miller? How the fuck are you here if you haven't seen him?

Well anyways, he is in a quest right now.

Now, now, my good man, calm down.
If you have such proof show it, accusing like that is not very nice, I am hurt.

You say that the scrolls last one second and after that you're killed by the succubus. If we were to say that was the case, which it isn't, how come you're standing here, talking to us?

Fear not, men, my scrolls work exactly as advertised. You see, this service is not cheap to provide, I am selling as low as I can to bring you relief after a hard day's work, a relief that you've earned by working so tirelessly, but that I can't provide for free, for I have to make a living too, you see, I rely on keeping my good customers to even break even, as much as it pains me to take their hard earned money.
Surely, you can understand that if I went around killing my clientele I would fast run out of business! This man speaks nonsense.

are they gains goblins? i just got my lifting to 180 i don't wanna risk losing any skill points. i can tank if they're normal gobbos.

>mfw some bitch tells me wheels aren't real weapons

ok, please show me the evidence of completion and i'll give you your reward

Can someone stop posting fucking cartoon frogs all over the job board?

Don't mind me, just gonna float my way down to the wine cellar.

BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP
BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP BWOOP

Ha, nice try, but I've been checking you for a while. I saw one of your clients and I stole his scrolls. then I got the conclusive clue that your protection scrolls are defective, you can clearly see it HERE!

Now, you can't defend yourself, fiend. Please don't even try to escape, the royal guard is surrounding the guild hall at this moment. Now I need you to put your sword on the floor and place your hands behind your head.

...Heh, I suppose I'll come along too. We all end up there anyways, might as well scout the place out.

t. sneakthief who will loot your dead bodies

10,000 (You)s up-front.
Another 10,000 later.

Otherwise no-sale.

Hey, guys, there is a new mission on the board, the reward is 2,000,000g.

The mission consists of having sexual intercourse with the ice queen at the top of the Icenward mountain. But be worry, everyone that had placed their penis inside the Ice queen's vagina is going to have a bad time; its going to freeze and break and since its true magical ice there is no way of regenerating it.

>tfw no pet giant frog
being an alchemist is suffering

This sounds like a job for me!

Its not the same unless you slay him 1 on 1.

You would put a price on glory?!

Begone from my sight!

HEAR YE HEAR YE
THE LOCAL GUARDSMEN ARE A BUNCH OF FAGS, AND THEY DO THEIR "WORK" WITHOUT COMPENSATION

Whilst you're clearly right, I'm still going to have to arrest you for theft. Honestly pretty retarded of you to openly admit that.

>walk into a for-hire guild
>try to stiff seasoned adventurers on money
paladins in charge of being competent, everybody

Can anyone help me with these fuckers outside?
they are too many to handle for my rapier

Why the fuck would you want to be anywhere near a giant frog?

I at least have the courtesy of waiting until you are dead first. You'll see that most of my companions return from their journeys.

Most, anyway.

Healer here. Does anybody want to go on a quest with me? I saw a bounty on dark lord zeraxos for 250,000 gold.

Does anyone want to accompany me on a delivery quest to the capital? I'm paying 25% and I have food and tents enough for two and my fox.

Alright, smartasses, line up. Who needs a cure for tetanus?

For fuck sake help, i will pay 200 (you)s

Fuck yea nig, hope you like zweihanders.

>rapier
use a real mans sword you stupid twinkletoes

It's the guild hall, simpleton, not the Gathering Hall of the Israelites. There are good men and women here who do not require compensation for doing what is right.

>only charging 5g
No wonder your plague doctor mask is cheapass leather, nerd.
Get on my level.

1v1 with my halberd fag

This will be your tank for tonight. Say something nice to her!

>Sup Forums guild
>good men and women
nigga go to the fucking /tg/ guild or something

Wait a second, let me see that scroll.

...
Hm... Ah, I understand what's wrong with this. Look at this line right here. On a Soul Protection scroll, look at one of mine, here, at that point is where you incantate the Nexial Binding, forcing your soul to stay at that physical location as to not be possible for the succubus to steal it. Causes a... bit of sleep paralysis as a side effect. I'm still trying to work that out. But here it instead places a seal within the body of the vic- I mean, client... And given the anchoring at the sacral bone... this has got to be a scroll meant to be used with incubus. They don't steal souls, you know, they only impregnate, something you generally not want.

You either stole the scrolls of someone contracting incubi or there's something that really needs your detective skills.

Anything else you wish to accuse me of, sir?

>her
Are the Alchemists still selling those sex change potions?

I fucking told them not to.

oh sweet,I want tentacles, I could grab 8 swords! at the same time!

Only is she subs Dancer

looking for gf

The server is old and everybody and their mother has a doctor already with Emboldening Vapors. You gotta sell that shit in bulk.
Also, I see your current status. Sit on the table, ass up.

fuck you it makes money
if you want us to stop selling them then try telling your parties to stop being such fucking fags

I can give you tentacles, user. If you get your insight up and get me some blood of an old one, but if you're looking for the Alchemist Guild tentacles, then they'll just be penises.

>using a rapier
get an axe or something you sissy

Alright which one of you faggots keep defacing the wanted outlaws posters with a white substance?

youtube.com/watch?v=ikjJIdqDSQM
Here's hoping we both see each other alive again

Then sell them outside the fucking guild. I'm so fucking sick of meeting some girl, only for my wizard friend to say, ">her"

>tfw only specced into one skill
P-please hire me you fucking meta-players its like you dont know what a fun build is like

what

FREE food and a 25% cut, you say?

Nah.

Guys something really weird happens to me. I've died thousands of time but each time I come back as a ghost and when I find my body I come back to life and everyone accepts it with no questions. I just want my life to end someone tell me how to kill myself for good.

You heard me. Get on the table and ass up. I have more people in this god damn guildhall in line and time is money.

once again, try telling your parties to stop being such fucking homos
besides, the wizards have been helping with distribution anyways, teleportation makes shipping in bulk cheap as fuck

Sup Forums guild hall is literally the worst thing I can imagine.

You're a prim and proper soldier with chain and plate coming in for work. You open the door and a CR 25 musk assault. DC 45 fort or sickened for 2d100 rounds. You stumble in and its just a pit of insults and delusional people sprouting off hot opinions. There's some lard-knights in a corner talking about elf sex slaves. There's a trap selling himself in a corner. Nobody knows where the guild master is. The guildenmarm quit last month. There's no women. Everyone drinks soda instead of water. The "veterans" in the room are just old bitter assholes that couldnt make it big adventuring. Then there's this freak(nobody is paying any attention to him but he dont care), who keeps yelling out that goblin puss is "da best".

And the quest board has been defiled with so many half-assed shitposts that you dont see a single legitimate quest.

I can remove that curse from you if you'd like, but my work doesn't come cheap. Me and my god have to pay the bills somehow.

1v1 me faggots with my halberd

At least we aren't the /d/ guildhall.

Good luck mate i'll just throw a javelin in your face and charge with a axe and shield.

It'd be more fun.

There was a posted quest about looking for legitimate quests on the quest board.

Did anyone see those guys who went to go negotiate with the /trash/ guild? They've been gone for like two weeks, now.