I'll start:

I'll start:
All fights are QTEs

invincable rolls balanced with a stanima guage

You can become overencumbered

Absolutely full of alternate paths that lead to either an item you can only get once, or a cutscene that prevents back tracking

Weapon durability.

Soundtrack by Bioware

Animations by Bioware

All enemy ranged attacks are homing, 100% tracking

invulnerable counter that always blocks, canceling the previous animation.

Bonus: Nobody attacks you during a counter kill

Pay 2 Win

You can pick dialog but its only positive and negative answer, and picking the negative just makes the characters saying you will do it either way

Calm down satan

Cooking and crafting.

Necessary items for basic upgrading can take hours to farm in a linear game, but wait, there's microtransactions that can fix that for you.

Unskippable cutscenes

Flashlights cost batteries.

>mechanic
try again

always online

Shitload of collectibles with no reward.

go away

...

Day one DLC you have to buy.

-You must gather your party before venturing forth
-Weapon degradation
-Stamina

Good and evil endings with no in between

So GTAV?

Indie garbage pixel art

Every time you miss one of the QTEs instead of dying your FPS drops by 10.

All movement is cloned from QWOP

Always online single player.

party member dying leads to game over

Unfortuanately, you cant do anything about it, so you will have to deal with it even if you dont want to.

See how annoying my mechanic is?

Didn't something almost reach that level of clutter by now?

Your name can't contain typos of swears in foreign languages that activate on common innocent words, but they let a bunch of obvious common English swears through anyways

Lootboxes. Lootboxes everywhere. I don't mean just plaster the button on every pause screen, I mean every fucking second. Like, you're opening a door into a dungeon and the bottom of the screen goes
>Hint: Buy lootboxes now!
You equip a sword and it says on the blade "in lootboxes we trust"
The side character supposed to be the obvious good guy sidekick is a walking talking lootbox, but you can't open him for free.
When you fire a pistol, the bullets are somehow shaped like lootboxes but don't do much damage for free.

Climbing towers to view a fragment of the map.

Lootboxes.

All dialogue gets cut off by walking into cutscenes

I hope gookmoot patches out this retarded tripfag mechanic soon

Battleborne

microtransactions

for character unlocks

random chance to deal x3 damage against an enemy

I feel like we've made a Telltale game.

the fuck is wrong with critical hits now

DLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLCDLC

Why wasn't this fallout 4?
I wish this was fallout 4.

Gearbox went for the gold.
They're almost there.

Infinitely respawning enemies

All PR is handled by the lead developer

The game repeats the 2 option question if you give the wrong answer

Pointless gathering every 2 feet

cooledowns

shut up, that was the best part about Grimoire

Frame rate tied to how many micro transactions you've made.

Spelling errors

I thought it was joke, who decided that was a good idea?

Infinite warfare was that level of clutter exactly. Im taking a dump and thus posting from phone but watch some jewtube of the pvp. You'll see it

Thinking on this, I actually want to almost take up the challenge of making this possible, and yet entertaining.

(Though it might be considered cheating what I have in mind, or it might be viewed as somethig like a mix of rockband, and an MMO)

for every other item you get it's nerfed to be far worse than it is unless you pay for lootboxes to get a chance of getting the good item goy

Pausing the game causes the music the be stuck on whatever note is currently playing.

Stamina bar that drains from any movement

>you get no xp from killing them

Like 6 or 7 different in game currencies, and you can only get the first three just by playing the game, the others need to be bought with real money.

Invisible walls and "You're leaving the mission area, turn back now!" everywhere.

Todd Howard should never be allowed to speak with others

>AAA $65.95 +tax game
>recharge energy for the game for $5.65

The game is one massive first person open world timed underwater escort mission. You are a generic Navy SEAL attempting to track a nuclear bomb hidden underwater by the Russians, and only have the equivalent of 24 in-game hours (8 hours irl) to do it. There is regenerating health and a stamina bar while swimming, but at the same time you have an O2 gauge and need to return to home base on the surface to replace your O2 tank with a fresh one when it runs out, so while waiting in cover replenishes health, it wastes oxygen. There are other Navy SEALs swimming in the area attempting to find the nuke too, and they will hand you amazing sidequests like "kill 10 giant enemy crabs and bring me their crab asses". Enemies have hitscan weapons. NPCs will always swim faster than your regular swimming speed but slower than your fastest swimming speed. You can "level up" in the game, but in order to do so you need to purchase lootboxes that have a random chance of giving you Scuba Cards that you can use to increase your attributes. Halfway through the game there is a forced stealth section. The camera is a pain in the ass to control and you frequently get stuck in the environment. Weapons and armor can only be obtained via microransactions, and can also break and acquire damage overtime that can only be repaired with repair hammers acquired through microtransactions. There are DEEP MORAL CHOICES in the game, like deciding whether to detonate the nuke and kill everyone or disarming the nuke. The true villain has an unknown identity, but the credits in the beginning spoils his identity. There are also 16 hours worth of cutscenes, all with QTEs that will lead to an instant death if failed. The final boss is also a QTE and the true ending is locked behind DLC

Anything else I missed?

Nerfs for "gameplay balance" in a single-player game

>

>at certain points in the game, you find doors
>another real player will be on the other side, and you have to play rock paper scissors
>the winner has the door open. the loser has the door lock on them
>you can only try to open a door once a playthrough
>some doors are very late game
>there's substantial content behind these doors
>as the servers empty over time it gets harder and harder to do the doors at all

These are fair and balanced, rewarding you for dealing a lot of damage in a pub enviroment, basically an ultimate you can't fully control. Something else to add, blizzdrone?

You use a skill to gather a specific item but subsequent use after the second time makes the specific item stop appearing. Also, using the skill way too much will eventually lead to a game over.

P.S. You need to use over a hundred of the specific item by the end of the game.

Open world

>ONE LIFE
>NO CONTINUES

I hate you

Loser player is rewarded for losing

Enemies can permanently drain your stats and/or steal equipment

Modern games are all the sames

You can create a clan. But no clan chat in game.

Checkpoints and enemies are in same area

When you die you lose a resource

This. ruins everything. You can at least laugh at terrible games that aren't open world, in open world even the hilarious bad design is spread out too much.

Super armor

Levels are filled with doors, crates, and bureaus, but you can't open them.

Worst case scenario: only one opens in the entire level, it holds a special item, and you don't know which one it is.

get gud soyboy

All checkpoints are right before the cutscenes

Also, the person you are escorting is the only one who knows how to disarm the bomb, but whines constantly, lags behind you, gets stuck in the environment, and is too stupid to defend himself. He has half your health and the game ends if he dies. There are also invisible walls everywhere, so the game truly demands the player to plan his routes accordingly. The game can only be saved at your home base and crashes frequently. Every time you enter your home base you are greeted to a 5 minute cutscene, followed by a 3 minute loading screen.

The fuck is wrong with you dude?

>rewarding you for dealing a lot of damage in a pub enviroment
>needing crits to be good in a pub

Enemies can also reverse your controls, as well as invert your camera controls, forcing you to go into the options menu every time to adjust it.
The options menu has a long drawn out animation requiring about 6 seconds each time you access it.

Fuck you Fomsoftware B Team, I worked really hard to become a lightning chucking king on your stupid shitty game.

...

The final boss only has one attack

Fucking randy. Guy can't be ceo he needs someone who will tell him no

hi dsp

Well see difference is that game has PvP dummy

Myriad of status effects and debuffs will be in the game but half of the icons will be vague as fuck and you have no way of telling them what each of them do without opening the in-game manual.

the controls are inverted every 5 seconds

You have to press the jump button in mid-air to tuck your legs in. If you don't tuck your legs in, you can't jump over 90% of things.

>You play as a gun wielding cowboy in the wild west
>Your only attack is a short range punch, you get around by a sports car/walking (no running), and you have to do precision platforming over bottomless pits while the jump is preformed by pressing down in a 3D environment

>No mini map.
>Taking out the map has a 2 second animation.
>vulnerable to attack while map is open
>Map covers whole screen when open
>Full blown maze levels
>Constant back tracking
>Enemies have silent respawns
>Enemy hits can push you off edges of cliffs
>No check points
>Need multiple keys to proceed
>Random loot spawn points
>Limited life system

Fuck, the rest of the shit is all made up but this one happens for real