Hard mode: try to actually make it sound like a shitty game; don't just summarize the plot in a nonsensical fashion

Hard mode: try to actually make it sound like a shitty game; don't just summarize the plot in a nonsensical fashion

Press buttons very fast or lose the game

oh and spend as much time as you can not playing the game, but instead watching your own replays to find the best timings

(warcraft 3)

You run around in a map and the characters take 3 seconds to swing. They do it all on their own so you're essentially just moving them around the whole game, and that's the combat. The sexiest character has the worst stats and the guy nobody likes has the best. Every now and then you'll come across a lv 40 enemy in a lv 3 zone and you can't even kill them. In end game there's some big gay crystal with 60 platforms with time based puzzles and no way to tell where you are at any time, and the only save spot is all the way in the deepest part.

Click on some shit in the game,watch and wait. Repeat for a few thousand hours, or quit before then. But no matter how many times you quit, you'll come back.

You start in some boring ass cave and you pilfer this fucking shitty gun from some unconscious guy and shoot some insignificant cave-dwelling critters. Then you exit the cave and meet these annoying little rabbit shits, and from there, you warp to random ass places blasting down these random ass enemies, all the while picking up a selection of slightly less shitty weapons. On your adventure you meet this girl who looks like you, and because your main character is such a disgusting pervert they pilfer her own panties. One thing leads to another and in the best ending you're shooting some rock-nigger with some rockets in his bleeding eye sockets. You hitch a ride off some flying toaster with the annoying girl at your side and go wherever.

you're a retard who got a mail from your retarded family relative to go fix his shit cause he became an hero, shit gets fucked and the world ends

You are almost literally invincible, you go left for most of the game getting pointless shit since your default attack is overpowered.
then when you want to 100% you will be scourging the entire place just for that last thing you missed

it's as easy as pokemon, post game features hours and hours of grinding, and people probably play it for the little girls

>scourging
scouring or scrounging

scourges are bad

in the case that that was a simple typo i'll go fuck myself

Essentially, its a 40 hour walking simulator with a nonsensical murder mystery on top. There is shooting, but it sucks dick. There is driving, but it sucks dick. There are monsters, but they arent really scary, and they werent meant to be there anyway.

You should beat it twice.

Gone Home.

....why did you put the game title in your description and without spoilers you fucking newfag

WoW

FFIXICICIXIX

literally everything is up to rng and at some point the game will decide you should go fuck yourself no matter how well prepared you are

Indigo Prophecy

final fantasy are known for their pretty boys

Close, but no cigar.

Think japanese.

Deadly Premonition

75% of the game is literally just RNG yet you can very easily savescum which ruins the entire point of RNG.

Balancing is dumb, some characters are useless while others have moves that allow you to one shot everything.

Dankest Dungeon or XCOM

FPS RPG source mod that badly explains the near-nonexistent plot and setting, where half the RPG elements are nullified by the FPS elements.

All you do is send countless robots to their deaths in the hope that you might make your opponent explode, pic related to the lore

Lisa the Painful.

Close! It was Runescape, after 5 years, I got sucked back into it last week. I hate myself sometimes, but I just can't stop the grind.

Cave Story

To narrow it down, it was made by French madmen.

?

Well that just gave it away user

e.Y.e

You spawn on a map with nothing on it and that's it, you want content you put it in yourself.

And multiplayer is either getting killed by some random retard every 5 seconds or roleplaying.

You wander through ruins for hours, reading notes left on rocks and racking your brain in frustration.

You kill stuff to get money to get better gear to kill more stuff. Eventually you get to the point where you don't ever even have to see any enemy because they all die offscreen and your character gets so big they just cover the entire screen anyway. The game runs at a solid 5 FPS on a modern machine.

Most open-world survival games with crafting and building

You are a gentleman and a scholar.

Its my fav holiday season game.

Gmod

Yep.

Dark Souls 2: The Prequel

fat fuck eats everything and its too easy

Sonic 06

Kirby

some homo is trying to rescue a complete bitch from a bunch of zombie not-zombies

You move a bunch of small Gamecube-era models around, and you have to switch weapons with forced touchscreen drawing mechanics. On top of that the story is a total rip on popular children's weebshit with forced comedy and there's like 3 shmup sections because the dev has an arcade fetish.

nope

You are a Kid that for retarded reasons ends up in another world, you have to now save this people that you don't even know because tgen this caracther that you literaly met ask you to do it
The game is short as fuck, really edgy and side quests are long as fuck and all consists in "Bring X to Y at Z moment"

Dodge vision cones to get to the next bland expositional monologue.

In this dumb weeb game, you get to grind endlessly while your pets kill everything for you.

Most people play it because they want to marry animals or children.

No way Fag

its perfect if you suck at RTSs and are too dumb for grand strategy games, and have a fetish for angry white dudes who drink wine too much

Digimon

You match blocks to match other blocks
over and over again
oh, and pokemon are there too I guess

There’s this big empty world under attack by some bald retard who think he’s a kind from Ancient Rome. There’s also a guy in tube that everyone kills even though he’s a nice guy. You take over the world with the help of Dave Foley

no, much weebier and more niche - it's an indie game

a pretentious 2deep4u walking simulator where all you do is whack the same 5 braindead monsters the entire game and spam x everywhere so that you don't miss an item and have to backtrack the entire area.

You start out near a gun store in the zombie apocalypse that has 0 guns and an owner that didnt think standing by giant glass windows wasnt a bad idea. Running back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth to get a key that will allow you to get another key which will allow you to backtrack some more for another plug that will allow you to proceed. Dont forget to save.

Planetary anihilation?

Close, think of a better game

It's a JRPG with an insufferable main character, a confusing battle system, a soundtrack full of rap and JPop, and character/fashion designs that look as if everybody in the game shops exclusively at Hot Topic. It also prominently features tribal tattoo and graffiti artwork, and has only one save slot so if you want to start a new file you have to erase your old one. By all accounts it should be a complete disaster.

Shitty outdated 2d dungeon crawler released in the late 2000's after the previous games were 3d. Combat is turn based which requires zero strategy and to get party members you have to talk tp enemies and depend entirely on rng for them to join. The story is just a rip off 9f various 80's action movies as you go to Antartica to study a giant hole and find demons.

This planet fucking hates you so much, that you requires atleast 6 hours of failure until you get this specific item. That, however, completely changes the core gameplay and eventually turns you into a god

You hold down a single button while pressing left or right occasionally, good job you win

you get your overpowered shit stolen by an edgelord and have to put up with swinging a bunch of shitty swords until you get the really overpowered one that trivializes the game. in the end if you don't find out who the main bad guy is you miss out on over half the game.

It's a 3D fighting/shooter game, but you can never ever fucking hit each other because everyone's mobility is so busted that you can basically just mash out dashes and never get hit. Just to give you an idea of how shitty that is, 99% of the attacks in the game HOME IN, and matches still constantly end in time outs. 80 seconds (real, not "Marvel seconds"), and a game where weak hits designed to actually do damage deal ~15% of your max life, and matches never finish. Even moreso among competent players.
It's probably a blessing in disguise that you can't aim directly because it's fucking impossible with tank controls. That and there's a couple of busted characters that can just flood the screen with shit, one of them to the point where early versions of the game CRASHED from array overflows. Did I mention this game has tank controls in a game where you're zipping around the screen like a Marvel vs. Capcom game in 3D? Because it does.

Oh yeah and there's a bunch of bugs where you can INSTANTLY KILL people off of a single melee hit. In a 3D game with directional blocking, and you can spiral around someone at light speed WHILE SWINGING. Not that that matters either, most melee attacks do 40-60% damage if they hit.

Oh and just to rub salt in the wound, the bulkiest character in the game has an ability that can turn him into the fastest character in the game for the rest of a round, and can use it every round. What a busted piece of shit game.

If anybody actually guesses what this is I'll give you a cookie.

What is Symphony of the Night

Entire fucking game is nothing but escort mission after escort mission with the worst AI known to man, gameplay is mashy bullshit you can trivialize if you're not an idiot to the point where it's basically a musou but even worse.

final fantasy 12

What is Metal Gear Solid

This is a good summary of CS though

congratulations! you win the prize!

Pokemon Puzzle League

why does this need a separate thread? This is what all of Sup Forums is

You're forced to team up with a frog faggot and travel time because your crew is retarded.

Skyrim
Can you guess what it is?

Yeah mentioning Pokemon totally ruined it. Let me try that one.

>There's blocks, and you can only switch them left and right. It's not even like Tetris or Puyo Puyo where you can actually choose where you place anything, you just switch randomly generated blocks within the same rows and pray you get lucky enough to get three rows with the same color in them. Good luck setting up combos with that. It's even worse when you throw a second player in, because the playing field gets smaller any time they get lucky and score a match or two. If you win the lottery, you can just choke off 75% of the other player's screen in one go, and then they have to spend 5 minutes chipping through it while you're free to do whatever you want. It's like Dr. Mario for brainlets.
Puzzle League is my favorite puzzle game ever, Puzzle Fighter is a close second.

Get revenge on giant bird

you stare at an old map.

>awful horse controls
>awful climbing controls
>most of the gameplay is based around horseriding and climbing
>empty worldmap
>nothing to fucking do
>filled with DEEPEST LORE bullshit that isn't actually deep nor is it ever explored
>cut content
>one of those gay "vidya is le art" games
>weebshit

That one was easy.
I can do two more but disguise it as one more.
>buggy as shit
>crashes constantly
>poorly thought out faction system
>empty world with little to do
>so much fucking walking
>decent art style but shit graphics
>Sup Forums loves it
>bullet sponge enemies
>retarded hunger and weight mechanics that just hamper gameplay

run back and forth in the same ugly looking rooms shooting the same enemies with the same sound clips all the while relying on a gimmick for like 6 hours of playtime

You have to dodge a gorillion of shit in order to beat the game and you only habe 3 continus. How is it possible for a human being to beat this?

clicky pointy do this do that artificial difficulty look for shit build shit artificial difficulty escort mission reverse escort mission artificial difficulty buggy AI wonky physics artificial difficulty. the game is also artificially difficult in every conceivable fashion.

>weebshit trying hard not to be weebshit
>nonexistant plot until the end, then it's nonsensical
>forced companions that don't shut the fuck up and have awful AI
>once class is way overpowered compared to everything else
>only like two towns in the whole map
>like three different common enemies that you'll fight for most of the game
>half the characters are waifubait
>unexplained mechanics where if you don't know what you're doing you find yourself married to a dumb jew guy

You literally just work a 9-5 shift on a space station and just hope you die (no respawns)

SS13

Literally every bullet hell game ever.

Binding of Isaac

First one is Shadow of the Colossus, one of the second ones is probably Skyrim. Guess the other is a Fallout game or something?

Mario + Rabbids

Shadow of the Colossus was correct.
New Vegas was correct for one of them.

>>shit graphics
>>Sup Forums loves it
well that wasn't too hard

wow didn't even realize the first one was basically isaac, but it supposed to be max payne

Is Borderlands the other one? If that game's not bullet sponge-y I don't know what is.

Nah.
But Borderlands is definitely more bullet spongey than either game.

felix the cat kills a lizard with a metal spike stuck deep in its asshole

La-Mulana? Because that describes my experience with it.

You fuck up and touch some shit while on an expedition with your dad. You get teleported to some backwards ass planet, and you befriend an absolutely helpless healer bitch who does next to nothing while you throw yourself at enemies and shout with horrible voice acting.

Don't even get me started on the bullshit unique conversations with each party member in every town.

"...."
"...whatever"

A party game with a skill ceiling so high that humans will never be able to play it optimally. Continues to somehow stay relevant despite being over sixteen years old.
The best characters are a couple of furries and a tranny.

you got it

youre a random shmuck who barely survives death
thanks to a big scaley boi and you go around the world doing random shit. also i think theres some story in there but you probably wont do it anyway.

melee

>Offline MMO with auto-attacks and cooldowns with a bajillion pointless fetchquests that often involve navigating between multiple NPCs each with their own personal schedules you have to memorize in towns that are way too big and a pain to navigate
>Story is bog-standard shonenshit (oh no evil villains destroyed my town!) with the usual stereotyped cast of the Chosen One protagonist, his beefy idiot best friend, his childhood sweetheart, his battle-hardened veteran mentor, a healer (female), a magical princess and a mascot character
>Final boss is, surprise surprise, God

a group of old men teach you how to verbally accost the local population of lizards.

Xbc