What am I in for?

What am I in for?

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A medieval soap opera.

good gaem

a video game

only fun when cheating

A map

It got lets and less fun as the game was updated, making it more and more difficult to be a tyrant.

In its current state, I can't say that Crusader Kings 2 is a good game at all.

Elaborate

What you talking bout nigger

I've been playing this on and off since release and the only actually bad expansion was conclave

The shattering mechanic and the new cb's suck ass too, but both of them can simply be disabled

A paradox's cuckery.

masturbation
seriously, this is the hottest game ever made

>not mentioning sunset invasion
Also conclave is good.

I completely forgot about that one desu

eugenics. lots of it.
make sure to roleplay for the most fun

cuckoldry up the ass

in this world it's cuck or be cucked

It was possible before to personally own all counties and live off church/city taxes. Not anymore.

This, expect load of cuckoldry and incest

All you need to know...

youtu.be/T8GIvDWTvKg

NEVER
REPEAT
NEVER
MAKE YOUR WIFE THE FUCKING SPYMASTER

Why?

Well, if you go on loverslab you can be a kidnapping rapist that has a plethora of slaves that you train to fight in your arena or to be proficient in 'pleasure' so they can be prostitutes that you can make income from as a pimp while also recruiting conan the barbarian from the arena you built to be your greatest commander who will then take the fight against the alpha werewolf the ottomans use as their general who will also defend you against the succubus that frequently attacks you in combat also if you buy a dog it will rape your female courtiers and you'll walk in on your daughter fingering herself right after you encountered lilith who gives you a scepter for your loyal worship

she'll fucking poison your ass, or find out about an affair and then poison your ass

It was a fun game I haven't played it in a while so I can only hope that it hasn't gone the same way as EU4 which has only added more obtuse and shitty mechanics with each expansion to the point were it is now not even enjoyable anymore.
Time to reinstall I guess

>What am I in for?

Retaking constantinople from the orthocucks

It's not a meme, you can actually do those things lmao

Rebellions

if she hates you its hilariously easy to persuade her to kill you and her plot power (as spymaster) will be massive

>not turning rebellions to rare

...

...

Spending at least 5 hours finding out how to play the game before being able to have fun.

Nothing is intuitive about the controls, takes a while to figure out how everything works but once you do it's very fun.

I'm talking about nobles rebelling, the peasants are not a problem anyway.

for best role playing

thy kingdom come

Simple game disguised as a grand strategy. Also a lot dlc's.

Now I want to play. What should I play as bois?

Whew

The Reaper's Due was the only good DLC

the best RPG ever, I am not even kidding, if you play it as an RPG game and not a map painting simulator you are in for a ton of fun, make sure to pirate all the DLC though, the base game is boring

That tiny county island on the coasts of Ethiopia

my daughter killed his new husband in a swordfight and I was blamed for it.

Ignore original and play Game of Thrones mod. It's much more fun when you play in a world with established characters than as some randomised cucks.

Not actually becoming a crusader king
UK is the usual beginner's island
look for a setting you like and play whoever you find interesting

play as a snow-nigger and summon cthulhu

This

It's actually quite boring once you get down to it. It's an okay RPG but if you actually want to play a strategy game, CK2 isn't it.

You got it boss

this helped me learn how to play and find out interesting shit about asoiaf
but eventually you'll want to try out normal ck2, it might not have dragons, dueling, or a nice slavery system- but there's just something about crusading to take back Jerusalem

>It's much more fun when you play in a world with established characters than as some randomised cucks.

You know that most of the characters are legit historical rulers/barons/dukes etc
But of course if your historical knowledge is shallow you might find game of thrones more interesting

Is there something... Strange out there?

>Szoke

cigánygeci

Even vanilla ck got duelling and slavery user

fehérebb mint te Horváth Armando

what would you recommend as a good granstrategy, I've only played CK2

Europa Unviersalis, Victoria, Darkest hour, Hearths of Iron

>People suggest Ireland to start as
>Okay.jpeg
>Stumble around for a few years learning the game
>Eventually take over Ireland, Scotland and Northern England
>Pope calls a crusade, nothing better to do while waiting on claims so I send a few troops to Spain for shitz and giggles
>Participate in a few battles, crusade is successful
>Pope rewards me most of Spain in return
>Suddenly go from ruling a few vassals in the British Isles to owning the kingdom of Spain and being the first bastion of defence against the caliphate.
>Spend the rest of the game trying to organise vassals and titles whilst holding off jihads every few years
Genuinely some of the most fun I've had in a game for a long time. I was sad when I lost that save file

increasing council power

How many purchasable updates before it gets good

73 if my calculations are accuarate,so pirate it down.

gimmie gimmie

I pirated the game, how the fuck do I activate the dlcs?

>EU
Literally "Führer-Mana: The Return of the RNG Paintbucket"

nigger. How about pirated the game with the latest dlcs

How the fuck do i please these vassals? They are bitchy and complaining that i dont give them enough land and want to the council despite their poor as fuck skills in literally anything

''Oh good sir i wanna be uh on the council cuz my skills are all below 5 so im effectively incompetent at life and if you try to kill me,my son will take over who is somehow shittier than me''

I fucking hate the vassal mechanics
Also playing Ireland i can't tell if i actually own a piece of land or not because every single province is a slightly different shade of green

but I did that, from that russian site

everyone hates you for no fucking reason

>being a visionlet

Just find an excuse to throw them in the dungeon then you can give their title to whoever you want, avoid giving people with the ambitious trait land.
>that russian site
There's your problem

>There's your problem
where do I pirate it then?

cs.rin.ru is the russian site you need.
Just register an account and search for ck2

>not reforming Rome as the Kingdom of Jerusalem
What are you even doing?

but that's only realistic dumbass. Don't let retards get powerful if you don't want them in your council.

The best computer role playing game ever made.

>be strong, attractive emperor with good relations with wife
>ugly, one-armed, unlanded courtier with seduction focus seduces my wife
>Paradox's fix for this is to let you turn seduction off
Thanks, Paradox. Here's your bi-annual $15 installment payment to shit in my mouth

>Play as Norse Harald Hardrada in 1066 Start
>Conquer England and give entire land to Norse Norwegians
>Reform the faith and Form the empire of Midgard
>See that the daughter of a former HRE Emperor is married to the King of rump-sweden
>Raid his capital with my retinue and take her as my wife
>HRE has become changed succession type, so their leader is a child
>Use claim from German waifu to conquer the HRE, then destroy it
>Convert the catholics I can and revoke all titles of anyone who won't, replacing them with loyal norwegians
>Release Bavaria as ally

how come harald isnt catholic in 1066

>wendish empire
Wut. How did the AI manage to make an empire while not being muslim?

90% that he's playing with friends

>playing with meme religions
>or meme empires

>tfw without mods or meme options, or even ruler designer I have established a large Cathar Roman Empire despite starting as some sicilian island nigger
feels good, I stopped playing that save file because its a pain at that stage, but I might just continue it later just to get the "recover old borders" and the "make all religious rulers female" achievements since those seem like really rare achievements

Start as Jorvik, conquer at least 2 duchies, become orthodox and enjoy blobing while being immune to holy wars and being able to excumunicate any vassal you want.

>not saving Christendom
What a fucking cuck.

Shit, thats nice m8
Meanwhile i can't reform rome as byzantium in the 867, how do i get good? My vassals always wreck me with those factions and gavelkind shit.

Harald is Catholic in 1066, this user just converted him to a meme religion

Has science gone too far?

How the hell could anyone play ck for achies. Vanilla is so fucking cancer. God without ck2+ I would have deleted this pos from my steam library.

>My vassals always wreck me with those factions and gavelkind shit.
As Byzantium you have access to viceroyalties from the start - use these to their full potential, if any feudal lord gets uppity make sure to provoke him so that you can arrest him and legally revoke his ducal title and turn that title into viceroyalty as well. Try to control as few lords personally as possible, having a loyal viceroy control some uppity minor lords for you is better than dealing with them directly, make sure to utilize gifts, parties and the diplomacy stat to the max, use the introduce heir option whenever possible, together with the born in the purple bonus the first few years you will have fairly decent relations with your vassals, and then prestige effects kick in. Give all your children education in diplomacy, don't have too many sons, if you do try to somehow disinherit the excess without being too criminal about it, try to gain claims on kingdoms through marriage, try to fuck up middle eastern kingdoms whenever they seem on the brink of collapse, you must disband them every chance you get, do the same with the HRE - so if they are in a middle of a decadency war for example

ck+ disables india though

No it doesn't, CK+ has an India version with it and you just need to activate it.

nay

oh dang, I might check it out then, btw is the china content any good? I havent pirated it yet

>china content
There isn't any.

Just started a new game with chinese invasion enabled just to switch to china and rekt the middle east

>GS game based around the Three kingdoms period of China will never exist
May as well neck myself now

what about the Jade Dragon dlc?

China is off-map. I'd say its one of the worst Paradox DLCs because what its pretending to be.

theres a 3kangdom mod tho

Why would you ever wwant to play with India though?

look how long she lived, i got the event for immortality too, but it failed, she also had master seductress trait and seduced death when it came to play chess, literally outplayed death due to the power of her ancient vagina

>i got the event for immortality too, but it failed
Why ever go for it? The chances of getting it to succeed are really low.