AND HIS NAME IS DUKE NUKEM

AND HIS NAME IS DUKE NUKEM
*hip hop beat accompanied by a horn section starts playing*

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youtube.com/watch?v=ZlzbWktBj-I
youtube.com/watch?v=F3MnSeRcDuE
youtube.com/watch?v=ciyG2_Y8yGI
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>they are actually making a duke movie

why

also this would have been better

How can you watch a movie that you cant see

that gives me an idea.

do they have a live band at the wrastling shows?

It could be good....right?

>not made by based Uwe Boll - the director of one of the few actually good vidya movies

Hey I found Cena's script!

>uwe boll and good in the same sentence

which will be worse?

John Cena is more interesting than Duke Nukem. He has more original schtick, and a greater presence. Duke Nukem just quotes movie lines in generic "bad ass" voice.
Make a movie starring John Cena as himself.

>uwe boll and good in the same sentence
Yes.
youtube.com/watch?v=ZlzbWktBj-I

>two hours of black screen

>Michael Bay
>John Cena
>Duke Nukem
If I learnt anything from school its that three negatives make an ironic kino

HUSTLE

That's pretty good

LOYALTY

r8 muh cinematic universe idea

RESPECT

>Blood
>at the same level as the rest
user

At least put heretic and hexen

>why

Who the fuck is going to watch it?

"Raises paw"

Is there a photoshop of him looking like duke yet

too old, not charismatic

Honestly Cena is the one and only acceptable choice to play Duke.
People will meme about it because >John Cena but he's still a pretty good fit.

chris benoit>john cena

A Duke Nukem movie?!? This is fucking awe--

>Platinum Dunes

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! God damn monkey's paw!

Alive person > dead person

I can understand Michael bay, but John Cena? Too much of a goodie two shoes.

...

i never realized how much til schweiger looks like blazkowicz

Where's Shadow Warrior 97?

>implying i know directors' faces

15 years ago i would have said Dolph Lundgren or GTFO but he is a little too old now to play the Duke.

I'm fine with Cena. He actually isn't too bad at acting.

It's gonna be shit cause hollywood panders to everybody and wont make a real Duke movie with all his chauvinistic manliness intact. It would trigger too many tumblrinas to have duke fuck every woman on earth.

When has Michael "Wash my car for your audition" Bay ever cared about pandering?

>It would trigger too many tumblrinas to have duke fuck every woman on earth.
Duke only fucks the hot ones
youtube.com/watch?v=F3MnSeRcDuE

and in duke nukems world there's literally only hot women left

Only problem I see is Cena's face is a bit too friendly and goofy-looking for me to see him as Duke. He doesn't quite have the chin.

he has the chin, even chin-butt, he just needs to make the right facial expressions

>hes one of those people
Fucking hivemind faggot postal and rampage are GOAT

thats probably right, but Cena's character is a legit psycho.
It just happens it gets washed by the company. Just watch his I Quit Match with JBL where Cena AA'd him through his car AFTER the match was over, for example. He's a bad, bad man sold as a rolemodel for kids.

>legit psycho
how the fuck

>Total Divas (shitty reality show featuring WWE wrestlers and their wives)
>Dog jumps on Cena's lap
>FINNA PUT YA DOWN

BIG DIMES JOHN CENA!?
PLAYING DIME NUKEM?

>It's actually likely he played those games so he should be fine

three negatives make a negative idiot it's four (4) negatives that produce kino

only in looks john cena can pull off the character better i believe

Platinum Dunes.

There's four.

Now I'm looking forward to this shit, fuck you Sup Forums

youtube.com/watch?v=ciyG2_Y8yGI

not to mention he spent a chunk of his career as a wigger

STOP LIKING DUKE YOU SEXIST PIGS!

Watch them make Duke have black hair or even worst, he becomes black. Just you watch Sup Forumsirgins.

>they are actually making a duke movie
I've been saying bullshit for a solid minute till i looked it up.

>"Raises paw"

But...John Cena is white.

Unless they go blackface, but hooooo boy...

...

who is this literal who?

>He will never do a Postal 2, or another vidya movie, nor a similar movie

I honestly thought this was a gag thread, until I read this post, then looked it up, and holy fuck.

I mean, the John Cena Duke lineup is so perfect, but his kid friendly image clashes with everything that is Duke Nukem.

I feel like the only way they could make this work is if they go for a more adult-oriented take on Johnny Bravo.

>instead of sticking a bomb up a female alien's vag, they will make him stick a bomb up a male alien's dick

10/10 casting

ALWAYS BET ON DUKE

I have absolutely no problem with this

>make a Doom movie
>go out of your way to write out any and all references to demons or Hell
I can only remember that first person scene and that guy that talks about ladyboys.

You're right, it should be in a league of it's own looking down on the casual trash.

Here's a couple of ways this could work in today's climate:

>Duke is a larger-than-life figure, whose legends are met with his sparing on-screen appearances.
Basically the main characters are not Duke himself, but other characters that are basically also trying to stop the conflict at a lower scale, but when they do cross paths with Duke doing his business, his actions are wild, over-the-top, and pretty much God-like. Effortlessly swooping, handling multiple weapons at a time and taking out pig cops and aliens alike, like some sort of gun toting ballet, where Duke just smoothly goes from shooting aliens, to knocking out a perfect one shot in pool, to dropping pipe bombs onto Octobrains, to relieving himself at a urinal, to using a mirror to fire over his shoulder, while combing with his other free hand, all while taking a piss, and then he jet packs the fuck out of there with a cigar chomping grin on his face.

>Duke bases everything he ever does off of old action movies, and even some new ones, and this makes him incredible at fighting and shooting aliens, but incredibly inept and out of touch with real social situations.
Basically a Last Action Hero sort of thing, but with some unintentional sexism and a bit of "Coming-of-Age" for Duke, instead of some shitty little boy who follows the action hero around. He runs into the actors who played all the people he stole the lines from, and they help he realize how stupid all that shit was, and maybe he finally comes up with his own material, sort of redefining himself.


And you could probably do something where Duke is secretly lame with women, or Duke is thawed from ice, ala Captain America, blah blah blah, lots of stuff, but the point I'm trying to make is that Duke was never intentionally malicious or sexist like a lot of journalists would have you believe. He was powerful, and without a lot of other nuance, so a movie would need to introduce some sort of conflict for him, or have him be a side character.

Glorious Dukage

Wonder if they'll steal money from the movie too?

Superhero movies can only be big for so long someone gotta jump on the next goldmine

It's going to suck
Get fucked

You need to go back.

Its gonna be PG-13 isn't it?

I like the second idea, but gearbox seem to be against making fun of duke. Zero punctuation's Yahtzee was asked to have a go at writing the story of dnf but they turned him down for writing duke as not-cool-anymore.