Sup Forums Plays Zork

Alright Sup Forums, how about a classic?
West of House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.
Wat do?

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suck my own dick

place dick in mailbox

Punch the mailbox.

take all

open mail box and read the leaflet inside.

I don't know the work "suck"

Can I play Zork 2 in Zork?

>open mailbox and read leaflet
Opening the small mailbox reveals a leaflet.

(Taken)
"WELCOME TO ZORK!

ZORK is a game of adventure, danger, and low cunning. In it you will explore some of the most amazing territory ever seen by mortals. No
computer should be without one!"
(Fucking CAPCHA)

>Zork
>Not Starcross
Zork may have made infocom but it was not their best work by a long shot.

Open mailbox.

Get ye flask

Quit

>quit
Your score is 0 (total of 350 points), in 2 moves.
This gives you the rank of Beginner.
Do you wish to leave the game? (Y is affirmative): >

Y

No. North

>north
North of House
You are facing the north side of a white house. There is no door here, and all the windows are boarded up. To the north a narrow path winds
through the trees.

Quit

Remove boards on window.

>remove boards on window
That sentence isn't one I recognize.

check window

Break boards

Move North

The boards are securely fastened.

Forest Path
This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches
stands at the edge of the path.

Talk to tree.

sit down

examine tree

is this one of the ones where if you don't do every step exactly right then you wind up dying at the end of the game?

>talk to tree
You can't talk to the tree!
>sit down
(down the tree)
You can't do that!

>sit
You can't go that way.

>examine tree
There's nothing special about the tree.
[spoilers]It depends on what you do. Not really though[/spoilers]

Damn, no need to shout Zork.

Climb tree

>There's nothing special about the tree.
then why the fuck did he mention one particular tree in a forest

Remove clothes

>climb tree
Up a Tree
You are about 10 feet above the ground nestled among some large branches. The nearest branch above you is above your reach.
Beside you on the branch is a small bird's nest.
In the bird's nest is a large egg encrusted with precious jewels, apparently scavenged by a childless songbird. The egg is covered with fine
gold inlay, and ornamented in lapis lazuli and mother-of-pearl. Unlike most eggs, this one is hinged and closed with a delicate looking
clasp. The egg appears extremely fragile.

carefully open egg

>open egg
You have neither the tools nor the expertise.

>take egg
Taken.

Quit

Take the nest too.

grab branch

throw egg

give egg to woman

>take nest
Taken.
>grab branch
What a concept!
(By the way, anyone who wants to play this for themselves can get it for free at infocom-if.org/downloads/downloads.html Linux users will need frotz to make it run.

You can't get ye flask!

Get ye flask

ONLY oldfags will get this joke if you do not get it then fuck you die

go to where the forest is block by bath by branch tree climb branch tree and get giant golden egg, portate orgasm from golde egg negg meegggg

Get naked

this joke was literally already made though and there's already a homestar thread up with the joke in it as well

The game can't understand the words "ye" or "naked"

get down from tree

We're back on the Forest Path now

Remove pants

look

>remove pants
I don't know the word "pants".

>look
Forest Path
This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches
stands at the edge of the path.

climb tree

go north-south

So we are pantsless and have a nest and a golden bejeweled egg in a forest. Kinky

Which one?

Fuck you

go north

north-south

eat egg

they made a browse version of this game? Hah that's great

moar like dorks play Zork.

>north
Clearing
You are in a clearing, with a forest surrounding you on all sides. A path leads south.
On the ground is a pile of leaves.
No, that's just my terminal with a transparent background.

check leaves

>move leaves
Done.
In disturbing the pile of leaves, a grating is revealed.

Take leaves. They'll go nice with our nest and egg.

check grating

Pee on grating

>tfw I want to port zork to android and IOS

>I fucking don't know how

Take leaves and take grating. Take everything!

>take leaves
Taken.

>check grating
I don't know the word "check".

>examine grating
The grating is closed.

>move grating
You can't move the grating.

>open grating
The grating is locked.
Play it on desktop like a man

Go whence I came

Open grating.

this is bullshit
i just tried playing it myself but i got to the leaves we're at here now
i said kick leaves and he told me that wouldn't be useful
but here i see "move leaves" works? fuck this game im quitting

>south
Forest Path

go back to the house

Go whence I came

>south
North of House
You are facing the north side of a white house. There is no door here, and all the windows are boarded up. To the north a narrow path winds
through the trees.

Take forest

check west and east and south of house

Where is the god damn door? Go west of house.

>take forest
An interesting idea...

Dig down

>east
Behind House
You are behind the white house. A path leads into the forest to the east. In one corner of the house there is a small window which is
slightly ajar.
MOTHER FUCKING CAPCHA AND POST COOLDOWN TIMER REEEE

drop egg through window

open window

Open window. We're burglaring this joint.

>drop egg through window
That sentence isn't one I recognize
With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow entry

>enter
Kitchen
You are in the kitchen of the white house. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. A passage leads to the west
and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. A dark chimney leads down and to the east is a small window which is open.
On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers.
A bottle is sitting on the table.
The glass bottle contains:
A quantity of water

Enter the window gently yet sensually.

take bottle
open sack

Take it all! All of it!

>wat do?

Get eaten by a grue

>take bottle and open sack
Taken.

Opening the brown sack reveals a lunch, and a clove of garlic.

eat lunch

sniff/smell garlic

take lunch
take garlic
go up stairs

>eat lunch and smell garlic
(Taken)
Thank you very much. It really hit the spot.

It smells like a clove of garlic.