Congratulations user, you won Twisted Metal. You get to have one wish. So, what is it? I am Calypso...

Congratulations user, you won Twisted Metal. You get to have one wish. So, what is it? I am Calypso, and I thank you for playing Twisted Metal.

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kill all the niggers

I want a lifetime supply of Calypso.

I only wish for TM 2/3/4 optimized for a 360 controller and available on Steam with matchmaking.

I want you, sexually.

give me the ability to shapeshift you cunt.

Wish granted but you get killed along with the rest

i accept this condition out of love and hope

I wish you were a toilet

Wish granted but you can't change back

I wish you could never grant a wish again

lel

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a new twisted metal game

Wish granted but it's shit

I wish for F-Zero to come back

i was hoping for something more specific

I wish Twisted Metal became less niche and gained enough of a following to spark inspired and beautiful fangames and mods for many generations to come.

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>3/4
You already made the wish bad, good job.

Granted, Twisted Metal is now
Touhou.

What exactly made 4 bad?

Sounds like you don't like to have fun. Primeval was a top-notch boss fight and both 3 and 4 have great soundtracks.

I'll take a double cheeseburger, hold the mayo. And can I get some fries and a medium coke with that?

Wish granted! I hope you like f2p runner phone games with lootboxes.

Awful physics, unbalanced and uninspired roster, garbage endings and characters, shallow CaC.
At least it's better than 3 I guess.

Wish granted but you get diabetes from it

>Rob Zombie and literally who nu-metal bands
>great soundtracks
Pick one

YOU CANT DERIVE PLEASURE OFF YOUR OWN SELF-DESTRUCTION FOR LONG, 'LYPSO

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Granted.
The burger is a bit overcooked.

Why did the PS3 game fail? I thought it was fun.

You faggots are seriously overblowing the way Calypso screw wishes over, if one makes an exact wish with no means of alternate interpretation, he grants it without problem, otherwise the times where people screwed him over by outsmarting wouldn't have happened.

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Wish granted but everyone who has been called a nigger (jokingly or not) is also killed.

>Uninspired roster
lol what? You had a midget, an undead pirate, a middle class burger family, a slutty meter maid, a four armed space cop, a wigger pizza guy and a crossdressing drag racer.
TM4 was pretty meh but it's roster was pretty ridiculous.

Fucked the entire cast in favor of gang bullshit.

$60
Non existent progression
Loot boxes that unlock new characters and customization items that can only be bought with the games premium currency

Shit servers made online a nightmare, killing the game early on.

Some of these wishes are pretty vague to be fair

minimal mainstream PR
shaky decisions shown before launch that alienated a lot of fans [/spoiler]a full THREE character stories[/spoiler]
racing levels
godawful online

absolute shame, too, it was a great tm game when it came down to local multiplayer

I'm completely with you on the garbage endings and shallow create-a-car but I have to disagree on the characters being dull/uninspired.

What were the biggest offenders in the unbalanced roster?

I wish I was never born

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It made it kid friendly, simple as that, a cast of clearly mental people became something out of a saturnday morning cartoon.

Didnt exactly fail but it's online died in a month.
The gang style campaigns really hurt it's reputation.

lol random =/= inspired
The cast was not cohesive with the general feel of the other games, or even really with the feel of 4. It's like they threw in whatever random idea they had without a care in the world.

I summon the mighty Jinzo, and his effect negates all traps, your move Calypso.

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granted, you are now an eternal being not confined by the limits of time and as such have existed, and will exist forever

Bosses in general were the most busted they've ever been (cough cough sweet tooth), and half the cars were "boss cars"

Exactly, that's why Calypso screws them over by giving his own interpretation, but if one makes an exact wish, even one that can screw Calypso over , he is obligated to do it.

Case in point:
- Needles wish in head-on, he wished to change bodies with Calypso, that screwed Calypso over.
- Krista wished for Calypso to end the tournament, saddened Calypso did it, even though he wanted her live.
- Junkyard Dog in Black, he wished for revenge on the guy that cucked with his wife, Calypso granted it no problem.

and other times I won't bother typing.

Fuck you jizno

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calypso has a baby dick

NO PICKLES

I wish that Vigilante 8 got a good sequel on a current gen console or the PC.

I remember most of the boss cars being stupid broken.
Moon Buggy, Minion and Sweet Tooth all had homing specials that didn't have collision and usually stunlocked or froze you in place.

I wish you a very nice day.

This wish is granted no strings attached

Not only did they have great special attacks but most of them also had some amazing handling/durability.

I want pea-

fuck off faggot rob zombie is the truth

rip Sup Forums

wish granted but everyone left is a double nigger

I want die.

That's not how Calypso works you little shit. Calypso won't fuck you over if your wish is of malign nature. In TW2 he technically gave his wish to Grim exactly as he wanted, regardless of how things turned out to be.

SHRIEK THE LIPS
ACROSS A RAGGED TONGUE

I'll take a double order of onion rings!

I'll have a turkey sandwich please.

I wish you could only speak in limericks from now on

so which do you prefer?
the grimdark industrial Black aesthetic or the more comedy oriented comic-styled grimdark industrial aesthetic of tm2?

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I'LL HAVE 2 NUMBER 9s A NUMBER 9 LARGE A NUMBER 6 WITH EXTRA DIP A NUMBER 7 2 NUMBER 45s ONE WITH CHEESE - AND A LARGE SODA

Granted

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>Implying killing the niggers is bad.

Remake Twisted Metal 2. Keep the gameplay and controls intact just update everything else. You owe me this I easily spent 1000 hours in that game as a kid

Thanks Calypso, you are a cool guy after all.

1. That was only in Twisted Metal Black, in all the other games he fucks you over regardless of what your wish for.
2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with killing niggers.

I wish for my mom to be healthy again.

>he literally hands you a bunch of numbers and a soda

Bloody Mary from TM:B intrigued my dick many years ago. Probably an early waifu for me.

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Black all took place in Markus's head.
And besides the fact, Black Calypso granted evil or revenge based wishes no problem, like Grimm wanting to eat that Vietnam Advisor, No-Face killing that doctor, or Axel wanting revenge on Needles.

He fucked over everyone else that wanted good things, like Stone, John Doe, Mary, and Charlie.

Sweet Tooth is easily the most broken.
that triple clown homing aoe was awful. Made completing the game near impossible.

Black.

That's the real reason smoke betrayed the grove
>he wanted to buy his own food

>woohoo, I'm a family man
>I love ice cream
>I love being alive
>wait nah I have a festering hatred for life.
>least I still got ice cream

Oh she’s healthy again alright, healthy enough to take all the dicks.

One medium pepperoni pizza please.

I wish I knew what evil twist you are going to apply to wishes.
Then I just have to win again next year!

Well, Touhou already is about petty psychotics and monsters getting together to engage in whimsical bloodsport to advance their own selfish goals so

I wish for a pyra gf so i can return to twisted metal to wish for a mythra gf too

CONVULSING ALTOGETHER SING VIOLENTLY
MOVE THE JAW
CRY ALOUD
BOUND UP THE DEAD TRIUMPHANTLY

Granted, but the turkey is expired

Granted, but it will be from aides and will take years to actually kill you.

HELLLL YEAAAH
youtube.com/watch?v=uHBtpqbOKXk

shameless bump
im not letting a tm thread die before 100 posts not again
not again

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Didn't those dudes in the monster truck literally just wish for new tires and doritos and got their wish without any twist to it?

granted, instead of being born, you were grown in a test tube.

I would wish for a new silent hill game but knowing calypso I have a sneaky feeling it would be directed by a certain french auteur.

In the first game year. In 2 they wished they could be able to fly, but calypso thought they meant plane tickets, but they jumped off the skyscraper and fucking faceplanted into the pavement before he could give them the tickets lmao

I want to be the little girl

i wish for mustard gas to leak out of your screen

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this, best wish right here

>but calypso thought they meant plane tickets
He knew exactly what he was doing.

In twisted metal 2 he gave the stoners unlimited plain tickets when they wanted to fly, they thought they could actually fly and killed themselves. Not really fucking them over, flying first class unlimitedly is pretty nice.

>tfw he makes you an ugly overweight little girl.

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No, they wished to "be able to fly", the retards wanted to have flight powers, but of course something as vague got interpreted by Calypso as them wanting plane tickets, then the two retards jumped out of a building to their deaths.

New tires is from another Hammerhead in another TM game.