Hey user, can I use your computer for a bit?

>Hey user, can I use your computer for a bit?

What do?

Sure, how can I say no to those big qt eyes.

"sure"

woooooooooooooooooooooow

BEETLEJUICE

BEETLEJUICE

BEETLEJUICE

Sure. You're welcome to hop on. By the way I didn't catch your name...

>deletes partition
y-you too

No.

I've got three for a reason bitch, just sit down at one and use it. Fucking women man, always whining for attention.

>sure here you go
>user, where's the mousepad?
>there's no mousepad, you have to use that red dot in the middle
>where's the start button? i wanna get on google
>you have to open a terminal and run--
>ok umm nevermind

I got several... sure, use the one I don't do shit on.

Sure, but only if you let me smell your hair while you are using it.

>switches to a tty
>user where is the desktop
>you have to find it yourself
>fuck this i'll use my phone

fuck off bug-eye

>ywn marry crispy

If you just need a bit, there's a lightswitch on the wall.

cont. of this

women are a meme

>Hey user, can I use your computer for a bit?
ask if they're richard stallman in drag

> "hey user can i use your laptop for a minute?"
> "s-sure"
> "user WTF where is your terminal?! And why do you use a DE? Wait a minute that's not Fedora! You lied to me user thats just a riced Windows'"
> "B-but."
> "No butts, at least not for you, I am leaving you user and your proprietary shit, go hang yourself!"
> cry.3gp

>live with big tittied/ass aunt
>she in her pj's (thong and thin white top)
>hey user can I use your computer real quick?
>leans over using keyboard while i'm sitting down
>her tits are rubbing against my arm
>I slowly rub the tip on my dick through shorts while shes typing away
>tfw staring at her ass after shes done and walks away

pretty sure my nose was bleeding after that

I've normie-proofed my laptop, I have no problem with this

Where are your parents, user

Sorry my laptops motherboard is fucked, new laptop will be here saturday.
I guess you could use my HP Mini but its a little old and is running Puppy Linux...

>shit that never happened
>user's fantasy edition

Yes

How does one go about this?
I need my girlfriend to not find more reasons to get pissed.

Sure!
>open virtual machine with clean windows 7
>fullscreen
Just let me know when you're done or if the screen changes to something weird and you need help, okay?

for starters encrypt it

no.

Underrated

>laptop
>open virtual machine
>weird and you need help
lel

>computer a monster
>19" monitor

DAng bro I bet you get so much pussy with that rig.

>No

>Windows + L
>Click Guess Account
>1 second later -"Here it is"
Then proceed to wonder what she can do with just metro-mode Edge in kiosk mode.

>you have a faraday cage walls in your house.

I just keep an unprivileged guest account around that I can switch to.

It took me a while to get it

Fuck no.

Do you know how many random porn images are scattered throughout my hard drive? There's no telling what she'll stumble upon.

I'm not even responsible enough to clear out my browsing and search history, ffs.

>look at me poorfag with old chink atom i cant run one single vm hurr durr

>sure y-you can
>user what is this os?
>its windows 10, the newest windows
>wheres the terminal user?
>uhmm... t-the what?
>oh... nevermind... well thanks anyway user... and remember to keep your data safe (kisses cheek)

Should I use Linux now? What distro is good for newbies?

>tfw I'm the same age as Crispy
>tfw I will never meet her
I wish I had never even heard of her

> she walks into my NEET cave
> hit her in the back of the head with a brick
> put her in a bag
> go to chinatown
> sell her to the Vietnamese as a sex slave for 1500 pesos and a crate of fish heads

My porn folder is on my desktop. It is called Porn as well. Cause thats just how I roll.

this is really the best solution; anybody who snoops in there has no excuse to be surprised

>chinatown
>vietnamese
somethings seems off here

Ehhh I have a guest account setup. Only browses internet, and Netflix, ask data outside user's own folders require admin passwords.

Is Crispy a dude? I'mnot really into r9k memes

ThinkpadClitMasterrace

>if i don't wanna bang her

Flip switch to turn off porn drive.

>if i do wanna bang her

Leave porn drive powered

Have a guest account with a dock-type thing on the bottom with a browser and some shit, holy fuck, what distro/de/wm are you even running?

>chinatown
>vietnamese
>pesos

So a Chinatown with Vietnamese in Mexico or Philippines...

This. Literally works every time. Ask for the name and go from there. Have gotten 10+ Snapchats this way

no. how did that even get in here?

no, you have creepy looking eyes, gtfo

1 min please.
Activate key logger
Open Microsoft edge for her to use

go to hell

Disgusting big eyed wench

Sure, just don't go into my hot girls folder, look at my bookmarks, or at my browsing history.

this

kek

>sure y-you can
>user what is this os?
>its windows 10, the newest windows
>wheres the terminal user?
>here it is, just open bash, its on Windows 10 now :^)

>Activate key logger
>opens another keylogger

FUCK OFF BACK TO /r9k/ WITH YOUR TIM BURTON-TIER SKANK INMEDIATELY YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT

FUCKING

SAGE

No. Ask one of your 'friends.'

Depends on her answer when I ask "can I use your pussy for a bit?"

>Super + L
>Guest account
There.

I'm more worried when someone wants to use my phone.

>he fell for the women meme

am i too retarded to understand this? can someone explain?

lightswitch only has on/off state
therefore
lightswitch = 1 bit

oh. so i am retarded. thanks user

That's the kind of humor that gets vaginas to self lubricate.

you can literally see her user. do you wanna put your puttputt in her buttbutt or not?

Sure thing, lemme do something first
$ sudo adduser qtgrille && xfce4-sessionlogout
Here you go.

> xfce4-session-logout

who is this qt?

"No, but I can look something up for you if you want."

KEK

No problem. Computers have guest accounts for a reason.

>Sure, just don't go into my hot girls folder, look at my bookmarks, or at my browsing history
'Specially when your hot girls folder are all under the age of 14.

She looks like she would kill me after sex
10/10 would bang

bugsy

you can geeeeeeeet out