When Interviews Go Bad

When do you know an interview won't end in a job interview? For me it's when they steeple their fingers and try to find an alternate way to phrase their question. Each finger-touch screams, "I went to MIT and didn't want to interview anyone today, so I'll just dick around with a question about WEB SERVICES instead of out-and-out asking about SOAP experience."

No, seriously. Every interview where they've steepled their fingers, "we're continuing with other candidates." When they don't, at least they suggest I could get in after the hiring freeze through Q1.

TL;DR when do YOU know when a CS or web dev interview has gone off the rails?

* in a job offer, natch

>When do you know an interview won't end in a job interview?
Huh?

I know I'd fucked up when the interview is really short, because I fucked up answering an question and also talking very little.

Also, when the interview is very long, like when I fuck up a question, I fix it and then I fuck it up again in the next question.

I accidentally passed gas in an interview once. I was so nervous and embarrassed the entire time

Yeah, I meant "When do you know a job interview won't end in a job offer?"

For me, I blew it once by just ... fucking blanking on the whiteboard question. It can't be helped. You study and prepare and sometimes you just choke. The company is sort of a meatgrinder, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

On the other hand, I had a VERY strange interview with the "visionary" head of the company. He waxed on and on about how they didn't really have a company roadmap, but had product features they wanted to test over the next few years. He switched from "oh we don't have a roadmap" to "we have very specific goals over the next year."

When I asked point blank in what way is that NOT a roadmap, he steepled his fingers, looked into the middle distance, and lobbed back, "Explain to me what coding is again."

I left that interview maximally pissed off.

>I know I'd fucked up when the interview is really short, because I fucked up answering an question and also talking very little.

I feel the same. Is it ever acceptable to give a short answer or even, god forbid simply a yes or no? Or should I always elaborate no matter how banal the question is?

No, the whole point of interview is to gain insight on your thought process.

Best interview I ever had was at a place that had a bar right next to it. I got there like 45 minutes early because I got tired of people at home giving me fucking advice and telling me to not be nervous.

>Go in bar
>Take 3 shots of vodka 20 minutes before interview
>interview lasts 2 hours
>they still call to offer me help desk jobs
>tfw that was 3 and half years ago

Why can't I do this for jobs I care about?

Treat interviews like essay exams. Could you get away with 'yes' or 'no' in college? I'm sure there are a few professors who'd allow that to fly because they are 'hip', but most won't.

That being said, your answers should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the important bits, but short enough to be interesting.

>So how much FORTRAN77 do you know

only time an interview went bad for me was when i was applying to a research intern/slave position and i put on my resume that i knew python because i could write fizzbuzz in it.

turns out the interviewer was the head of the research team and doing webdev in python, so i had to say something along the lines of "oh well i don't really know it well enough to do that..."

still got the position, but quit later because the leads started quitting and not training us.

God, that feel.

I interviewed at Amazon with no AWS experience on my resume. I made clear I wanted the position to GET it on my resume. Every other question was "How much AWS experience do you have? Have you constructed a cloud implementation of a site over 500,000 daily users?"

They really could have handled that in screen calls.

I dunno mate I don't think drunk interviewing is a good idea

Maybe a couple bars of xanax

Honestly, I have no fucking clue. There's been times where I thought I bombed the interview and it was short yet they still offered it to me. Contrast that with interviews I thought I did very well in to ultimately not getting an offer. It's hard to gauge what really matters. Employers value skills very differently. You could be perfect for the job technical wise, but if your personality doesn't fit in with the culture you won't get the job.

Well, when they have, as you've said, "gone off the rails," you know you will not get the job. At this point, you start enjoying the interview: start fucking with their minds. If you're going to fail, fail big. Say whatever is on your mind, like Trump. Count out loud how many times they steeple their fingers. Fuck it.

Or you can do what I do: once I realize it's a bust, I immediately thank them for their time and leave. Why waste their time or yours?

In my case, they've flown me cross-country to conduct some of these interviews. Time commitments have already been shuffled around, not the least of all mine. They're giving me four hours' life experience? I'm using all of it.

I wouldn't absolutely burn down an interview, ever. Who knows when I might apply to a different position in the company?

I have always wanted to do this one time when I realized the interview was essentially over. Basically stand up and say thank you for your time and walk out.

Coming fresh from CS in a city known for its engineering campus I've had to apply for a lot of jobs that I was barely even qualified for. The jobs I was legitimately interested in I nailed the interviews just by not being a fizzbuzz retard and coming prepared and reading up on their product or service, and thinking ahead what skills would actually be useful (NOT shit meme replies like "I'm structured and capable of working independently" but if you've worked with larger code bases, if you've taken the odd course in signal theory or whatever).


Only interviews that went complete shit was when the recruiters were pure HR people and tried to force the BS about what "my greatest weakness is". Fucking consulting firms.

>Only interviews that went complete shit was when the recruiters were pure HR people and tried to force the BS about what "my greatest weakness is". Fucking consulting firms.


I think a tell for when these went bad was when they had me elaborating everything because all I was saying was fluff. The questions might be shit, but there is still something on their paper that they want to check off.

At the beginning of the interview when the recruiter asked "So why do you think you're a good fit for the Software Support position?"

I applied for a "Web Developer" position.

>the interviewer is a woman

>anything you say doesn't matter cuz you're not a chad

>When do you know an interview won't end in a job interview?

when i grab her pussy and she calls security.

College Humor / 10.

I fucked it upp by first saying I had never heard of fizzbuzz when being asked and later when ace'ing it I told them that I had read that 99% of programmers fail it.

>(Interviewee)so you have been preparing?
>(Me) eh eh eh(nervous laugh) just a little bit.
They never called me again.
Heard that the chinese bought it and literally went bancrupt.

The inability of inverting a binary tree did it for me even though most of their team uses my software

When the job turns out to be something you didn't expect.

I had one two weeks ago which ended up being very very much a devops role as I was asked about my developer history, I knew shit was going south fast. Then there were questions about automation with the only things I could offer were minor powershell/bash scripting/group policy work since I don't get much of a chance at this current company.

Fucking hell I thought this was a Junior role, yeah I'd like to learn Ansible, Chef and all that but dayum. Either way it wouldn't have worked out since transport links would be expensive since it's winter and I ride a motorbike.

Email that I got after one interview. They asked me if I used Facebook, I responded with no.

Smug assholes

>Thank you for applying.
>We regret to inform you that your job application was unsuccessful. We felt that you weren't a good fit for our team. Our team's work ethic promotes honesty and transparency and we don't see a place in our team for someone that does not respect this.

So basically they didn't like the fact they couldn't spy on you and use anything you did in your personal life against you.

>eam's work ethic promotes honesty and transparency and we don't see a place in our team for someone that does not respect this.

lol. You should have said yes and told them you've never found it.