Mom comes in

>Mom comes in
>"user can you fix my laptop"
>Oh boy
>"My mouse doesn't work anymore I don't know what's wrong"
>Mouse works fine, think it might be drivers or windows update or something
>"Oh I spilled coke on it and haven't touched it since three days ago"
>Blue screen out of nowhere
>"Can you still fix it"
>Open it up
>Sure enough there's coke all over HD
>Show mom
>"Can you still fix it"
>Give her an old laptop of mine I don't use anymore
>"user this laptop doesnt work its broken everything is so slow after I installed my 500 old toolbars"
>Four days later
>Dad: "user did you put the HD back in the laptop and see if it works after drying out"
>mfw
Being the family Sup Forumsuru is suffering.

Hang it out to dry with clothespins. Tell them you did everything you could.

>force my mom to use xubuntu
but I...
>then pay to get it fixed, mom
>....
>two years now and I haven't heard a peep out of her and she's still using xubuntu.

>user ur brother needs a desktop for schoolwork
>here's the deal, i'll build you a desktop out of some old parts in exchange for you buying me some new PC parts
>ok
>build it
>nothing goes wrong
>i get a kabylake for my time
>everyone's happy
sucks for you op

>>here's the deal, i'll build you a desktop out of some old parts in exchange for you buying me some new PC parts
>Buying new PC parts in exchange for old parts
Who the fuck would fall for that?

99 bucks for a pentium + postage is better than almost 450 for a brand new prebuilt
prebuilt didnt even come with a screen

amazing what sort of penny pinchers women are, especially with shit they actually really need, but the moment you throw an advertisement for useless pointless shit their way, their entire bank account is ready to be offloaded in an instant

>Not locking software installs with your household AD server.

>Calling yourself a guru

>Easter
>Fourth of July
>Thanksgiving
>Christmas
>Any and all family get-togethers
>"So I hear that you're a techie-guy huh? My computer is..."

>granddad calls
>"user I'm having problem W while trying to do X"
>do this and this and this
>"didn't work"
>try this and this
>"thanks user"
or
>"didn't work"
>do this and this until you come down next, bring your laptop and I'll look over it
>"thanks user"
>granddad comes down
>fix his laptop
>he buys lunch

>dad has problem Y with his M$ surface
>fixes it himself
or
>"wtf is this"
>do this and this
>"wtf it works"

>grandmother calls
>"computer was doing Z"
>non-issue
>talks my ear off about other shit

>friends ask for help
>do this and this
>"wtf how"
>give me it
>fix it
>"thanks user"

>professor fucks up trying to do something
>chill in back of class and not give a shit

I guess I can't complain

>Been taping over/disabling laptop webcams since patriot act
>People give me strange and dirty looks whenever I explain why

>A few weeks ago
>"hey user did you know you're supposed to put tape over your webcam to stop hackers from spying on you? i heard about it on the news!"

>99 bucks
>kabylake

>not locking software installs in your household with GNu/linux (because it has no software)

I get put in similar situations. Most of the time I'm happy to help if they bring be the hardware.

Usually it's just a fresh windows install to get rid of malware.

Stop leaching off your parents.

Problem solved.

bentium G4560 is kaby lake
cost 78 bucks but i got shafted on postage

>Dad calls me, having an issue with his Mac
>Don't really know much about Macs but I'll give it a shot
>Get to see Dad so whatever it's fine
>Drive over
>"Here it is user"
>His Mac is trying to update
>It's just telling him to make sure there isn't a password on the Wi-Fi
>"Dad it just wants you to disable the WPA on your router"
>"What does that mean user"
>"Get rid of the password on your router"
>"That's not what it says, you're a liar!"
>Dad made me drive all the way out here just to call me liar
>"Well ok let me see if I can fix it"
>Open his router settings and fuck around with it, opening and closing shit, checking and unchecking boxes to make it look like I'm doing shit
>Turn off WPA-PSK in the process
>Update Mac
>"How'd you fix it user?"
>Make up some bullshit
>"Ha, I knew it wasn't the password!"
>Tells everyone I'm a hacker

>At help desk in some shitty office
>Pretty much don't do anything all day except update drivers when anything bad happens to someone's computer
>"user can you fix my personal computer, I use it for work and at home"
>He gives me password, leaves
>Pop that bad puppy open
>File on desktop called "furhardb"
>This better not be what I think it is
>Open it
>Tons of gay furry porn
>Wish I had put on gloves before touching his "personal laptop"
>Wash hands
And that's how I learned one of my co-workers is a furfag with shit taste.

What's an AD server?

>"That's not what it says, you're a liar!"
>"Okay, bye"

On top of that
>Having to turn off the wifi password to update
???

>gf's mom needs laptop
>wants to be good bf and help her mom
>got her x220 for cheap from her money
>put windows 10 and programs that she needs

>next day she complains that her pc is broken because she can't into user interface
>complains that her battery life is 2hrs with open youtube and chrome botnet bloatware
>complains that her space bar is not working correctly
>complains everything and she feels SCAMMED
>ask me jokingly how much money I took from her when I brought her laptop from my trusted seller
(this bitch think I took 40% of money)
>after complains took it back to seller and gave her same shit with stickers and tell her this one is new

>no complains anymore from her and she don't trust me anymore about computer related stuff.

>remove password on router to update
What did he mean by this? Apple can't really get away with this shit can they

this desu.
tell them you only service linux because you dont know how use windows.
They'll either stop bothering you because they dont want linux or they'll stop bothering you because it just works

>furfag with shit taste
as opposed to furfag with... good taste?

>can you fix my pc it's so slow
>just wiped and reinstalled win7
>has driver issues
>check laptop
>it came with win8 and has no win7 support
>he keeps mentioning driver issue
>could fix it but never remember when I'm around
Fuck

Proud of your Boy!

This 100x

>Dads old machine finally shits itself after XP refuses to boot for the last time
>He can't afford a new computer to run Win 7 on and needed something to just browse the internet and write articles with for work
>Load up Xubuntu and configure it to look like XP but not shit with LibreOffice
>Do some minor tweaking to get MS corefonts on it and Wine so he could play one of his old games
>Hasn't had any issues since
>Has stopped talking about getting a new PC because he hasn't found a need for one

That is frightening user

>oh user our emails stopped working on Sunday for some reason
>Check event logs on exchange server
>page file error or some shit to do with memory allocation
>Hypervisor host is maxed out on ram usage
>only 32GB
>Server 2008 R2 standard
>DL360 G6
>"Sorry it's running out of ram but the OS installed on it doesn't support more than 32GB of RAM and the servers so old now we should be replacing it anyway"
>"ok thanks anyway"

>"user our computer is fucked"
>some shit build from the mid 2000s
>loaded with fucking bloat
>"it keeps saying windows xp isn't genuine!"
>shrug, toss HDD in the trash and pop an old spare in
>throw some *buntu on it
>don't do much other than make it look nice and have big fat desktop icons for my dad and his slut
>"user something is wrong! nothing is working!"
>"like what?"
>"I don't know! it just doesn't work!"
>trying to install some garbage programs for couponing and shit
>"you broke our computer!"

My father is seventy four.

I'm thirty-one.

The daily calls are:

What's my bank password again?

What do I press to get internet?

How do I send a fax? Does the paper go face up or down?

Did you change password? I'm typeing it right and it's telling me it's wrong.

The internet doesn't work (didnt connect to the WiFi)

I am the ultimate troubleshooter over the phone.

I just say okay, hang up. Find out what he wants to know, call him back and tell him.

Not deleting bloatware through power shell. Not recommending ram/esata ssd upgrade.

>install Adobe Reader
Problem solved

Its time for the home.

Administrative Directory

I cannot tell if its old age or a more serious issue. But those are the daily questions pretty much.

I've found it much easier to just do the things he was going to do myself for speed and correctness.

He's starting to have those moments where he'll call and I'll answer and immediately hell say he forgot why he called. Or driving into town without wallet, money, etc.

He vehemently denies there is a problem. Cant force the man to get help.

Active directory you fucking clown

Active Directory.

should visit more often.

>Not Google Ultron

Anno Domini Server
It's used in churches

>cant force the man
A social worker, a legal guardian could. A person whose house is filled with dead peoples tvs.

>What's my bank password again?
get him a security token
>What do I press to get internet?
Put a large browser icon on the middle of desktop
>How do I send a fax? Does the paper go face up or down?
Put a sticky note on the fax machine explaining how to operate
>Did you change password? I'm typeing it right and it's telling me it's wrong.
Make a custom CSS for his browser to highlight address field, teach him how to use bookmarks
>The internet doesn't work (didnt connect to the WiFi)
Put a fucking cable, you mongol

He just wants to talk user. Give him your time, you'll regret it once he can't even recognize you.

Actually, it's an acronym for Anal Defloration

Fucking this

If you don't talk to him any other time than when he calls you for tech support then he will call you with simple questions just for a reason to talk to you

Hot, is it a Sysadmin elevated command or can a regular user do it too?

>"hey user why isn't x working"
>here let me show you how to fix it so you know how to do it next time
>"thanks user"

life is hard when you're not an autistic turbo virgin

>be visiting aunt during vacation
>"user you know alot about tech, I found this in my basement, could you make it work?"
>Mac Mini
>Sure I'll give it a shot, how hard can it be?
>Connect all the necessary plugs
>Turn on Mac
>Left click/right click
>The fuck?
>See bunch of programs on bottom bar
>Is this a list of programs or are they all open?
>Wait, where the fuck is Settings?
>"Sorry auntie, I don't know about Macs"
>First and last encounter with a mac
>I think she got my cousin who is studying law to get it to work
Those stupid macfags, r-r-rigt? Ha ha.
>Mfw too intelligent to know how to use a mac

>"hey user why isn't x working"
>here let me show you how to fix it so you know how to do it next time
>Show them how to do it
>Few days later
>"hey user why isn't x working"
>"I showed you how to fix it before"
>I don't remember
Every fucking time. Why can't normies fucking listen?

Macs are cancer.

It was a humbling experience

The system preferences icon is literally on the fucking dock, you mongoloid

>buy PowerPC Mac from garage sale
>Plug it in and turn it on
>itjustwerks.jpg
>This one was upgrading so heavy that its actually running one of the first versions of OSX and not MacOS
>Fuck around in the terminal to look around
>Just end up using itunes visualizer to play vaporwave on the CRT and occasionally play chess
>family thinks I'm some kind of fucking wizard

I always just reply with

"Learning how to program computer isn't the same as learning how to fix a computer? You wouldn't ask a draftsman to fix your plumbing would you?"

Or something to that effect. Even though I probably know full well how to fix it, it's not worth my time just to get stuck fixing it again in a month or two.

I will help people fix their computers though, big difference between someone who wants to learn, and someone who just wants to pawn off their computer to you.

Well tiped

i hate it when you actually just made it werk and then they do exactly the same shit to make it not werk.

>The dock
you mean that mess of icons on the bottom? Not on this one. Maybe it was old or something, but there was no system preferences icon.

my granddad was like that in the end, didnt realize it...

$50 on Jet right now with Triple15. Free shipping. In case anyone is interested.

>dad is a master sergeant and has to use computers all the time
>not a genius, but knows how to not download bullshit
>mostly uses the internet to look at tits and cars
>mom was an accountant for 25 years
>great with microsoft office and generally avoids adding thousands of toolbars to her browser
>mostly just uses her iPad

My parents aren't really tech literate, but they're not monsters. They're like illegal immigrants who get by in the US despite not knowing English.

>professor fucks up trying to do something
>chill in back of class and not give a shit
or alternatively pic

His dad probably knows all of that, but uses those as an excuse talk to him. user, you should visit your dad more

>user whats my email password?
>uhhh i dont know didnt you write it down or something?
>you're not very smart for a computer guy
first and last time i ever help anyone with computer shit

i hate this, why do people expect me to know their password

>you're not a very goos computer guy
wow what an ASSHOLE

This. Reset grandma's pc, i told her to write her passwords down, she doesn't. I'm supposed to remember the fucking passwords. She calls my uncle, and wrote down the passwords a few years ago for her. shele thinks he's better with technology because he remembers the fucking passwords.

When people say that shit i always say, get to a computer store and pay 120-150$

Just explain to her why you can't fix it you fucking retard.

>GF
>"user, my little netbook shit himself. Could you fix it?"
>ok
Two months later
>"user, for some reasons it does not work again"
>ok, i'll fix it
Press rewind and repeat again till one day i said "could you please try to use linux? It doesn't fuck shits up like windows, it's lighter and works just better. You can even learn something"
>ok
Three years later, not even one problem, the netbook justwerks and she learnt how to use the terminal and how to use basic cli applications.
I feel proud of her even because she was totally ignorant about PC. Thanks mint.

Now the problem is her little brother. He refuses to switch to linux and every time he breaks his PC is pure cringe.
I am thinking about make him pay for the fix, so it'll switch

so she never used wifi on her netbook?

Wifi worked out of the box.
I have two laptops at home, the only one that needed me fixing something is a shitty negrovo b5400 with realtek 8723be. I had to script the reset of card every time i closed the lid/it went in sleep mode, thanks to debian. In arch works fine

Either complete idiot or false flagging
>he thinks 8+ programs just open up by themselves as soon you install the OS

Do you find your GBP balance is affected by this?

well he never installed the OS he just plugged the damn shit in so it started

>xubuntu makes hardware waterproof
Nigger...

This is infuriating I know. I'm 25 KHHV without a job though so I can't complain.

How much do you guys get paid to shill Linux? Seriously.

>grandpa calls up, computer is fucked
>he drops it off
>10,000 toolbars
>reformat
>install Arch Linux
>compile everything from source
>get superior rolling release minimal system
>force all daemons and proessces, x windows, etc required to be manually started (like they SHOULD BE)
>return laptop
>he calls up
>WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT WHAT DID U DO TO MY COMPUTER FUK U KID
Fucking old people, just die already.

>Have friend who claims he is good with computers
>Go around his house
>He uses Windows 95 theme
>pokerface.jpg
>He wants to show me some animus (lol weeaboo)
>He opens some pre-historic media player which looks like it is from windows 95
>I ask him, why doesn't he use VLC?
>he said it's is shit
>I say lol no! it's the best durr al the people on Mininova recommend it.
>He puts on Something Experiments Rain or something , said I would like it.
>Some little girl jumps of a roof
>I call him a pedo weeaboo and tell him its shit and he doesn't know shit about technology
>THEN HE called 'ME' an idiot
>Mfw i have no face

>tfw you were the only kid in highschool who could connect a SCART cable or power up a projector

call me a liar i walk out the door and block his number on my phone

>A qt who is a friend's friend asks me if I know about 'puters
>"My internet isn't working"
>She's 400Km away, but I'll give it a shot
>Go through all the standard Windows network diagnostic stuff with her through the phone, she does exactly what I tell her
>We eventually found out her mother fucked up the router's settings
>Walk her through the reset procedure
>Her internet works now
>Wow, thanks user
>She starts calling me "user-pedia"
>We start talking a lot
>She's my gf now

I don't even know how I managed to do it.

Posted from your superior MacBook Air, no doubt.

Nope, riced W520

1
2
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better not think about it so much. my friend did and in the end it jinx'd him

Worst thing is if they demand an explanation with specifics they fully well know won't understand, but they ask anyway.

>Can you install Windows 7 on this brand new laptop I just bought? Why not? What's a driver?

... or if they don't even ask, just tell you what they want you to do to address their problem.

>Hey, I need you to buy me RAM sticks, because my PC has gotten slow lately.

Actually, no, scrap that. The worst thing is, when you go to a store and they automatically assume you are one of these luddites:

>Hey, I got this phone, it's bricked. It stopped working, nothing works, it's not turning on, there's no safe boot, zero response, so it's hardware failure, I need you to diagnose the faulty component and give me a quote on the replacement.
>wait 2 weeks
>fork out 20 dollars for diagnostics
>read paper "faulty hardware", nothing in particular, price estimate to fix it is missing

Fuck it!

I switched to from W7 to Mint when W10 dropped. Parents upgraded. Now I get to say that I have no idea how any of it works, and they think Mint is inferior because it's free.

>inferior because it's free.
what did the update W10 cost them, then?

best one is knowing someone wont understand and using that as an excuse when you dont feel like doing something
>uncle wants to plug his galaxy 5 into my pc to print some UFO pictures or some shit
>tell him i dont want to print anything
>ignores me and starts rubbing his grubby hands on my front panel
>little does he know my mobo doesnt support usb 3 so i didnt plug my front panel in
>he plugs the phone in and nothing happens
>tell him it wont work because the usb ports are blue and his phone cord is white
>'but my phone is cutting edge!'
>lel
>yeah well i just bought this case a few weeks ago so its like even more cutting edge
>mfw later i find him looking for a galaxy 5 blue usb cable on ebay

I did that. My mom always wants me to soften her wrinkles on every damn picture she's on before she posts them on facebook. Then one day:

>user, when you have time, can you take care of these pictures?
>Sorry mom, I can't. New PC.
>And?
>I don't have that program for this PC, the old one was AMD, this one is intel, I don't have the intel version of it.
>Ah, damn, okay.

>Win8 and has no Win7 support
Nah, Win7 is just shit with drivers sometimes.

My dad constantly kept coming to me with email problems.

Eventually I told him I wouldn't help him with email clients anymore. And he should just use the outlook or gmail website instead. He won't, but I won't help him with his eternal whining about email when the websites of email providers work perfectly well.

>need new laptop since old one shat the bed and is old
>I'm looking at an expensive model and mom offers to help me out
>but she demands it comes with Windows
>"mom I can put Windows on it later, it's a $200 difference for a 5 minute install"
>no user you travel a lot, they'll detain you at the security check if your computer doesn't have a Windows sticker on it and you have it installed
>"what the fuck?"
and now I gotta use the one with no keyboard until I save up

My dad's business was severely damaged because he clicked on a virus email. He lost a shitload of important files. I asked him to start backing up everything to Google Drive and to use Gmail. He said yeah yeah ok and a year later he's not done it

>mum found porn on my computer
>she's fucking livid
>tell her that an 8mb mp3 is a virus and that's the reason why i have porn saved on my laptop
>she buys it and i get off scot free
some years later my mum started understanding computers a lot better and she's probably realised since that i was a bullshit artist

My former boss kept receiving four thousand mailer daemon mails. I told him he should get his laptop to me ASAP, because it's most likely a spambot using his e-mail account, to send spam on randomly guessed e-mail addresses.

What does the moron do? He can't go without his laptop for half an hour so he put mailer daemon in spam, problem solved!

I don't hide porn, I never needed to hide porn, especially not these days, when I live in my own flat.

your new laptop doesn't have a keyboard?

I just take the old hardware my family plans to throw out and just do whatever the fuck I need with it.

I I've turned a shitty i3 Alienware x51 I to a RetroArch machine with literally everything as configured as needed

People loved it

But then people started asking me to fix shit. Now I just say
>If you can google it, you should
>If you asked me before googling it, I'm not going to help you until you do
>If you say you did and didn't find an answer but I can find an answer with the same search then you didn't even bother
>We can run in circles all day but you'll learn nothing if others do it for you

And low and behold they trust some malware to fix their issue because "it says I'm missing drivers that's probably why" to which it will them to just fucking stop and adapt with that ever their issue is.

Spent a whole week setting up everything perfectly for this one fuck only to then have him just blow it all with shitty bloatware and adware because they can't seem to read what they're installing.

It's easier to be a cunt than to be a tutor at this point if they don't listen the first 2 times.

Hah, my little brothers webshop also had a problem with sending spam.
>log onto his prestashop server
>press delete on the responsible plugin
fixed

To be fair, if I hadn't done it the hosting provider would have terminated his account.

No silly my old one's keyboard shat the bed after some power failure situation. It's like 6 years old so I wasn't too mad