Confessions thread

Ok guys. Let's confess our fears, anxieties or anything you would like to take off your chest.
I'll start:

I feel deeply sad and cast aside when i see those healthy tourists that are always so healthy, happy and travel around the world. It's worse when it's young people cause i can overhear their conversations and despite they have my age, they lived way more great experiences than myself...
It makes me feel like a bum and a poor old man with no money to afford his medication.

They are usually germans, french and scandies so it made me re-valuate that "northerners are sad and depressed"... In my opinion, that was the biggest meme social media has shoved down my throat

Hate this place but I stay just to participate in the good threads that may pop up that have pretty much disappeared as time went on.

I'm 21 and never had a gf, never kissed even, lost my virginity to a Ukrainian whore at 19. I feel like I'll never be able to get a gf because even 16 year olds have way more experience with relationships by this point, to a woman of my age I'd just look like a weirdo. The worst part is when I tell acquaintances about it and they think I'm joking, because no human can be that pathetic.

At this point I know I'm going to be single forever. I feel it in my gut. For whatever reason, I lack the ability to form romantic bonds with women. I couldn't tell you why, it's just how it is. Something about me just doesn't work properly. I have friends, so I'm not really complaining, but I guess it is a strange thing to fully accept.

Yes, me too. The best threads are usually at late night when most people go to sleep and we just stay awake talking about life and sharing expereinces.

So, how's life friend?

don't worry, those richfag cunts are not at all the majority, they're just incredibly obnoxious and loud

I know these feels relatively well

Though in my case I hardly have any friends (though I have a couple, which is already a big improvement over how I used to be). But yeah, it just feels like something inside of me is broken, socially I'm just a complete retard, and at this point I've missed too much experience compared to everybody else my age so it's too late.

I was 21 when i first kissed a girl. Before that, i never had a single intimate experience with a girl.
She was a really special person tough. The kindest person i've ever met. However, she departed to another country and i know that she has to live her own life and i want her to be happy.
I try my best to be happy because that's what she would want me to be but i'm not as strong as her.
As for you... I don't know. I'm not a "you'll find someone" memeguy but i hope you will and i hope you expereince love too.

Have you ever fell in love?

How old are you user?

I once beat up a friendly american for no reason at all in a nightclub. I feel bad til this day. I'm sorry.

>Have you ever fell in love?

Yes

23

I was raped when I went camping once. I can't tell my friends or family why I won't go camping anymore

Then you are capable of having romantic feelings.
Not everything is lost...

I understand. NEET?

when you say "rape", do you mean actual rape or the tumblr definition of rape?

I know I'm capable of romantic feelings. It's that others aren't capable of romantic feelings towards me.

I'm afraid of people, more specifically that they have negative thought about me and it makes me hate people. I know most people really don't give much of a fuck about me, but it's not a problem of ignorance but rampant emotions I can't seem to stop. Whenever I'm out with the dog or just taking a walk and I see someone down the road I get really upset, because I know at some point I'll have to interact with that person (even if it's just a look or a short greeting). I feel really embarrassed about getting so angry, but I can't help it.

I don't know what is wrong with me.

no, I guess that's the only good thing I have going on, school/career wise I'm doing pretty decent. Nothing spectacular, but if I stay on the same path I think I should have a decent career ahead of me. The problem is that I hate working. Even if it's work I enjoy, working 5 days/40 hours a week, for 48 weeks a years, fucking sucks, and the idea of having to do that for the next ~45 years makes me want to sudoku, especially since I have no friends or gf or anything so I have nothing to come home to other than Sup Forums.

Like had to throw away my bloody underwear rape.

I feel you...
Are you in college\work or NEET? Also, as a fellow shithole dweller i know how hard it is for us to find tolerance and love among the empoverished masses cause they despise even more those who are "different"

Who raped you? Counselors?

>working 5 days/40 hours a week

Well, if it makes you feel better, there are people that don't even have the weekend to enjoy... Having 2 days off is great to get your toughts together, go for walks in scenic places and stuff like that

Are you grill?

Do you have any lasting physical damage?

Some random hiker

>are you grill?
No..

Well that sucks m8. Were you conscious? Did you fight him?

>be american
>get raped

>Having 2 days off is great to get your toughts together, go for walks in scenic places and stuff like that
sure, but 2 days is still very little. And considering that I have no time during the week (or rather, I have no energy once I'm back home) to do anything, I always postpone everything until the weekend, so I don't even have that much free time on weekends.

But really, if at least I had friends/gf/etc., I would feel like I'm actually working for a reason. But what am I working for? For anime? For Sup Forums? I hardly see how those are worth it, especially when you factor in that I'll be doing the same shit for the next several decades of my miserable life.

Overall I'm just overwhelmed by a great sense of pointlessness. It's not like I've never felt that way, but this time it's much worse and much more "real".

I understand completely.
What i do, in order to cope with that is to find beauty in nature and trying to create stuff.

Do you play vidya?
I've been into /vr/ lately and it's been great. I always liked old school games but nowadays there's tons of them out there thanks to emulators. It's a fresh kind of escapism

I don't think I'll ever learn japanese. I spent so many months and I'm not fluent

I just want to get away from here

just keep at it user. Most importantly, do it EVERY day, preferably an hour but even just 30 minutes if that's all you have time for. It's much better to do 30 minutes every day than to do 10 hours one day a week.

I study 6 hours every day for korean+japanese
I hate this so much. its because I was raised on this stupid fucking language english. asian languages are thr hardest for us
why was I born here

>I study 6 hours every day for korean+japanese

You are either very dedicated or a NEET/part-timer.

I wake up at 5:00
study korean for 3 hours, go to work, study a bit of japanese the study at home for 3 hours. free time and sleep fpr 6 hours

>complaining about 5 days/40 hours

8 hours a day is my dream hour family, people who work in "professional" sectors regularly work 9-10 hours a day and also work half day on saturday.

Why are you learning 2 languages at the same time, and 2 Asian language no less.

I knew Chinese and Japanese but there is not much resemblance on those 2 languages and I guess that would apply for Korean/Japanese also.

it was just a prank

I want to know if someone shares this, the fear of being unable to think something that no one has thought before.

I found out last year that my mother was abusive with me when I was a toddler, I have no memory of it, and sincerely I don't really want to know the truth. I love my mother and my family and I don't want to spoil that up with my past, but my whole family insist to face my problems and know the whole story.
It feels kinda fucked up and fictitious not knowing your own past. It is as if my memory was blurry, like a dream which I only know the happy parts.

I think that most people are unable to come up something that nobody has ever thought of before. It's quite normal actually.

>8 hours a day is my dream hour family, people who work in "professional" sectors regularly work 9-10 hours a day and also work half day on saturday.
Yeah I realize it could be much worse, but for me it's still way too much. Like I said, considering that I have absolutely nothing else going on in my life, the idea of doing this for the next 45 fucking years is really, really, really depressing.

I want Trump to lose solely because I would be jealous as fuck that America gets him and we Cuckdeau

You have a lot of free time, cut down the Sup Forums browsing time and develop a productive hobby that you enjoyed like drawing.

I would totally be drawing right now if I am not stuck having to finish my postgrad first, I found my calling in life at 25 but it's never too late as long as you found it.

I don't know how to charm girls at parties. I fear to be somehow rude and they get me as a 'machist scum' or anything.

"is just a no. a no can't hurt you" I can't deal with rejections, since I've been reject by my farther and shit.

I'm not ugly and somehow people find me attractive, but it's a normal thought that I'm gay to another eyes because I'm always single.

I kissed a boy once, it was kind of traumatic.

I need a girlfriend who can deal with my anxiety...

Jesus, so your asshole ripped?

On weekdays I usually only have 2 hours of proper free time, and 2 hours where I'm incredibly tired and lethargic. I feel that I may as well just do things which I enjoy (watch anime, post on Sup Forums, maybe sometimes play a little vidya) given how little time I have.

As for weekends, I always have a backlog of shit to do because of putting off all week to the weekend. And when I do have free time, I'd rather just go running or something, I don't want to start a new hobby.

I'm underemployed. Still have the stress of work, but not there enough to be seen working. I spend most of my free time looking for jobs. Nobody ever calls me. I don't know what I must be doing wrong. I just get automated rejection letters.

Nothing is new. Just an evolution or adaptation of something else.

unfortunately a lot it is just pure luck (at least, in my case). Not much else to do other than just keep trying.

Most of those tourists are just that way because they're in a good mood since they're on a trip. Don't let it get to you, user. They've got more experiences because they've got more money. But hey, there are other things you can experience without being rich. Try to find some joy in smaller things, man.

I don't want to throw it around because Tumblr keeps abusing it as a buzzword, but maybe it's social anxiety? I dunno, but you might want to see a counselor for this if you want.

Do you do anything aside from Sup Forums or vidya, user? Try to develop a hobby. Something that you can improve upon so you'll be proud of it one day. It's gonna suck ass and you'll hate yourself at the start for producing shit, but once you improve it gets better.

At a younger age I had sex with a man around three or four times. To this day, he still texts me and I just ignore him. Unfortunately he had naked pictures of me on his phone.

Every day I know this fucker could just destroy my life. I hope his phone breaks or he dies or something.

I'm diagnosed with an extreme case of sister complexion, we used to be close maybe close is stretching it inseparable we were. Then a time loomed when my sister all grown up with bonkers , honkers and lady's charms something within me changed I wanted to ravage her, enrapture her, posses her heart and body

I love my imouto, need her and want a relationship beyond being mere siblings

Originality is not about thinking of something that nobody has thought of before. It's about doing something that people have thought of but have never done; about merging together different thoughts to become something that is your own. It's about accepting that it's perfectly fine to take inspiration from someone else.

Originality is not important, what's important is how you interpret your thoughts and ideas, as well as the ideas of others, and what you do with that interpretation.

well, I do have some things, but they're strictly individual things anyway, whether I pursue those more thoroughly or I just spend more time watching anime, it hardly makes any difference in the end.

Leave it to me.

goodnight Sup Forums

I am chronically depressed and the only thing which brings me solace is calling Portuguese posters Alberto Barbosa.

t. Alberto Barbosa

My parents instilled the fear in me that everyone is a demon and I shouldn't trust anybody, not even myself (they say my mind was brainwashed and my memories are false) so I have issues socializing even though guys try to flirt with me and girls try to befriend me but all I see in them is evil.
My mother would often call me a slut when I wore a dress (all of them went to my knees because I grew up on uniform plaid skirts) and said I could never be as smart or pretty as her so I stopped caring.
People say it's only my fault that I haven't grown past this so I rather just jump off the golden gate bridge and skip the whole ordeal.

I know this feel, I'm deeply in love with my sister. Yet I know I can't have a relationship with her.
I fear for the day she gets a man, I know I won't be able to handle it and I will do everything humanly possible for keeping his hands away from her. I want her only for myself, even if I can't have her body no one else will, I'm willing to die or kill for her.

Feels painful, man.

ROAST
B
E
E
F

>a fucking spic tries to roast me
LMAO'ING AT YOUR LIFE HAHAHA

I'm black and in denial

I still can't talk to her directly. I like her so much. Probably she likes me back. But i just can't do it
the next weekend i'm going to meet her at a party. wish me luck lads

Break a leg.

how did it escalate?

>haven't had any friends since primary school
>haven't had a conversation in several years
>going to get kicked out of uni soon and I'll have no choice but to kill myself
>spend all day online talking shit to people from other countries

I took a pic with an ex member of the Brit Ministry of Defence and left without shaking his hand. People told me that I left him with his hand stretched.
I still feel bad about it

I'm terrified of this being our reality.
we are not puppets

>But what am I working for? For anime? For Sup Forums?

If you living with parents you better work for own possession, that's for sure. It pretty curious how long you must work in Canada to afford your own flat? In Russia namely Petersburg I need about 10 years of mortgage.

I don't like myself very much.

I've fallen in love with a girl I've known for years and she knows that I like her. I'm afraid of the answer of rejection and I don't think I could handle it.

Feel that Russian bro. I lost my virginity to a prostitute in the Czech Republic when I was 20. I've come a long way since then. Dont think less of yourself because you lost your virginity in an unconventional way

Why

I have put my penis in my ex gf's vagina, but we always stopped before I came, so i don't know if I'm really virgin or not. But I still tell people I'm not a virgin

Wat

repent

tfw you know they gaslighted you

dont make the mistake to just ask her user... do something with her ask her out make her think about you. i made this mistake i just said the love of my life that i loved her and she said ok i dont and that was the end of the story i guess

I just don't know if can handle it though. I'm not good with stuff like this. Then again I tend to overthink things

>My face when i read the whole post

I have three finals this week and not prepared. Tuesday, Thursdays, and Friday. Studying starting tomorrow.
I'm studying subjects I don't like because of my parents. They are both former Soviet scientists, both with PhDs in physics and chemistry.
I started with comp sci and switched to math, but math is a failure. I've a D in my math class last semester and B's in everything else.
My GPA is getting ruined. I'm telling my parents I'm transferring to business after this semester is over because I'm sick of being under stress, hating what I do, not feeling any passion for it, and being depressed that I will never live up to my parents expectations.

Also I'm in love with a girl from high school who I stayed in contact with.
Shes cute, has a good set of morals, is a good person overall, but I'm not sure if it'll work out.
Gonna try to hang out with her this summer, provided I stay in the city to begin with. However, the trade-off for staying in the city is living with my parents, with whom my relationship will already be strained as a result of my more-than-likely poor academic performance, yet again. So I have to decide if it is worth spending the summer here just to hang out with this girl. Also gotta sort out my education.

pic is her

>in love with a girl from high school
I know that feel

I feel severy demotivated to do even mundane things at this point, this whole "tomorow we might be homeless" thing is making everything look grey for me

me too, I always try to do my work, get a job and everything but then it dawns on me that I'll probably fuck one thing up and its back to square one, and thats happened plenty of times
Being a full on Neet or recluse hermit's starting to look like a good idea

Do you guys not understand that this is a self-fulfilling prophecy you are creating?

im on the same boat actually. i know this feel p bad. my parents never told me i was a demon or anythng like taht, but they made sure taht i knew taht i was exceedingly dull and stupid, and anybody i knew and would come across would be doing it for their own personal gain, would be doing it as a practical joke, or that they would be using me. they told me that none of my friends were my friends and that they didnt care about me at all. i remember i would tell my mom stories ont eh way back home from school about me and my friends, andafter going back home and after i had showered and all taht, she would tell me taht my friends were all laughing at me and that i shouldnt wanste time becoming more of a laughing stock than i already am. this was when i was younger than 10.

they didnt tell me taht i was brainwashed or my memories were false or anythng, but they did say taht they didnt matter at all. they said taht my memories adn things i valued were things of failure and that they were seen very differently by everybody else, usually in a way taht would make me be the butt of the joke.

having read teh thread, i relate to most of the posts t.b.h. whats funny is taht my parents are so surprised taht im behind the curve compared to otehr ppl my age and even my normie sister.

funny story: i remember when i was in grade 5, i had a really bad teacher, the nigga obviously didnt like me. he would regularly go off on tangents and yell at me in class and say demeaning shit, which would only encourage the oother kids during recess and lunch to bully me mercilessly. anyway, my favourite moment was one day after a math test. i was very proud of the math test because it seemed easy and was confident taht i was gonna be graded well. after the test, we were taking it up, and the professor asked is we knew to find the area of a rectangle. i gave the answer and i was right.

cont.

then he asked me how i got to the answer, and i said i multipled the sides and all taht shit. he then asked me what exactly the sides were called and for some reason i just drew a blank. i said i didnt know and he yelled at me to try it again and taht he wouldnt let me go to lunch unless i gave him teh right answer. i didnt know what to do or say so i was jsut silent. he then made me stand up wheere i was sitting and he called me a retard in front of all my classmates. he said taht my life wouldnt amount to shit and taht i should be int eh special ed. class, amongst some other shit i forget. he did end up keeping me in for lunch tho, he made me stay standing up until the answer came to my head. during the last 20 minutes of lunch, the answer still hadnt come to my head, and he said that my retardation was beyond his help,and he let me go. i ran tot he washroom and got in a stall and cried.

i remember going home taht day and telling my parents about it, and my dad slapped me because he couldnt fathom how "length x width" escaped my head. my mom told me that i had to smarten up because pther ppl would catch on to how much of a "retard" i was and that i would have even less friends and i would be an ever bigger laughing stock. she then told me i was a fuck up and taht i was an embarassment to her and my dad.

keep in mind tho, taht my parents said all this shit after the made me tell what happenned to me down to the last detail. they werent concerned, but they were learning what the teacher had said. and predictably, they used what he had said against me as always, they still do today. even when i got my ass kicked at school, it was always my fault. whatever t.b.h.

cont.

>be me
>3D
>can't marry this sperm summoner

But as long as there's love I can overcome dimensions.

if anything good came out of all this, its taht i have thick skin and good control over my behaviour and attitudes, feelings, etc. i still think taht ppl are out to make a fool out of me and nobody actually cares about me and all. constantly i feel like im the punchline to a practical joke, and ppl only talk to me to make fun of me after i leave.

cant shake these delusions, so these delusions got me shook!

refined autism

I spend all my free time on Sup Forums and I can slowly feel my body and mind atrophying away. I want to stop but this place is so damn entertaining and useful. I've been exposed to many new things that have improved my life that I never would have found out about otherwise. But I feel like I'm going to waste my entire life here.

I actually had the perfect gf in High School but I pretended to be harsh and pushed her away because I'm insecure.

Due to my loneliness and depression I have sought sollice in throroughly following the lives of women online, from girls I used to go to school with to celebrities. I'm currently obsessed with Taylor Swift, she's just so incredibily beautiful and talented, what hurts me the most is knowing that I'll never meet her or interact with her, it's the desparation that makes me disgusted with myself.

I don't think I'll ever get to know what real love feels like, my parents are quite distant and I don't interact with my siblings much. At my job I can barely interact with women, even if they're much older than me or already married.

I feel like my life is completely inconsequential, nobody would care if I didn't exist, I'll never have a lasting impact on anyone or anything. I often day dream about becoming a Hemingway-esque war author, writing about Syria and becoming famous, changing people's lives, or about becoming a famous athlete. I know that I'm to weak and too much of a coward to do either.

I'm thinking about just ending it and leaving my measly estate to a charity, maybe that'll have an impact.

I like women with dicks

...

But I don't like to get slammed, I like to slam them