Your country will never have a relevant military

>Your country will never have a relevant military
>Your country will never be relevant on the global stage
>Your country will never intimidate anyone else

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feels bad man

WE

Move south.

Foreign Legion, if you have what it takes.

You can start by fighting that fire in your backyard

Cana fucking Dah

The second biggest country in the world, next to a superpower, and yet... Nothing...

Beavers, mounties, and that's it, just a bunch of asians and even dumber pseudo americans freezing their balls off during winter.

A fucking leaf? A leaf? from a tree that isnt even native to Canada?

When an empty shithole like Alaska has a bigger identity than your country something really wrong is happening.

Congratulations Canada, not only you are the biggest non country in the entire world, but you are also terrible at shitposting, no one gets mad, no one thinks "that's cleaver", no one gets frustrated or finds it funny, everyone just thinks "that post has to be the most exciting thing that Canasian will EVER experience".

That's your life Canada, a post on Sup Forums is the peak of your entire leaf, i mean life.

SAD.

>Foreign Legion, if you have what it takes.

That will not make my country's military stronger.

Yes it will, since you will end up French, and make it military stronger yourself.
The Legion only takes in about 1 in 8 candidates these days however, so you have to be pretty good soldier material. Especially if you never had military training before.

I don't want to be cannonfodder for the French army though.

Running around with a famas in Mali doesn't sound so fun

You forgot:

>hockey is the national sport
>last Stanley cup was in 1993
> can't nada

>French
>Military

To be fair American teams do have a lot of the good Canadian players.

W E W

I know, that was just a poor attempt of a shitpost.

R O A S T E D
O
A
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The NHL does do a good job at cucking the slavs by stealing their good players.

KEK

>inb4 WE WUZ Russians spamming pics of their 1970s jets that have been given a new paint job

>Running around with a famas in Mali doesn't sound so fun
No it doesn't. But "military" and "fun" no longer go together, these days.
It stopped around 1870 in Europe, never to come back presumably.
The Crimean War or Wars of Italian Unification still were "war for fun & profit", later large scale wars became a collective attempt at national suicide.
But on the bright side, Canadians did distinguish themselves in those carnages we inflicted upon the world, and while fun and profit disappeared from war, honor hasn't, and those Canadians sure earned their fair share of honor in then.
There are Canadian military cemetaries here in France (like in Bény-sur-mer on that pic), proof enough that Canadians were relevant and intimidating when their was a need for it.

>"that's cleaver"

>a fucking LEAF on tombstone

>Running around with a famas in Mali doesn't sound so fun

You can drive around in an AMX10RC in Mali if it sounds better, some Legion units are armored recon.

After you embrace all refugees from different shitholes over the world and become Canadistan you will be relevant, thats for sure.

That's not the point.

I just don't want to go to war in Mali with a bunch of ex-convicts because who gives a shit about Mali? They've been at war forever, why even go there

actually they prefer people without military experience so they can mold you the legion way.

one of my friends was a legionaire and has some pretty awesome stories. It's not a first world army like even the French regulars, if you fuck up the Chefs (corporals) will beat the shit out of you.

Will canada ever recover?

>if you fuck up the Chefs (corporals) will beat the shit out of you

Sounds terrifying

How much do you get paid?

>Sounds terrifying

I guess you should find something else then.

>because who gives a shit about Mali?
The Malians.
They called for help, the UN approved, enough guys in the French army volunteered -> here we go.
And the Malians (a friendly bunch by and large) were grateful and ended up not an islamist country. Money well spent if you ask me.

not very much. standard squaddie pay. they are less well-equipped than the french regulars and have an incredible military doctrine. first in, get the job done whatever it takes. they will never surrender.

they were surrounded by germans in a battle in ww2 and the germans let them march out with their weapons because they knew they'd fight to the last man/bullet.

don't be fooled by all the singing, if you wear a kepi blanc you are a certified nutcase.

CHINKNADIANS ON SUICIDE WATCH

>Getting beaten by people speaking a language you don't know in a land foreign to you, where they could easily kill you and no one would find out or care about some random mercenary autist

Sign me up!

>And the Malians (a friendly bunch by and large) were grateful and ended up not an islamist country. Money well spent if you ask me.

Haven't they literally been in a war for the last 60 years?

>I just don't want to go to war in Mali
You're unlikely to go to war to Monaco. Wars happen in shitty countries, if only because they turn nice places into shitty ones.

Look what happened to Lebanon. What a terrible waste.

>Getting beaten by people speaking a language you don't know in a land foreign to you, where they could easily kill you and no one would find out or care about some random mercenary autist

It's really not that bad. The beatings he told me about were people fucking up in situations where they could have endangered the whole unit on training exercises etc.

Also it's all pretty much above board these days. There are people (even French) hiding from the authorities there, but if you are wanted for something serious like murder, then they will turn you in.

Also you learn French pretty damn quickly and that's part of the training, most people don't speak it when they arrive.

Do it faggot.

Are you retarded? America is the world's number 1 superpower.

Malians are nice people, except the fanatical murderous ones obviously. I did say "by and large".

> Canadians have infected this board

I'm going to bed and if I see this thread archived with 60 percent or more posts being made by Canadians, I will fucking dox the next Canadian I find in CSGO. I am so done with this shit. Goodbye you fucking faggots. I hate you all get a life.

Everybody is nice, but not if they are non Natives

that's even more pathetic if you think about it

>Also it's all pretty much above board these days.
Yes. They may "forget" about you stealing a few cars (since they will station you in a jungle or desert with no cars around) but you can't escape serious crimes these days, you're turned in.
Abject criminals don't make good soldiers. Kids who made a few mistakes can be turned into ones. But most of the Legion now is either former crack troops from Eastern Europe countries or people who were serious about becoming a soldier and fit enough physically.

>Do it faggot.
Well if he wants "fun", "no shitty places" and "no discipline" he'll just waste his time, they won't even consider him. The first part of recruitment is spotting and discouraging the non-serious candidates.

Last I heard they rejected 7 out of 8. Literally handpicking.
I'm sure it's even higher now, with the surge due to the terror attacks. Volunteers for the regular armed forces have more than doubled last year. They have 3 volunteers for each spot.

I live in Luxembourg -_-''

>Well if he wants "fun", "no shitty places" and "no discipline" he'll just waste his time, they won't even consider him. The first part of recruitment is spotting and discouraging the non-serious candidates

I might just join the Canadian army desu, seems a lot easier, apparently they can't even yell at you and basic training is a joke.

Seems fun and cozy

user forgot to add and it may not be obvious, but quite a few Legion soldiers, and about 90% of the officers, were born French.
It's called "Foreign" because they allow foreigners (unlike the other forces), but it's in no way limited to them.

>Canada not relevant
why is everybody talking about us right now on this board?
are you guys playing the canada game?

>You're unlikely to go to war to Monaco
Instead you go to BAMAKO

Does New Zealand count as a country? We could probably intimidate them
We bullied East Timor a few years ago as well

>bullying your own state

>Your country never lost a war
Who else can claim this here? Out of curiosity.
We even have a victory over France.

>either former crack troops from Eastern Europe countries or people who were serious about becoming a soldier and fit enough physically.
mostly the latter, as I said, they prefer to mold you there way. There are quite a few Eastern Europeans, also Nepalese that didn't quite make the grade for gurkha in the british army. Also South America and just nutters from Western Europe (Scandinavia, UK etc.)

This is true. Most of the officers are drawn from the regulars. I might be wrong but believe if you are a French recruit, your nom de guerre will show Swiss or Belgian nationality.

>Canada
>irrelevant
What

What are my chances of dying (mysteriously in basic training or as a result of deployment)?

I don't know.. Average? I mean in deployment, you'll have a higher chance of dying that the regulars. But there's lots of different units (engineers etc) REP are the elite (parachute) regiment. But you better be good at ironing.

Seriously tho this user is right. You probably wouldn't make it. Hint: there's a lot of singing and cleaning involved for the first year or so. More than soldiering tbqh.

Maybe not now but I reckon if i start training for it and I can probably be ready in a couple of years.

I'm just unsure if it will serve me much benefit. Might as well just join the CF as that rate

>the lobster """"""""""""""""""war""""""""""""""""""

They crawl on the damn ocean floor.
Also.
>The emu war

>probably be ready in a couple of years
mate just get up to fitness levels for the canadian army or whatever (there will be guides -- if not look at British army training requirements, they'll be similar to the legion) and go to Aubagne.

They want 5 years if you make the grade, technically, but defecting is easy and you aren't jailed for it these days.

What about the israeli army?

I got a citizenship desu and I could go there and join it, seems a lot more preferable

Come to think of it, it may be sad for you newer countries who didn't exist in the heyday of fun war.
Maybe you can get together (Canada, New Zealand and the others), agree on definitive war rules (late 18th century sounds good), and make a fun short war for some island you don't really need?
I bet you'd make a killing in TV rights, too.

I'm confident France would field a team (if you allow us).

>your country will never be bombed by Islamic terrorists

Feels pretty good to me.

The Legion sees heavy fighting all the time but there are no suicide missions (soldiers are simply too expensive to waste these days).
And some units are deployed to protect out-of-way places like Guyane (space center, gold, science). So unless Brazil pulls off a Falklands thingy you're safe, you're only going to fight clandestine gold diggers.

Fighting in Africa is no longer the joke it was (firing a few shots and having the hordes of 'enemies' run away) though, you most likely will have to kill enemies, and sometimes in Africa, those enemies are 12. Do keep that in mind beforehand.

It's ok Canada, I still like you

>Fighting in Africa is no longer the joke it was (firing a few shots and having the hordes of 'enemies' run away) though, you most likely will have to kill enemies, and sometimes in Africa, those enemies are 12

Lmao if i die to a bunch of teenage africans maybe it's best i died right away rather than suffer the humiliation of surviving

I'm considering joining the Israeli army though, seems safer and killing sandniggers seems better than just killing regular niggers

They're not even teenagers, they're children.
And I did not mean they kill soldiers, but soldiers HAVE TO KILL THEM.
It's better to realize that beforehand.

>seems safer
War is NOT safe. You're useless as a soldier if you worry about your safety. If you intend to run away from danger just stay out of it in the first place.

>I'm too much of a coward to be in the French army

lol

Isn't it a requirement?

>Cannonfodder for the french army

Besides, I've heard the Israeli army is way nicer. Heard you just bang hot women in it between shooting sandnigs

maybe i'll finally lose my virginity

>And I did not mean they kill soldiers, but soldiers HAVE TO KILL THEM.
>It's better to realize that beforehand.

Oh boo hoo, everyone has to die at some point. They're technically relieving them of their life as African child soldiers i guess, so they should be actually grateful

Well Canadian user here wouldn't make it

>wants to join the army
>"I'd like to do something safe"
>whole room bursts with laughter

Several people always pointed out that you can forget about the Legion anyway. You won't even be considered if you use words like "fun" and "safe".
You seem to be under the strange misconception that *you* will run things in an army, it's the other way around actually.

Try the US forces perhaps, I hear they're so desperate for recruits they take anyone. But no way you would be among the 1 in 8 taken in the Legion.

>seems safer

youtube.com/watch?v=pm5mtpPtW1Q

Your country intimidated the Inuits, so it's a start

Thanks for liberating my hometown in WW2, leafs

They're not nearly as desperate as they were 10 years ago, they reject plenty of people. Not as much as the FL but it's actually harder to join the military than to get into a lot of colleges now.

can't relate, sorry

wew

What's up with the French Military?

Why everybody says that they're shit now? Surrender jokes?

>Underage amerilard on Sup Forums
>Everyone

It started when France refused to back the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Stupid neoconservative shithead Americans got super butthurt that the French were too smart to invade Iraq for no reason and manufactured a lie that the French people were somehow militarily incapable or "cheese-eating surrender monkeys." We had a short-lasting one-sided cultural war with them, too. Certain restaurants (mostly in Washington DC) renamed "french fries" and "french toast" "freedom fries" and "freedom toast". I'm dead fucking serious.

>tfw we will never have another period of exponential scientific development and military expansion
>tfw russibros will never not be broke enough to compete with us ever again
>tfw we will never have another cold war

Tbh i've seen Frenchmen themselves here saying the same.


>We had a short-lasting one-sided cultural war with them, too. Certain restaurants (mostly in Washington DC) renamed "french fries" and "french toast" "freedom fries" and "freedom toast". I'm dead fucking serious.

lel, that's some high level butthurt desu.

Their military is quite good but they are pretty small. I like their police.

Don't forget my favorite of this period:
"First Iraq, then Chirac"

(Jacques Chirac was the French President in 2003 for you youngsters).

their army did a pretty good job in Afghanistan. They had their fuck ups but everyone did, all in all they were good.

>French Foreign Legion

>tfw we never get involved in wars anymore
>tfw Maduro was just bluffing about invading if the impeachment happened
I just want to test our new guaranis.

I've noticed that our military hates the French. Always telling stories of them almost giving up in ww1 then we showed up and won it for them same with ww2. I know it's bullshit. It's like they are stuck in 2003.

>cleaver

Ehhh, you could look at it that way, but the NHL is both countries so being drafted to a team is being drafted to a team.

Canada rekt out of existence

S A V A G E