Incompetent Dev Team Members

I am about to graduate with a CS degree. I honestly don't think I'm that skilled but I continually found myself carrying group members.

Can I get some greet text stories of how fucked I am with real life Dev team members not being able to pull their weight?

I'll start with one of mine.

>My group of 4 gets a client to make a web app.
>We decided to use Node.js for the back end
>One of the fuckers in my group says he knows everything about MySQL so we have to use that db.
>I set it up on my server
>He doesn't fucking know how to create a database through terminal let alone know how to ssh into my server with the account I made him.
>He ends up writing all the shit we need for the DB in notepad++ and then sends me a picture of his screen.
>I implement it
>As we start building the app I notice the DB is riddled with fields that don't make sense.
>He had userID's that didn't auto increment.
>I deleted the whole DB and started fresh instead of trying to salvage it.
>the MySQL db "god" doesn't have a single thing to do with the final DB schema.

I have more stories of this specific group if people want to hear more.

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>MySQL

They fuck up the repo time and time again.

your social skills must be awefull and will 100% a neckstone on your career if you dont manage to confront dead weights in your teamspace.

"we" once had a 4-person project during universty to design a new excaust pipe for formula student. one prick showed up only on the kickoff date and at the final presentation.
usually every memeber of a team gets the same grade but on my initiative we did a list-of-points who did what. Guess who got mad with his F-grade. i litterally had to FORCE the other neckbeards to do this cause they tought it would only stirr up the project. can you belive..

>CS degree
>web app.
>Node.js for the back end
>MySQL

is your university by any chance located in india ?

This

>work under entirely incompetent PM who had no idea what software really was, how a schedule worked, and how to keep inter-susbsystems communicating and functioning
>showed up for the first and last meetings
>present my work to the higherups
>"is there anything else you'd like to add, user?"
>yes, our PM is actually one of the most incompetent personnel at this company i've ever worked with. he has no leadership skills, glossed over this entire project, actually--in fact--ask him what he's done and i'll let that speak for itself
>a few weeks later, PM is kicked and i get an offer to become PM

sometimes, you know, incompetency is bretty guud

For this class we did a work breakdown and had scoring of each other team member. We did confront them but it was pointless to try to get them to work with us.

nah but the uni is def shit. regret staying here for four years.

104.131.160.52/#

First year CS.
>pajeet did the queries that we never even used because somebody else's were better
>go through the code, find several typos, proving that the code clearly hasn't even been tested by the chink making the edits
>one guy didn't contribute a single line of code or attend more than one meeting
>pretty much spoonfed them all what we had to do

I like you.

OP here,

story about the guy that said he was a DB god.
>First meeting we had
>friend in group and I are showing the other two what we have done.
>server setup, the template engine, the node.js server set up.
>The other two group members interrupt us to start talking about some political shit.
>get angry and just tell them to pull everything from github and look it over and ask us about any questions
> glance over and see them both downloading the zip of the repo to "pull"

>Given an assignment in data structure class to make a family tree in groups of 2
>wants to do it alone
>some dude asks to group with me
>thinks he is left out from his clique and feels bad for him
>accepts him
>implements most of the functions
>tasks him with the delete function
>1 week later
>can't delete without crashing the program
>had to implement it for him

had to work with this guy in the future again in a DirectX assignment

>Forms group of 3 this time
>A 3 weeks assignment, tasked to create a 2D game with sprites
>plans some game that was based off on 'tilt to live'
>deals with the physics, controls
>one dude does the art
>we divided the powerup in that game among all of us
>the other 2 knows jack shit about game programming
>Had to implement their stuff for them
>They struggles during the presentation

This is a two part assignment. Both of them required us to make 2D games with sprites

> Not using bleeding edge RethinkDB on you prepacked NodeJS microservice, built with ES2017, TypeScript 2.3, and Reason
Stay corporate, shills

I feel for you OP. Reminds me of something that happened my sophomore year at uni.

>Have to make an application over the course of a semester
>Friend and I get paired up with two braindead fucks
>Decide to make a game
>Every time our group met, while my friend and I worked on code the other two guys would talk back and forth about memes
>Fat fuck pasty guy constantly claimed his abs hurt from fucking his gf
>Constantly asked them to write code but nothing was getting done
>Semester coming to a close
>My friend and I have made over 100 commits total, the other two have NONE
>Threaten to call them out to the professor
>Mr. Memes n' abs goes into a panic
>Frantically tries to write tests so that he has some sort of contribution
>They don't even function properly
>Give them both zeroes on the teammate evaluation
>MFW they both had to retake the class

t-thank you, you too!

>2nd part of the assignment
>tasked to create another 2D game
>felt that sprites were too boring
>decided to use vertex and meshes rather than sprites
>the other 2 didn't know much because those weren't taught in class
>sent them a PDF of the book that I learnt 3D game programming from
>3 weeks later
>I'm done with the collision, physics, controls, particles, general 3D stuff
>art dude is still capable and does the state machine and font rendering
>then there's that moron that knows nothing
>keeps asking me simple questions on matrix transformation
>keep replying
>can't take it anymore, asks him to read the book I've sent him
>in the end he only implement the sound for the game
>he realized that he didn't do much and started asking us for work
>we couldn't give him any since there are none left

>during presentation
>to make his presentation longer, he decided that it was a good idea to explain his code LINE BY LINE
>just to put this in perspective, he explained 300+ lines of code in twice the time it too me to explain 1500 lines + math
>1h presentation got stretched to 2h. The group after ours was not particularly happy about that

Both team members got an A in the end. How that colossal fuck got an A is beyond me.

Sounds like you didn't do much to include him. You basically said sorry you don't know this material that wasn't taught in this class here's a PDF now fuck off.

OP again,

>during one of our presentations.
>We make the two people that don't do shit do all the talking to make them panic and look dumb since they don't know how the system works.
>DB god mentions that we are building a webapp using node.js and we will implement PHP alongside for user authentication.
>no one bats an eye in the whole class.
>friend and I are cringing
>later that day different group in the class confronts me.
>mfw when they mention that they all think the two presenting have done all the work.
>mfw when everyone in the class thinks they are smart and don't realize they have no clue how the system works.

>He ends up writing all the shit we need for the DB in notepad++ and then sends me a picture of his screen.

Being real here, you went above and beyond for this shit. If this guy had no interest in rendering or computer graphics, of course he'd check out early on.

Captcha: select all whiteboards.

>Sounds like you didn't do much to include him
Funny you should say that.
It was a 5 week assignment. When I came up with the idea of 3D, both agreed. I made it clear that if they are not comfortable with the idea we can switch to using sprites.

Started learning 3D programming on the first week.
I told them that if there are any uncertainties in the material feel free ask me. Heck, I even told them what chapters of that book they should focus on for their parts.

Fast forwards 3 weeks. The guy that knows jack shit bombards me with questions. I answered them, assuming that he had at least read through the book first.
Then I found out that he didn't read it.

I don't need them to be perfect. I just want them to put in a certain level of effort so that they have some basic understanding of the logic behind the game.

Did he have a choice to say no? Yup
Did he have a place to learn? Yup
Did he have the codebase for reference? Yup
Did he do any of the above? Nope

>If this guy had no interest in rendering or computer graphics
Well then it's weird for him to tick the 'games programming' check box when choosing he specialization. Linear algebra and trig was part of this specialization so I don't think he's lacking in that domain either.

Maybe my point of view is biased, seeing that most of the programming modules offered in my school requires group programming, something that I don't particularly enjoy (having to sacrifice quality for political correctness). But then again, I'm just saying things from my point of view.

Sauce?

Did the same thing with my project while in school. Everyone either dropped the course or didn't do any work. Made sure the professor knew every little detail about that.

>and then sends me a picture of his screen.
Was it a screenshot at least, or did he actually take a picture of the screen? This is important.

literal picture of the screen.

Topkek thanks

bottom left corner of picture

Okay. I was going to post this on sci but decided against it for obvious reasons
>writing a report for physics lab class.
>I'm supposed to write the calculations, make graphs and compile observations, my partner is supposed to use that data to write the final report.
>I send everything to her, graphs labeled and colour coded, a full page of conclusions and observations on how a metal rod expands under temperature changes
>next day she sends the final version to me for approval.

>mismatched fonts including times new roman, basically no punctuation, tons of grammar errors, definitions pasted straight from Wikipedia, data tables are split in two mid-page, the graphs are labeled "series 1" and "series 2" in the default ugly Microsoft Excel Graphing Style
>basically no effort visible in trying to make the thing look nice
>she literally pasted my conclusions chapter in it's entirety, without even correcting the punctuation and splitting it into readable chunks (I basically wrote a stream of consciousness because I thought she was going to rewrite it for a formal document)

>the editing she did actually made everything worse, introducing more language errors and even adding one or two meritorical ones (heating is not caused by resistance, it's caused by current passing through a resistant body)

>Basically I sighed and rewrote everything from scratch, and sent it back.

>next day I ask "why didn't you correct any errors I made in the draft"
>she responds "I'm dyslexic, it's not my fault you made me do the report, I sent it to you for approval"

God dammit, if you're not good at doing the practical portion of the experiment, analyzing results, writing out conclusions and observations, or even compiling a report then what is the point of having you?
(the answer, obviously, is that she writes down the data while I conduct the experiment, and she has the patience to fuck around with LaTeX and make the calculations look good, although so I guess eh, eh?)

Last story about DB god

>early second semester working with client
>have everything working for the web app.
>Node.js still back end
>need to have the authentication working login and signup
>db god says he will take care of it
>month later we are done with everything else that we can get done without the authentication
>no commits from db god
>ask him about it
>says all he has to do is style the page
>3 days later we just tell him to fucking push it and we can worry about styling later
>He pushes the user authentication
>it was done in PHP
>Doesn't connect to MySQL.
>Doesn't work at all with anything.
>Didn't do any type of integration testing.
>He refuses to see what the problem is.
on a side note
>he comes to a meeting and mentions he got a job making 80k out of college.

>project over 8 weeks with ~10 people
>everybody does their part writing a project plan
>the group deletes most of my part because I didn't understand what I was meant to write
>miss half the meetings because I'm busy drinking
>implement PWM with some dude
>show up for the last couple of programming meetups
>just sit there and don't do shit because I didn't follow along
>time to write the project report
>procrastinate and drink instead
>0 commits total
>don't show up for the presentation
>the thing "we" built didn't even work in the end
>get a passing grade

How mad are you?

It's fine, it's literally how it works in the real world. 15 people on a project, one or two people do all the work.

I thought I was the only one at a uni filled with real life shitposters.
I have had many groups where I will make the presentation and the next day I wake up and the only contributions from team members were plastering unrelated memes on random slides.

Or this little greentext may make you feel better about whom you are surrounded by.

>sitting in cs lounge
>overhear people talking about Sup Forums
>They start talking about how its filled with l33t haxors
>they mention about all the gore shit is everywhere
>All while this is going on there is a guy in corner is crying about how he can't get his shit to work
>guy crying says " might as well kill myself"
>a pajeet jumps in and says " are you actually going to do it this time because im tired of your shit"
>ohshit.jpg
>guy crying flings his slip on shoes off and starts slapping the linoleum floor and crying.

> Mr. Memes 'n abs
Good stuff

Did you give him a hug? I'd give him a hug ,and I'm only slightly gay for 2D.

lol they outplayed you fucking hard

>He ends up writing all the shit we need for the DB in notepad++ and then sends me a picture of his screen.
wat

MySQL isn't a database

>team mate at work, Joe
>needs to clean some data
>runs delete statement before trying it with select or transaction rollback
>forgets where statement
>all registered users gone
>ceo calls me, conference call
>ceo: "Joe deleted all users. where are the backups?"
>me: "Stan was in charge of that"
>ceo yelling across room:"stan where the fuck are the backups?"
>stan never set them up, 2 years without backups
>have to go in and scrape login and activity logs in text files in attempt to infer original data
>only 1 month of logs because text files were too large and ceo deletes them every 1st of the month
>maybe "recover" 25% of data
>nobody gets fired
>I get a scolding because I couldn't recover the data

Welcome to the workforce.

>Working on a linux python application with a supposedly experienced dev
>He keeps committing shit to git with dos line endings so diffs break completely

That fucking blows.
That is pretty much why I don't trust anyone and fall behind the old saying that goes something like "if you want it done right do it yourself"

DBAs dont need to know how to do that shit

He's probably making bank right now while you are moaning about him here

He is a student as of now. He has a job post college working as a web dev.

He probably will need to know how to use some sort of repo.

I find it amazing that companies let their employees touch the main DB without some form of barrier like a proof of correctness on the test server.

you did well, user

...

Add a fourth which is a literal photograph of the code

what's wrong with downloading the zip instead of pull?

You're very immature, OP. You're going to have to deal with shit co-workers in the future

Hint: the answer is not to do their work

I know that at least Mercurial can automatically fix line endings. I'm sure Git can, too. If anything, just write a hook to replace them.

underrated post

...

So, you would have let the work go undone. No, you do the work and give them shit that they can do.

If the work went undone then we would fail and not graduate.

you fuckers work with google drive or dropbox like you're some 1st year undergrads? fucking use git you glorified piles of shit

>Woman """coder""" joins C++ dev team
>Her previous job was fucking around with javascript
>Doesn't know a single goddamn thing about actual programming
>Dev team lead has to spend two entire days just explaining to her how to use linux
>She gets braindead-easy tickets to solve
>Still can't do it
>Bothers someone else on the dev team to "HELP HER" with her tickets
>Always ends up in the actual programmer doing the work for her
>She literally gets paid more than I do, despite me doing more work
>For some reason this is fine and totally acceptable
>Refuse to help her with a ticket because I had my own work to do
>Teamleader's boss talks to me the next day about how I "SHOULDN'T BE SO UNHELPFUL"

Fuck women in development environments. They are a blight. A cancer. Toxic down to the very core. Just like in the military, they will bog down the rest of the team and make them perform far worse as a result. I resigned a week later after this incident. Fuck women and fuck the pieces of shit that enable this behavior.

in uni, had a software engineering class, was doing some ridiculously shitty android app
had one guy who knew what he was doing and carried most of the project, had a little experience with Android beforehand
had another guy who barely knew what he was doing, needed a bit of help pretty much every way but didn't fuck anything up, I ended up helping him a bunch
had another guy who literally ended up not doing anything

we ended up finishing in like the last week after basically combing through what the experienced guy did and implementing our functionality half-assedly on top
didn't help that Android Studio is a hideously unstable piece of shit

another course (some little web dev elective), basically ended up being me and one other guy out of four doing the whole thing, can barely remember what it was we did, it was some ridiculously simple PHP+SQL project

fuck most teammates

If you're able to get a job at a decent place with decent experienced programmers there's a chance you'll be one of the "incompetent" ones.

It's a nice reminder real software development is not the same as college. A non incremental PK will be the least of your problems. Be humble OP.

>be me years ago, college times
>team up with a girl in a programming class
>completely brain-dead, couldn't program herself out of a binary search
>end up explaining her part of the assignement in class every day instead of doing any work
>in spite of her uselessness, we still finished the assignement in time
>sometimes, explaining what we were supposed to do to her helped me visualize and think about the problem
>code 95% of the project myself, but her mere being there being nice and genuinely interested in my explanations made me feel better about the whole thing
>have a good time, get good grades

You know what, sometimes someone who won't question your work and fuck up your code is actually more helpful than someone who is horrible but insists on messing around. Then again, this only holds up in college, fuck these kind of people and womyn in general on a work environment.

Did the same on my course. One guy only showed up to project meetings and nothing else.
What pissed people off was after the universal negative rating he STILL got a score within +/- 5% of the group average.

ITT: Nepotist cancer bots

Wat

I in the same boat as you op but im working and not in school. Everytime i look at our shitshow db, i want to commit sudoku. All tables doesnt have relations to other table.

And this is why nosql got so popular, because the cool kids don't understand relation databases anymore.

>be sysadmin with some web dev skills
>create startup with some actual programmers
>I'll do the cms, the other two will do the android and ios apps respectively
>use SQLite since portable between web and both mobile clients (data needed offline so can't just use API)
>have to create wiki with every sql lookup needed because they can't into sql
>real programmers never used sql outside of orm
>be me sysadmin self taught Dba and programmer

India would use C# and SQL Server.

That describes the tech used in midwest

99% of modern CS/SE graduates are fucking retarded.

This is what happens when you have a curriculum where EVERYTHING is able to be googled.

There is nothing to ensure they're skilled.

Which is why you have all these fucking faggots whining about whiteboard posts.

OH MAN

What school do you go to because I might know this DB 'god'

I'm really sorry. I realise that my inaction screwed the rest of the group over.
The reason for my failures was/is that I constantly procrastinate: no amount of my best intentions ever translated into work done.
And no amount of apologies will make up for my idleness, then or now.

If it makes you feel better, despite getting the group average +/-5%, I completely crapped out on the rest of the course.
I am unemployed and unemployable: no job application I have sent off to date has culminated even to the interview stage.

So she was a rubber duck.

Working on a mapping application for uni. Everyone in the class is a moron except for two other guys. The project isn't a group project. Feeelsgoodman.png literally the only non group project I've had in two years of grad school.

>not good at doing the practical portion of the experiment, analyzing results
you literally follow the instructions, how can anyone not be able to do this?

>Weak leader type with great skills trying to take charge
>Art guy - having to manage a poor leader and a timid co-worker
>Weak sauce who'll agreed to anyone because they're loud and forceful

As a mid-level project manager/programmer you and the weak link sound like low level code-monkeys and the only the art is worth his salt

>grill asks for help on first ai project
>doesn't even have python installed
>pc filled with mal/bloatware
>assignment is basically just hello world but i help because whatever
>asks for help on the second project
>tell her im still trying to figure it out for myself but we can work on it together
>sit down and try to program
>does nothing but stare at my screen
>get fed up and pack up to leave
>"if you don't help me, i'm going to have to drop the class!"
>uh, too bad?
>never talked to her again

how do these people even learn to breathe?

>>Weak leader type with great skills trying to take charge
That was also my problem. But after 2 projects in uni like that I learned to make people take responsibility for their actions and how to monitor that they're actually working

Tbh I've yet to work at a company that *does* have some kind of safeguard. The best I've seen is either daily backups (kek) or only one dude touches live db (topkek).

They've got nothing to lose. Ungrateful bitch should have at least offered a blowjob in return for your help.

I'll trade you. Getting any fucking work done at my company is impossible because of the change control process that bogs down even simple, harmless stuff in hours and days of delays.

We will literally let our main money-making, customer-facing production app stay broken because a manager isn't around to sign off on the goddamn change request form.

airbrushed in photoshop so OCR doesn't work

You'd better start building up practical engineering experience as quickly as possible, because while you might feel like you have a lead now, once you start working with people who've been in the industry for a while *YOU* are going to the be the one seen as dead weight if you're all books and no street smarts.

I'm not saying you're incapable or anything like that, I'm just saying to have some self-awareness that way. And for fucks' sake, don't be obsessed with following th the book all the time and don't be unnecessarily rigid. The world doesn't work that way.

Are you shitting me? Pic related.

bump

I always make it clear when forming teams for school that I will be doing all the work and the other members can just ride along for the easy grade. It's much easier than dealing with idiots messing things up. Fortunately I work at a company where idiots aren't hired.

That could have gotten user in more trouble.

I didn't go to college but when my younger brother did he once called me in a panic because he had so much to do and nobody on his team did anything. I had to help him out and things went fine. The asshats who didn't do a thing had to redo the project when I called his professor.
But imagine if he didn't have big sis there for him. Would be awful.

>prostitution
Yeah. That's a great idea user. Only a moron would say yes to that.

Nah go fuck yourself

Being inexperienced but willing to learn is different than a lazy incompetent fuck that's trying to get carried and coast by.

>Get sick at beginning of semester
>everyone formed groups of 6-8
>because I started late I get stuck with just two other rejects
>stoner and jock who can't be fucked to show up to class
>try to make best of a bad situation, schedule meetings etc.
>jock doesn't show up to any of the meetings, doesn't respond to messages, etc.
>immediately drop him
>get passionate email (first time he communicated) about how he needs to pass this class and how I need to warn him before kicking him out
>stoner doesn't know shit but is willing to try so I show him what to do and he gets it done to the best of his abilities
>is consistent and punctual
>actually a quick learner
>by end of semester we get high as fuck and blast through the month long final project in one long 16 hour coding session

We both got an A in that class despite being a group of only 2 people and being fucked with the signup sheet for every project and having to present first every time. As far as I know the jock dropped out since he failed the class before and was on academic probation so the school kicked him out.

This.

I don't care if you don't know how to do shit, but be willing to learn and put forth some sort of effort.

>But imagine if he didn't have big sis there for him.
Post torso inertia dampeners

you break the flow of git.
Thats like buying water in bottles to flush the toilet when you have a water pipe connection already in place in your house.

if you git download then you automatically have a repo on your machine with all relevant informations already set up. With a zip+unpack you first have to tell git everything about the code.

While I don't condone of zip-downloading; most zip downloads actually come with all of the git metadata as well.

nah, just tons and tons of Java code with interfaces inside interfaces with one final call to
ProblemFactory(fuck.myShitup(my_shit))

So very true
t. Webapp coding monkey

>HS
>group presentation
>agree who does which topics
>they don't do their slides, they think we will do it for them
>title: X's Slides
>embarrass them in front of everyone, teacher laughs
>they got a zero

>first day new job
>get told "the app" is running slow
>every keypress is passed through a huge mess of jquery and javascript to compare it against a table within a table within a table
>replace about 1200 lines of spaghetti with a single string comparison and if statement

Not on github

You can at least start poking around files pretty quickly with a direct zip download. Older repos with huge commit counts can take hours to clone properly.

>Teammates arent straight up retards
>Everybody has an area he is good in
>Everybody actually wants to do some work
>Good team climate, so everybody knows if there is a issue and we can actually plan everything properly
Sorry user, i dont know your pain.