Aliens attack the earth

>Aliens attack the earth
>You are chosen as the dedicated IT guy
>You have a task to upload a virus to alien mother ship
>You get flown to the mother ship with the computer on which you are reading this
What do you do Sup Forums?

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youtube.com/watch?v=K7Hn1rPQouU
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>fucking pacman broke AGAIN, give me a few hours to recompile from binary

>give me a few hours to recompile from binary
???

Fuck that shit just send half our nuclear arsenal at them

>This is Unix, I know this!
ssh root@alienmothership
rm -rf / --no-preserve-root

get there and realize I forgot my macbook dongle back at the base.

They have an energy shield, retard.

>switch after path
This is why no one takes you Lintards seriously.

Pray.

upgrade the alien mainframe to windows 10

Good fucking luck tanking nukes with a combined yield of several petajoules

Turn my arsenel of fizzbuzz programs that I've saved over my Sup Forums lifetime into code lasers that shoot infinite fizzbuzz loops to act as a jammer against the alien's energy shields, thus opening an opportunity for us to nuke the shit out of their mothership.

/out/

Throw my phone in to the void of space and scream "RAMMING SPEED!"

Reminder that the only reason they could inject a virus into the alien systems in ID4 was because the aliens were using our own satellite signals to coordinate their fleets, thus it was significantly easier to transfer earth-based computer codes into the mothership systems.

Install bitcoin mining software on their shit
become millionaire

>You are chosen as the dedicated IT guy
I'll be an undercover spy for aliens, fuck humanity

>inferno bridge with hawaii gpu on air
Run IBT and heaven at the same time, toss it in the ship and speed off before it burns down

So just use EM damage, send Mjolnir Cruise Missiles and neut their cap.

>recompile from binary
After you faggot.

i would relay the ships power to the QPBU (quantum processing broadcast unit) so I can
send a cybernuke thats worth a trillion gigawatts
every single alien monitor on that ship is gonna be filled with pictures of caitlyn jenner in her bikini outfit haha america fuck yeah

Fap to monstergirl porn on /h/

I'd friend the ayys on steam and then send them a mega link to Independence Day 2: Resurgence. Then I'd escape the mother-ship while they cut their own throats.

We're fucked because this is a Surface 2 tablet running Windows RT that I use to brows chans while doing a poo (on a loo).

The only "virus" I have is a shitty python script that I wrote a year ago which creates larger and larger text files in a system until there is no more room. I think I'm going to die.

Install gentoo

Qapla'!

Excuse me, but it's not polite to use the term 'aliens' anymore. 'Undocumented Immigrants' is the accepted nomenclature these days.

And consider, as scary as these immigrants may be, they are actually refugees from an even worse place, and the violence that you see them committing is really only a result of our own inability to accept the benefits that their own culture offers. Instead of being afraid of them and trying to infect them with our own cultural viruses, we should try to learn from them, and accept them into our own culture.

pls post code

It should instead create larger and larger files and when it has no more room try and create smaller and smaller ones until full.

install windows 7 with no updates and let the ransomware take care of them.

run prime95 on the motherships computer.

>recompile from binary

die just like he would have because they would be using something other than silicon transistor tech which means no interface or ability to understand their code BUT i would still deploy the nuke to destroy the mothership

also it wasn't a virus it was a simple "disable shields" command probably being run from their equivalent of root

Macfags would just give the aliens AIDS the old-fashioned way.

>Magically have desktop setup with Windows (was working with Fedora earlier)
>Look for open Ethernet port
>Pry off access panels
>Nothing that looks like Ethernet
>Check for Wi-Fi networks
>"Unnamed Network"
>Probably it, consider its probably a few miles in the air
>Guess common passwords, nothing
>Turns out it's WEP
>Open Kali VM and tunnel Wi-Fi adapter
>Dump and crack traffic using aircrack-ng
>Password is "hum@nsrgay2"
>Alrighty then
>Scan the immediate subnet using nmap
>Some fucking weird hostnames
>Pick one and port scan it
>445 is open
>ohboy.jpg
>Metasploit that puppy for a Meterpreter shell
>SUCCESS
>Inspect through shell
>Windows Server 2003
>Find some sort of GIS software
>Like Google Earth but includes a fuckton of other planets
>Find a way to modify the GIS data and redirect Earth's coordinates to the Sun
>Ship immediately lurches upwards
>Pack up computer and gtfo
>NASA confirms aliens went to invade the sun

push the upload button

>hum@nsrgay2

>Thukker large cap battery

There's a sci-fi short story about a much less technologically advanced alien civilization invading earth, I'd be pretty interesting to see an invading civilization adopt our computer systems for their use

I'd propably pee on it

>aliens were using our own satellite signals to coordinate their fleets
You mean they were using radio, microwave, etc.?

How does that make it easier to transmit codes. It's just light.

Why couldn't a massive alien civilization just deploy their own satellites?

Install the MEMZ Trojan from the comfort on my ThinkPad T460P and pray the ayys are running Windows and don't know how to use antivirus or update their systems

fap for the last time, than kill myself since I don't know shit about computer.

I would do the needful.

Upload some lolis and pray the alienfbi gets to them.

But you need a USB-4 port guys, otherwise the Earth is fugged.

obviously inject the virus directly into the core

Jerk off to porn. The adrenaline high knowing the world is depending on me and the chances of getting caught will make the orgasm that much better.

>recompile from binary
Congratulations. You out-memed yourself.

Launch the cyber nukes!
youtube.com/watch?v=K7Hn1rPQouU

>get my Acer Aspire E15 E5 sumthing out
>shout ACER!!
>i'll upload the virus directly to their air ventilation system
>the aliens breath air
>i sneeze
>virus uploaded
>put sunglasses on
>everybody walks the dinosaur

do you write for tv crime dramas, user

it's not like were were using the molten core of earth anyway, they can have it

>not just making a giant metal plate into an EFP travelling at a significant portion of the speed of light using nuclear weaponry to kill anything in the Galaxy

LMAO


Kinetics > all

Id probably just try to physically destroy shit rather than upload some virus, or hack into some alien system thats most likely written in code I can't understand or comprehend.

Don't worry, y'all. I got this.

>boots up Alienware laptop

launch the last resort: BonziBuddy

Well fuck... Better anchor mobile depot refit with stabs and GTFO. At least I tried

do aliens run JavaScript?

>using inferior software

>mfw still no rapid cruise missile launcher

if we have rapid torps, we should have rapid cruise

Hope that my Ryzen system doesn't crash

Start downloading a buttload of stuff from Limewire while connected to their network

Link them to this thread. They die of aids

>Good fucking luck tanking nukes
It was a major plotpoint of the entire movie that the aliens could tank nukes just fine.

inb4 b-but what if more nukes

>You have a task to upload a virus to alien mother ship
Install Arch on their mothership, pretty much the OS equivalent of ransomware.

Write a program, which opens the alien ships CD-tray on execute and hope for the best.

>It was a major plotpoint of the entire movie that the aliens could tank nukes just fine.
You must be retarded.

msfvenom -p ayylmaoware/messagebox message=FUCK ALIENS WOO WOO HUMANS RULE -o trustmeimadolphin.exe

done

use the wifi chip to broadcast INCOMPREHENSIBLE IRONIC MEMES on all known frequencies in greyscale binary, thus rotting their brains/ scaring them off

How about you make a GUI interface using visual basic to track the aliens IP address?

Install AMD catalyst control center.

lel

This is the only correct answer.

>not nvidia detonator

This made me kek. Good scene.

Link to story?

From my 1337 alienware laptop with cool anime stickers connect to wifi, google how 2 hack alien ship, download , dos the fuck out of them, realize their windows firewall is up to date, realize their antivirus is a level 8 program running mad java virtualization with physically based rendering and 128 full qwerty tabs, put on nes powerglove and square glasses, hack their firewall back in time. Then before I can finish postponing windows update I realize they counterhacked me with custom javascript applets running in their secret virtual machine, try to hack the virtual machine, realize the virtual machine is virtualizing a computer that itself is simulating the entire universe, realize that this is all happening in that virtual universe, take palm pilot off my belt and use it to block incoming wifi hacks, grab my laptop and download more ram, "imma need at least 64k of ram for this intense hack", write a word document from bytecode that allows me to access their virtual machine, boot up the console, logo pops on screen "running cryengine 42", type into console "cl_wireframe 1", I can see everything in the ship now, activate noclip and fly over to the ships computers, access the terminal, terminal asks for password, type "password", access granted, go into the system settings, activate sticky keys, activate narrator, activate windows update, open console, get their ip adress, ping their webservers back at home, use ping time to calculate distance and fire in that direction... success, I've killed all their women and children, set system font to comic sans, escape the ship, go to us headquarters, in minutes news breaks that the aliens all offed themselves, I become president of the world, hackerman wins again.

ALIEN NIGGERS BTFO

brutal

*cracks fingers*
*boots Kali Linux*
*tips fedora*
it's go time!
*spams dankest memes*

Install Windows 10 and wait for the ship to crash.

Install adobe reader

>outsource the job to Pajeet
>spend the money on child prostitutes
>try to nut before the world ends

lost

Send them an email claiming to be a Nigerian Prince that needs their assistance to claim USD $64 trillion from the bank, then proceed to ask for their banking details.

spam them with goatse until they surrender

waste time reading this thread instead of uploading the virus

watch alien porn on the alien internet

If the mothership is a Cisco device...

>format flash

Goodbye aliens

refuse to send the virus
>it was proprietary

Tell the aliens that 640k ought to be enough for anyone.

ssh root@alienmothership
:(){ :|: & };:


or infect them with wannacry

>just try to physically destroy shit
This. Wasting time on software when you have physical access to the hardware is just stupid. Locate the closest analog to an ethernet port and a power outlet and connect them.

Install WannaCry connected to my Bitcoin account and make some sweet profits off those fuckers.

OP says
>You get flown to the mother ship with the computer on which you are reading this
so I clearly just put the nukes on my ship and go full allahu snackbar on them

This pls. Gib link.

Delete system32, naturally.