I DID IT

After traveling thousands of miles I have now legally purchased a Kinder Egg.

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cia is coming after you

Be a real badass and smuggle this dangerous item through the border

I am currently under the protection of their Goddess-Empress

Enjoy getting v& you idiot.

That's suicidal. Not only would I never endanger my countrymen like that, I'd be executed immediately by US Homeland Security on arrival.

try not to choke on it

...

They can't reach me here

Where are you?