/Jew/

Hello my fellow Jews. Let's discuss amusing Jew-related stories
>Go to Passover services at a new synagogue
>Rabbi is female
>One of the attendees is a black women who explains she converted
>Another is a Guatemalan girl who tells me her mother converted to marry a Jew, divorced him, and stayed in the religion even after marrying a guatamalan guy, thereby making her ethnically fully Hispanic daughter a Jew
>Black lady then sings soul music about slavery to make connection between Passover and blackness
Easily the strangest service I've ever been to.

good job getting BTFO by your own multiculti meme

There are a ton of reform Jews at my orthodox synagogue; the quality of the services is just better objectively. The one time I've ever been to a reform service """mincha""":
>find empty seat
>"chazzan" is just some dude with a guitar and a microphone
>singing mostly in english
>mfw most of the ""service"" is just giving awards to people and telling them how great they are
>mfw left feeling like I hadn't even attended minyan

Nice, we're attracting qt Hispanic girls now. Soon the world will be ours! Watch out for shlomo Rodriguez

>Rabbi is female
>"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""rabbi"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

>Hispanic
From Spain or SA? SA is best desu

Germans killed most of them. Only a thousand or so left in the entire country.

However I will say that the only jew I ever met, was a stereotypical jew. He was incredibly greedy and narcisistic.

>greedy and narcisistic
but in an endearing and kinda lovable way, right?

fuk jews srsly

>Rabbi is female

מן הסתם יהדות רפורמית לא נכונה

באמת למה יש לה דכל כך הרבה חברים?

Sometimes, maybe. Usually being around him was pretty toxic though.

>female rabbi

Are Reformed Jews the Episcopalians of Judaism?

>Rabbi is female
Kek.

m8 that seems permissive even by reform standards

False. It doesn't say that.

Leviticus says that if a man lies with another man, both must be killed. What Sanhedrin 54b says is that if one of the participants is under nine years old, he is not considered a "man" - and so it is not required that the child be put to death.

Really terrible, huh? Sparing the life of a victim of child abuse like that?

Fuck off JIDF

You're posting in the official JIDF thread Pierre Abu-Hasan, stop whining

>Fuck off JIDF

Jews are cool :)

y-you too

What's wrong?

You used to be cool Germany

What happened to you?

Cousins from Israel will be visiting us this coming week.

Shalom

If I convert to judaism will I be allowed to these parties where you control the world?

rabbi means teacher not old dude with beard and bad breath

No. Lesser Jews are treated only slightly better than goyim.

That depends.
Can you shapeshift?

For 2000 years, "rabbi" has had a very specific definition. Just because some people decided 200 years ago to embrace ">muh reform" and change the very essence of Judaism means nothing.

Reform Judaism is a non-religion. They substitute leftist values for Jewish ones, do away with traditions and ceremonies, and relegate God as the core to the background behind Zionism and embrace for the modern State of Israel. There's nothing wrong with Zionism (I myself am a Zionist), but it is meaningless without God as the anchor. God makes Israel holy, without him it's just another spit of land.

>r*form judaism

Are you suggesting that the jews view gentiles as a resource to be exploited?

Dont trust this guy. Remember the last time.

Are you trying to imply Martin Schulz is Jewish

I'm not jewish but I've got a massive schnozzle and from a low angle I look like adam sandler

do I qualify?

my grandma is jewish, am i jew?

My friends call me jew because they say im a traitor

Grandmother on your mother's side, or your father's side?

my grandma's got the same big ass-nose as well, inherited from her

I guess this is why jewishness only passes through mothers

mother

Cool.

DESU though I meant my question in for So sorry.

Oh, then yeah. You're Jewish. Unless you have rock solid proof though, if you want to be accepted by the more than barely religious you'd have to undergo a partial conversion anyway to make sure. You'd have to be circumcised, or if you are already then basically they just prick your schlong with a needle (like a diabetes test kit) to draw a drop of blood. Then you need a ritual bath, and you're good.

You'd have to express pretty sincere interest in being Jewish, though, to have any of that done.

Googled "jews from Portugal and this is one of the images i found"

You guys and your rubbing of hands

I too am guilty of this. I have Slavic blood as well, so sometimes I squat and wring my hands.

I know that nose feel.
However, i've seen way bigger and hooked noses than mine so i'm grateful

no khara

I just ran into what I think was a Jew in my building.

He had the weird little hat on and was using girl hair clips to keep it attached to his head.

What are the stupid hats for anyways?

yeah well elongate that by a cm or two and you get mine

It's a warm-up for an intense session of penny picking

well im deist, but thanks anyway.

i hate jews so much i hope they would stop acting like that already

Post yours please

no I'm not an idiot who posts his face to Sup Forums

you do know there's a guy who collects every single one of these he sees here

this random person looks a lot like me except my mouth's not that big

I think that posting your nose is a little bit different from posting your face

oh and his nose is straight

Well, ironically i look a lot like fonzie except my nose is thinner and my mouth isn't as big.
But the facial shape is basically the same (even the haircut is identical)

I don't think either of us looks like the person we posted