G'evening Sup Forums. i hope u had a good day today. now tell me why you DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND today

g'evening Sup Forums. i hope u had a good day today. now tell me why you DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND today.

I do

Because existence itself is a worthless exercise in futility and I just slit my wrists and put a knife in my stomach.

my wife would get mad

I do.
Ouch, I've recently found that mine is into cuckqueaning

>Ouch, I've recently found that mine is into cuckqueaning
I always thought that was some stupid joke and girls weren't really into that

It's not. There are a number of communities for it, it's more common for submissive types though.

>tfw can't even find a 2d girlfriend

1. Programming free software is more fun
2. Solving magic cubes is more fun
3. 3DPD

trade her in for a better wife :^)

That's a little extreme. If she's submissive he can likely plant the idea in her brain and let it grow over time

You're right, that was a bit extreme.
fwiw the vanilla babby's-first-polyamory literature is also bretty gud at laying bare the whole possessiveness meme, to be transcended or consciously accepted as such.
It also helps if she gets to have boyfriends.

I fap to pokemon you degenerate

post chocolate goddeses

Fuck it, I'll tell you why. It's because I'm deeply in love with my cousin and the only reason I haven't killed myself yet.

It slowly eats me away and she's gone cold shoulder on me ever since I confessed my feelings for her. I want to immediately die and live at the same time.

Polyamory isn't the same as cuckqueaning, you can have one without the other. As for a wife having boyfriends, that's also not necessary as she could be very content with the compersion her husband gets from the other woman/women. Different strokes I guess, but my girl and I are very happy with our setup

Oh, you are absolutely correct. I just didn't limit myself to cuckqueaning, not knowing what tfw no gf bc wife user was or was not into.

Phimosis

They're code goblins

Makes sense. As long as him and his wife are happy that's what matters, for them.
>Captcha: wife boulevard
Sucks man

because I don't feel like putting the effort in. Most I'll do is swipe left on like 600 girls becuase even if I did like them and had a chance I don't have time for that shit rn.

Should have been born in the south

Agreed. Still I would very much enjoy strapping your wife down and giving her a gyno exam without letting her come.

Stretch more

Not to steal your idea, but I'll do that this weekend as I tell her of all the dirty things her friend and I are going to do next Sunday

>implying
>wife
>my
>implying
>using the smiley with the carat nose

>implying implications

>Stretch more
I've been stretching for years. Couldn't even pull it over the head while soft before, now I can even do it while hard though it's pretty tight.
I doubt it's gonna help my nonexistent sex life at this point, but what the hell

Please user, tell me more about my relationship because apparently I misheard the conversation I had with her yesterday when she said she wants to watch me fuck her best friend

With proper PPE I hope?

>implying implied implications

Sounds like it's jew surgery for you, then.

Definitely, she's a med student so we have access to the gear we need

Because she was a sociopathic bitch and decided to cheat on me.

My super submissive gf is into that, I was a hoe tho so maybe that's why

Isn't there some sort of partial circumcision? I don't want a dry penis

Probably. She also might just really fucking adore you and want other women to see what they're missing out on, like a tease saying" my man fucks well, and we have a great relationship". Or maybe she just gets off on the emotional aspect. Mine is a bit of both, I suppose but more focused on the emotional pain side

intel keeps the man down

>tell me why you DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
pic related

Because I'm gay and have a boyfriend.

Because I haven't yet install gentoo...

this is a christian board

i dont leave my house

Yeah, cuckqueaning is a very Christan thing. Many men in the Bible had multiple wives, and Mormonism still allows it. I'm doing God's work

I was in the same boat as you few years ago, I ended up getting circumcised. My foreskin had almost completely closed up after years of me ignoring my phimosis, the opening was about the size of a pencil nib. Its not that bad apart from the 2 weeks you're not allowed to fap or you rip the stitches, and after the stitches come off fapping is the same experience because you couldn't use your foreskin before anyway.

friendly reminder

Tell me why i have to use another OS than Windows. I play games and I program I can't play games in Linux without using Wine or shit like that.

Sure you can, you just cherry pick the games that only work on Windows as an example of why you can't play games on Linux

This is relevant to my interests. Will you post a greentext somewhere? Or maybe a video on xhamster or something?

There is, and the keyword is "loose" but you'd probably need to go to a circumcision specialist to have it done the way you want it.

Of the examination event? I'll be able to green text it, but one of her hard limits is no videos/photos go online.

That's fair. See you in Sup Forums I guess, unless there's a better place for it?

I usually post about our kink stuff in the watersports or cuck threads on /gif/, depending. It's a shame, because the the cuckquean rarely last long enough so I'm stuck posting in the middle of all the pathetic male cucks. I'll probably post about the examination in a pee thread

Awesome. See you there!

I've had sex 2-3 times a day for over a year. I've had sex like 700 times in the last year, about 200 of them were creampies.

>She texted me about my dick just now

She isn't even my gf.

Because girls are psychopaths. Don't get me wrong, I'll fuck a hot girl if no strings attached. I will never trust them half as far as I can throw them.

Just ask her out you beta, either that or
>being so jealous of me and the other user talking that you need to lie

I no longer have one because I had to move to another state.

Yes, it is called a dorsal slit with reconstruction. More expensive, but you don't mutilate your dick and remove half the nerve endings.

It's not that. It's a girl I started fucking because I knew I could. We have nothing in common because we're very opposite (she's a Christian redneck that was homeschooled). She kept calling me her boyfriend without me agreeing to it and I've "broken up" with her 3-4 times because I'm not entirely attracted to her.

Every time I break up she says she just doesn't want anyone else and doesn't care about other men. I've told her to go date then she does and comes back asking for my dick and to stay over.

Sounds like you're in an unhealthy relationship. For her sake, call it off. It'll be better for both of you in the long run

im shy

>morgan freeman.jpg

I do. I've fully explained to her. A week later she just comes back asking if I'm DTF and she just can't stop thinking about my cock. She keeps saying it's just sex then a month later calls me her bf.

inb4 bad ending

I had one like this.

wouldnt leave me alone.

I block her number, she calls private.

I block private calls, she texts

I block her texts, she uses a txt app that comes up as different num

I tell her to go away, she fights 10x harder for me.

I move out of town, she claims she has my baby

She tells me timeframe for baby, It is impossible it is mine. She tells me it is.

I change phone numbers, she files charges with department of child services that im babies father.

Child services sends me the default letter 'You are the babies father. contact us if you want to dispute this."

I call her
>what the fuck.jpg
she wants me to move in with her

I call child services, tell them my story, demand DNA test to prove its my child. They tell me they will check with the other fathers to see if my story is indeed true, but to listen for them to get back to me.

2.5 years later, never heard from either of them again.

win.jpg
crazybitch.jpg
sometimesIwishIwergaybutIjustlovevaginatoomuchandIfindpenisestobedisgusting.jpg

You need to be stronger then, because she's just emotionally manipulating you.
It'll be fine.

Take your meds

your right. i made it up. I just wanted to fit in tho...

It's been a while since I was in a thread that was this fake and gay.

>lying on the internet

Except reality sounds a lot less random, your time will come, go out and find someone to create those stories with
"Nothing amazing ever happens here"

>Nobody on the internet has sex ever

I lost my virginity to a 16yo Sup Forums whore

She's just doing what I tell/allow her now. She's dated black guys and men named Mohammed. She knows she doesn't want to go back. I ruined her for other men by btfoing her exs in every way.

whatever helps, user. best of luck

My IQ is too high.

Women know you aren't man enough to eat their GNU/poop.

Slammed my wife's puss like three ways before my genetic children got home from church group. Both white with 3 kids so far.

Lame bait.

Got my 1st GF about 5 weeks ago

It's strange having someone show that much affection twords me.
Anything nice saw is somehow important to her.
I can touch her any way I want. Before, touching a woman was this crazy concept.
Shit feels weird.

Because your mother is my wife.