>government abducts you
>the task you to create the worlds safest computer that can store EXTREMELY sensitive data
>they give you a budget of $5 million
>you MUST develop it completely alone, no 3rd-party help is allowed, you are on your own
>you have as much time as you want
what do Sup Forums?
install gentoo
$3 Million worth of lead shaped into a lead box around the computer.
install windows and set password to password. everyone thinks it is super complex but it's just password
Use dmcrypt on an airgapped machine and walk out of there with 5 million in my pocket.
Fuck meant 5 Mil
Can I use code from GNU or a RISC-V spec? I'd also have to encrypt memory and make the device unable to be broken into, and when it detects a potential intruder wipe the key. Oh, and use a trusted wafer producing machine.
>build cheap desktop with as many HDDs and SSDs as the case and motherboard support
>physically disable the Ethernet port in some way
>don't install a wireless card
>install Gentoo
>pocket the remaining budget money
airgapped machines can be hacked
>never connect it to a network
>no adaptors to do so
>only point of access to the data is a port in an indestructible box room noone can access without written permission
>people accessing files have access only via a hardwired terminal and only to specific folders they applied for through governmental papers
Adding features:
>the system self-monitors itself in a 256bit encrypted file that also needs a secondary password generated randomly by the unix clock, much like how 2 step auth works. Only device synced to these combinations is a barebones computer again without network access, locked in a second partition of the box room that only the feds can access to tell you the 2nd code that only lasts for 120 seconds. This way one cannot disrupt the self monitoring feature
>The person accessing the computer has to wait for logs of their actions to be checked before they leave so everyone knows what they did in there
>all that underground, completely armored from earthquakes and nature in general
That's effective only with autist that thing everything too much
Well. They haven't defined safe. Do they mean from intrusion by another person or safe from destruction?
>the former
Can't be done alone. I absolutely need someone to manufacture the HW.
>the latter
Same story.
>tfw just a software monkey
I'll build a mechanical one-time pad using punched tape.
You're underestimating how easy that is.
>memorize data
>duhleet it
Wow!
Only with an axe.
Hello CIA
give them back the 5 million and tell then they kidnapped a guy who knows nothing about computer programming
buy a pencil and some paper, that would be safer than any computer anyone could ever design
Qubes + Whonix
easy 5 mil
Underated post.
Finish hurd
Use the money to create a safe room and lock myself in it to my comfort then pocket the rest of the monies
Read every book I can on cryptography, information theory, mathematics, and programming.
fine, airgapped machine in a windowless room with a faraday cage and power line conditioner to hide load states. 5 million dollars, please.
Pocket the money, leak the data
A dormitory fulled with guarded idiot-savants.
Well, that would be poor investment considering I have rudimentary knowledge of computer science.
>fulled
Filled*
Plan A:
Buy $3m worth of Libreboot machines and then pay the tranny $250k to get Libreboot working on Core i series machines. Then I'd install Fedora on all of them. Then save the other $1,250,000 for other possible future expenses.
Plan B:
POWER hardware running OpenBSD or a Green Hills Software RTOS.
The computer writes the bytes of the files to paper and inserts it to a safe. the files can only be accessed by unlocking the safe and inserting the papers into the computer. has no networking
Hard mode: it must be networked.
>42U rack enclosure
>2U rackmount terminal
>1U PSU
>1U host machine
>38U storage units in RAID 6
>openBSD running with full disk encryption. >Keys are stored in a special read-only USB device held by only those authorized to access the machine
>Device is in a Faraday cage and enclosed room
Total cost is maximum $50k
Pocket rest of money
Air gapped templeos running on bare metal
>Find a pre-2006 Intel CPU
>Install Gentoo
>Don't install wireless card
>Put behind a firewall
Done.
Recommend them to buy some typewriters and a bunker instead.
>save data on disk
>open vim in terminal
checkmate, atheists
it would be simple, and could be accessed by nearly anyone on earth.
just enter all of the information into java, nobody can fucking understand it anyways.
>Buy standard, off the shelf hardware.
>Make custom case.
>Paint it like a race car with stripes and shit.
>Pocket remaining millions.
Government is too stupid to figure out it's just garbage hardware. Look at Obama. He paid $600M for a health insurance website that didn't work. UK govt is even dumber. They literally paid millions for "bomb detectors" which were novelty/joke golf ball detectors. They're literally going to judge it by the paint job and number of blinkin lights on it.
You know they are gonna kill you afterwards right guys?
thank god
Funnel 4 million into an offshore account and then spend the one million buying plane tickets/ rentals paid for a year in multiple countries to throw them off while I fuck off innawoods
I give them a pen and paper and a 1 ton vault.
Impossible to hack.
Rewrite OpenBSD in Rust
>buy a mac for $2400
>pocket the rest
>win nobel prize for data safety
>Use winrar to split the sensitive data into 1000 password protected encrypted rar files
>Put each piece onto a different pendrive, with hardware encryption
>Give each drive to a different government employee
>Give trump the master file pendrive
> All 1000 drives must be brought together to access data
/thread
>Put sensitive data on pendrive, put it in my pocket
>Create a garbage file that's roughly the same size as the sensitive data
>Show them garbage file, say it's a unique encryption that's totally unbreakable
>Challenge them to crack it
>Tell them if they ever need to access the data, give me a call
>Keep pendrive and pull data from it when they call and ask
The best security is misdirection
>wat do
Tell them I require at least $250 million more,plus an open-ended budget to run the program and upkeep the facility. Access to top-tier tech markets to purchase any and all cutting-edge gear as it becomes available. I'll need about 30 years (maybe more) in a secure location in the Caribbean. And by secure, it must be self-sufficient to withstand hurricanes and hold out for over a decade in the case of a nuclear war. A breeding population of females, aged 16 through 25 with none rated at less than an 8/10 or an IQ of under 120, sourced from Ireland/Scotland, Sweden, Finland, Latvia/Lithuania, Northern Japan ... say five or six from each location plus ten more randomly from elsewhere around the world ... are required to upkeep the facility and tend to my various needs. They should all be highly proficient at SCUBA, sailing & other water sports (critical survival skills for an isolated research island). Every 5 years the five oldest (with their children) should be retired from duty to Somewhere Else with full compensation and retirement package and replaced with similar candidates at the younger end of the age bracket.
And an uninterruptible, God-tier Internet connection.
I'll update with my progress in 28 years and provide an estimate for how many more decades might be required for final delivery of product.
>joke's on (you), OP
> I can actually do this
Get a Librebootable device, install FSF-approved distro (without a GUI), call it a day.
i put it all in bitcoin and hire people that are smart to do it
i make a locking filing cabinet bolted to the floor
>computer
and it has a keypad but it doesn't actually do anything because you use a physical key
Abducted with a paltry budget of $5 million? Hardly the fucking CIA, is it?Real governments spend that on a secure fucking paperclip. You couldn't even buy the SCIF to put it in for that budget.
So, it's a trap. The only possible reason for them wanting me to do it solo is to destroy the evidence when I finish.
Stall them until an opportunity for escape/evasion reveals itself or my friends rescue me from this tinpot crackpot who thinks they're a government.
Unplug from network.
Tell them you're done.
Go home.
No internet access and no USB plugs.
only 16x CD r/w
Local intranet
Don't forget pigeons.
I threw up in my mouth a little.
Nobody calls them pendrives.
Do you know what Espionage is? Spies before computer had been stealing documents you retard
Just buy a few transistors, solder them together and pocket the rest.
It's actually pretty safe considering it doesn't do much of anything.
give them a IBM 5150 with dos floppies in a faraday cage
a cheap second hand dell optiplex with windows and a 100tb onedrive subscription
Just save the data on a normal laptop and then set fire to that laptop and grind the remains into powder.
Tell them they weren't clear and leave, taking their money and dignity.
I would spend one dollar on a cardboard box and convince everyone that it will store their darkest secrets.
Then pocket the rest
>disable the network drivers
>pocket the cash
Don't forget to hotglue all USB connectors