*BOOM BOOM CRASH*

>*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
>FREEZE
>GET ON THE FLOOR
>FIND THE HARD DRIVE

How does Sup Forums handle this situation?

Other urls found in this thread:

nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2017/09/01/ex-cop-who-wont-decrypt-hard-drives-still-in-jail-indefinitely/
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

Shut up and wait until I can call my lawyer.

Also, I have nothing to worry about anyway. Unlike most of Sup Forums I like adult woman.

nothing personnel

>how come you guys didn't knock first? I could have just opened the door

Time to put those acting lessons to use and become a deaf mute with dementia

>implying that there's anything time sensitive about issues in my house
>fruit of the poisonous tree
heh
your move, mr. law man

I have nothing actually illegal on the harddrive, but they might need some therapy counseling.

>Let me see your warrant please
>I won't say a word until I talk to my lawyer
>I know the law you bastards

Nothing illegal on my HDD. Plus I overwrite my free space about 3 times.

>tac roll against the wall slamming my bedroom door shut
>take my glock from its holster
>"Heh, not today, coppers"
>fire a round into my hard drive, drawing their attention
>as they burst through the bedroom door I wall-jump away from the doorway firing three precise rounds into the faces of the strike team
>tac roll backwards
>deliver a rear tae-kwon-do kick to my window, shattering it
>"Heh, anyone feel a draft?"
>fire three more rounds at the second strike team, downing them as I backflip through the open window, holstering my gun and grabbing onto the tree branch
>swing up onto the branch and throw a bird's nest like a ninja star at the cop who's now at the window, knocking him unconscious
>leap from branch to branch downward, silently
>stealth crawl across the backyard grass, sticking to the shadows cast by the moonlight
>bump into a cop, quickly take him down and apply a rear-naked choke, leaving him unconscious
>don his uniform and gear
>casually walk out to a police cruiser and tell the cops that you're going to grab some coffees since that damn kid is holed up in the basement
>drive off
>steal any random car at gunpoint
>drive state to state until you arrive at the Mexican border
>pay a coyote to take you into Juarez
>live your fuckin life

Wait did you undress the cop before he was unconscious or afterward?

You read that abortion of a post and that's your only question?

It's the only unbelievable part, to be desu with you

Oh I've got more. Like wouldn't the cops know he's an impostor? It's not like they're all strangers to each other? And how would a bird's nest knock someone unconscious?

Whoop de do

Okay you retarded fucking dummies, lemme enlighten you

Of course I would undress the cop AFTER he was choked out

The cops wouldn't know I'm an imposter because it would be at night and I'd keep my face down low while I walked from the backyard to the cruiser

The nest could knock someone unconscious if it was reinforced with mud and placed perfectly on the chin, which it would be.

Okay, dummies? Feel better now?

>and I'd keep my face down low while I walked from the backyard to the cruiser

You said casually walk. That's not casual. That's super fucking suspicious. And where did you get the mud for the nest?

It was a ground dwelling bird, who was on vacation (since it's almost the new year) up in a tree

I could easily just make it look like I was searching the ground for clues, stupid.

And obviously the mud would have been added to the nest by the species of birds that built it, of which there are many that live around my house for this exact purpose.

>personnel

Hard drives are in the desktop fellas. Where's your warrant btw?

>having storage drives with your data stored locally
>not keeping everything on an encrypted VM on a server in switzerland through an encrypted VPN connection
>cops bust down door
>flip power strip with foot
>all connections severed
Heh, nothing personal, kid.

and yet the cops are still at your door where did you go wrong?

shit what do you guys have on your hard drives that could ever be this bad

i don't work for these people anymore, but state secrets that if leaked would cost people their jobs and millions in funding

funny story, we actually had a human liability once and it cost us 100 million. just some fucker running his mouth too.

>self-incriminating

nice RP normie

>cops burst in
>press hotkeys to automatically dismount veracrypt volumes
good enough?

>*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
>*BOOM BOOM CRASH*
>Buddy you're a boy make a big noise
>Playin' in the street gonna be a big man some day
>You got mud on yo' face
>You big disgrace
>Kickin' your can all over the place
>Singin'

>We will we will rock you
>We will we will rock you

...

This is why I insist on having a thick coat of vaseline on me at all times.

Try all they want, I'll always slip away

>Shutdown the computer
>Everything is encrypted
>"I forgot the password"

What kind of stupid man would have illegal stuff in his home/harddrive?

If you do, have it encrypted on a distant server.

Boom crash the sound of my heart, the beat goes on and on and on and on and

>*Backdoors into your encryption software*

What now

I have nothing really incriminating on my devices, except if you consider copyright infringement a big deal.

Since Free Speech does not exist here, if they come it's because of a mean message I wrote on the Internet, so no use hiding.

UK?

out newfag

AFAIK, random LEO do not have the technology to backdoor AES/Truecrypt.

That's a sure way of going to prison for obstruction of justice.

is....is that shadman?

Better than what I would have gone to prison for

>pull USBKill
>hard drive on "dirty" laptop is immediately encrypted, ram and swap wiped, shuts down
>Legal battle lasting years ensures while I write a book about the experience

You'll still be known as a child molester. You getting brutally shanked to death in prison.

>personal

Lel

At best you'll get derivative immunity for whatever they want you to decrypt. At worst you'll get 10+ years for obstruction of justice.

Why is this becoming general/daily thread?

>FamilyGuy_Ostrich.jif
>Ha-Ha!

*tortures you*

So what's the better option?

>"I forgot the password"

You can be compelled to give the password or be imprisoned.

You have to files already encrypted and you tell them their private files for your clients. Then you demand derivative immunity and you decrypt the files for them.

You might be. It's not like a physical key, so you can plead the fifth. But courts are not all viewing that as protected speech.

Should have used Monero

>You can be compelled to give the password or be imprisoned.
Depends on the country.
And while you can be compelled to give information you are known to have, you cannot be blamed for forgetting something.

If you say but once "I won't tell", you're fucked tho.

That's like saying you forgot where your physical key is. You can be forced to produce physical evidence in the US and saying you "forgot" will let you obstruction of justice.

What did he mean by this?

>encrypted VM on a server in switzerland
Switzerland would comply with a lawful federal warrant. I don't get this meme.

Will we get to see her black hole?

They'll just keep you locked up until you give them they key.

nakedsecurity.sophos.com/2017/09/01/ex-cop-who-wont-decrypt-hard-drives-still-in-jail-indefinitely/

idk why but that text looks like shadman

Anybody remember that SVU episode where the pedo hacker got his door kicked in and then they took the hard drive and walked out his room and he had some magnetic shit on the door and erased the hard drive, anybody know know if this is possible?

Thousands of the rarest of Pepes. The government needs the to shore up the National Pepe Reserve, of course.

Gay porn is not illegal, lmao.

Well excuse me officer but this is a solid state drive household

>You guys got a warrant?

How strong is the field that generates?

i've no idea but it does indeed destroy hard-drives and ruin crts from a few feet away

inb5: low level forensics

heh... mortals

This doesn't happen in first world countries

They don't do this in my country.
And I doubt I would have problems with the kinds of doujins I'm into (chubby futa milfs)
Only plebeian lolicons get rekt.

>*press logout

hehe goodluck officers. all of my illegal files are in the cloud, you have nothing

Kid, this might come as an extreme shock to ya, but the only person going down today is you.

This. Hope you enjoy wading through 12gb of butthole pictures!

Everything requires a raid by a SWAT team these days. Like 5 years back there was a vet that was illegally treating a sick deer. They sent SWAT in, held all the employees at gun point, and shot the deer.

Don't ask why animal control has a dedicated SWAT team. Nothing makes sense these days.

>not booting tail live from encrypted usbs hidden in kitchen appliances
You deserve to be caught with loli, user.

A U.S. court would not have personal jurisdiction over the server. No one would have the right to enforce the warrant. It would be up to the Department of Justice to convince the Public Prosecution Service to seek the Swiss equivalent of a warrant.

t.

18 USC 1462. Enjoy federal prison.

>switzerland meme
>not a country from outside of the "5, 9, and 14 eyes agreements"
No wonder it ended up with FBI at your doorstep

Can someone please post the copypasta with the lubed up man with the sea of dragon dildos hanging from the ceiling?

Probably germany

*shoots you*

I thought it wasn't evidence until they've found it. How does that work?

>be on Sup Forums, using my Gentoo rig powered by QUADFIRE 7970s and an i7 2600k, when knock at cave door
>OPEN UP WE'S THE POH LEASE
>push a couple old Pentium 4s against the door (those things are just so damn handy)
>begin waddling towards escape hatch
>BANG BANG BANG
>cops shooting the door, screaming MURIKA FUCK YEAH
>be Canadian, quite confused
>continue waddling as fast as I can
>cops break door down
>they begin sprinting towards me
>one gets caught in my intranet
>fuck that was an expensive cable it's hard to get them that long
>whatever
>cop begins shooting me
>dive behind Fermi pile
>Fermis burst into flames, buying me time
>grab my Thinkpad
>escape hatch blocked by cans
>prepare for final stand
>cop comes around corner
>nail her on the head with my Thinkpad
>Thinkpad 1 SWAT helmet 0
>another cop rounds corner
>shoots me
>absorbed in my fat, bounces off
>this angers me
>release the bear
>Guardian Neckbear leaps from neck and begins biting cop
>throw GNU/Hurd kernel DVDs at him
>he dies from disgust
>cop jumps through can pile
>falls onto my pile of dragon dildos
>runs back out screaming
>jump in my get-away pedovan
>mom runs out of house
>SERGIO COMPUTER NO JUST WORKO
>NOT NOW MOM I'M BUSY
>rev up car
>cop cars begin coming around corner
>speed off
>they chase me
>they have no drivers and crash into poles
>an entire polish parade
>1.7% of the parade survive
>more cops behind me
>NO TIME FOR LOVE, COPPERS
>helicopter appears above me
>it's rotational velociodencity begins to degrade as it comes closer to my giant dog-shapped pedovan
>it bluescreens

>storing illegal things on your HDD
I have 3 normies laptops and the worst thing I have on them is pirated gaems. Everything else is stored on very well hidden encrypted sd cards.

Hillary preferred destroying the evidence and risking an indictment for obstruction of justice instead of going to jail for way worse.

Tbh, I don't even know if I have some shit on my hdd. I just auto-scrapped a ton of pictures from Sup Forums threads for dem dank memes

> FIND AN IRON FOR CRYPTOANALYSIS

...

>CRYPTOANALYSIS

Give them access, passwords, private keys.

I'm not going to jail for not letting mi5 see my hard drives full of steam games and ripped movies. There's about 4gigs of memes and skantily clad women that they'd have to trowl through too. Fuck I can't even be bothered going through my own filesystems to clear it out if anything .

excuse me sir, your taking evidence without a proper warrant this violates the 4th and california vs green wood. please leave my home.

PUUUUUUUUUUUURE

I hope they enjoy looking at drawings of children.

>don't worry we'll just bruteforce that fucker

They will never find the hard drive i have hidden somewhere

>owning magnets is illegal

>drawings are illegal

In some states, they are.