Be French 1415 in Agincourt

>Be French 1415 in Agincourt
>Have better armor
>Have better weapons
>Have more men
>Still get btfo

Why are the French so irredeemably bad at war?

Other urls found in this thread:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Patay
youtube.com/watch?v=dmAhxBHWeTs
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

it runs in their blood

> Be english
> have french kings
> half the english army is made of normands, poitevins, aquitains, mayennais, angevins and bourguignons
> conquer a country that has a mad king, which is in a state of civil war for about a hundred year, and peasant revolts
> still manage to lose that war against a teenager king and a 19 yo virgin girl from the lower noblety

Why are anglos so bad at war ? It should run in their blood i guess.

>virgin girl
if she had sex would she have been better?

> english
> army

> be at Castillon
> be english army commander in France
> charge the french army without armour
> get beheaded

This triggers the bongs

>be celt
be conquered by:
>romans (unlike the scots)
>normans (unlike the scots)
>anglos and saxons (they emigrated from continental europe) (unlike the scots)
> the dutch (William III)
This is an incomplete list can anyone add anything? In conclusion celts are the original surrender monkeys, anglos have been conquered almost as many times as them

> Be the british in 1939-1940
> Home Fleet basically hides in Scapa Flow because germs have 1 battleship and 2 battlecruisers.
> submarines run rampant everywhere because muh surface fleet.
> the battleship kites 1/4:th of the Home Fleet into the ocean,finally gets sunk because a lucky 356mm hit to fuel tanks earlier and ensuing oil slick.
> when they finally get the battlecruisers it takes atleast 1:10 material superiority to take them down.

At least Brits are good at betraying other countries

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Patay

MUH LOGBOWS
MUH AGINCOURT

> oii veyy me english longbow were fucking killers oiii

> Patay
> 5 000 english archers
> 1500 french knights

> 100 french casualties
> 2500 roasted beefs

...

>Having to bring up irrelevant battles just to defend themselves

Funny how you never hear about that one

> Irrelevant battles

Orléans, Patay and Castillon are the most decisive battles of the 100 YW.

Patay really showed that without the english natural element, the mud, they can't do shit.

>Englishman: Wow look at this battle we BTFO France!
>Johnny Foreigner: Wow, look at this battle we BTFO England!

Yeah chaps we can do this all day. Truth is, even the French Kings admitted that England in the 12th-14th centuries was about as wealthy as a single region of France. We were less populated, nowhere near as rich, the harrowing of the north had killed huge amounts of the population and the Norman lords were dealing with constant instability and revolts from the Welsh and Irish, yet at the height of the Hundred Years War Edward III, Henry V, and many other greats were destroying French armies in the field against all odds, culminating in Henry V gaining effective control of the country and Paris. God knows what havoc we could've continued to cause if he hadn't died, and our later King's hadn't been piss poor.

Sure we lost in the end, but the Plantaganets and Lancastrians left their mark on history through glorious conquest, if only for a short time in historical context.

>French
>Army

Has France ever won an actual war?

youtube.com/watch?v=dmAhxBHWeTs

>English
>Army

Yes, 100YW :^)

Lad even their history is full of them getting btfo
>Hundred Years War
btfo
>World War 1&2
didn't even bother trying
>The Napoleonic Wars
btfo BIG TIME

Worst part is i could go on for ages

>100YW
Won.
>WWI
Won.
>WWII
Military defeat but IN THE END, IT DOESN'T EVEN MAAAAAAATTER
>Napoleonic Wars
Brits needing a huge coalition in order to defeat some surrender monkeys, what a surprise :^)

(yea, I take the bait, fuck off)

>France and Spain at the height of their Empires
>try to invade plucky little Portugal
>fail completely

How do France AND Spain, both Great Power's in their own right, lose to fucking Portugal?

Don't even get me started on how they couldn't even beat Prussia.

> the Plantagenêts
> implying they weren't french.

Most of your army was made of continental french from the Plantagenêt fiefdoms.

>100 years war "won"
>Get btfo practically every single battle
>Luckily win one battle while outnumbering English
e-english b-btfo

>english natural element, the mud

Well, it took your 3 millions colonists 250 years to defeat 80 000 french and indians, what a great exploit m8.

Really makes you think.

hey, hey, WANNA LAUGH?
PIC RELATED, HAHAHAHAHAHA

So mad, it's DELICIOUS :^)

sissy_english_archer_fucked_in_the_ASS_by_big_french_knight.webm

Don't forget, you only succeeded because we let you

>Brits cannot handle the banter
>They don't even try responding
Why are the English so bad at not getting butthurt ?

>countries of Europe are having a nice time being Christian and upstanding, having comfy little wars between nobles, but nothing serious or major
>All of a sudden france chimps out, starts mass executing thousands of priests and just random french citizens for having different beliefs
>starts having orgies in churches and creating churches to atheism (Tips fedora)
>creates the concept of total war and conscripts the entire male population into the war effort
>do well at the beginning of the napoleonic wars just through sheer numbers, losing 60,000 men a month
>lose the war anyway and reduced to a mere province of europe dicked on by Germany until the end of time when it's over

Based France with their revolution, the single worst event in all of European history.

You seem a bit botty blasted there lad, let me try and calm you down

Wait, I think I messed up

They're literally white niggers, next to the Irish in first place

>protestants
>christians
fuck offff you pagan heretic stanist fucks, fuck offffffffff
the french revolution was the single greatest thing that ever happened - t.knower

See
You outnumbered the french by 30 times, yet it took you 250 fucking years to conquer New France, especially when France was warmongering in Europe and didn't care about Canada.

You really are a disgrace to this world, England.

To be honest mass executing priests by drowning and having orgies in churches sounds pretty satanic to me.

>Church of the Supreme Being

How heretical can you be

Irrelevant to you, you passed this annoying trait to the murricans.

LETS IGNORE THE BITS OF HISTORY WE DONT LIKE

>Disgrace
Losers usually resort to name calling when they know they're beaten

Word.

A lot of good but also a lot of bad.

Fuck you religious scum.

>english natural element, the mud
Will England EVER recover from this?

Kek. I read over that, pretty funny.

Why should people care about some battle between a bunch of Frenchmen, a sausage and a goat, when there's much more important war deciding battles.

>Church of the Supreme Being

that's a cool concept desu

It's why we're so obsessed with our >Rightful clay

>a lucky 356mm hit
That was skill bro.

>Have better weapons
factually untrue

good thread

FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING HERETICAL FRENCHMAN

YOUR EGALITARIAN LIBERAL REVOLUTIONARY IDEAS HAVE WROUGHT HAVOC ON WHAT WAS ONCE A STABLE AND GODLY EUROPE

THE FRENCH ARE NOT THE CHILDREN OF GOD

THEY ARE THE CHILDREN OF WROTH

Daily reminder that the French celebrate the 100 years war as if it was some huge victory, when in reality all they won was their own home

You lost yours though, you realise?

It was a great victory.

They kicked you out of france, out of your kings acnestral holdings.

Anyway m8, our eurowars are over, we are already done. Pic related
Feels bad not to fight the english anymore.

>celebrate the 100 years war

kek

BUT THE MONARCHS WERE FRENCH WHICH IS WHY WE GET REALLY PROUD WHEN WE FINALLY FIND A BATTLE THE FRENCH WON BECAUSE BOTH SIDES WERE FRENCH BECAUSE IT DOESNT MATTER ANYWAY BUT WE FUCKING WRECKED YOU IN THE HYW GO FRANCE

>french logic

>lost our home
If that's true why would we invade our own country?
Checkmate kraut

Yeah well, do you realise that Plantagenêt fiedoms, Aquitaine and Normandie were legally and rightfully yours too ?

We kicked the cider drinking sheep shagger cunt out of our porch

More like a French King fighting off another French King with devoted English slaves in tow

You do knowabout th Normans and William the Conqueror, do you?

if foreign invasions don't matter then open your border to the people of Calais

Fuck the revolution.

Fuck you, tumblrfag

This

The English are a conquered people who've completely accepted foreign rule over their lands.

...

This is an entertaining thread.

More like a BONGED king
He just wanted sum of that french pussy, as all Englishmen do

Looks like we'll be fighting on the same side soon, baguette.

>This fucking thread

You guys actually had a shitty king.
There is a reason why he didn't conquer much of France but effortlessly conquered a shitty rainy rock.
He couldn't handle the Proud French Warriors and their Baguette of mass destruction.
Even in WW2 the germans focused their fire on French bakers because their power were feared and respected

it's sad

Why did the French invent the myth of the French Resistance? Could they not stomach the idea of being liberated by Anglos?

When will the english grow up? We're sorry if we were mean to you.

I suppose this thread proves cheese eating monkeys cant take banter

That's rich coming from a German, you made it illegal to reference the part of history you didn't like.

Children really enjoy this sort of thing for some reason, I don't get the French hate meme, you guys are really good.

We don't even celebrate the 100 Years War.

We had no merit, it was long but too easy.

Tbh why did Marshal Petain bend over for those krauts? I thought he was good at slaying Germans. Must've been out of practice since WW1.

Why did the English invented the myth of Normands who weren't french ? Could they not stomach the idea of beeing conquered and rulled by manlet French ?

B-but dey was Vikangz n sheit

but we wuz

You just admitted to being manlets
Hmmm

Sorry I can't hear your mumbling over the sounds of your tears covering your voice.
France was riddled in internal conflicts after WWI, which took a huge toll. He was just the most successful party.

It was already over when he took power. People didn't want to fight anymore after WW1, and something most people tend to forget, but we lost (died) between 15 and 20% % of our young male population in 1918, and 10/15% other pourcents were crippled. We really lacked men to fight.

>Norwegians and French invade England at the same time in 1066
>pope is giving the french the go ahead despite england being perfectly fine christian nation
>pretty sure the danes were wanting a crack at it too

Why are other countries such bullies?

English cant'i into irony

He was 84 years old (Pétain literally was a teen under Napoléon III) and probably senile. Just a sad puppet.

Please, carry on proving my point

>english natural element, the mud
nice one

The only way the French can win is by playing dirty, lad

>Pierre, my son, yuo are man now
>You must choose
>Will you fight Nazi invasion like man?
>Or surrender like pussy?

>Be French
>Surrender while krauts rape your women

>this fucking thread
>my sides

Funny coming from the "divide and conquer" perfidious albion.
>there is nor war in rule old chapiddody m8

Sais the contry who fled on a boat faster than his own shadow.
It's pretty easy to keep fighting when you are protected by the sea and polish aviators.

>Says the perfidious Anglo

Ah yes we should have followed the French military doctrine and allowed ourselves to be outmanoeuvred and destroyed instead and then offered a grovelling, unconditional surrender to the Nazis.

Well, your navy surrendered to a handful of Icelandic fishing vessels a few decades ago.. Britannia rule the waves...

Oui monsieur

This is pure genius

Shut it cunt. Irrelevant patch of cold and forest are not invited to the Franco-english wankery.
And Icelander are fucking scary man.