Today i will remind them

today i will remind them

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he should change his rating system to just emojis

both christgau and scaruffi need to hire a website designer

i wonder what his rating is for stgstv

Christgau is legitimately the worst person in the world. prove me wrong

>Robert Christgau

they need to keep it autism friendly

His rating system makes me want to punch orphans.

this tbqhwyf

...

satan devised this rating system

you exist

Nobody would give two shits about wannabes like christgau and scruffles if Lester Bangs still existed.

Hitler has NOTHING on this animal

what the fuck

I read this twice and I still don't know what this shit is. Am I just tired or do some of the sentences not even make sense?

You're not alone. His style of writing gives me aneurysms. Maybe I need to read more. I don't know.

this read like they were generated by a robot

You forgot his shitbucket lists like Meltdown and Distinctions Not Cost Effective. This basically means "Artists so shitty I can't even be bothered to review them."

There was also Everything Rocks And Nothing Ever Dies which was a list of has-beens from the 60s-70s who were still releasing albums in the 90s for some unaccountable reason.

Holy 90s website batman

robertchristgau.com/xg/bk-cg90/everrocks.php

no comeback lmao

This old faggot likes U2 and has never given PF anything above an A-.

Fuck him.

I accepted the loss and moved on

He shit on Chicago and Journey. That's at least worth something.

I won't complain with my 1.5mb connection.

LEL LOSS HAHAHAHAHAA

M E M E S
E
M
E
S

This is archived forever, faggot. You can kiss your career goodbye.

he ACTUALLY said f a g g o t a g g o t

hahahahhahahahhahahhHAHAH

youtube.com/watch?v=gCPZ-V0i0pU

TOE FUCKING
O
E

F
U
C
K
I
N
G

Every great artist goes through a rough patch. That post was my Pin Ups.

more like Pin DOWNS since it was your down not up LOL

Damn, I just can't seem to catch a break today

today i will remind them

You guys are so fucking ignorant. Christgau's rating system changed in 1990 to the one with bombs, scissors and faces. The rating system that he used from 1969 to 1989 was more normal and consisted of A grades to E grades with pluses and minuses for each one. He's also one of the greatest rock critics who has ever lived and helped to practically invent modern rock criticism as we know it during the late 60s and the 70s. The problem with Christgau is that he hasn't been relevant since the mid 80s, but he used to be really great. I don't always agree with his opinions, but his reviews were usually knowledgeable, intellectually fascinating and most of all, entertaining. He was a clever and funny guy who knew what music he liked and what music he hated. There were times when he flat out sucked, but he made up for them plenty of times. Do some research before you crap all over him.

Go to bed, Bobby.

I knew you'd say that. Oh well.

shhh
let them stay ignorant
this is the generation that will destroy themselves

I knew you'd say that. Oh well.

He didn't use the bomb/scissors crap in the 70s, but he still did plenty of mindless shitting on artists and one-sentence reviews. Go read his review of ITCOCK (very early in his career) if you think he wasn't always this way.

Also he's a huge nostalgiafag even though he pretends he isn't (he says his favorite artists of all time are Louis Armstrong, Chuck Berry, the Beatles, and New York Dolls)

>New York Dolls

that one group just sticks out but then you look at his reviews for them and see that he's given them three A+ reviews. I wish I could enjoy their music beyond Personality Crisis.

Even a mediocre web designer could make both Scroffle's and Chrissie's websites look better AND be smaller.

The capsule reviews was his gimmick. He published lots of them in a column called the Consumer Guide. The guy was listening to a shitload of albums and reviewing them on frequent basis that was not common in the world of music criticism at the time. The review of ITCOTCK that everyone likes to quote was published during his first year at The Village Voice when he was writing his earliest Consumer Guide columns and still finding his voice. He's written a lot of brilliant reviews as well. There's so much fantastic stuff that no one ever mentions because they're not related to bands or albums that interest Sup Forums.

>gives an A- to this
There's not one listenable track on the entire album.

He's also 74 years old now. Give the man a break.

All I can say about Christgau is that if you go through his A- to A+ reviews you'll find some genuinely good to amazing stuff.

I usually end up actually agreeing with him on albums he rates highly, but often disagree with him on albums he rates lowly.

Californication [Warner Bros, 1999]

New Age fuck fiends ("Scar Tissue", "Purple Stain") **

The thing about him and most critics in general is that they focus strictly on the lyrics of a song and don't factor in the instruments. I mean, come on. You don't listen to AC/DC for deep, thought-provoking songs. You listen to them for Angus and Malcolm's guitar goodies. Go listen to Dylan or Leonard Cohen if you want intellectually challenging music.

>only lyrics can make music intellectually challenging
No wonder you listen to AC/DC.

butbutbut muh nostalgia

Nah, RHCP are shit regardless of whether you had their CDs when you were like 12.

>There's so much fantastic stuff that no one ever mentions because they're not related to bands or albums that interest Sup Forums
Such as...?

Special Beat Service (completely leaden British cocktail lounge mush) does not deserve a higher rating than Back In Black (Christgau gave them an A- and B- respectively).

Have you read any of these columns? He collected them and published them in a book in 1973. They're really insightful and frequently entertaining. He could write long rock journalism articles as well.

robertchristgau.com/bk-aow.php

Check out his positive reviews of A+, A and A- albums as well. He usually dedicated more effort to the albums that he loved.

Nice repost, completely unrelated to what I posted. Nice meme also. Truly you must be a music connoisseur of the highest caliber.

I do agree with him on the overall suckiness of prog and Journey. The main issue I have is that he's way too in love with punk/New Wave and too anti-metal for my taste. His 70s-80s Meltdown lists did include plenty of excretable bands like Air Supply, Night Ranger, and Jefferson Starship. No complaints there.

I disagree with his opinions on prog and metal. I fucking love prog and metal. Still love and respect the hell out of the man though. It doesn't hurt that we both adore punk/new wave .

Iron Maiden really didn't deserve to go in the Meltdown shitbucket though (this band sucks so much I can't even be bothered to review them).

The weird thing is that a self-described metal hater managed to review at least one album from each of the Big 4 thrash bands and give most of them Bs, but he couldn't be bothered to review any Maiden or Priest records.

He was also an early advocate of world music.

Master of Puppets [Elektra, 1986]

"I feel a distinct generation gap between myself and this music, not because my weary bones can't handle its power and intensity, but because I was born far too early to have had my dendrites rewired by progressive radio. The speed and momentum of this band can be impressive and I suppose the album projects a good moral message - antiwar, anti-conformity, even anti-coke. Fine. The problem is that the revolutionary heroes I envision aren't male chauvinists too young and naive to know better, they're not Arnold Schwarzenegger as Conan the Barbarian, all flowing hair and huge pecs. That's the image this music conjurs up and I'm no more entitled to feel heroic from listening to this than I would the 1812 Overture. B-"

This pretty much sums up one of the core problems with Christgau, which is that he doesn't actually tell you anything about the music, just his personal "feelings" from listening to it. In particular, focus on the bit about naive male chauvinists. He's basically saying "Any music I don't like must be enjoyed by my old enemies from high school."

>You listen to them for Angus and Malcolm's guitar goodies.
And there is absolutely nothing special about their instrumentation.

Yeah. That review isn't one of his strongest ones.

The Rolling Stones: Exile on Main Street [Rolling Stones, 1972]
More than anything else this fagged-out masterpiece is difficult--how else describe music that takes weeks to understand? Weary and complicated, barely afloat in its own drudgery, it rocks with extra power and concentration as a result. More indecipherable than ever, submerging Mick's voice under layers of studio murk, it piles all the old themes--sex as power, sex as love, sex as pleasure, distance, craziness, release--on top of an obsession with time more than appropriate in over-thirties committed to what was once considered a youth music. Honking around sweet Virginia country and hipping through Slim Harpo, singing their ambiguous praises of Angela Davis, Jesus Christ, and the Butter Queen, they're just war babies with the bell bottom blues. A+

Television: Marquee Moon [Elektra, 1977]
I know why people complain about Tom Verlaine's angst-ridden voice, but fuck that, I haven't had such intense pleasure from a new release since I got into Layla three months after it came out, and this took about fifteen seconds. The lyrics, which are in a demotic-philosophical mode ("I was listening/listening to the rain/I was hearing/hearing something else"), would carry this record alone; so would the guitar playing, as lyrical and piercing as Clapton or Garcia but totally unlike either. Yes, you bet it rocks. And no, I didn't believe they'd be able to do it on record because I thought this band's excitement was all in the live raveups. Turns out that's about a third of it. A+

I like these ones better. More to come.

Until he gave Dirty Work an A-. Then all possibility of rational discussion went out the window.

CONT.

London Calling [Epic, 1980]
Here's where they start showing off. If "Lost in the Supermarket," for instance, is just another alienated-consumption song, it leaps instantly to the head of the genre on the empathy of Mick Jones's vocal. And so it goes. Complaints about "slick" production are absurd--Guy Stevens slick?--and insofar as the purity of the guitar attack is impinged upon by brass, pianner, and shuffle, this is an expansion, not a compromise. A gratifyingly loose Joe Strummer makes virtuoso use of his four-note range, and Paul Simonon has obviously been studying his reggae records. Warm, angry, and thoughtful, confident, melodic, and hard-rocking, this is the best double-LP since Exile on Main Street. And it's selling for about $7.50. A+

Yeah, I agree. That was fucking retarded. What was he thinking? I guess it is just his opinion after all even if it is a very unpopular one.

The summation of Christgau: I'll just use the blanket term "art rock" to refer to any album that challenges my tiny brain's preconceived notion of what rock music is.

Check out his reviews for the albums in his list of the Top 40 albums of the 70s. His choices are surprisingly patrician when you consider that he didn't have the benefit of hindsight that we do.

robertchristgau.com/xg/list/decade70.php

Free Your Mind...And Your Ass Will Follow [Westbound, 1970]

Q: Mommy, what's a Parliament? A: Someone from North Carolina who discovered eternity while on acid and vowed to contain it in a groove. Q: Mommy, what's a Funkadelic? A: The ham hock in your corn flakes, sweetie. That enough answers? B-

lyricsfreak.com/f/funkadelic/what is soul_20340977.html

Between The Lines [Columbia, 1975]

In this time of dearth, it's probably improvident to laugh at someone so talented--good melodies abound here, and I can't think of a rock singer who has made more unaffected and pleasurable use of her or his voice lessons. But this woman's humorlessness demands snickers. It was one thing for society's teenager to pity herself because she didn't have the integrity to stick with her black boyfriend. It's another thing for a grown-up to pity her teenaged self because she was always picked last in basketball. I mean, face it, Ms. Ian--you're short. B-