We're looking for a motivated self-starter

>we're looking for a motivated self-starter

Attached: 1515642746265s.jpg (250x241, 7K)

aka find some shit to do we cant babysit you all day long

Have you even remotely considered the idea that they want someone who adds value to their organization? i.e. not you?

Why are pepe threads always super retarded shit? What is it about this fucking frog?

We're looking for a highly qualified network engineer
We'll only pay 65k
I'm currently making 110k as a network engineer
Tell me why I would ever take a job working for less pay at a different company for the same position

>so what salary range are you looking in
>I have had offers doing less work for 75-80k
>OK, well the best I can probably do for you is 65k
>laugh and hang up phone

I love doing this.

Attached: 1516513613924.gif (200x200, 91K)

its a reddit meme and they flooded this place via pol long ago when rebbid banned maymays

>Reddit meme
:^)

Hi.

This photography cute.

major metro?

anyway -- I got hired at 60k, 18 months later I got a bump to 80k with no change in responsibility. Keep you head down and make your boss look good.

>Must thrive in fast paced dynamic environments

Attached: me_getting_euthanized.jpg (1439x1374, 205K)

>rock star
>ninja
>guru

>"competitive" salary

These HR buzzwords work well as red flags

wow

Translation: Management is a mess and you’re gonna have to do the work of two people

Feel free to save :)

It means, "hey dumbass, can you work on your own?"

>interview about the big data meme, something I'm genuinely interested in and have experience with
>job is actually looking at client's data, which comes in as Excel files and """analyzing""" if they're usable in our analytics engine
>only real reason I'm still working here is cause I'm still new and it'll be a black mark to leave before the 1 year mark

Take their shitty data, automate the ingestion, and build a PowerBI dashboard.

Collect monies.

>interview at "muh data" meme company
>hr sucks, two people simultaneously trying to set up interviews with me
>have me come down to city to do a fucking screen
>hr lady late to interview, I have been waiting on the elevator room cause I need a key to use the elevator
>go into conference room where employee who looks like he wants to kill himself leaves
>start interview, hr lady is young and clearly doesnt know what she is doing
>"tell me about yourself"
>clearly bored while I try to cram all their hr buzzwords into my self-pitch
>tells me they have a lot of entry level positions
>I ask her to talk about some of them
>"well, we have a LOT of openings"
>get to ask questions, ask what qualities they look for from candidates
>"sheer intelligence"
>cringe.zip
>"are there any other questions user"
>me: "yeah, so 75% of venture funded start-ups fail in 3 years; why is this company any different?"
>interview promptly ends in record 13 minutes time
>second interview immediately canceled

Feels good man

Attached: theswans.jpg (315x404, 33K)

The data ingestion was what my job was about, since that's what I did in Spark at my previous job.
The data I'm dealing with is not regular and predictable enough for me to just write a generic handler for it.
Every client has different column names for similar, but not the same, sort of data.
Every client has a different way of representing the same data.
Not every client provides all the data the system expects, and it's up to me to stitch together, or find in obscure text fields, what it needs.
This is shitty busywork that an intern would he handed, but I can't argue with a near six figure salary.
I was told that we'd eventually move on to analyzing large quantities of data, for which my Spark experience would be a definite plus, but we'd have to get to that stage of the vendor-client relationship before it can happen. Sadly, we're still in the early days of the project, so who knows when that's going to be.

Sounds deeply annoying but also kind of cushy. Hope it pans out.

I genuinely feel bad for you. Company HRs need to not be complete shit tier and they need to stop false advertising.

>only real reason I'm still working here is cause I'm still new and it'll be a black mark to leave before the 1 year mark
I've gotten more flack for taking a week-long vacation after quitting a job than I have for leaving before the 1 year mark

Nuh.

Sounds like a job for SSIS or some other ETL solution.

Write a generic handler for the core functionality shared by most clients and write handlers for each client's data that transforms it to a format the generic handler can swallow. It can even flag invalid rows for manual review, and you can do regex matching against other columns to suggest potential sources for the missing data if there's any pattern to their misplacement at all. Even if you can't automate the whole task, it might make your job easier.

I may just be telling you what you already know, though.

why would anyone think that staying inside some fucking depressing office for 9 whole hours a day is a good idea

7.5 hours*
because it's comfy, has air conditioning, heating, and you can browse memes if you're bored

You mean taking a week vacation within your two weeks notice?

Just go federal. The lower pay is the only real downside, otherwise it's great. Like ~10hrs actual work a week, no kool-aid to drink, and good benefits.

>7.5 hours*
lol u wot m8 i'm looking for a job and most require 9 full hours of butts in seats action. it really sucks but i feel less shitty because i'm not playing the "being an adult" game

No, I put in my two weeks', then had a week off before I started another job. I had another job interview a couple of years later and was asked why one job said I quit one month and started the following month rather than the dates overlapping or something. Basically, that company thought I got fired even though I've made it clear that I've only ever quit jobs

I worked at a fortune 25 company. They asked for 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day. However, out of those 8 hours, I usually took an hour long lunch if I wanted, and maybe like 30 minutes to play ping pong too. So, most days I probably worked close to 7 hours a day, sometimes a bit less.

That's a pretty fucking shitty assumption. Why do people do that? "Oh yeah, they fired me, but I interviewed at 10 companies and accepted an offer within a week of being let go." Like the fuck??? Are they stupid? Clearly, that's not what happened.

I think it was more that the interviewer didn't read anything beforehand and was just trying to point things out on the fly

Lmao that's retarded, I know someone who took like 2 months off

>I worked at a fortune 25 company.
>30 minutes to play ping pong too
well excuse me, mr. fancy pants, not everyone can get a job at some google like startup with ping pong tables, man.

now, joking aside, i guess it's different cultures. here in argentina it's normal for office workers to work for 9 hours, with a 20-30 min break for lunch. before i quit my job i had some fat fuck from finance trying to brainwash me daily into thinking that i should work 12 hours a day because "m-muh money and m-muh house" or whatever, i didn't really listened to him

lol
Yeah, nah, don't ever work 12 hour days in your life. Your life is more important than saving up money that 1) you'll invest and never use until retirement and 2) won't really make up for the life you lost by overworking yourself.

> Jr Dev: must have 10+ experience in [every god-damned os, language, framework & library ever conceived of]...

>We welcome diversity, Lgbtq+, and all non-white ethnicities

more like aka we expect you to know everything about this job because we are too lazy/cheap to train you.

Are you bluffing?

More or less

>expecting a company to pay to train you
if this is a commonplace idea, we are truly fucked in the West.

This is code for take fucking responsibility.

News flash for you, most managers don't actually want to micro-manage you, and hope you can do your job on your own, and only come to them when you have issues or updates to report

>women and minorities encouraged to apply!

Attached: 345637874.jpg (208x199, 8K)

>most managers don't actually want to micro-manage you

there's kind of a difference here between 100% hands off from micromanagement.

>a department of a bunch of ~90 iq middle-aged single-moms decide who gets hired or not
>expecting this to go well

doesn't germany do this to some extent?
or does everyone who walks in always already know how to do the job?

There are many, many companies in the US that will give you tuition reimbursement or straight up pay for you to get a master's or another bachelor's once you've been at the company for a year. This is becoming more commonplace as employees are required to possess larger skillsets.

I'm honestly genuinely curious what the average IQ of an HR employee is. Most HR employees (women) are borderline retarded and only capable of doing the most basic shit. There are exceptions to this, but that's obvious.

>me: "yeah, so 75% of venture funded start-ups fail in 3 years; why is this company any different?"
>interview promptly ends in record 13 minutes time

Attached: devilish.jpg (2999x3666, 1.91M)

I once met an HR who had an industrial engineering degree and worked as a main project architect for a 3+ years at that company.
It was far more strange than your typical braindead hr 30-something-lady.

>get hired
>do a great job and get promoted within the company
>woman who worked for the company's owner for like 30 years handles payroll and most of the finances
>shes really tight with their family, theyve gone to each others' childrens' weddings, etc
>sees my pay increase and bonuses
>gets pissed because she doesnt get shit
>instead of being mad at the company's owner, takes it out on me by being ultra anal about stupid shit like the direction I put reports in the Fedex Envelope
>sends me a bunch of harassing emails/letters that I forward to my boss, but nothing is done
>end up leaving for a higher paying job
>found out she was fired and arrested a few months ago for embezzling from the company owner
>she had apparently been doing it for years
am I a bad person for being happy about this?

lmao hell no

A company needs to stand their ground when questioned.

kek. nice.

>Must have 5+ years experience in technology that was created 2 years ago

Benefits.
Imagine getting housing.

Tell them that,if they really need you they might pay you more

>Hello sir. Please reply to this email with proof of current salary.

Attached: averagejob.png (756x684, 58K)

Motivation is a non factor when you involve money. I have little to zero motivation to do anything but the second good money is involved I'll do it.

A lot of people are like this.

They better be paying 300k a year

Job didn't actually say. Which is usually an indicator for low pay.

Nah, she couldn't answer the question, probably because they know they are in hot water.

This is the reason poojeets get hired. They have less brain. They cannot think past shitty program. These obvious baits by company will not get past their thin brain. Basically they are inherently slaves.

>we're looking for party rockin' coders who aren't afraid to DAB on the competition

Attached: ea9dd3064fe40ac647962818be25a494.jpg (558x400, 21K)

big data is the worst meme and full of bullshit like that

>ace interview
>hr noticeably impressed
>offer me -30% of what I asked
>no thanks
>keep calling me for two weeks if I changed my mind
>depends, are you willing to pay more?
>no

Then why keep calling?

Attached: rage1.png (413x296, 139K)

kek summoned me

Attached: 1512546211653.jpg (499x499, 242K)

>
>its a reddit meme
wew lad

its the good life user, no problems. just do work, get money. send to family back home.